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How to Be an American Housewife

by Margaret Dilloway (Goodreads Author)

3.61 of 5 stars 3.61 · rating details · 5,397 ratings · 820 reviews

A lively and surprising novel about a Japanese woman with a closely guarded secret, the American daughter who strives to live up to her mother's standards, and the rejuvenating power of forgiveness.

How to Be an American Housewife is a novel about mothers and daughters, and the pull of tradition. It tells the story of Shoko, a Japanese woman who married an American GI, and...more

Hardcover, 288 pages

Published August 5th 2010 by Putnam Adult (first published July 23rd 2010)

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May 31, 2012 Mia rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: hapas, asian-american, chick-lit-or-oprah

In many ways, I am similar to the character of Suiko. We're both half Japanese and half Cacuasian with mothers who came to America well after WWII, we grew up speaking only English (and our mothers held off teaching us Japanese for the same reasons: fear of making us less than 100% comfortable with English and giving us disadvantages that "average" American kids would not have), took Japanese in college in the hopes of reconnecting with some lost piece of ourselves, and eventually went to Japan...more In many ways, I am similar to the character of Suiko. We're both half Japanese and half Cacuasian with mothers who came to America well after WWII, we grew up speaking only English (and our mothers held off teaching us Japanese for the same reasons: fear of making us less than 100% comfortable with English and giving us disadvantages that "average" American kids would not have), took Japanese in college in the hopes of reconnecting with some lost piece of ourselves, and eventually went to Japan to meet long-lost relatives. And we both have loving relationships with our mothers filled with little cultural clashes and lost-in-translation moments. Even though my mom speaks fluent English without an accent, unlike Shoko, I still sometimes wonder if the connotations I hear in her words are the ones she's trying to convey to me.

Because Shoko and Suiko's story is so close to my heart, I have VERY mixed feelings about this book. On one hand, I'm happy that it exists, despite all its faults. I didn't grow up reading stories about characters who share my heritage, so it's been exciting for me in recent years to be able to dig up works by people like Nina Revoyr, Ruth Ozeki, and now, Margaret Dilloway. Though I know it's unfair to compare these women (like comparing apples to tomatoes just because they're red), Dilloway's writing is definitely the weakest among the three. While her story propels itself compellingly with its own momentum, her characters' voices are indistinguishable (apart from Shoko's, and then only because of her broken English), she deals with the English-Japanese language barrier in a way that feels lazy, and she takes character relationships with the potential to be heartbreakingly nuanced and simplifies them, watering down years of familial hurt, resentment, worry, and love into a few-day happy ending in Japan. Dilloway's writing is average; if I hadn't felt so much recognition with her story, I'm not sure that I would have kept reading.

To elaborate on the language barrier issue: I realize that Dilloway had to do something to make her Japanese-speaking characters understandable to an English-speaking audience, and making everyone Shoko and Helena encounter in Japan speak English was one way to handle that problem. I think it could have worked, too, but only if she made more of an effort to find their voices, make at least a couple of them speak English as a foreign language (especially because Shoko does even after having lived in the US for decades), and try to replicate English the way Japanese people speak it as a second language, capturing their sentence structures, the words they mix up, their translated expressions. Or, she could have found another way.

Then, there are other detail problems that could have been solved with the simplest of research. A shamisen is not a small harp, that's a koto. And the recurrence of the word "tokidoki" ("sometimes") as this wise Japanese phrase grates on me, because I've never heard it used in that way. (*Edit: the author explains at the end that some of these phrases are her mom's own peculiarities.)

In the end, however, it wasn't the technical details that mattered. I feel for Dilloway. I don't know how autobiographical this novel is, but I know that it was inspired by her mother's own experiences, and if her mother spoke English the way Shoko does, much of it must have been filling in the blanks of stories told across a language gap by a daughter who wants to know her beloved mother so much that she puts herself in her shoes and tries to transports herself to a world that she will never know the way her mother does. A world that, given her limited Japanese abilities, she wouldn't be able to convey with complete accuracy no matter how she researched. For all the issues I have with How to be an American Housewife, I respect Dilloway for taking her story with all its holes and aches and turning it into something tangible.(less)

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Apr 23, 2011 Margaret rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I loved this book. Shoko is a beautiful young Japanese woman who, at the end of WWII marries an American GI stationed near her workplace. Her father agrees to this marriage, but not her younger brother. This becomes a source of pain for years afterward. The part of the book that touched me most was how difficult it was for Shoko to fit into her new way of life in a strange country. There was so much she didn't understand, so many things that were permanently etched on her heart and character tha...more

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Jul 05, 2012 Mary rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: fiction, 2012

No. This is not how you write a realistic, moving or compelling memoir.

