Do I Need Boundaries?: Seeking to Please God by Learning to Say No

Ask the Christian Counselor

by Jim Newheiser

96 pages, Paperback

Published September 22, 2025

About the author

Jim Newheiser, DMin, Westminster Theological Seminary, California, has served in pastoral ministry and has practiced biblical counseling for over thirty years. He is the Director of the Christian Counseling Program at Reformed Theological Seminary in Charlotte and the Executive Director of IBCD. He is an ACBC Fellow and board member.

Reviews

[Joshua Schwisow · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally, a book that accurately applies Scripture to the question of boundaries in a God-centered rather than Me-Centered way. Very helpful!

[Nick Lees · Rating 4 out of 5]

This resource was a helpful word on an important topic yet ultimately suffers from its brevity. It's a quick and easy read that will give you helpful reminders from God's word on specific topics. I was left wanting far more development of ideas and the cases presented.

[Jack Flaherty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this short and easy read. Helpfully frames up the issue of boundaries by emphasizing that protecting yourself from pleasing others should not be replaced by pleasing self but by aiming to please God. Good reflection questions at the end of each chapter. Several thoughtful case studies that, while handled briefly, reinforce the biblical principles for setting relational limits (boundaries). Also appreciated the appendix in which the author reviews another popular book on the subject.

[Ellie Willemin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this take on boundaries especially in the setting of Christianity. I have often struggled with the classic “Boundaries” book written by Cloud and Townsend as it depicts the ideal image of turning away from people-pleasing but then turning it into self-pleasing. While it’s not honoring to allow people to take advantage of us, manipulate us, etc., there are times when we are called to sacrifice for the sake of others in a direction of being God-pleasing and loving our neighbors. I did skip some of the scenario type chapters as some did not apply to me but overall loved the perspective on boundaries that aims to have our focus off ourselves and towards God.

[Wendy · Rating 3 out of 5]

A short book that considers what boundaries in the Christian life should look like, not protecting ourselves so much as pleasing God as we love him and others. The bulk of the book presents topical case-studies covering areas such as workaholism, extended family, finances, sexual boundaries, failure to launch and screen addiction. Each provides biblical wisdom and insights into how one might approach it, with allowances for freedom of different responses. Yet, the language used throughout was often “we must”, “we need”, “we must not”, suggesting a directive counselling approach. However, the primary concern was that the shortness of the book led to many examples feeling like simplified responses, not allowing for the reality of real-life complications.

[Dan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Provides a helpful biblical approach to thinking about boundaries in relationships by beginning with the question, “According to my understanding of God’s Word, how can I please God and love others in this situation?” This stands in contrast to secular and even come Christian approaches that begin with the emphasis, “How can I set boundaries to protect myself in this situation?” The book offers many practical examples for thinking about boundaries related to overworking, past abuse, in-law conflict, sexual integrity, wayward children, screen addiction, and more—situations that are very common in the church.