How To Find The Right Person To Date: A Step By Step Guide To Finding The Right Partner And Detecting An Abuser

by Celia John

Have you ever gone out with someone and regretted it? Do you wish you had the formula for choosing the right partner? Or maybe you just want to avoid dating the wrong person? If this is you, How To Find The Right Person To Date will give you the knowledge you need to find a good partner and escape dating the wrong person. This book will show you: How to choose the right partner How to find a good relationship How to strengthen your self-esteem How to identify an abuser How to recognize an abusive relationship How to leave an an abusive partner If you would like to know how to find a good partner and avoid choosing an abuser read this book.

Genres: Relationships

230 pages, Paperback

First published August 23, 2014

About the author

Celia enjoys writing books that empower people to have better relationships. She also enjoys writing poems about life and love.

Reviews

[Driver · Rating 1 out of 5]

I found this book to be full of incorrect statements and definitions. It becomes quite obvious the author is writing from an emotional point of view, one of a certain personal experience, but not much actual understanding of the subject matter of those personalities or people with personality disorders and emotional instabilities who abuse others (and almost always themselves in some form or another).
Clinical terms are occasionally thrown in, mixed up and incorrectly combined...
On top of this I feel as though I developed an idiosyncrasy to hearing the word "abuser." The author used the word "abuser" in almost every sentence, in some cases up to three to four times.
It almost felt like a kind of brainwashing or "abuse" in and of itself.
The strategies on how to spot, avoid or handle such people are...sub-optimal to say the least.
If you are looking for a beginner's book to "abusers" or as author and former FBI agent Joe Navarro refers to them, "dangerous personalities," you had better read his book or a book by someone with the proper background knowledge and schooling to write about this subject.
Lastly, I will refrain from commenting on the content about "finding the right partner"...

[Clare O'Beara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've read newspaper stories about men who were serial abusers - as one woman managed to leave him, the man would go out and find another, seemingly a reformed character until the abuse started again. Usually the man had drained the first wife's bank account, incurred debts and sold her house. She - or the second or third victim - went public so as to stop him from doing this again. Unless an abused partner does go public, nobody may know the truth.

Celia John has told her own soul-wrenching story up front in this book, and follows it with a description of all the tell-tales of an abuser and an abusive relationship. Types of abuse may include verbal, financial, emotional, physical, sexual. The abuser will never be really sorry, although they may say they are. The abuser is totally self-centred and neither respects their partner nor cares about their feelings. They will isolate the partner, prevent them from working, getting education or holding money, and may start a family to trap the partner in the relationship and exercise control over and through the children.

By the middle of the book we also get more positive images presented, of what a good, healthy, growing relationship looks like. Young people who did not grow up in a supportive atmosphere or who have a poor self-image are more likely to fall into the trap of the abuser.

Violence and threats may occur in such relationships and may occur after a partner states that they are leaving. Some abusers will turn into stalkers while others will just move on and look for the next victim of their charm and lies.

With the help of this book, readers can gain the strength to recognise what the relationship they are in is genuinely like. If it is unhealthy, Celia suggests deciding whether the issues can be mended or the relationship should end. Some workbook-type exercises are provided which involve making lists and asking questions. Social theory models are explained, with comments. Celia reiterates that help is available and that volunteers will often have been through similar situations.

I would give this easy-read book full marks if case studies were included, like my example at the top. We only see Celia's story, and a couple of lines about a singer to illustrate that income level has nothing to do with control freaks and abusers. Sometimes a real person's story has more resonance with a reader and they can picture the situation more easily than from a straight text. However the fact that the book is gender-neutral throughout is a reminder that anyone can find themselves in this difficult situation. I commend Celia for her responsible studies and efforts to help other survivors of bad relationships - and her wish to stop others from being so deceived.

A novel describing this situation is 'Sleeping With The Enemy' by Nancy Price, which was filmed with Julia Roberts.