What If What's Inside Me Isn't Me?

by Mark Engelsson

Duality exists everywhere. Darkness and light cannot live without one another. Mark Engelsson explores what it means to be human in this collection of over thirty poems. He takes broad sweeps covering topics from monstrous creatures, real and imagined, through the wonders of nature, and tackles death itself. His poetry takes a peek at what drives us and how we interact with the world around us.

Genres: Poetry

74 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 16, 2023

About the author

Mark Engelsson is a transatlantic nomad masquerading as a writer. He mostly focuses on poetry, with occasional forays into short stories and a couple of ideas for novels on the backburner. What If What’s Inside Me Isn’t Me? is his début book, exploring the duality in life while being unafraid to shine a light on the darker side of humanity.

Reviews

[Dona's Books · Rating 4 out of 5]

HAPPY (early) PUB DAY🥳 to this beautiful, thoughtful debut poetry collection on May 15 2023!

Thank you to the author Mark Engelsson and as always NetGalley, for an advance digital copy of WHAT IF WHAT'S INSIDE ME ISN'T ME.

WHAT'S INSIDE ME is Engelsson's first book of poetry, and he favors the lyrical style. In this volume, he mostly covers the topics of romantic love and existential conflict, often as horror poems. The poetry is quite easy to relate to, not only because the themes are relevant, but because Engelsons language has a point to get to and does so. I enjoy his use of the repeated last line in four line stanzas also. I almost never see this, but Engelson includes poet's notes on each of the included poems at the end of the collection. So if you've ever wondered, what the heck was that poem saying?, now you can find out. Strictly speaking.

My favorite poems are Petrichor, Down We Go, Let Go, And All That It Entails, and Watery Grave.

From "Petrichor:"
I love the smell of rain cascading from the heavens.
It's the scent of promise, of growth.
It speaks to me in whispers of the possibility
that all can be renewed.
It brings a time of cleansing;
Sins are forgotten,  heartache is soothed.

Interestingly enough, what draws me into this collection, initially and repeatedly, is the cover. The artwork bears on my interest in the book and my interpretation of each poem. Engelsson chose very effectively here!

Rating: 🌧🌧🌧.75 / 5 rainclouds
Recommend? Yes
Finished: May 6 2023
Format: Digital, NetGalley
Read this if you like:
🪶 Lyric poetry
🏚 Horror stories
👹 Monsters within
❤️‍🩹 Dark romance

[Ruth · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a massive fan of any poetry, I had to read this as soon as I received it!
My particular favourites included 'On a Winters Morning', 'Alice in Nightmareland' and 'Breathe in and Out'
A couple of poems felt unfinished, or lacked the depth of the others, but overall a vulnerable collection. I enjoyed the conclusion and wish more included this.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[leni · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you Netgalley and Xpresso Book Tours for this arc!

«What’s trapped inside me must be free,
But what if what’s inside me isn’t me?»

What initially caught my attention was the title of this poetry collection. It spoke to a particular feeling I share an intimate relationship with, but never seem to be able to articulate.

This collection definitely feels deeply personal, and this is amplified by the following commentary. I really appreciated that. The foreword predicted a thought I had: the poems are diverse, but almost in a manner that I couldn’t seem to fully grasp the intention behind. However, Engelsson explains that the poems in this collection make up parts of who he is and that I can relate to. It’s impossible to capture what it means to be human, as well as the complexity of one’s inner life, through one, single theme. As such, Engelsson’s poems delve into the lighter, but mostly darker, sides of being human.

While the poems were enjoyable to read, I had trouble to connect deeply with any of them. Whether it was the language, the form, or the content is hard to say. Contemporary poetry written in free verse is not my favorite type of poetry, but I always hope to be proven wrong, and so I keep searching.

This collection was short and deeply personal, but in the end it wasn’t for me. I do think this has an audience, and so I still recommend picking this up for a night time read with a cup of your favorite tea if you find yourself in the mood for some quiet contemplation.

[autumn ☆ · Rating 3 out of 5]

[3.5 ☆]

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily. Many thanks to the author and BookSirens.

Overall, this was a great debut collection of poems! Meditating on themes such as life, death and identity, the collection as a whole really emphasises the darker counterparts to our happier thoughts. Some poems really latched onto me and their relatability was jarring in the best way.

Some of my favourite poems included ‘Petrichor’, one of the lighter themed poems which portrays nature as a cleansing spiritual process, and ‘Down We Go’, which diverts into a darker, gorier poem depicting mental health and identity loss linked to physical pain. The differences in theme and tone made each poem feel different and lacked repetitiveness which I enjoyed.

