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Tending the Fire: The Ritual Men's Group
A study of Men's spirituality groups!!!
57 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1991
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July 24, 2025
SOME IDEAS FOR MEN’S MYTHOPOETIC GROUPS
Author Wayne Liebman wrote in the ‘Acknowledgements’ of this 1991 book, “This book is for men who are, or want to be, in a small ritual men’s group. The resurgence of this ancient form is an outgrowth of conferences for men inspired by the poet Robert Bly in the early 1980s and given momentum by Michael Meade, James Hillman and others. Although I draw material from groups I’ve participated in, I don’t intend this to be a manual or handbook. I’m writing to describe, as thoroughly as I can, the implications of small ritual groups, the issues, problems and possibilities inherent in them. I hope that a man reading this will gain a clearer sense of what he wants from a group, and what he needs to do to get it… My conviction about the importance of small ritual groups to men stems directly from my own involvement in a group.”
He reports that in 1984, after a 5-day conference for men with Robert Bly and Meade, “On the last day I spoke about my desire to be part of a group of men who wanted to continue to work mythologically and ritually among themselves. I asked if others were interested in such a group. A month later ten of us began meeting fortnightly in a converted garage at the back of my house. At the time we began none of us anticipated the difficulty of using ritual to inspire and retain for ourselves an experience of masculinity in our everyday lives. We needed to understand that our emotional natures were a part of being men, that feelings we were more accustomed to hiding than revealing were actually our entry into a relationship with what was deeply male in us. These were lessons from larger men’s gatherings which we apparently needed to re-learn in an intimate, continuing group that had no leader.
“Four years and many detours later the group we started in Temescal Canyon began sponsoring events for other men in Los Angeles. This step seemed a natural outgrowth of our struggles, a way to further support our own work and to give back something of what this work had opened for each of us as men. Inspired by a detail from the Iron John story---the dog pulled down into the pond---we took a name that seemed to fit, Lost Dog Man’s Council. As of this writing, the ‘Lost Dogs’ have been meeting seven years. There are currently eleven members, seven from the original group.” (Pg. 6-7)
He continues, “Recently some men asked me to set down my thoughts about the purpose, organization and function of a ritual men’s group. I think, on balance, there are some practical things to say to men who want to bring more of the benefit of ritual into their lives… The question men continually want to ask in this work is not if what they do is in accord with some outside authority or agenda, but is it in accord with themselves? Is the experience, right now, giving them stronger connection to what makes them feel more like men? If the answer is yes, they’re doing something right. Each must resolve this for himself again and again. What follows are my reflection on what has and hasn’t worked both for myself and for some groups with which I am acquainted.” (Pg. 7-8)
He suggests, “I believe a primary concern of the ritual group is the construction and preservation of a container for mythological experience. The ‘mythological container’ is a vessel that allows the participants to identify and elaborate the mythological themes in their lives, to appreciate themselves in relation to the mythological world. When the mythological group is working right it protects, encloses and supports the mythological world through the joined physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual effort of the members. In return, the container opens the members to a dimension of life that extends beyond a subjective understanding of self. The energy of myth brings a sense of inclusiveness, belonging, coherence and purpose; it is soul-sustaining and soul-empowering, giving resilience to live and create in a civilization that often seems valueless and bent on destroying.” (Pg. 10)
He observes, “A special power of the ritual group is to relate the feeling life of men to their myths. Myths not only highlight feelings, but they also give them meaning.” (Pg. 21)
He notes, “I think drumming has become important to men’s groups because it makes the overlap between physical and spiritual immediately palpable. It’s an almost perfect form in which to contain and work with feeling. Particularly for the first few years of my group, drumming was extremely valuable. It was the one mode which would consistently take us there we knew we wanted to go. A story or poem might misfire, a discussion might become too heady, but drumming put us back in our bodies, loosened us, got us to move and dance. It seemed to give us a way of feeling together without words.” (Pg. 35)
He observes, “It helps if a particular problem can be understood as a dilemma of masculinity: there are forces in men which work to drive them apart and out of the inner world. Since one function of the group is to help heal the split in and between men, it's right for the members to go out of their way to work for a reconciliation. Perhaps a ritual can move the focus away from the personal and toward the mythological level. Or if the participants have a willingness to be confronted abut their projections, maybe they can resolve a conflict, or at least clarify the inner forces enough to work on themselves apart from the group. But it’s also right to be leery of making processing a focus of the group’s time. The upshot is this: continued division consumes the group in processing, and holds them back. They must find closure. When personal troubles become overwhelming, the group needs to decide openly and directly whether these concerns are a proper point of convergence for the group’s time and energy, or if those involved ought to seek support for their problems elsewhere.” (Pg. 39)
This book will be of interest to anyone studying the ‘men’s groups’ from the 1980s and 1990s.