This was a fast read, and faster still once I decided to plow through it and get it over with. It lacked anything truly thought-provoking or original and the pidgin dialogue used by Shoko, the main character, was irritating and silly - the woman lived in the United States for over 50 years in a community of Caucasians with no other Japanese people around, she would not have this much broken English. I actually have an aunt fr...more

15 likes · like · see review

Jul 26, 2010 Jennifer rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: fiction

From My Blog...[return][return]How To Be An American Housewife by Margaret Dilloway is a beautiful story of love, family and traditions encompassing four generations of women. The novel is told through the beautiful voice of Shoko who takes the reader through her life in Japan, her culture, heritage and how she came to be an American wife of a naval officer. The novel tells of her daughter Suiko and her daughter Helena, who at Shoko’s request, travel to Japan, a culture Suiko “Sue” never identif...more

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May 04, 2011 Michelle Robinson rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: best-of-the-best-of-its-kind, immigrant-fiction, contemporary-fiction, novels-of-women-s-relationships, 1-first-reads

I so enjoyed reading this book. I was excited when it initially arrived. The premise was pretty novel to me, when you have been reading for a number of years it is hard to find a topic that feel new. How to e an American Housewife delivers.

Shoko, a Japanese woman who married an American in the Navy at the end of World War Two tells us her story in such an interesting fashion. I don't know anything about Japanese culture so, I cannot say how truly authentic this book would feel for someone of tha...more

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May 14, 2013 Arlene Hayman rated it 4 of 5 stars

Being a fourth generation Japanese American, I am always drawn to novels that share the immigrant experience and reveal the experiences of the assimilation process. In this book How to Be an American Housewife, the author shares a tender tale about a Japanese immigrant woman named Shoko who marries an American GI shortly after WWII and emigrates to the United States. Much of the story is revealed through Shoko’s relationship with her own daughter Sue, and the story juxtaposes between their diff...more Being a fourth generation Japanese American, I am always drawn to novels that share the immigrant experience and reveal the experiences of the assimilation process. In this book How to Be an American Housewife, the author shares a tender tale about a Japanese immigrant woman named Shoko who marries an American GI shortly after WWII and emigrates to the United States. Much of the story is revealed through Shoko’s relationship with her own daughter Sue, and the story juxtaposes between their differing points of view and the contrasting issues they face. Sue desires to ‘find herself’ and to truly evolve into her full potential, while Shoko attempts to make peace with the past and find some resolution. The story is a captivating read, and I enjoyed the references to many Japanese cultural terms (such as ‘takai’ for expensive, Jan Ken Po (which is a childhood game that I played), natto (a slimy delicacy of fermented soy beans which the people from Niigata love- the province my ancestors are from), and sukiyaki (a traditional meat and vegetable dish commonly served in Japan) that were incorporated into the book. I thought that many of these references were accurate and appropriate to the story.
However, I did think that there were a few cultural inaccuracies presented in the novel. When Shoko comes to the United States and raises her daughter in the American lifestyle, she finds dissatisfaction with her daughter Sue’s outcome in a science fair project. Shoko goes up to the teacher, Mr. Moynahan, to chastise him for not telling them about how to do this project. Because the teacher in Japan was one of the most revered members of the community in Shoko’s time, it would have been highly inappropriate for a Japanese woman to speak to a teacher in such an abrupt and pointed way, especially in public. That encounter to me was very shocking and out of character to the refinement of Japanese culture.
The author also presented the phrase ‘tokidoki’ as meaning ‘fate steps in sometimes.’ To the best of my knowledge, tokidoki is simply translated as ‘now and then,’ without any connotation toward one’s fate. When I Googled the term, I was unable to find a meaning to the term which complimented the author’s intention. As I studied the Japanese American experience, I found frequent use of the term ‘shikata ga nai’ which is translated as ‘it cannot be helped.’ This term was frequently used by immigrants as they encountered difficulties and obstacles in life. Perhaps the author meant ‘shikata ga nai’, instead of ‘tokidoki.’
In spite of these minor cultural inaccuracies, this was a lovely mother-daughter story which seemed to depict cultural, as well as generational differences, as a mother and daughter attempt to establish communication and to understand each other.
(less)

