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Too Much, Not Enough: A guide to decreasing anxiety and creating balance through intentional choices
Stop me when this sounds familiar… You are struggling with being an overachiever and perfectionism. You feel like you aren’t good enough, worthy enough, or just not enough in general. You are looking for ways to decrease anxiety and start rebuilding self worth. You try so hard to do enough for everyone that you don’t really take care of yourself. And all the while, you just feel like there isn’t enough time in the day. You put yourself on the back burner and make sure everyone else is taken care of. You have hard time deciding what you want because you are making sure everyone else is getting what they want. I have been there too. I have been a chronic apologizer. I have been a black and white thinker. I have had to work on defining truth, building boundaries, and learning how to make good decisions in life. I worried all the time that I would fail and that it would be a catastrophe. I worried about what people would think of me and practiced how to respond to things before they would happen. I have struggled with Imposter syndrome. I have always needed external rewards for what I do. Gold stars, A+’s, people commenting that they couldn’t get along without me. Over the years, I have learned some valuable lessons. Some from my own life and some from my career as a Licensed Psychologist. All of these lessons have changed the way that I think, act and live my life. I wrote this book to show you how to make the intentional choices that will allow you to take control of your life. By recognizing the choices, you have and learning to be more intentional in making them, you can reduce the regret that comes with feeling pushed into a decision. I want you to live a life you haven’t even imagined you could. A life of Fullness and Enoughness. A life of Worth. A life lived Intentionally with less guilt, shame, and stress. A life of more hope, more success, and more love where you can be your best self.
127 pages, Kindle Edition
Published September 3, 2019
18 people are currently reading
32 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
October 4, 2019
I rarely read self-help books, but this one popped up via a particularly supportive Twitter group I belong to and, as it was free for a few days, I thought I’d give it a look. It attracted my attention due to its subtitle ‘A guide to decreasing anxiety and creating balance through intentional choices’ as I had a 10-year spell of ME/CFS that left me with an increased level of anxiety due to the condition’s apparent effects on brain chemistry. Although now free of the condition, the anxiety aspect remains as an occasional irritating echo.
The book is divided into 29 chapters with titles such as; Truth – Little t v Big T, S.O.B.E.R. Skills, (an acronym for a mindfulness-based relapse prevention tool), Fear of Failing in Public, Imposter Syndrome, Apologising, Boundaries, Selfishness, Consequences, Values, and Worth.
Expressed simplistically, the book is a guide to using techniques designed to counter anxiety and to deal with self-esteem issues. It uses examples, often taken from the author’s life, to explain what is really happening in situations that might generate anxiety or raise questions of self-worth. Tara explains how we’re taught certain beliefs that may be transformed through misunderstanding into core values by which we then lead our lives. Her aim here is to make us question those aspects of life that most impact on our self-esteem, those ways in which we arrive at decisions based on information that may be false, irrelevant, or simply not true for us as individuals.
She provides strategies to help us cope with change and disappointment; either our own or that of others. She also gives guidance on how we often make judgments, and therefore decisions, based on values that may not be our own.
Facing up to the real truths about ourselves (the Big Ts) helps us become the best version of ourselves we can be.
In common with many books in the world of modern publishing, this one would benefit from a little more editing. But that’s my writer’s pedantic attitude coming to the fore. The message, for all its frequent reliance on features of USA life and its seemingly unconscious basis in the ‘American Dream’, is worthy of attention and application beyond those shores.
It’s a book I’ll revisit, as there is much of value here. I leave this first reading with insight into aspects of living I hadn’t previously considered, alongside others I’d always taken as being a natural part of the make-up of everyone. So, definite food for thought and a source of positive questioning that may help many readers as they seek ways to improve their lives in this complex and sometimes chaotic world.
The book is divided into 29 chapters with titles such as; Truth – Little t v Big T, S.O.B.E.R. Skills, (an acronym for a mindfulness-based relapse prevention tool), Fear of Failing in Public, Imposter Syndrome, Apologising, Boundaries, Selfishness, Consequences, Values, and Worth.