Author Wayne Liebman wrote in the ‘Acknowledgements’ of this 1991 book, “This book is for men who are, or want to be, in a small ritual men’s group. The resurgence of this ancient form is an outgrowth of conferences for men inspired by the poet Robert Bly in the early 1980s and given momentum by Michael Meade, James Hillman and others. Although I draw material from groups I’ve participated in, I don’t intend this to be a manual or handbook. I’m writing to describe, as thoroughly as I can, the implications of small ritual groups, the issues, problems and possibilities inherent in them. I hope that a man reading this will gain a clearer sense of what he wants from a group, and what he needs to do to get it… My conviction about the importance of small ritual groups to men stems directly from my own involvement in a group.”
He reports that in 1984, after a 5-day conference for men with Robert Bly and Meade, “On the last day I spoke about my desire to be part of a group of men who wanted to continue to work mythologically and ritually among themselves. I asked if others were interested in such a group. A month later ten of us began meeting fortnightly in a converted garage at the back of my house. At the time we began none of us anticipated the difficulty of using ritual to inspire and retain for ourselves an experience of masculinity in our everyday lives. We needed to understand that our emotional natures were a part of being men, that feelings we were more accustomed to hiding than revealing were actually our entry into a relationship with what was deeply male in us. These were lessons from larger men’s gatherings which we apparently needed to re-learn in an intimate, continuing group that had no leader.
“Four years and many detours later the group we started in Temescal Canyon began sponsoring events for other men in Los Angeles. This step seemed a natural outgrowth of our struggles, a way to further support our own work and to give back something of what this work had opened for each of us as men. Inspired by a detail from the Iron John story---the dog pulled down into the pond---we took a name that seemed to fit, Lost Dog Man’s Council. As of this writing, the ‘Lost Dogs’ have been meeting seven years. There are currently eleven members, seven from the original group.” (Pg. 6-7)
He continues, “Recently some men asked me to set down my thoughts about the purpose, organization and function of a ritual men’s group. I think, on balance, there are some practical things to say to men who want to bring more of the benefit of ritual into their lives… The question men continually want to ask in this work is not if what they do is in accord with some outside authority or agenda, but is it in accord with themselves? Is the experience, right now, giving them stronger connection to what makes them feel more like men? If the answer is yes, they’re doing something right. Each must resolve this for himself again and again. What follows are my reflection on what has and hasn’t worked both for myself and for some groups with which I am acquainted.” (Pg. 7-8)
He suggests, “I believe a primary concern of the ritual group is the construction and preservation of a container for mythological experience. The ‘mythological container’ is a vessel that allows the participants to identify and elaborate the mythological themes in their lives, to appreciate themselves in relation to the mythological world. When the mythological group is working right it protects, encloses and supports the mythological world through the joined physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual effort of the members. In return, the container opens the members to a dimension of life that extends beyond a subjective understanding of self. The energy of myth brings a sense of inclusiveness, belonging, coherence and purpose; it is soul-sustaining and soul-empowering, giving resilience to live and create in a civilization that often seems valueless and bent on destroying.” (Pg. 10)
He observes, “A special power of the ritual group is to relate the feeling life of men to their myths. Myths not only highlight feelings, but they also give them meaning.” (Pg. 21)
He notes, “I think drumming has become important to men’s groups because it makes the overlap between physical and spiritual immediately palpable. It’s an almost perfect form in which to contain and work with feeling. Particularly for the first few years of my group, drumming was extremely valuable. It was the one mode which would consistently take us there we knew we wanted to go. A story or poem might misfire, a discussion might become too heady, but drumming put us back in our bodies, loosened us, got us to move and dance. It seemed to give us a way of feeling together without words.” (Pg. 35)
He observes, “It helps if a particular problem can be understood as a dilemma of masculinity: there are forces in men which work to drive them apart and out of the inner world. Since one function of the group is to help heal the split in and between men, it's right for the members to go out of their way to work for a reconciliation. Perhaps a ritual can move the focus away from the personal and toward the mythological level. Or if the participants have a willingness to be confronted abut their projections, maybe they can resolve a conflict, or at least clarify the inner forces enough to work on themselves apart from the group. But it’s also right to be leery of making processing a focus of the group’s time. The upshot is this: continued division consumes the group in processing, and holds them back. They must find closure. When personal troubles become overwhelming, the group needs to decide openly and directly whether these concerns are a proper point of convergence for the group’s time and energy, or if those involved ought to seek support for their problems elsewhere.” (Pg. 39)
This book will be of interest to anyone studying the ‘men’s groups’ from the 1980s and 1990s.
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