The Parent's Launch Code: Loving and Letting Go of Our Adult Children

by Jack Stoltzfus

Is your child ready to launch into adulthood, or are they stuck on the runway?



Today, more young adults than ever are struggling to achieve independence. Over fifty percent of 18-29-year-olds are still living at home, and an alarming number leave home and cut ties with their parents. But what if there was a way to help your child become self-sufficient and independent while maintaining a strong, loving bond with you?



In this book, the author, a seasoned expert in the field, provides a comprehensive guide to achieving a successful launch. You'll learn the importance of practicing unconditional love to secure the relationship, even when fear, anxiety, guilt, or resentment threaten to block it. Through love and five other powerful practices-strengthening your relationship, apologizing, forgiving, showing backbone, and saying goodbye-you'll gain the tools and insights to support your child's journey to responsible independence.



Empower yourself with the knowledge to let go while sustaining a caring connection with your adult child. It's time to prepare for a launch that truly soars.





Launch Code is a beacon of wisdom and compassion for parents navigating the complexities of supporting grown-up children. With its reassuring tone and practical guidance, this book offers invaluable strategies for fostering open communication, setting healthy boundaries, and navigating the delicate balance between support and independence. Each chapter is packed with actionable advice and exercises, ensuring readers can apply the insights gained to their situations. With its blend of empathy and practicality, Launch Code is an indispensable companion for any parent seeking guidance and reassurance in supporting their adult children, offering a comforting hand through the ups and downs of this transformative journey.

Joshua Coleman, Ph.D. Author, Rules of Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict



I have had the pleasure of following Jack Stoltzfus and his books on parenting over the years. Jack's latest book, the Parents Launch Loving and Letting Go of Our Adult Children, addresses the precarious period when children prepare to launch into adulthood. His approach - the combination of unconditional love with "backbone" -- captures the meaning behind "tough love," a phrase I used to describe what I learned in the '60s working with young people on the streets of Harlem. Love and backbone are the formula for the difficult and necessary balance between compassion and resolve that parenting with integrity requires. This is an essential book for parents whose children are entering adulthood. "

Bill Milliken

Founder and Vice Chair, Communities in Schools

Author of Tough Love, The Last Drop Out, and From the Rearview Mirror

Genres: Parenting

294 pages, Paperback

Published September 9, 2024

About the author

Dr. Jack Stoltzfus is a licensed psychologist practicing in Shoreview, Minnesota. He received his PhD in counseling psychology from the University of WisconsinMadison and is a member of the American Psychological Association. The focus of his Ph.D. dissertation was on defining and measuring healthy adolescent separation from parents. His private practice focuses on parents and young adults. Dr. Stoltzfus has worked with parents and their young adult children within the context of a chemical dependency day treatment program, inpatient mental health facilities, a child guidance clinic, a youth service agency, and a private practice for more than thirty years. He has practiced family therapy as a Certified Marriage and Family Therapist and substance abuse counseling as a Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor. He has three grown and married young-adult children who represent the millennial and early Gen X generations.
Dr. Stoltzfus has developed and launched the website ParentsLettingGo.com to educate and support parents on practices or actions they can take to support a healthy launch of their young-adult children. Visit the website to access this book as well as the five other “practice” publications and resources.

Reviews

[Wisconsin Alumni]

Jack Stoltzfus PhD’80
Author

From the author:
This book is by America’s Launch Coach™, Dr. Jack Stoltzfus. It describes the problem of failure to launch with young adults. Over 50 percent of 18–29-year-olds live with one or both parents today. Beyond this, one out of four young adults cut off communication with parents at some point for an average of four months, but some never reconnect. Being stuck at home or estranged after leaving home is a failure to launch. By the author’s definition, a successful launch is when the young adult moves toward success, self-sufficiency, and responsible independence while maintaining a caring connection with parents. In the book, the author describes the practices and actions needed to achieve a successful launch. Dr. Josh Coleman describes this book as “an indispensable companion for any parent seeking guidance and reassurance in supporting their adult children, offering a comforting hand through the ups and downs of this transformative journey.”

[Eric F · Rating 5 out of 5]

"The Parent's Launch Code" seems like a great resource for parents learning how to let their children grow up and create their own lives. It’s not easy for parents to shift from taking care of their kids to giving them the space to become independent. The idea of offering love and support while also encouraging self-reliance really stands out. Parents have to learn to let go, even if it’s hard, so their kids can grow into their own people. I also like how the book talks about the "Empty Nest Syndrome." It can be a tough time for parents when their children leave home, it’s not just about feeling lonely but also about adjusting to a new role. The book seems to understand these emotions and provides advice on how to handle them, helping parents find joy in their children's growth rather than feeling lost.

[Camilo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Important & Interesting

I felt very identified with this book. As a father, I consider very important to always be in a continue formation of my responsibilities; for this, I need to understand the changes that my son will face during his childhood. This guide is very, very important and I can say necessary for all those who have the gift of having a son. It is a very good instructive book that may impact in a very positive way the relationship with the kids. While parents understand them, they will feel more confident with their parents! One of the things I most highlight of the book is the way it organized because it makes the exercise of reading very easy and formative. Great book and highly recommended!

[Chico's Mom · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great book to help guide parents, especially those overly available parents, to let their grown children decide for themselves. I would recommend this to my dad, who is overly protective of my sister, who is yet to explore the world and make calculated mistakes of her own. I agree with the author that timing is everything; I know I started to be open to change when I was still young, so it wasn’t hard for me to adapt to change. This book is excellent for parents with teenage children to better prepare themselves and their children to be independent. As parents, I say we because I am trying to be one; we are the primary influence of our children, and showing them it is okay to make mistakes and not to rely too much on other people will make them prosper more. 

[AMR CAMI · Rating 5 out of 5]

really helpfull book.

This book changed my relationship with my daughter. Sadly, my daughter is in those periods of her life in which she is ending her teenage years, and becoming a grown up woman. I feel that one of the most tough things that a parent has to go through is their kids growing up, and watching the amazing person they are becoming, but still with the fear of letting them go. This amazing comprehensive guide for parents navigating the transition as their children move into adulthood, was really amazing, and helped me gain more communication, healthy boundaries, and allowed me to accept that she needs her space to grow up, and leave her household.

[Mariana · Rating 4 out of 5]

What an amazing book! I think we should all give ourselves a chance to read this book that will change so much of our view of parenting and family. My sister is pregnant and that's why I came across this book, even though she is far from having a child who will become independent, I think that if she takes into account many of the tools in this book from the beginning, she will be able to form a unique relationship with her son, helping him to be an independent person with goals, but without taking him away from the family and leaving aside that bond with his parents that is so important. Highly recommended and really necessary.

[L Becerra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book!

This book is the perfect guide for parents in order to learn about the different stages of childhood and how to face them the best way possible.
The book is written in the first point of view where Stoltzfus, the author, also uses some personal experiences and advice that make it very close and familiar. As a parent, you’ll feel accompanied and supported by the author the whole time. He also included some blank spaces for the reader to fill them, which make the book very interactive and helpful.
I think it is very important for parents to read this book. It helped me understand why children react as they do and how I can help them in what they’re going through.