The Lifestyle: A Look At The Erotic Rites of Swingers

by Terry Gould

CAN OPEN EROTICISM between more than two consenting adults be considered natural sexual behaviour? Is it possible to experience sex with other partners while happily ensconced in an emotionally monogamous marriage? Didn't this type of sexual "swinging" disappear with the 1960s and '70s? What are millions of middle-class couples getting up to on the weekend? These are the questions that arose as award-winning investigative journalist Terry Gould embarked upon a journey through a thriving subculture known as "the lifestyle."

Ignored, dismissed or denigrated by the mainstream media, ordinary, married couples in the lifestyle are now getting together to openly express their erotic fantasies. Acting within strict rules of etiquette, everyday people -- social workers, physicians, school teachers -- participate in everything from sexual costume parties to multipartner sex as a form of social recreation within marriage.

Is swinging merely an invention of sexually permissive modern times? As Gould discovered, the phenomenon has roots that go back thousands of years. From prehistoric fertility rituals to Dionysian festivals, from the nineteenth-century Onieda commune to the twentieth-century social mirror of films such as Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice and The Ice Storm, spouse sharing has always been a part of human sexual practice.

A deeper biological urge seems to motivate this pleasure-seeking practice, one that combines two paradoxical the drive to seek long term partners for raising offspring and the equally powerful drive for sexual and genetic variety. Lifestyle couples have resolved these conflicting urges.

For the rest of us, including our law enforcement agencies, the lifestyle can appear pornographic when strobe-lit by the camera's flash. But examined in the cool light of the latest research on evolutionary and emotional roots of human sexuality, the practices of lifestylers assume a profound meaning for all. The Lifestyle gives us a controversial and unique understanding of what it means to be part of a fast-growing subculture of consenting, mainstream adults who are changing the rules of sexual behavior for pair-bonded humans. Then again, perhaps they aren't changing anything at all.

Genres: Sexuality, Nonfiction

392 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1999

Reviews

[Lisa · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was like a roommate I had in college. Whenever she walked in, fun ran screaming in the other direction. At least it felt like that. Prurient anticipation aside, any fun I thought I'd have reading this book withered and died the second I opened its pages and read the first few sentences.

Terry Gould takes what should be a juicy subject, then analyzes, researches, validates, and chronicles, leaving a Sahara-dry husk gently blown across the courtyard by a summer breeze. And someone drank the last beer.

Swinging is alive and well thanks to the internet; this book is hopelessly dated and awfully dull.

[Robin · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a nice, reasonably comprehensive overview of the culture of swinging. He does a good, solid job of giving an overview of the swinging culture and delving into some of the evolutionary arguments for it - basically making a case that there are good biological reasons why swinging makes sense.

And yet, it bored me. It read like a term paper for a Sociology class. Maybe I just read too much, but I didn't find anything new in this book. It's possible I'm not the audience for this book - maybe someone just learning about swinging would find it interesting.

I admit, I tend to have a little bit of a bias against swinging culture, so perhaps that colored my experience as well.

[Bradley · Rating 3 out of 5]

For a book about swingers, this book gets boring in some places. But, if you're an open minded person, it's a fascinating look at the swinging lifestyle.

[Dennis Lester · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book. I bought a copy signed by the author and thought that was cool but then read the book and discovered a lot of great info. To anyone that is interested in swinging or poly type relationships this is worth the read.

[Jason · Rating 4 out of 5]

"What we are about, is liberty!"

[Pirate · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fascinating look at what responsible non-monogamy among committed relationships looks like. How do long term couples negotiate commitment and jealousy while having outside sexual partners? Where did this lifestyle evolve?

A fascinating, educational look at how some people deal with respecting the human sexual urge as well as emotional commitments?

Highly Recommended. This isn’t about porn and erotica, it’s about relationships and sociology.