Expressed simplistically, the book is a guide to using techniques designed to counter anxiety and to deal with self-esteem issues. It uses examples, often taken from the author’s life, to explain what is really happening in situations that might generate anxiety or raise questions of self-worth. Tara explains how we’re taught certain beliefs that may be transformed through misunderstanding into core values by which we then lead our lives. Her aim here is to make us question those aspects of life that most impact on our self-esteem, those ways in which we arrive at decisions based on information that may be false, irrelevant, or simply not true for us as individuals.
She provides strategies to help us cope with change and disappointment; either our own or that of others. She also gives guidance on how we often make judgments, and therefore decisions, based on values that may not be our own.
Facing up to the real truths about ourselves (the Big Ts) helps us become the best version of ourselves we can be.
In common with many books in the world of modern publishing, this one would benefit from a little more editing. But that’s my writer’s pedantic attitude coming to the fore. The message, for all its frequent reliance on features of USA life and its seemingly unconscious basis in the ‘American Dream’, is worthy of attention and application beyond those shores.
It’s a book I’ll revisit, as there is much of value here. I leave this first reading with insight into aspects of living I hadn’t previously considered, alongside others I’d always taken as being a natural part of the make-up of everyone. So, definite food for thought and a source of positive questioning that may help many readers as they seek ways to improve their lives in this complex and sometimes chaotic world.
September 11, 2019
"We overachievers—anxiety-ridden, history-thinking folks that we are—re-hash our choices, our words, and our actions many times before coming to grips with them". Tara Sanderson.
I usually don't gravitate towards self help or philosophical books.There are always portions that I find that tend to get boring and don't hold my interest,
It's either the prose and long haul of working around getting yourself better or how much you lack in your personal growth.
What this book does is, it understands the core and Tara Sanderson acknowledges the importance of worth and the effects of self deprecating.
You don't necessarily need to be suffering from depression or anxiety or even have a low self esteem problem here, because she weaves in her personal examples,Thus making it seem less formal and more inclusive. Each one of us is fighting an inner battle of being the best version of ourselves and sometimes can bog ourselves down with a need of that perfection.You will read and re read and take away a mental calmness and a spirit of better tomorrows.Though this book is small and can be read in a couple of hours you will want to savor every example and have your mind resonating with personal instances on how we end up discrediting ourselves so easily on innumerable occasions. You will start using this book not just as your personal guide but as a friend to make your choices easier.
The enjoyable portions in this book are Tara's relationship with her husband and the examples she cites of him, to his informed responses on her ability of handling her self doubts and re inforcing affirmations.
Highly recommended and I am sure you will be smiling through many of the chapters with how easy it can be if we just followed this path of self worth!
I usually don't gravitate towards self help or philosophical books.There are always portions that I find that tend to get boring and don't hold my interest,
It's either the prose and long haul of working around getting yourself better or how much you lack in your personal growth.
What this book does is, it understands the core and Tara Sanderson acknowledges the importance of worth and the effects of self deprecating.
You don't necessarily need to be suffering from depression or anxiety or even have a low self esteem problem here, because she weaves in her personal examples,Thus making it seem less formal and more inclusive. Each one of us is fighting an inner battle of being the best version of ourselves and sometimes can bog ourselves down with a need of that perfection.You will read and re read and take away a mental calmness and a spirit of better tomorrows.Though this book is small and can be read in a couple of hours you will want to savor every example and have your mind resonating with personal instances on how we end up discrediting ourselves so easily on innumerable occasions. You will start using this book not just as your personal guide but as a friend to make your choices easier.
The enjoyable portions in this book are Tara's relationship with her husband and the examples she cites of him, to his informed responses on her ability of handling her self doubts and re inforcing affirmations.
Highly recommended and I am sure you will be smiling through many of the chapters with how easy it can be if we just followed this path of self worth!
September 10, 2019
A Truly Useful Guide For Today
This book is modern day Philosophy / Psychology genius.
It's up there with The Road Less Traveled and other self help greats. Dr Tara poured her heart and soul into these pages and I think she hit quite a few nails on the head; chopped them up, and made them easy to digest.
There's truly something everyone can gain from this book. Even if you're not a people pleasing overachiever, chances are you will absolutely find yourself somewhere in these pages, be able to relate and learn from the awesome stories and tools she shares.