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Mar 31, 2013 Corinne rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: ebooks-checked-out

I read many books now from the perspective of the writing: is it good, are characters well developed, is the plot well executed, is the pace slow or fast? Reading How to Be an American Housewife from this place was very insightful, as I think it had a lot of potential to be a much better novel.

The pacing is fast, and while I am a fan of writing that moves along at a good clip, there were many opportunities where I wish Dilloway had slowed down to set the scene more vividly. This book could easil...more

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Feb 15, 2013 Michelle rated it 3 of 5 stars

Good but not great. I enjoy immigrant stories. This is the story of a young woman in Japan during WWII who marries an American serviceman and comes to the US.

The title of the book is also the title of a fictional book the main character consults as she attempts to assimilate here. Every chapter begins with an excerpt. These fictional excerpts were the best part of the book.

Here is an example:
"American households do not have the tatami mat as Japanese households do. Nor do Americans remove their...more

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Jan 16, 2013 Ruby rated it 4 of 5 stars

I thought this book was superb in layout, design, and of course, the somewhat based on true life story. Margaret Dilloway is the daughter of a Japanese woman who married a GI during WWII and emigrated to America. Some of the stories are true, and some are fiction, but the book over all is a tribute to her mother whose radiation weakened heart had problems that caused her death by the time the author was 20.

The story is split into two parts: The Mother, " I had always been a disobedient girl"; a...more

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Dec 03, 2012 Janice added it

A deeply felt story of a mother and daughter whose problems in understanding each other are cultural as well as familial. Shoko, who's Japanese, married an American solider stationed in Japan after World War II and moved with him to San Diego, and she's done her best to make a life in a culture whose fine points often elude her. During the novel's fictional present, Shoko's daughter Sue is a divorced mom with a teenage girl of her own, and a fear that as her adult life has unfolded, she has disa...more

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Nov 11, 2012 Nschafer rated it 2 of 5 stars

This book could have been so much better, but it just fell flat and made me lose interest earlier on. I plowed through it hoping that it would get better, but it never did. The 12 year old daughter of Sue's was truly irritating - she didn't appeared to be like any other 12 year olds I've ever encountered. Also, Shoko, Sue's Japanese mother, in her 50 years of living in America, still spoke such stereo-typical English, was unrealistic. She never picked up using verbs or adverbs in her sentences?...more

1 like · like · see review

Jun 27, 2012 Sarah rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: adult, mother-daughter-relationships, family

Shoko was raised in a traditional Japanese household during World War II. Encouraged by her parents to marry an American GI, Shoko finds herself living in America, as Charlie Morgan’s wife. Her parents are thrilled for her new opportunities, but her brother Taro harbors resentment for years, and they become estranged. Shoko’s new life is requiring some adjustments. She learns American customs and traditions from a handbook, “How to Be an American Housewife.” Being a supportive and doting wife ta...more

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May 06, 2012 Sara rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: abcs-asiams, historical-fiction

The novel begins in Japan, narrated by Shoko, a young Japanese girl who begins by writing, “I had always been a disobedient girl.” As Shoko grows up, she goes to work for the Americans in order to earn money to send her brother to school. After a short engagement to a Japanese man who cheats with her roommate, Shoko and her father decide she should marry an American because “America is the way of the future.” While Shoko is dating American men to find the best match, she falls in love with a low...more

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Apr 26, 2012 Linda rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: asian-american

I liked this book, but did not love it. I did love the story of Shoko's life in Japan, struggling in the poverty-stricken aftermath of WWII to strike an independent path yet needing an American husband to take her away to a new start, and tragedy in true love with a rarely-talked-about cultural twist pecular to Japan. In America, though, the story is depressing with a sweet-but-boring, unambitious husband, a sullen loner son, and a daughter who doesn't understand herself or her mother. And not t...more

