All Torc'd Up

by Nell Gavin

“The Skokie Swift is an express train. For 20 minutes I am warm, and even seated, while the train barrels out the northern tip of Chicago and into the suburbs with no stops in between. Hell begins when the doors shut and I am trapped on this train for 20 minutes and unable to scream aloud, though in my mind my scream has the same pitch and cadence as the squeal of the wheels on the tracks when we round a curve. Each morning I am subject to the kind of anxiety that keeps some people from ever boarding a plane or an elevator in their lives: rising panic, choking fear. My heart palpitates. I hear it in my ears so loudly I hear little else.”

In 1973 Holly’s life consists of chasing cockroaches with a shoe, working at a low-paying job, and sleeping. Her apartment is an area of devastation. She has no money for food, so she typically goes to bed early to escape the hunger.

She hopes to understand why her mentally ill mother committed suicide long ago, and how to overcome the panic attacks, the periodic rages and the depression that plague her. Thus far, her psychiatrist offers no answers, so she seeks the answers on her own by reading college textbooks on Abnormal Psychology. They don't help her either because she suffers from a condition that will not be known or recognized in medical and psychiatric circles for another 10 years.

Holly unexpectedly falls in love with a roadie for a famous English rock band. Dreams of marriage and children and a “normal” life are suddenly within her grasp, when Trevor takes her with him on tour and introduces her to the very "un-normal" backstage world of Rock and Roll. She urgently must conceal her problems and symptoms from Trevor if she is to keep him. But as their relationship gets progressively more serious, her illness gets increasingly difficult to hide.

291 pages, Kindle Edition

About the author

I was born in Chicago, raised my family in Texas, and now live in Michigan. I spent a number of years as a technical writer and wrote a couple of novels over the years. Life got hectic, and I went without writing any new books until 60 Minutes ran a story about UFOs on May 16, 2021.

I didn't think the UFOs were built by the Chinese, and I didn't think they were aliens from outer space. I thought the most likely explanation was time travel.

The story captured my imagination for months. I figured they were watching us, and I wondered what they thought about everything they saw from their more "evolved" perspective in the future. I finally gave in and wrote a book, The Historian Project: A Time Travel Catastrophe, which was 100% inspired by that news story.

Reviews

[Nell Gavin]

This book just became available in January, 2011. It is partially autobiographical, and some of the scenes in the book actually happened (I'm not revealing all of them - but they are probably NOT the scenes you might think!) No, my mother did not commit suicide, and no, my father didn't abandon me. Yes, I did travel on a band bus with my roadie boyfriend. Yes, I did have problems with anxiety and depression, and they took a severe toll on our relationship. Yes, the bus did break down and, yes, the bus driver took us all to lunch in a whorehouse.

Most of what people write about Rock 'n Roll in the 1970s involves the debauchery of rock stars and crazy groupies. I met lots of groupies and lots of rock stars, and I'm afraid I never saw all that. I therefore didn't describe it in All Torc'd Up, and I am sorry if that is disappointing! I heard stories, and I know what was going on, but my position was a little more sheltered and insulated. I was always well-behaved because my boyfriend was right there with me (I wasn't really inclined to those sorts of antics anyway), and he avoided those scenes. All Torc'd Up describes what I saw, not what was infamous at that time.

I hope you will give it a chance! It's sad and funny, and a little ribald. Just like the 1970s! Rock and roll!