One of my main criticisms was that some of the poems felt superficial in their symbolism or metaphors, for example ‘Diamonds’, making the final product seem juvenile. In some of these metaphor-based poems I felt that they could have been expanded upon a little more to add some depth and more of an examination of the overarching themes.

I really appreciated the notes at the end of the collection adding more detail to the author’s process and aims whilst writing each poem. It makes the collection almost interactive, and to me enhanced the collection. I would recommend this short yet thematically expansive collection to people who enjoy darker poems, and steer them towards the poems mostly about self identity because, to me, that is where the author shines.

[Besma · Rating 3 out of 5]

thank you netgalley for this ARC
this was my first time reading non Arab poetry and it was a great experience I am not really into poems but this collection was very enjoyable. it contained so many unexpected pieces, the writing is beautiful. i loved the diversity of themes.

[Tina Overell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mark Englesson's What If What's Inside Me Isn't Me? covers many topics which include sombre, harrowing, and melancholy topics.

Each of the poems feel unique, but equally blend together astutely. Evoking some compelling thoughts as you read through, speaking of life's challenges, how a person may perceive themselves, and your thoughts, encouraging you to contemplate your own vulnerabilities.

A carefully crafted collection of poetry, as a whole, and a great starting point for this author. Mark appears to be hitting the ground running, and it would be interesting to see further content produced, allowing people to see how the writing skills develop over time.

[Elaine Betancourt · Rating 4 out of 5]

First thank you to the author and Booksirens for allowing me to read and review this ebook.

I wasn't sure what to expect since this was my not a genre I normally go for. Poems just really aren't my thing but the title is what drew me in. This book of poems covers a wide array of feelings and situations that make you reflect on the world and even yourself as a person and how you see and handle things. I really liked how it made me second guess some previous thoughts I've had and to embrace more of my mental health for what it is, the bad with the good. I recommend this book to anyone who loves poems or just wants to see things through the mind of another.

[Lora · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've always found poetry to be subjective so never really like to critique it. I enjoyed this collection of poetry but I think I enjoyed the notes afterwards more. It's not often you get a glimpse into what the poet was thinking or using as a muse at the time of writing. I wish all poetry books did this.

My favorite: Peteichor and Signal to Noise Ratio

[Katt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting, and thought provoking. I like the descriptive nature of each poem. Although the styles varied it made for a nice read. I also enjoyed the writer providing background as to the head space and influences for the work. I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Niki Konschuh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting to read what one thinks. These poems are well written some dark , deep and thoughtful poems. Well written!

[Lexi Denee · Rating 4 out of 5]

**Thank you to NetGalley and the author for the eARC of this collection of poems!**

I always find it hard to review poetry since it is so subjective. While I really enjoyed this collection of poems, it was extremely dark and moody and I feel that this would have been a 5 star read for me at a different point in my life.

Themes of identity and struggle really spoke to me through some of these works and even the title alone hooked me from the moment I saw it.

Definitely check this one out for a somber, rainy day read or for a quick deep dive into darkness. This collection may be just what you need!

[Taura Wildes · Rating 5 out of 5]

“The world’s a smouldering husk of its former self, never to reclaim its beauty”

I feel like Mark Engelsson’s collection of poetry ‘What If What’s Inside Me Isn’t Me?’ has helped me regain perspective on what really matters in life.

Some of his poems depict contentment in the small, simple moments while others highlight the harsher realities of life. Engelsson also touches on the downfalls of technology, especially in younger people’s lives, and demonstrates the corruption that appears in society.

Engelsson writes about the flaws of the world around us, ranging from humanities ignorance when it comes to learning from past events, how we take life for granted in modern society to how easy it is to lose sign of your dreams and true ambitions.

I enjoyed reading all of these poems but a few of my favourites are “Waiting”, “Technocracy” and “Death As A Woman On The Underground”. Dark undertones run throughout this collection which is something I cannot resist.

An interesting aspect is how, at the end of this volume, Engelsson offers readers some insight into the inspiration behind each poem. He describes certain artworks, films and songs that lead to a particular poem and where he may have been in his own life when creating it.

Such an easy yet intriguing read. I highly recommend it.

Release date: 16th May 2023

[Vic · Rating 3 out of 5]

This collection of poems explores death, loss, identity - and sometimes the trials of life.

The book contains a short foreword from the author, who says he uses pen and paper “as a way to vent the chaos of a troubled mind”. Many of the poems are inspired by music, and the author says a lot of his poetry is written with a lyrics approach in mind”. The collection contains a smattering of lighter poems, but most are leaning towards the darker side.

I enjoyed the poems Alice in Nightmareland, The Same Grave, and The Invented God, inspired by Voltaire’s quote. Also The Reunion - a school reunion where “In ten years, nothing has changed”, and Three Slogans, inspired by George Orwell’s 1984, which opens “Why do your own research, / When you can get everything you need / From the man in the box?”

I particularly liked reading the separate Notes section which gave details about each poem - it was interesting to get an insight into Mark’s writing and influences.

If you enjoy poetry and are in the mood for something a little darker, this might be just what you’re looking for.

Thanks to Mark for a free copy of the book in exchange for a review (through Voracious Readers Only).

[Lauren · Rating 4 out of 5]

‘What if what’s inside me isn’t me’ is a really original collection of poetry which analyses what it really makes us human. Engelsson writes with a focus on the light and dark sides of our day to day lives from the reliance and impact of social media to the corruption of society as a whole.
I liked the way he captured so many layers of meaning into the simplest of everyday moments and he also adapts his poetic forms to his subject matter. Engelsson really addresses all aspects of life within a very concise collection of verses and I enjoyed these variations immensely.
For me what really made this work so original was the additional commentaries of the poems, these give us a background as to how the words came together and what sparked the inspiration for them. After reading these additional notes I went back to re-read some of my favourites, mostly of darker themes, and loved how I found different nuances within them now in the loop of the poet’s original intentions. Overall a very strong debut.

[Louise · Rating 3 out of 5]

The 35 poems are:
- Petrichor
- A Map of the World
- Waiting
- Down We Go
- Jante Law
- Signal to Noise Ratio
- Let Go
- Mirror
- Technocracy
- Three Slogans
- The Door Closes
- And All That It Entails
- No Introduction
- Passion's Inferno
- In the Heart of the Woods
- On the Side of the Road
- Watching as They Exhale Death
- Alice in Nightmareland
- The Bog-Dweller
- Watery Grave
- Let Pain Be Your Guide
- The Same Grave
- Sacrifice
- The Drive
- Where Were You When You Gave Up?
- Breathe In and Out
- The Invented God
- Desert Rebirth
- Death as a Woman on the Underground
- O World! I Remain No Longer Here
- The Lonely Tree
- Home
- She
- On A Winter's Morning, Death Took Her By The Hand
- Campfire Circles

These are extremely short poems revolved around what makes us human: thoughts, feelings, and opinions. The book also gives brief inspiration for each poem. My favourite are Petrichor and Technocracy.


I received a free copy and am leaving a review voluntarily.
Thank you to VRO, Booksirens, and author.

[Squid Reviews · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was excited to read this collection, I enjoy poetry and find it a beautiful form of communication. All of these poems are incredible personal to the author, and strongly influenced by what he was listening to (I am the same, this review is being written while Smashing Pumpkins play). There is no overlying theme to these poems, which gives it a very strange feeling. It is like a portfolio rather than a collection. 3 or 4 of them had powerful lines or stanzas that resonated with me. A lot of the others I had less emotional connection to, but that is ok. This is not a book I would buy for my shelf and perhaps not even a book I would read again, the few lines I found were not enough for me to keep this handy. However, it was a nice insight into his life, and sometimes that is nice.

I am not sure if I would read more by this author. If future collections are the same, without a theme or connecting ideas it feels more like a poetry blog rather than a poetry book.


Thank you to the author for the free copy in exchange for an honest review.

[Diana · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'd like to start this by thanking the author and booksirens for this ebook in exchange of an honest review.

I used to love poetry when I was younger, before the school forced us to think inside a box instead of letting us freely interpret poems our own way. Because isn't that what poetry is? Subjective to the reader?

But I've been wanting to start reading poetry again and when I saw this book thanks to Voracious Readers Only I knew I had to read it. It looked like something that would make me think about myself. About life. And I was right!

Me, personally, I loved it. The lighter poems to the darker ones it made me think. Feel. And that's what I look for in poetry.

And I also love how the author put little notes about each poems inspiration at the end of the book!

Some of my favorite poems were:
- Diamonds
- Time
- A Breakdown or a Breakthrough?
- She
- Ten Thousand Strong


"The world will turn as it has always done"

[Chris Nelson · Rating 3 out of 5]

The poetry contained within the pages of 'What if...' deals with some dark and thought-provoking topics; topics that both surround us and are deep within our beings.
Mark Engelsson asks and poses a lot of questions with his writing, and it is a encouraging to see a poet exploring different forms of poetry, employing both set patterns and more free-form. In some cases his poetry reads almost like prose (which is a positive) and I like the fact that he relies more on rhythm than rhyme.
Also included is an interesting commentary on each poem, giving an insight into the thought processes behind them.
For me, however, I felt that a few too many of the poems were prescriptive and 'told' the reader what they were about rather than giving them the space to form their own personal interpretations.
As a debut collection this is worth a read and hopefully will be followed up with a second.