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Jan 11, 2012 Suelynn rated it 4 of 5 stars

I got this book as a Kindle gift, and I'm so glad. I might not have picked it up otherwise, because there are so many books with this type of theme and it's hard to narrow down the choices. I loved the character's voices in this book the most. The book centers on Shoko, a native of Japan who emigrates to the states with her American husband following the end of WWII, and the shaky relationship with her daughter, Sue. When Shoko narrates, her thoughts are clear...but when she tries to express the...more

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Jan 07, 2012 Ellyn rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2011

This novel tells the story of Shoko, a Japanese woman who marries an American GI following World War II and returns with him to the United States to live, carrying a shameful secret with her. I really enjoyed the first half of the book, which is narrated by Shoko and tells of her early life in Japan and her subsequent move to the States and her struggle to acclimate and adjust to a new (and not entirely friendly) land. The second half of the book is narrated by Sue, Shoko's adult daughter, and t...more

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Dec 02, 2011 marymurtz rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I liked it.

The story is told from the point of view of Shoko, a Japanese woman who married an American GI and moved to the United States. Each chapter includes an exerpt from a book purportedly written to instruct Japanese women on how to assimilate into American culture and be good American housewives.

It outlines her attempts to fit in, to make a good home, and to raise her two children. Yet almost everything is a disappointment to her after she tries her best to do as the book tells her - he...more

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Nov 16, 2011 Nicole rated it 2 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. I liked a lot of this book, but I only gave it two stars for two important reasons. One is that it had two stock characters that I dislike: the wise-beyond-her-years, confident child of a bewildered, shy single mother and the long-suffering, tolerant gay uncle/cousin/friend. Why do these two show up in so many books? The precocious twelve-year-old daughter somehow guided her mother through a foreign country, showed her PC acceptance of the gay uncle, and somehow convinced her great-uncle to forg...more

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Oct 28, 2011 Erika Robuck rated it 5 of 5 stars

Set in multiple time periods in Japan and in the United States, HOW TO BE AN AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE is a touching and poignant tale of a mother and daughter, and how the past shaped and defined their future. Shoko, the Japanese mother, narrates the first half of the book, and Sue, her half-American daughter narrates the second half. Both women have unique, compelling voices.

As a girl, Shoko often found herself in trouble for disobedience and nonconformity. She was very close with her brother, Taro,...more

1 like · like · see review

Sep 18, 2011 Kelly rated it 3 of 5 stars

I think this was more of a 3.5. It was really hard for me to decide on a rating because even after reading the book I couldn't really decide if I had liked the book or not.

In all, it was a really easy read. From the beginning it was hard to put the book down once I started.

That said, Dilloway did a beautiful job in keeping her readers captivated with the mother-daughter relationship between Sue and Shoko and taking us into the lives of the Japanese during WWII. It is hard to imagine just how d...more

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Aug 27, 2011 Amy Moritz rated it 5 of 5 stars

One of the most beautiful books I've read in some time, How to Be an American Housewife touches themes of family and specifically mother-daughter relationships in a way that feels authentic and truthful, rather than contrived and preachy. The story focuses on Shoko and is largely written in her voice, but Dilloway's ability to switch narrators into the voice of Shoko's daughter, Sue, is done smoothly and adds, rather than distracts, from the story. It gives an interesting view of Japanese-Americ...more

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Aug 18, 2011 Patricia rated it 4 of 5 stars

I thoroughly enjoyed this novel about an elderly Japanese woman named Shoko and her American daughter. When Shoko was a young woman, her father encouraged her to marry an American because her future prospects in Japan were limited after the Second World War. She dates several American servicemen before marrying Charlie Morgan. After Charlie is transferred to America in the 1950s, Shoko moves there with him. For guidance on adjusting to life in the United States, Shoko turns to a book entitled "H...more

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Aug 05, 2011 Connie rated it 3 of 5 stars

