What is the Worst Case Scenario? Fighting the FEAR Within Mindful of My Mental Challenges

by Marie A. Abanga

I was in panic mode; I was very restless; sleep was eluding me and that coupled with other issues I had been having, meant nothing short of danger. Danger especially for my fragile mental and emotional well-being; a well-being already made very fragile by the sudden and very painful demise of my fondest and dearest sibling brother after 18 grueling years with epilepsy and mental disorders. I constantly reached out to mum and it was then that she asked me the question which sparked this other memoir of mine. What is the worst case scenario she asked? After several exchanges with her and with my shrink and another close friend, I began to layout what makes up the content of this memoir. It is my journey of fighting the FEAR within. I came to learn of two different definitions of FEAR; Fold Everything and Run or Face Everything and Rise. I recently came across another one; False Emotions Appearing Real. Yes, I largely have fought FEAR pretty much all my life and, in most of its dimensions. I think and know we each have too. Yet, I believe and hope that sharing my journey in my usual candour, and yes without fear or favour, shame or stigma, may help someone else to realize they are not alone in their own “inner fights”. I hope many come to realize that the 'worst case scenario' often gets that worse first in the mind, but that with help and positive thinking, we can win such 'fights'.

88 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 7, 2016

About the author

I, Marie A. Abanga, am what many will call a dynamic and determined woman. I go by the three Ds of Determination-Discipline-Dedication and yes in most of what I do I strive to do it to my best.

This led me through a life's lane of Hurts, Adulteries and Redemption as I tried to live out what I consider my 3 in 1 life. How do I understand and live fully my Spiritual, Physical and emotional life? It surely is a tough feat but we can only admit that until we strike some kind of balance to do that, we live on restlessly until we rest somewhere.

Reviews

[Ashley Peterson · Rating 5 out of 5]

What Is the Worst Case Scenario? by Marie Abanga includes a foreword by mental health advocate and Olympian Amy Gamble. For anyone familiar with Marie's blog, you will very much recognize her distinctive voice in this book.

Marie explains that writing this book was "my journey to a new me, a me who wants to keep facing and fighting fear, and also a me who wants to share with the world in all candidness."  She shows her own evolution from FEAR as in Fold Everything And Run to instead Face Everything And Rise.

This memoir covers the birth of her sons, her marriage that turned out to be a sham, and her her own mental health challenges.  She shares that while pregnant with her third son things became so desperate that she picked up a knife and was ready to end her life.  It was feeling her son kicking inside her that saved her.

After her marriage ended, she left her sons at home in her native country of Cameroon and went to live in Belgium.  While living there she had to deal with the death of her brother as well as others stressors, and she became depressed and started having panic attacks.

She writes about the various fears she has had to tackle, including fear of failure, fear of love, and fear of being happy.

She explains that in Cameroon, mental illness tends to be attributed to "witchcraft, greed, or maybe a crazy lineage."  Inspired in part by her brother's experience of mental illness before his death, she chose to become a mental health advocate.  She writes: "Whenever I smell stigma, I spray more spirit on the open cut to burn it out and tell it to its darkness that I am an over-comer."  She includes posts that other bloggers have shared about stigma.  Throughout the book there are also quotes included from various inspirational sources, including Maya Angelou.

This story captures Marie's spirit and ability to persevere through adversity.  She has chosen to be vulnerable in sharing her story, and in doing so demonstrates how much strength there is in vulnerability.