[Kira K · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thoughts:
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily. This is one of the first complete poetry books I’ve read since I was in school (usually reading them separately in other forms). I enjoyed this work, being able to speak to the sense of melancholy and stagnation that I personally have felt the past few months which really resonated with me while reading. Engelsson also manages to balance this while not slipping into the stereotyipcal edgy teen vibe which is often seen in poetry of this nature.

Favourite Quote:
"The world will turn as it has always done
Humans will repeat history ad nauseam"

[Bri · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

What If What's Inside Me Isn't Me? by Mark Engelsson is a deeply introspective poetry collection that explores themes of identity and inner conflict. The poems are emotionally raw and offer glimpses into the author's personal struggles. Some pieces are powerful and thought-provoking, while others feel less developed. The added commentary for each poem is a unique touch that gives context to the writer’s intent. Overall, it's a solid debut with moments of real impact, though it doesn't consistently deliver throughout.

[Angela M. Ahearn · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't like this collection. The poetry was unsophisticated both in style and context. Good poems about the meaning of life, death, lost dreams, identity, or going to the grave, must say something original, or they just fall flat. The language in every poem was largely conventional or cliched. It seems like he was trying to capture a Poe ambience. In the notes at the end of the book, he says he based some poems on songs from mainstream, punk, and electronic music. These poems just didn't do anything for me.

[Erin Wickson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this collection, it gave me such a deep insight into the author and I felt like I was peering into a very personal, emotional growth. I almost felt like I was invading something very important but at the same time, it felt as if I was welcomed and appreciated and seen - I hope this makes sense?!

My favourite poems were ‘Time’ and ‘She’, I cannot fully explain why but I just love how they made me feel after I read them and re-read them.

Beautiful - thank you for sharing your words with me!

[Alyssa Harmon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Engelsson's debut poetry book is a book that you'll want to devour but also savor. The poems in this collection are real and unique yet somehow I related to so many of them. "Down We Go," "Let Go," and "Technocracy" were some of my favorites from this collection. The dark themes in these poems will make you reflect on your own life in the best way possible. I can't wait to read more books from Engelsson, and they'll definitely be a poet to watch.

[Mary Angel · Rating 5 out of 5]

What If What's Inside Me Isn't Me? As soon as I read the title, I knew I wanted to read the book, and I was not disappointed. I always find it difficult to judge poetry because it feels so personal to the poet. Some of these poems were challenging, some dark. I read them all, and I'm glad I did. Many thanks to Book Sirens for the ARC.

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily

[Risshan Adele · Rating 4 out of 5]

What drew me in was the title. Such a true curiosity, what if what’s inside me isn’t me? There is a mixture of light and dark throughout. I definitely enjoyed the darker themed ones the most. It’s beautiful to see that maybe your own dark thoughts might not be as uncommon as you thought. Where were you when you gave up and watery grave were two of my top favorites.

[Samarium Gibson · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lot of dark poems. Even the lighter, happier poems seemed dark. I totally related to The Door Closes. Let the Pain Guide You also resonated deeply. It’s nice to see that there are other writers with a similar mindset or outlook on life.

[Kat Fankhauser · Rating 5 out of 5]

"What's Inside Me Isn't Me?" by Mark Engelsson was well written from start to finish.

[Veronica Valentino · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have never been into poetry before, but this book opened my eyes and mind to the possibilities and beauty of poetry. I will be reading more in the future!

[Sonja Charters · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love reading modern poetry as I love that we get to see inside someone else's mind and get a glimpse of what's going on in there.

This is a collection of personal poems written over a period of time and on a variety of themes.
Some, I found a fair bit lighter than others but I definitely felt more drawn to the darker ones.
These show such an honesty and truth of how the poet views the world around them and it seemed to resonate with how I see things too.

My favourite poems in the collection are Let Go Alice In Nightmareland and Where Were You When You Gave Up. These 3 stood out to me for different reasons but all had something that drew me in and made me think about what they were saying and what they meant to me.

Poetry is a very personal thing and can often be interpreted in different ways from the poet and also from each other, so I think it's great to just have a read through, or dip in and out and pick poems that speak to you and your way of thinking and not really worry too much about what they "should" mean.

I really liked that Mark wrote some thoughts on each poem at the end so that we got even more insight into his motivations for writing.

A nice quick read and something different to "cleanse" the mind in-between novels.