This is a quick read and a pleasant one. It's the fictionalized story of the author's mother who had married an American serviceman and left her home country of Japan for the United States shortly after World War II. The prose is divided between mother and daughter as narrators. The most affecting part of the book for me was the differences between Japanese and American culture that are highlighted. For instance, Shoko, the mother, is told by her father to marry an American in order to obtain a...more

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Aug 03, 2011 Jocelyn rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shoko is a Japanese woman who marries an American soldier at the end of WWII. She travels with him to America and strives to become the perfect American housewife. Dilloway was inspired by her Japenese mother's experiences when she wrote HOW TO BE AN AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE. She was especially inspired by a book that her father gave to her mother when they were first married titled The American Way of Housekeeping. Shoko's father supports the marriage but her younger brother does not, something that...more

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Jul 31, 2011 Cheryl rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shoko came from Japan. She lived there with her father, mother, brother and sister until Shoko was about nineteen. During the time that she lived there, she and her family had to deal with the Americans. Most of the Americans did not like the Japanese and visa versa. Though, the only way for Shoko to leave Japan is to find and marry a nice American boy. Shoko does find one. His name is Charlie. They get married and move to America. Years later and two children, Shoko wants to return to Japan bef...more

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Jul 14, 2011 Carole rated it 2 of 5 stars

I'm surprised at all the four and five star ratings this book got. It just wasn't a very strong story, and the dark secret that the main character Shoko is hiding from her children is not very novel. I know that Dilloway's own mother was a first-generation Japanese immigrant, but I had a hard time buying the dialogue as spoken by Shoko. Fifty years in the U.S., having raised children who speak perfect English and she still speaks in broken pidgin English? I grew up around the first-generation gr...more

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Jun 12, 2011 Jenny rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: read-in-2010

I wanted to read this book ever since I saw that it was an upcoming TLC book tours book but was too late to make it for the tour. I eagerly read everyone else's reviews and saw how wonderful everyone thought this book was and knew that I had to read it. Especially after reading the reviews by Meg at Write Meg! and my good friend, Jennifer at Crazy-For-Books. I had other reading commitments, though, so I wasn't able to read it the second it came out like I wanted to. At this point it's only been...more I wanted to read this book ever since I saw that it was an upcoming TLC book tours book but was too late to make it for the tour. I eagerly read everyone else's reviews and saw how wonderful everyone thought this book was and knew that I had to read it. Especially after reading the reviews by Meg at Write Meg! and my good friend, Jennifer at Crazy-For-Books. I had other reading commitments, though, so I wasn't able to read it the second it came out like I wanted to. At this point it's only been out a month and I felt like I had to wait an eternity to read it!

One of the reasons I wanted to read this book so badly was because of how personal it sounded to me. How to Be an American Housewife tells the story of a Japanese mother, Shoko, and her half-Japanese/half-American daughter, Sue. Though it's mainly a story about Shoko's past and her potentially last wishes, as she is ill, it's also a story about a mother and a daughter, their differences, and the difficulties they experience from experiencing two different cultures. There were a lot of similarities in this book to myself and my mother. In the story, Shoko marries an American GI partly to move to the United States for a better life. She has a daughter, Sue, who she has trouble understanding because of her American ways and vice versa. My mother is Korean and she married my father who was in the Air Force (though they married for love). We've certainly experienced differences and misunderstandings throughout the years due to the cultural differences of having grown up in Korea (for her) and in the states (for me). On top of that, my husband's mother is from Thailand, and she married an American Air Force man then moved to the states and had two sons (the second one being my husband). While my mother and my mother-in-law are two extremely different people, if you combine their experiences, you would find something close to Shoko's in this book.

