Following the successful debut of the Parent's Tao Te Ching -- William Martin now reinterprets the Tao for couples.
With The Parent's Tao Te Ching, William Martin beautifully re-interpreted Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching -- one of the world's oldest and most widely read books of wisdom -- expressly for parents. Now, he distills and freshly re-interprets the essence of each of the Tao's 81 chapters to speak directly and clearly to couples.
William Martin's indelible, spirited, and sage advice, rendered in free verse, captures the ancient spirit of Lao Tzu's original text, yet speaks directly to modern lovers--and to the full sweep of their experiences and emotions. A deeply felt alternative to advice books that urge readers to manipulate their partners rather than to love them, The Couple's Tao Te Ching is for everyone who has embarked upon a loving relationship, which, as William Martin says, "can be the most rewarding and enlightening adventure possible."
William Martin is an award-winning author whose work expresses the practical wisdom and inspiration of Taoist thought for contemporary readers. He is the spouse of Nancy, the father of Lara and John, and the grandfather of Jillian and Andrew.
A native of California, Bill graduated from the University of California at Berkeley with a degree in Electronic Engineering. After four years working for the Navy as a research scientist, he returned to graduate school. He earned a Masters degree from Western Theological Seminary in Holland, Michigan. He did not find himself fitting within the Christian Church clergy structure so, guided by his love of the Tao Te Ching, he began to seek his own way. He spent two decades in private practice as a Marriage and Family Counselor in Phoenix, Arizona, and taught counseling for many years at Rio Salado College in Phoenix. He has been a student of the Tao for four decades.
In 1998 he and Nancy decided to simplify their lives so they sold most of their possessions, left their careers, gathered their remaining belongings into a 5X8 foot U-Hall trailer and moved to the Oregon coast. Nancy worked at a small Inn and Bill wrote a book. In 1999, after a year of strolling along the beaches, walking through the forests, and feeling the intense joy of the natural world, they moved to the mountains of Northern California. They live a somewhat private existence, connecting with their close friends and with their individual work. They walk, read, enjoy qigong and cherish their life together. Nancy is a traditional bookbinder, restoring old books and creating hand-bound editions of new ones (www.nwbookbinding.com). Bill continues to write and paint in the Taoist tradition.
This is not meant to be a review, but rather a collection of quotes that made me reflect a lot.
“Be to each other like water. It brings nourishment to all it touches without effort or strain. It seeks out the low places and does not strive to raise itself above all others. Do not seek to lord it over your beloved. There is no hierarchy in a union of souls. Each of you must flow like a stream and surround the other with nurture and refreshment.”
“The busier you are with important things the further from each other you will be. The more you work, the lonelier you will become. The more you try to please people, the more you will become their prisoner. How much money is enough? How many purchases are necessary to secure happiness? Enjoy your work, then forget it. Let the eyes and arms of your beloved wash it all away.”
”It is the empty space within that makes a bowl useful. Empty yourselves of agendas for each other and love will fill your relationship.”
”Seeking to sound impressive creates deafness. Let your words be simple, direct and filled with love.”
”Joy does not reside in some future world. It sits across the table from you, needing only your undivided attention.”
”Your relationship will always have issues to face. If you try to win your own way you will lose. If you attempt to dominate by the force of your clever arguments, the brillance of your personality, or the righteousness of your case, you will reap a whirlwind of trouble. If you win, your beloved loses. If your beloved wins, you lose. Is this the path of love?”
”Will the time ever come when you must defend your views or your feelings? Could your beloved’s own pain ever cause an attack? Be careful. What manifests as an attack on you is really a statement of fear. If you attack in return the fear escalates. Defend yourself when necessary with gentle confidence, never with glee or satisfaction. For when the battle is over and you survey the damage done, it will be a time for mourning.”
”The love you give each other can be your greatest service. Like ripples in a pond your love spreads out in circles and changes all it touches. The way you treat each other becomes the way you treat all things.”
”Do not talk of fame and reputation, either of yourselves or others. Such conversations are illusions and do not contribute to your joy and peace. Your conversations help create your world. Speak of delight, not dissatisfaction. Speak of hope, not despair. Let your words bind up wounds, not cause them.”
