How Did I Get to Be 70 When I'm 35 Inside?: Spiritual Surprises of Later Life

by Linda Douty

Have the courage and curiosity to face the inner changes of aging―and learn how they can help you find meaning in your later years.

"I used to think that age sixty-five was the start of a slippery downward slope to the cemetery. But inside, I felt a surge of enormous energy, with the potential to approach aging as an uncharted adventure instead of a prison sentence."
―from the Introduction

Unlike other authors, spiritual director Linda Douty discusses the challenges and surprises of aging by talking about how you actually feel, not what you're supposed to feel. In a warm, down-to-earth voice, she offers a spiritually grounded method to adjust to the unexpected as you grow older. There is no one-size-fits-all here, but a variety of responses to the inner and outer transformations of aging and new ways of looking at them. She looks at surprises, welcome and unwelcome,
• Self-image • The physical body • Relationships • Spiritual life

Questions for reflecting on who you are in this period of your life―or who you would like to be―will help you live each day more purposefully and joyfully.

Genres: Nonfiction, Aging

208 pages, Paperback

First published April 1, 2011

Reviews

[Dawn Livingston · Rating 5 out of 5]

To start with, a warning. This book is written by a "spiritual director" so if you're not happy or comfortable with a spiritual (as opposed to religious which is more rules based) voice, then this book is probably not for you.

I took so long to read this book because there was so much for me to absorb and think about. I took my time.

I got this book because although I'm not 70 I continue to struggle with aging, with the person I see in the mirror, also with the idea that in a few short years I'll be half a century old. I can't comprehend it. And in addition to those difficulties is a change in the way I think of things. Oddly, or maybe not, my view of death has change. Is that a difference between the young and youngish, and the middle aged and older?

When I was younger, death was some horrible thing that was the worst thing that could happen to me but seemed so far away it wasn't going to happen to me. Now, it's closer, I've likely lived more than half my life already, and after seeing and hearing about people suffering before death, living when they're tired and worn out physically and emotionally, when the desire is for peace not being faced with their limitations (which may great), I now believe that death isn't the worst that can happen to me.

Another change, perhaps humorous is that I now think of 20 somethings as still being kids.

I skimmed a lot of this book because a chunk of it didn't apply to me (never married, no kids, etc.) but I did find some profound things that really resonated with me, for lack of a less corny and cliched word. I suspect many/most people that read this book if they have any issues with aging like mine, even little ones, could find nuggets of profundity or near profundity.

There was one main area that grabbed me and made the whole book worth while, worth owning and reading about twice or more a year (to be reminded). It is called "I'm Still Me."

"While we're growing more wrinkled and wise there is an ageless core of us with an original imprint - the real *me.* Life lessons may be learned and opinions may change, but there's a self that travels with us from one city to another, one marriage to another, one circumstance to another. It moves with us in a solitary dance, unaffected by the ravages of time, yet altered and clarified by our life experiences."

"It seems harder to sustain a false persona as we age. A need bubbles up from some sacred place within us to retain and expand the authentic parts of ourselves, and let the rest go."

Finding ourselves takes patience, intention, and watchfulness. Then we have the opportunity to shed the parts that don't really fit our true selves, parts that evolved as a sort of window dressing for public viewing."

I recommend this book very strongly and I intend to buy it and read it a few times a year as a guide and reminder of helpful and constructive ways to look at aging, looking at aging for what it is, both good and bad.

[Joy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this up off the non-fiction shelf by the catchy title, then discovered it was written from a Christian perspective. Probably the big lesson of the book is that aging demands "a fluidity tht allows us to constantly shift gears, adapt to the changes, and focus on what we can still do." Interesting perspective: "Pain is a response of the body, suffering is a response of the mind."
One of the helpful things in the book was explanations of categories of friendship. We enjoy friendships most when we see in what area/areas they enrich us. Interesting. Wise quote from F. Bueckner: "Your place of service is the place where your deep gladness meets the world's deep need." Finally: "I have mighty strong views on just about everything, but I've learned that it's more important to be kind than right, to be caring rather than convincing. I don't have to win the argument anymore."

[Debra Orner · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book with a group of women and it prompted much personal introspection and deep discussion among us.

[D.J. Lang · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is really sad that this fabulous book has so few of reviews! I picked up the book from my local library and then ordered my own copy. The author stated that she "grew to like the cover" -- I'd have to say that the cover is a drawback. It caused me to feel that this might be an Erma Bombeck (for those who remember her) type of "laugh out loud continuously" book. While it does have moments that made me smile and/or laugh, it's an excellent credible book on the older side of life. If I were the publisher, I would republish this with a different cover and maybe a different title -- perhaps even the subtitle: Spiritual Surprises of Later Life. Use a cover and title that makes it clear that this book is for both men and women as both men and women are interviewed throughout.

Douty includes qualitative research and narratives along with appropriate quotes, stories, and thought-provoking questions. Her writing is comfortable -- not a university academic read, but not at the junior high school level either. Her audience is clearly those who might qualify for retirement, but I wish I had read something like this before I got to retirement age.

It is distinctly spiritual with Christian Bible verses; still, anyone could gain from the wisdom of the many older men and women interviewed. In some of the book, I was challenged to think differently and in some of it, I felt comforted that I wasn't the only one who felt a certain way (or was going through something or making the choices I was making).

I recommend the book and would buy the book as a gift (I already gifted myself with it :D). It's not a difficult book to read; I just was traveling and going places where I did not take a physical book with me (the reason my start and finish dates are two months apart -- plus I returned the library copy and waited for my own copy to underline, bookmark, etc.)

[Marty Corcoran · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is for any Age

I remember being 35 and wondering, "what is age about anyway? Sometimes I still feel like I did when I was in High School!!!!!" Unfortunately I had no one to share those ideas. When I was going through menopause the same thing. Now I'm 70". WOW. This book is phenomenal I will read it several times because of the treasures I found. I didn't want it to end.

[Lindsey Sullivan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Although there were some nuggets, there was nothing particularly original about the content. Most of us have heard the bulk of this advice on aging. Moreover, while presented as a spiritually-based guide, it was actually a collection of various views on spirituality. This is not an expert's guide or explanation, it is a series of quotes from other writers and philosophers and a collection of quotes from elderly interviewees.

[Carol Miles · Rating 5 out of 5]

A thought inspiring book. Full of quotes and comments from people she had interviewed who were experiencing the “later years”. I found it to be encouraging.

[Penny · Rating 3 out of 5]

183 p. Non fiction. Repaid for Seekers Class
Interesting ideas compiled together