I really enjoyed reading about the smallest nuances that I could relate to. I'm sure I can only think of a few right now; things like it being rude to stick your chopsticks straight up and down in your rice... that was something I learned a long time ago but it never made sense to me -- I mean it's so convenient! There were lots of those kinds of moments throughout the book when I could laugh in appreciation of the nuance. Sue mentioned a few times in the book how she wasn't close with any relatives and all they had was their immediate family -- again, same here. Oh other things like always taking your shoes off in the house, cleaning the floors not with a mop but on your hands and knees with a rag, etc. I even have vague memories of the short time we lived in Korea when my dad was stationed there when my sister and I were young and I pictured my grandparents' home in the scenes when Sue returns to Japan -- the wooden framed doors with the rice paper screens, etc. Oh, there's a scene where Sue's daughter is interacting with some students in Japan and they are all touching her hair and it reminded me of when I was little and we visited a school in Korea; the kids there were fascinated by my half-American features, and I distinctly remember them rubbing my cheeks and my hair.... it freaked me out! But it made me laugh to remember this during that scene. In another scene she talked about playing the Japanese game "Jan Ken Poi" which is what we know as "Rock Paper Scissors"... That was funny to me because before I ever knew that game with the English title, I knew it as "Gai Bai Boe" which is the Korean version. And that was with me growing up in the states! In fact, here's the part where she talks about this:

One of my favorite Japanese games was rock-paper-scissors, or, as Mom had taught me, Jan Ken Poi. "In Japan, use this for everything, even businessmen," Mom had told me.
Jan Ken Poi became a special game, done to break ties and decide between an eight o'clock and an eight-thirty bedtime. (pg. 177)

I love how I was able to relate to the significance of such a "game". It was all these little things that I really appreciated in this book.

On the flip side, looking at things from Shoko's perspective made me incredibly sad -- I can't imagine the things she experienced in Japan and then trying to assimilate in a country where being different wasn't appreciated. This is also another one of those stories where you realize, again, that your parents truly had other lives before you were born and that there is this entire history we aren't always completely aware of. In How to Be an American Housewife, Shoko asks her daughter, Sue, to return to Japan in her place to reunite her with her brother, Taro, with whom she has had an estranged relationship for over 30 years. In doing so, Sue embarks on a journey not only geographically but also in her relationship with her mother as well.

Each chapter of the book starts from a quote from a fictional non-fiction book based on an actual non-fiction book basically about how to be a housewife (redundant, eh?) These quotes were all interesting because they gave insight into the thought process behind the way to assimilate into American culture... some may be surprised at the things they say, but I don't think there was one quote that I didn't understand on a somewhat personal level.

So in all, I definitely enjoyed this book. It was a fast, engaging read. The only thing I would have probably liked better was if the focus had been more on Sue (but only because I could relate better) and the relationship. Instead it was pretty much more focused on Shoko's past, her brother, and Sue's quest to help her mother which ultimately has a significant effect on her own life. Definitely a must read!

Taken from my blog at www.takemeawayreading.com (less)

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May 25, 2011 Kathy Hiester rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

As everyone know by now I love books that give a peek into a different culture than my own and since this book had a way of merging the Japanese and American culture together, it was right up my alley. The first half of the book is told through Shoko's eyes as she grows up in Japan and eventually becomes a war bride and lives her adult life in the United States Shoko is elderly and has a heart problems she wants to go back to Japan to make amends with her brother. Due to an her illness she can n...more

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Mar 12, 2011 Louise rated it 5 of 5 stars

How to Be An American Housewife is a beautiful Japanese/American story of a family who fell out of favour with some relatives in Japan. For forty-years Taro, and his older sister, Shoko did not speak to each other or communicate in any way. Shoko married an American Navy man in Japan and then moved to America with her husband, Craig after the falling out. Shoko had two children: Mike and Sue.

The story is rich with historical information and we visit places such as: Nagasaki, Kumamoto (to see the...more

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Dec 13, 2010 Wendy rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2010-reads, girly-books, history-based-fiction

2.5 maybe

This is the story of Shoko, a Japanese woman who marries an American GI, and her daughter Sue. As Shoko faces serious health problems and possible death, she enlists Sue's help to make peace with her family left in Japan.

While at first I had some trouble getting into Shoko's story (and kept having moments where I just didn't buy things she was saying) when the story shifted to her daughter Sue's perspective I just didn't like it as much. I don't think the book did a great job of being...more

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About Margaret Dilloway

Margaret Dilloway is the author of HOW TO BE AN AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE and the upcoming THE CARE AND HANDLING OF ROSES WITH THORNS (August 2012).

Dilloway lives in Southern California with her husband and their three young children. Her blog, “American Housewife,” can be found on her website, www.margaretdilloway.com.

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