”When your beloved delights you you respond with affection - a smile, a hug, a touch of the hand gently on bare skin. But when your beloved dissapoints you, can you still respond with afffection? Can you still open your arms, hold tenderly, caress healingly, and talk lovingly? This affection is genuine. It does not depend on the behavior of others. It lies within you at all times.”
”Those who live continually in love, seldom talk about it. It exists outside your words, thoughts, feelings, and senses. Yet fills up all that you are. Too much talking hinders your ability to hear it.”
”Embrace your difficulties as they arise in your relationship. You belong to the Tao and to each other and therefore need not fear problems. Since you are not afraid, you welcome the problems while they are still small. Since they are small, they resolve themselves.”
”Play with each other as do children. Laugh and sing and skip. Tumble in each other’s arms and squeal with delight. Play games without a thought of winning or losing. Play with words and make each other laugh. [..] It is your playfulness that makes you like the Tao.”
”Disagreement is natural, conflict is part of human life. But your relationship is not a war. You do not have to win. What you have to do is learn, about your beloved, and about yourself. This is the primary purpose of conflict.”
”Comitting your life to another person is a great change, filled with both loss and gain. You lose some independence. You gain a world of love. Gaining a world of love, you fear its loss. But you need not be afraid. The Tao contains all loss and gain and contains each of you as well.”
”There is a saying in Japanese business, “Fix the problem, not the blame.” There will be times when your beloved will truly dissapoint you and you will be greatly tempted to assign guilt and blame. If instead you work together with creativity and imagination, and together solve the problem, your love will be unbounded.”
Like his Parent's Tao Te Ching, this book offers a lovely, simple perspective and will be a reference of mine for years to come. In a world where someone is always ready to offer another piece of advice, another 5-step process to be happier, healthier, wiser, whatever, William Martin invites us back to simplicity. He writes the essence of each point of the Tao Te Ching, and pairs it with an insight about marriage, all in the form of poetry. Highly recommend.
This is a nice little book that is based on the Tao Te Ching, giving it a spin around romantic relationships. I really liked it, most of the 81 verses are insightful in different ways. There's a bit of repetition on them, but I see it more part of the overarching theme that this interpretation of the Tao William Martin was trying to convey.
A recommended read for anyone, being in a long term relationship or not.
The book shows other dimension of relationship, no ownership, no illusive obligation, but free souls tied together. Cherish and fulfilling after finish the book even you don't have any couple yet.
This is the second book I’ve read in this wonderful series. Applying the wisdom of the ancient teachings of the Tao Te Ching, the author turns his attention to our intimate relationships and how this type of spiritual wisdom can enhance our day to day interactions with a romantic partner. This attractive little volume is beautifully formatted with a teaching translated from the Tao, followed by the author’s own poetic words that expand on its meaning. This is a really sweet book to read as a couple or give to another couple as a wedding gift. The lovely calligraphic illustrations also make it a real visual delight.
I enjoyed this interpretation of the ancient wisdom of the Tao and felt more connected to the readings as the book went on. Main themes: slow down to enjoy innate human connection with your partner, strip away expectations and allow yourself to become aware of what is; allow your souls to connect in the quiet of nature and the haven of your home.
I got this book for William this Valentine's Day, thinking that it would be a good one for him... he's been using it all the time as a sort of oracle to help us out when things get difficult, and it ALWAYS, ALWAYS helps. The book itself is the original Tao Te Ching verses interpreted in the context of a romantic partnership--I actually had low expectations, but am very impressed by this interpretation.
My husband and I were given a copy of this book as one of our wedding gifts. It's full of insight and wisdom that (if applied) will strengthen marriage and change perspective. In a materialistic society we are constantly searching for success... The Tao Te Ching challenges you to get back to the root and find your center.
This group of three (Couples, Sage's, Parents Tao Te Ching)are resources I turn to from time to time for altering perspective ... they help me to look/see with fresh eyes.
The author did well in adapting the 89 principles of the Tao for couples in a loving relationship. This certainly we become a primer and reference for my life.