Even if you're an expert on mental health and self-care you will enjoy this very genuine and refreshing take on acceptance and mental health.
This book is modern day Philosophy / Psychology genius.
It's up there with The Road Less Traveled and other self help greats. Dr Tara poured her heart and soul into these pages and I think she hit quite a few nails on the head; chopped them up, and made them easy to digest.
There's truly something everyone can gain from this book. Even if you're not a people pleasing overachiever, chances are you will absolutely find yourself somewhere in these pages, be able to relate and learn from the awesome stories and tools she shares.
Even if you're an expert on mental health and self-care you will enjoy this very genuine and refreshing take on acceptance and mental health.
March 1, 2024
This is a great little book about anxiety. I think Dr. Sanderson has changed my life! I heard about her book on an anxiety podcast, and something she said there really resonated with me. She said that we perfectionists get stuck in our black and white thinking, believing that there must be one perfect, correct answer. In fact there is no one right answer. Most things in life fall in a grey area where there is simply the choice you make. She compares it to a bell curve. About 4% of life might fall to the extremes on either side, but 96% is in the grey area. There is no one right choice! When I learned that I became a freer person. I had a lot of anxiety around homeschooling, thinking that there must be one perfect right way to do it, and I'm a failure if I don't do it that way. But I realized there is not one perfect right way of giving your child an education, there are as many ways as there are homeschoolers! Other decisions I make have changed as well. I have less anxiety over always doing the perfect thing, because I have learned there is no one perfect thing. Maybe that's obvious to most people, but when she compared it to a bell curve it really clicked for me.
Aside from that, the book is very easy to approach. Each chapter is very short, but packed with useful info. There are a lot of great gems in here for people who suffer with anxiety. I liked her advice to change your thinking from "I don't know this" to "I don't know this yet". Many little things like that fill up this book.
Aside from that, the book is very easy to approach. Each chapter is very short, but packed with useful info. There are a lot of great gems in here for people who suffer with anxiety. I liked her advice to change your thinking from "I don't know this" to "I don't know this yet". Many little things like that fill up this book.
June 7, 2020
An amazing book if gives great tips such as the big T versus little t truths we hold I also love how the author advocates for mental health and mental health treatment in chapter 28. It's honestly one of the best books I've ever had the pleasure to read
December 17, 2019
I liked the insight and helpfulness, explaining anxiety and strategies of self compassion, selfishness, actually not being selfish, when it is self care, and the fear we have of not being good enough for others, or ourselves, the what if"s of anxiety and the circling thoughts of anxiety disasterizing. Strategies to calm down, accept oneself, be kind and take care of yourself, and then others.
I liked the breathing excercising near the end of the book. It helped me relax.
I preferr a different narrator. The narrator's tone was Pingy and breathy, she sounded immature and it seemed as though there was a lisp present, hard to listen to, on a purely audio platform.
I liked the breathing excercising near the end of the book. It helped me relax.
I preferr a different narrator. The narrator's tone was Pingy and breathy, she sounded immature and it seemed as though there was a lisp present, hard to listen to, on a purely audio platform.
October 7, 2019
Truly helpful
I imagine I'm not alone in that a lot of mental health tips echo each other, they sound nice, but you have lingering buts. This book is very good at getting around those. The Sandersonized SOBER skills with multiple options hit home as well as addressing that some people struggle with breathing exercises. I'm making notes from this book. I also like that the SOBER skills concept is brought up many times to show how it helps in various ways.
I imagine I'm not alone in that a lot of mental health tips echo each other, they sound nice, but you have lingering buts. This book is very good at getting around those. The Sandersonized SOBER skills with multiple options hit home as well as addressing that some people struggle with breathing exercises. I'm making notes from this book. I also like that the SOBER skills concept is brought up many times to show how it helps in various ways.
September 12, 2019
Like a chat with an old friend.
I love the personal feeling of this book. It's like sitting down for coffee with a good friend and talking about how to live your best life. She provides realistic steps that are easy to manage but impact your day to day in a big way.
I love the personal feeling of this book. It's like sitting down for coffee with a good friend and talking about how to live your best life. She provides realistic steps that are easy to manage but impact your day to day in a big way.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews