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Addictive Relationships: Reclaiming Your Boundaries
Dedicated to the claiming of your own personal boundaries, this book deals with our addictive or destructive relationships not only centered around our spouse or lover, but also around our children, our friends or our parents. If we have lost ourselves along the way, we have probably given ourselves away. This book examines where we are, where we want to go and how to get there. We will move addictive loving styles to find the true love of ourselves and reclaim our selfhood. This is a positive step-by-step process for recovery using affirmations and exercises for inner growth.
- GenresRelationships
108 pages, Paperback
First published September 1, 1989
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Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews
August 10, 2015
Gold mine for growth
This book was recommended to me by a friend and holistic practitioner. I am grateful for having read it and appreciate the examples, worksheets and easy to follow approach. This book will continue to be a great reference source in my personal journey.
This book was recommended to me by a friend and holistic practitioner. I am grateful for having read it and appreciate the examples, worksheets and easy to follow approach. This book will continue to be a great reference source in my personal journey.
July 18, 2026
"Now I don't know who I am - except a reflection of my husband." (pg. 5) Ouch, oh how this line stung...
"Not being enough" is the mindset at the core of emotional starvation, pushing us to crave any crumb of attention given, Miller explains. As Adult Children of Alcoholics, we were initially taught that love is a commodity to earn, setting precedence for a lifelong struggle with co-dependancy. Furthermore, "as firstborn female children, the pressures and responsibilities to care for others led many of us into a double bind of destructive loving." (pg. 20) Wow, I related to that!
"Compulsive destructive love is as addicting and devastating as alcohol and the withdrawal is as painful and as physically debilitating." (pg. 7)
I much enjoyed the repeating mantras that remained mostly consistent throughout the book, and I've selected a few to share below as examples:
"That which I hold on to, I lose. That which I release with love remains." (pg. 6)
"Today I will see where I have been, where I am now and where I am going." (pg. 87)
At one point, Miller exactly describes what it's like to live with Borderline Personality Disorder. "Overwhelmed... we tend to create and attract relationships that have no boundaries, no endings and no consistency about what is acceptable and appropriate." (pg. 36) A favorite person is instead framed in this context as a "focus person."
"My first and primary relationship is with myself." (pg. 50)
As a visual artist, I was highly enlightened by the introduced concept of living within the "technicolor" between black and white - not greys, but emphasis on a balanced spectrum of color! Miller mentions that sometimes our hue may be too dark or light, it all comes down to the practice of living with intention.
"The enhancement of others is what reflects the magnificence that we radiate." (pg. 76) Miller makes it clear that she is referring to those "others" within our innermost circle alongside their individual qualities, ready to enter our life - if only we make the positive choice to allow them the opportunity.
Miller also demonstrates a process dictated "other-worth," having evolved from our initial self-worth. "By focusing on someone else, we lost sight of the real beloved: ourself... we become a victim of our own creation." (pg. 57)
"The media has taught us that the manipulative behavior we see on television... always works for the acquisition and retention of our conquest - the perfect love." (pg. 13)
I appreciate how straightforward Miller is, and despite the age of the book it doesn't come off as too badly dated - and even if it does, the content inside is definitely worth it regardless. Addictive Relationships is concise, so it is capable of being read in just one sitting. However it is definitely a returning reference to both re-read and use the included templates! I leave us with a few select passages, both from page 101:
"As you move forward, you come to realize that you have never been alone. You were just in the "darkness." You always had yourself."
"Inner peace and serenity fill our body that once held such emptiness."
"Not being enough" is the mindset at the core of emotional starvation, pushing us to crave any crumb of attention given, Miller explains. As Adult Children of Alcoholics, we were initially taught that love is a commodity to earn, setting precedence for a lifelong struggle with co-dependancy. Furthermore, "as firstborn female children, the pressures and responsibilities to care for others led many of us into a double bind of destructive loving." (pg. 20) Wow, I related to that!
"Compulsive destructive love is as addicting and devastating as alcohol and the withdrawal is as painful and as physically debilitating." (pg. 7)
I much enjoyed the repeating mantras that remained mostly consistent throughout the book, and I've selected a few to share below as examples:
"That which I hold on to, I lose. That which I release with love remains." (pg. 6)
"Today I will see where I have been, where I am now and where I am going." (pg. 87)
At one point, Miller exactly describes what it's like to live with Borderline Personality Disorder. "Overwhelmed... we tend to create and attract relationships that have no boundaries, no endings and no consistency about what is acceptable and appropriate." (pg. 36) A favorite person is instead framed in this context as a "focus person."
"My first and primary relationship is with myself." (pg. 50)
As a visual artist, I was highly enlightened by the introduced concept of living within the "technicolor" between black and white - not greys, but emphasis on a balanced spectrum of color! Miller mentions that sometimes our hue may be too dark or light, it all comes down to the practice of living with intention.
"The enhancement of others is what reflects the magnificence that we radiate." (pg. 76) Miller makes it clear that she is referring to those "others" within our innermost circle alongside their individual qualities, ready to enter our life - if only we make the positive choice to allow them the opportunity.
Miller also demonstrates a process dictated "other-worth," having evolved from our initial self-worth. "By focusing on someone else, we lost sight of the real beloved: ourself... we become a victim of our own creation." (pg. 57)
"The media has taught us that the manipulative behavior we see on television... always works for the acquisition and retention of our conquest - the perfect love." (pg. 13)
I appreciate how straightforward Miller is, and despite the age of the book it doesn't come off as too badly dated - and even if it does, the content inside is definitely worth it regardless. Addictive Relationships is concise, so it is capable of being read in just one sitting. However it is definitely a returning reference to both re-read and use the included templates! I leave us with a few select passages, both from page 101:
"As you move forward, you come to realize that you have never been alone. You were just in the "darkness." You always had yourself."
"Inner peace and serenity fill our body that once held such emptiness."
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews