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Suffer the Children: The Case against Labeling and Medicating and an Effective Alternative
A persuasive rejection of mainstream child psychiatry that guides parents to understand their child's behavioral problems without stigmatizing diagnoses. With more than four million American children diagnosed with ADHD and other psychiatric disorders, taking a child to a psychiatrist is as common as taking them to soccer practice. But, disturbingly, a great number of children experience dangerous emotional and physical side effects from psychotropic medications. Where can parents who are eager to avoid shaming labels and drugs turn when their child exhibits disturbing behavior? Suffer the Children presents a much-needed alternative: child-focused family therapy. A family therapist for over twenty years, Marilyn Wedge shares the stories of her patients. Wedge presents creative strategies that flow from viewing children's symptoms not as biologically determined "disorders" but as responses to relationships in their lives that can be altered with the help of a therapist. Instructive, illuminating, and uplifting, Suffer the Children radically reframes how we as parents, as health professionals, and as a society can respond to problems of childhood in a considerate and respectful fashion.
- GenresParenting
256 pages, Hardcover
First published March 28, 2011
4 people are currently reading
38 people want to read
About the author
Marilyn Wedge
6 books13 followersMarilyn Wedge, Ph.D., lic. MFT, is a family therapist and author of three books and numerous professional articles in the field of family therapy. She has a Bachelor's Degree and a Doctorate from the University of Chicago, and was a post-doctoral fellow at the Hastings Center for Bioethics in New York. She has taught at the California State University, East Bay, the College of the Art Institute of Chicago and the University of Chicago Extension.
Dr. Wedge has popular blogs on the Huffington Post and Psychology Today. Her blog titled "Why French Kids don't have ADHD" has more than 13 MILLION readers. She is a respected presenter at national and international conferences and has a private practice in Westlake Village, California, where she sees children, teens, couples, and individuals.
She has been married for thirty-four years to her husband Gene, and has three grown children and three grandchildren. She lives in Oak Park California.
from http://www.marilynwedgephd.com/AboutM...
Dr. Wedge has popular blogs on the Huffington Post and Psychology Today. Her blog titled "Why French Kids don't have ADHD" has more than 13 MILLION readers. She is a respected presenter at national and international conferences and has a private practice in Westlake Village, California, where she sees children, teens, couples, and individuals.
She has been married for thirty-four years to her husband Gene, and has three grown children and three grandchildren. She lives in Oak Park California.
from http://www.marilynwedgephd.com/AboutM...
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
February 5, 2012
It's hard to assign a star rating to this book. On the one hand, I think that Wedge's message about the perils of over-labeling and over-medicating young children is an important one, and I appreciate that rather than simply sounding the alarm she also provides ample discussion of a viable alternative--family therapy. And I do think that many of the strategies and insights she notes as a family therapist could prove to be useful alternatives to drugs and psychiatric labeling in situations like those she describes. It's well known even to undergraduate psychology students that often when a child is labeled as "disturbed" the individual is merely the "designated patient," whose distress both draws from and distracts from the larger issues at play. Wedge explores this phenomenon thoroughly, usually without blaming the parents overtly, and demonstrates some ways to "trick" the family into backing off of this ruinous strategy.
On the other hand, I was bothered by several things about Wedge's proposed solution, and how she presents it. She seems to believe that family therapy is the cure for every ill, and if it doesn't work, well, either the parents weren't doing it right or they just didn't stick with it long enough. I'm not arguing that she shies away from medication too much. Rather, I believe she is somewhat blind to the bigger picture of a person's life. The family is huge, but it's not the only thing. School, work, social pressures, finances, and so many more things are also at play. Wedge seems to think parents are always in complete control of all these factors, that they can simply resolve to fix things and make it so. In one instance, a child is in distress because the family is about to lose their home, due to the prolonged financial downturn. The parents simply pluck themselves up by the bootstraps, ask for a little help from family, and all is well. Needless to say, it can't always work out like this. Wedge clearly works with a very privileged client base (the milieu of the sessions she describes is quite obviously California upper middle class to a T--I can just picture the white leather couch) but not just that, she presents herself as a kind of Perry Mason of therapy. She never loses one, if the examples in this book are taken to be representative, unless it's because her clients failed her.
I can understand wanting to portray more successful cases than discouraging ones for the purposes of this book, but it starts to come across as a bit dishonest and too good to be true. It would have helped me understand her methods even better if she had described a few more situations where it was NOT the appropriate approach, where she had to try something different or refer people out entirely. Wedge wants us to think family therapy is not just an alternative to labeling and rampant psychopharmacology, but THE alternative, and her tunnel vision begins to detract from her excellent points. While at the beginning of the book her enthusiasm merely made me slightly wary, by the end I felt her authorial voice was smug and arrogant. I imagined myself in the shoes of the parents she spoke to and found myself feeling rather manipulated (she is open about her practice of deceiving and misleading clients "for their own good") and cowed. Wedge's ideas are good, but she is inflexible about them, so convinced of their superiority it seems she will not countenance any other solution. This is what got us into the fix we are in, with psychopharmacologists instead of family therapists.
I felt many of her insights were also generalized too broadly. Like I am sure that in some instances--perhaps many, perhaps even the majority of instances--her adage that aggression in a child is a "metaphor" for hostility between the parents may turn out to be true. But she is insistent that it is ALWAYS true, and that's what ruined this book for me, and her credibility. She also is very rigid about other ideas, which seems counterproductive and judgmental. A child--even a very young one--being allowed to share a bed with parents is always a sign of marital troubles and enmeshment to her. A troubled child is always worried about one of her parents and trying to "help" by distracting them or caring for them. Parents must not only never argue in front of their children, they must also never complain about work (oh for crying out loud) or their aches and pains, or even let on about their chronic and severe illnesses. A mother crying in front of her 10 year old when mom's father died is "traumatizing" to the child, even. Wedge believes that children must be not just a bit sheltered but UTTERLY sheltered. She prescribes a stifling regimen of forced cheer for parents that is disturbing in and of itself, and seems to me to indicate more about Wedge's interior life than what's actually good for children. Parents are "assigned" to divert themselves and somehow work around real, overwhelming adult problems so they can contribute a daily "MY LIFE IS THE BEST!!! I PETTED A PUPPY TODAY!!!" spiel into their child's "therapy." Of course somehow she tells herself that children, who she otherwise believes to be emotional barometers so sensitive that a mother is even admonished that she is not to discuss her personal problems in her room, on the phone, with her voice lowered and the door locked, will not pick up on the weird fakeness here.
Given the revolting stereotypical...Californianness of that particular regime of repression and shame, it goes without saying that Wedge barely nods at diversity in families. Her clientele is clearly all relatively well-off, mostly but not entirely white, straight and married or divorced. The one mother with a disability is treated so dismissively it's shocking. Her pain and limitations are nothing but a burden for her husband and her child, apparently, and Wedge is all too quick to place the blame with her usual inflexible admonishments to sweep it under the rug and act as though all is well. Wedge shows a (likely unconscious) bias in favor of the fathers and against the mothers when there is a marital dispute, expecting women to humor husbands who sound like absolute tyrants in a couple of the stories--one of whom sounds like he may have actually been abusive. That's dismissed (upsetting to the child!) and the mother is instructed to give him what he wants to keep the peace. Of course there's barely a nod at the end towards families who might not even be able to afford the luxury of private therapy but who instead are fed into the Department of Human Services, the less well-funded schools, and the criminal justice system. Considering foster children are THE main demographic for overmedication with psychiatric drugs, this is more than just a slight oversight.
Finally, Wedge makes a lot of claims but offers little proof beyond the anecdotal. I would like to believe that family interventions are an effective alternative for children with mental health symptoms. But other than Wedge's own testimonials to her personal track record, there's not much here to assure us it is actually working as well as she claims. Having somewhat of a scientific bent myself, I'd want to see if it's her specific methods that make a difference (if, in fact, there is a difference being made) or the extra time and attention, or simply the passage of time (and with it coming maturity and the natural extinction of some problems). There are few citations and not a whole lot to go on as far as backing up her extraordinary claims. All told, a promising hypothesis, one which I hope a less biased author will work to test and explore more thoroughly.
On the other hand, I was bothered by several things about Wedge's proposed solution, and how she presents it. She seems to believe that family therapy is the cure for every ill, and if it doesn't work, well, either the parents weren't doing it right or they just didn't stick with it long enough. I'm not arguing that she shies away from medication too much. Rather, I believe she is somewhat blind to the bigger picture of a person's life. The family is huge, but it's not the only thing. School, work, social pressures, finances, and so many more things are also at play. Wedge seems to think parents are always in complete control of all these factors, that they can simply resolve to fix things and make it so. In one instance, a child is in distress because the family is about to lose their home, due to the prolonged financial downturn. The parents simply pluck themselves up by the bootstraps, ask for a little help from family, and all is well. Needless to say, it can't always work out like this. Wedge clearly works with a very privileged client base (the milieu of the sessions she describes is quite obviously California upper middle class to a T--I can just picture the white leather couch) but not just that, she presents herself as a kind of Perry Mason of therapy. She never loses one, if the examples in this book are taken to be representative, unless it's because her clients failed her.
I can understand wanting to portray more successful cases than discouraging ones for the purposes of this book, but it starts to come across as a bit dishonest and too good to be true. It would have helped me understand her methods even better if she had described a few more situations where it was NOT the appropriate approach, where she had to try something different or refer people out entirely. Wedge wants us to think family therapy is not just an alternative to labeling and rampant psychopharmacology, but THE alternative, and her tunnel vision begins to detract from her excellent points. While at the beginning of the book her enthusiasm merely made me slightly wary, by the end I felt her authorial voice was smug and arrogant. I imagined myself in the shoes of the parents she spoke to and found myself feeling rather manipulated (she is open about her practice of deceiving and misleading clients "for their own good") and cowed. Wedge's ideas are good, but she is inflexible about them, so convinced of their superiority it seems she will not countenance any other solution. This is what got us into the fix we are in, with psychopharmacologists instead of family therapists.
I felt many of her insights were also generalized too broadly. Like I am sure that in some instances--perhaps many, perhaps even the majority of instances--her adage that aggression in a child is a "metaphor" for hostility between the parents may turn out to be true. But she is insistent that it is ALWAYS true, and that's what ruined this book for me, and her credibility. She also is very rigid about other ideas, which seems counterproductive and judgmental. A child--even a very young one--being allowed to share a bed with parents is always a sign of marital troubles and enmeshment to her. A troubled child is always worried about one of her parents and trying to "help" by distracting them or caring for them. Parents must not only never argue in front of their children, they must also never complain about work (oh for crying out loud) or their aches and pains, or even let on about their chronic and severe illnesses. A mother crying in front of her 10 year old when mom's father died is "traumatizing" to the child, even. Wedge believes that children must be not just a bit sheltered but UTTERLY sheltered. She prescribes a stifling regimen of forced cheer for parents that is disturbing in and of itself, and seems to me to indicate more about Wedge's interior life than what's actually good for children. Parents are "assigned" to divert themselves and somehow work around real, overwhelming adult problems so they can contribute a daily "MY LIFE IS THE BEST!!! I PETTED A PUPPY TODAY!!!" spiel into their child's "therapy." Of course somehow she tells herself that children, who she otherwise believes to be emotional barometers so sensitive that a mother is even admonished that she is not to discuss her personal problems in her room, on the phone, with her voice lowered and the door locked, will not pick up on the weird fakeness here.
Given the revolting stereotypical...Californianness of that particular regime of repression and shame, it goes without saying that Wedge barely nods at diversity in families. Her clientele is clearly all relatively well-off, mostly but not entirely white, straight and married or divorced. The one mother with a disability is treated so dismissively it's shocking. Her pain and limitations are nothing but a burden for her husband and her child, apparently, and Wedge is all too quick to place the blame with her usual inflexible admonishments to sweep it under the rug and act as though all is well. Wedge shows a (likely unconscious) bias in favor of the fathers and against the mothers when there is a marital dispute, expecting women to humor husbands who sound like absolute tyrants in a couple of the stories--one of whom sounds like he may have actually been abusive. That's dismissed (upsetting to the child!) and the mother is instructed to give him what he wants to keep the peace. Of course there's barely a nod at the end towards families who might not even be able to afford the luxury of private therapy but who instead are fed into the Department of Human Services, the less well-funded schools, and the criminal justice system. Considering foster children are THE main demographic for overmedication with psychiatric drugs, this is more than just a slight oversight.
Finally, Wedge makes a lot of claims but offers little proof beyond the anecdotal. I would like to believe that family interventions are an effective alternative for children with mental health symptoms. But other than Wedge's own testimonials to her personal track record, there's not much here to assure us it is actually working as well as she claims. Having somewhat of a scientific bent myself, I'd want to see if it's her specific methods that make a difference (if, in fact, there is a difference being made) or the extra time and attention, or simply the passage of time (and with it coming maturity and the natural extinction of some problems). There are few citations and not a whole lot to go on as far as backing up her extraordinary claims. All told, a promising hypothesis, one which I hope a less biased author will work to test and explore more thoroughly.
September 30, 2012
I finished this book a few days ago, but I didn't want to write this review until I had mulled it over a few days.
Ultimately, I do not believe that this book would be very helpful for parents, especially not the parents I typically work with so I will not be recommending it.
Like the author, I am often troubled by what seems to be a rapid labeling of children's behaviors. I also agree with the author that many children's problems have a genesis in their families of origin. For example, almost all of the children I work with are labeled ADHD, but I don't really believe they have the disorder. Rather, I know that they are suffering the effects of pre-natal drug exposure, combined with complex trauma/neglect in their birth families. Of course any kid forcibly removed from his or her abusive family is going to be restless, distractable, hypervigilant, and anxious!
Yet, my agreement with the author diverges at this point. I don't believe the solution is quite as simple as the author makes it sound, especially for families and children that are so broken. Even though I do not believe that the children I work with truly have ADHD, they often respond quite well to individual/family therapy combined with psychotropic medications. The medications often "take the edge off" so that the child can work on reattaching and reintegrating into a healthy family system as they continue to "work through" their trauma. And quite frankly, a lot of the placements I work on would fail without this support. Yes, the author concedes that her method is not for traumatized children, but I still think her view is an oversimplification.
In part, I believe the oversimplification comes from the population she serves. Marilyn Wedge describes her clientele as largely "soccer moms," "hockey dads" and their children in what seems to be a largely homogeneous, Caucasian, upper middle class suburb. I understand catering to this demographic since this is just the kind of parent who would likely have the time, energy and means to go down to the local Barnes & Noble and plunk down $25 on this book. If this describes your family, her book may be helpful.
Even if the reader fits the demographic, though, I would still guess the book may be short on helpful content. There are many compelling case examples, but I was hoping that the book would also have some practical suggestions that a parent would be able to read and apply. While many of her suggestions seem "common-sense" and readily accessible as solutions, I again see them as an oversimplification. Since the author heavily relies on the assumption that a child's acting out behaviors are a manifestation of the child trying to act as a "helper" in the family dysfunction, trying to pull the child out of that role without introducing a new professional helper may prove difficult.
What I need is a book written at about a 9th grade reading level that explores both the pros and cons of psychotropic med use in a balanced way, that offers suggestions for behavioral solutions, while also being sensitive to different racial/cultural differences. Is that so hard?! Where is this book?
Ultimately, I do not believe that this book would be very helpful for parents, especially not the parents I typically work with so I will not be recommending it.
Like the author, I am often troubled by what seems to be a rapid labeling of children's behaviors. I also agree with the author that many children's problems have a genesis in their families of origin. For example, almost all of the children I work with are labeled ADHD, but I don't really believe they have the disorder. Rather, I know that they are suffering the effects of pre-natal drug exposure, combined with complex trauma/neglect in their birth families. Of course any kid forcibly removed from his or her abusive family is going to be restless, distractable, hypervigilant, and anxious!
Yet, my agreement with the author diverges at this point. I don't believe the solution is quite as simple as the author makes it sound, especially for families and children that are so broken. Even though I do not believe that the children I work with truly have ADHD, they often respond quite well to individual/family therapy combined with psychotropic medications. The medications often "take the edge off" so that the child can work on reattaching and reintegrating into a healthy family system as they continue to "work through" their trauma. And quite frankly, a lot of the placements I work on would fail without this support. Yes, the author concedes that her method is not for traumatized children, but I still think her view is an oversimplification.
In part, I believe the oversimplification comes from the population she serves. Marilyn Wedge describes her clientele as largely "soccer moms," "hockey dads" and their children in what seems to be a largely homogeneous, Caucasian, upper middle class suburb. I understand catering to this demographic since this is just the kind of parent who would likely have the time, energy and means to go down to the local Barnes & Noble and plunk down $25 on this book. If this describes your family, her book may be helpful.
Even if the reader fits the demographic, though, I would still guess the book may be short on helpful content. There are many compelling case examples, but I was hoping that the book would also have some practical suggestions that a parent would be able to read and apply. While many of her suggestions seem "common-sense" and readily accessible as solutions, I again see them as an oversimplification. Since the author heavily relies on the assumption that a child's acting out behaviors are a manifestation of the child trying to act as a "helper" in the family dysfunction, trying to pull the child out of that role without introducing a new professional helper may prove difficult.
What I need is a book written at about a 9th grade reading level that explores both the pros and cons of psychotropic med use in a balanced way, that offers suggestions for behavioral solutions, while also being sensitive to different racial/cultural differences. Is that so hard?! Where is this book?
August 21, 2011
I rarely post about specific books that I couldn't finish, but I'm making an exception here for Suffer the Children: The Case Against Labeling and Medicating and an Effective Alternative by Marilyn Wedge.
It has been awhile since a book has gotten me so angry and frustrated - and it is rare when a book does that. This one accomplished both.
For starters, I'll admit that I only lasted 17 pages with this one, so maybe I should just shut up already. The premise, however, was a promising one. From the book jacket:
"As a society, we are accustomed to believe that medication is the solution to the problems of our children, and we accept psychiatric labels for normal childhood behavior. There is a pill for every childhood woe: a pill to curb unruly behavior, a pill to calm irritability, a pill to cure sadness, and a pill to stop mood swings. Yet many parents, educators, and pediatricians have begun to realize that medication is only a quick-fix solution that doesn't last and that, even worse, medication can have dangerous side effects."
OK. Agreed. Go on.
"In her provocative new book, Suffer the Children, Marilyn Wedge offers a much-needed alternative for parents: strategic child-focused family therapy. Family therapy, as practiced by Wedge in her California office, includes meeting with everyone from the child's siblings to her pediatrician. Wedge proposes that, instead of diagnosing and medicating children, we listen to the child and offer solutions that do not involve a psychiatric label and drugs. A normal child may feel sad or bored, but that doesn't mean she has 'clinical depression.' She may also be rambunctious, as most young children are, without having ADHD and requiring medication."
I'm a big fan of therapy - be it individual or family or what have you. Been there, done that, will probably do so again before I check out of this Earth. And I commend Ms. Wedge for her holistic approach - which I agree with and support - of treating the entire family and/or the key players in the child's world. I think more professionals should adopt this mindset and I think it's unfortunate that not more do so.
Parents As Pushers
My issue with this book is its stance that, for the majority of kids, therapy is being prescribed as the end all and be all - whereas medication, while helpful for a small fraction of children (in Ms. Wedge's view), is simply not needed or is being pushed on them by anxious, overbearing parents.
"I have come to realize that more and more parents in our society rely on a psychiatric diagnosis and medication for their troubled children without turning to counseling or therapy.
I have no doubt that parents who bring their children to psychiatrists have only good intentions. They want their sons and daughters to have the best chance of succeeding in school and in life. If a psychiatric diagnosis and medication help a child become less fidgety and more focused in the classroom, or less oppositional and moody at home, I can certainly understand how parents are willing to accept this route.
Sadly, though, it seems to me that parents are so pressured by the need to see their child at the top of the class and en route to the Ivy League that they sometimes take leave of their own good common sense. Parents today seem more distraught than the mothers and fathers I've seen in the past. Often, because teachers are so concerned about school performance, parents are anxious to resolve their kids' problems immediately and to set their children on a 'normal' path. They are thus more willing to embrace psychiatry's nostrums for their 'mentally ill' children. This state of affairs is, I believe, at the heart of today's crisis in child mental health." (pg. 6-7)
Um ... do you know any parents like the ones described here? Sure, we can all probably think of an acquaintance or two who is a little bit of a overbearing helicopter-parent freak. But is that parent one who is plying their kid with meds just because they want them to be the freaking valedictorian?
I'm sorry, I don't buy it.
With such loaded (not to mention, in my opinion, somewhat condescending) statements like these, you'd expect to see some statistics backing up the claims that parents are flocking to psychiatrists, begging them for meds. But there aren't, at least as far as I got in the book. In fact, this is a very anecdotal book.
I wanted to read this as a counterpart to Judith Warner's We've Got Issues: Children and Parents in the Age of Medication, which I read last fall and liked immensely and would highly recommend over Suffer the Children. Warner initially had the exact same theory as Wedge: that parents were medicating their kids willy-nilly. She found that this was NOT the case.
So what accounts for the stark difference? I honestly don't know.
What I do know is this: while I can't speak for every parent and certainly not every parent of a child with special needs, I believe that the decision to medicate a child or a teenager is complex, individual, and not entered into lightly. Rather, from my perspective as a special needs parent, it is one that families struggle with, are sometimes at odds with, and emotionally wrestle with. It is heartwrenching. No parent WANTS to see their child on medication. And I'd be willing to bet that therapy (yes, including family therapy) has been tried on several occasions and that medication is almost a last resort, not the first step.
In Suffer the Children, Wedge shares the story of Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps, who was diagnosed with ADHD when he was in sixth grade and subsequently placed on Ritalin to help him focus. As a teenager, Phelps wanted to go off the medication and his mother was concerned that this would be a detriment. He eventually got off the Ritalin and used swimming "as an outlet for his extra energy and angry feelings. Phelps discovered for himself an intervention that every family therapist uses with children who have ADHD symptoms. We recommend that parents involve their child in soccer, tennis, softball, basketball, swimming, gymnastics, or any other sport that their child is interested in as an outlet for his or her extra energy." (pg. 15)
An "intervention" that EVERY family therapist uses? Every family therapist recommends sports for a child with ADHD symptoms? Really? (Ours hasn't.) Sure, sports might be an incredibly positive outlet for many kids but again, I can think of many children for whom it would be disastrous because of the social issues. (My Boo being among them.)
In the end, it was one sentence that caused me to abandon this book, and for that we come back to the Phelps family. Obviously, I don't know Ms. Phelps but I couldn't help but feel a bit like the ghost of Bruno Bettelheim was lurking as I read this line:
"Although Phelps's mother worried that he would not be able to control his behavior without drugs, she apparently wasn't worried about the side effects of Ritalin." (pg. 16)
WHAT THE FUCK? And we know this ... how, exactly? That was it for me, as I got so frickin' angry that I knew I wasn't going to be reading any further. How does Wedge know what Ms. Phelps was or was not worried about? Did she interview her? If so, the reader isn't told that. (At least not in this section and in just glancing through the rest of the book, I didn't see any other mention.) Like the other statements that I read in the first two dozen pages, it's not backed up with any facts, just as the nebulous statement that parents (like, presumably, Ms. Phelps) are medicating our kids to make our lives all the more easier.
Oh, if it was only that simple.
It has been awhile since a book has gotten me so angry and frustrated - and it is rare when a book does that. This one accomplished both.
For starters, I'll admit that I only lasted 17 pages with this one, so maybe I should just shut up already. The premise, however, was a promising one. From the book jacket:
"As a society, we are accustomed to believe that medication is the solution to the problems of our children, and we accept psychiatric labels for normal childhood behavior. There is a pill for every childhood woe: a pill to curb unruly behavior, a pill to calm irritability, a pill to cure sadness, and a pill to stop mood swings. Yet many parents, educators, and pediatricians have begun to realize that medication is only a quick-fix solution that doesn't last and that, even worse, medication can have dangerous side effects."
OK. Agreed. Go on.
"In her provocative new book, Suffer the Children, Marilyn Wedge offers a much-needed alternative for parents: strategic child-focused family therapy. Family therapy, as practiced by Wedge in her California office, includes meeting with everyone from the child's siblings to her pediatrician. Wedge proposes that, instead of diagnosing and medicating children, we listen to the child and offer solutions that do not involve a psychiatric label and drugs. A normal child may feel sad or bored, but that doesn't mean she has 'clinical depression.' She may also be rambunctious, as most young children are, without having ADHD and requiring medication."
I'm a big fan of therapy - be it individual or family or what have you. Been there, done that, will probably do so again before I check out of this Earth. And I commend Ms. Wedge for her holistic approach - which I agree with and support - of treating the entire family and/or the key players in the child's world. I think more professionals should adopt this mindset and I think it's unfortunate that not more do so.
Parents As Pushers
My issue with this book is its stance that, for the majority of kids, therapy is being prescribed as the end all and be all - whereas medication, while helpful for a small fraction of children (in Ms. Wedge's view), is simply not needed or is being pushed on them by anxious, overbearing parents.
"I have come to realize that more and more parents in our society rely on a psychiatric diagnosis and medication for their troubled children without turning to counseling or therapy.
I have no doubt that parents who bring their children to psychiatrists have only good intentions. They want their sons and daughters to have the best chance of succeeding in school and in life. If a psychiatric diagnosis and medication help a child become less fidgety and more focused in the classroom, or less oppositional and moody at home, I can certainly understand how parents are willing to accept this route.
Sadly, though, it seems to me that parents are so pressured by the need to see their child at the top of the class and en route to the Ivy League that they sometimes take leave of their own good common sense. Parents today seem more distraught than the mothers and fathers I've seen in the past. Often, because teachers are so concerned about school performance, parents are anxious to resolve their kids' problems immediately and to set their children on a 'normal' path. They are thus more willing to embrace psychiatry's nostrums for their 'mentally ill' children. This state of affairs is, I believe, at the heart of today's crisis in child mental health." (pg. 6-7)
Um ... do you know any parents like the ones described here? Sure, we can all probably think of an acquaintance or two who is a little bit of a overbearing helicopter-parent freak. But is that parent one who is plying their kid with meds just because they want them to be the freaking valedictorian?
I'm sorry, I don't buy it.
With such loaded (not to mention, in my opinion, somewhat condescending) statements like these, you'd expect to see some statistics backing up the claims that parents are flocking to psychiatrists, begging them for meds. But there aren't, at least as far as I got in the book. In fact, this is a very anecdotal book.
I wanted to read this as a counterpart to Judith Warner's We've Got Issues: Children and Parents in the Age of Medication, which I read last fall and liked immensely and would highly recommend over Suffer the Children. Warner initially had the exact same theory as Wedge: that parents were medicating their kids willy-nilly. She found that this was NOT the case.
So what accounts for the stark difference? I honestly don't know.
What I do know is this: while I can't speak for every parent and certainly not every parent of a child with special needs, I believe that the decision to medicate a child or a teenager is complex, individual, and not entered into lightly. Rather, from my perspective as a special needs parent, it is one that families struggle with, are sometimes at odds with, and emotionally wrestle with. It is heartwrenching. No parent WANTS to see their child on medication. And I'd be willing to bet that therapy (yes, including family therapy) has been tried on several occasions and that medication is almost a last resort, not the first step.
In Suffer the Children, Wedge shares the story of Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps, who was diagnosed with ADHD when he was in sixth grade and subsequently placed on Ritalin to help him focus. As a teenager, Phelps wanted to go off the medication and his mother was concerned that this would be a detriment. He eventually got off the Ritalin and used swimming "as an outlet for his extra energy and angry feelings. Phelps discovered for himself an intervention that every family therapist uses with children who have ADHD symptoms. We recommend that parents involve their child in soccer, tennis, softball, basketball, swimming, gymnastics, or any other sport that their child is interested in as an outlet for his or her extra energy." (pg. 15)
An "intervention" that EVERY family therapist uses? Every family therapist recommends sports for a child with ADHD symptoms? Really? (Ours hasn't.) Sure, sports might be an incredibly positive outlet for many kids but again, I can think of many children for whom it would be disastrous because of the social issues. (My Boo being among them.)
In the end, it was one sentence that caused me to abandon this book, and for that we come back to the Phelps family. Obviously, I don't know Ms. Phelps but I couldn't help but feel a bit like the ghost of Bruno Bettelheim was lurking as I read this line:
"Although Phelps's mother worried that he would not be able to control his behavior without drugs, she apparently wasn't worried about the side effects of Ritalin." (pg. 16)
WHAT THE FUCK? And we know this ... how, exactly? That was it for me, as I got so frickin' angry that I knew I wasn't going to be reading any further. How does Wedge know what Ms. Phelps was or was not worried about? Did she interview her? If so, the reader isn't told that. (At least not in this section and in just glancing through the rest of the book, I didn't see any other mention.) Like the other statements that I read in the first two dozen pages, it's not backed up with any facts, just as the nebulous statement that parents (like, presumably, Ms. Phelps) are medicating our kids to make our lives all the more easier.
Oh, if it was only that simple.
March 21, 2012
Have just started today, already I think it is an interesting background to
I've been fortunate to watch David Epston (Narrative Therapy) draw out and strengthen the threads of a story of hope. This book talks about the power of labels, and how today it seems so easy to arrive at a diagnosis that involves medicating children. While acknowledging that there are some children who benefit, the book goes deeper looking at the family system. I found that the book spelled it out clearly, without judgement, merely laying out possibilities, and mostly having an openness to hope.
I hadn't realised why family therapy can be so important, because I come from a different background, though even when learning about flower essences I recall it was important to work with the whole family.
A valuable read.
I've been fortunate to watch David Epston (Narrative Therapy) draw out and strengthen the threads of a story of hope. This book talks about the power of labels, and how today it seems so easy to arrive at a diagnosis that involves medicating children. While acknowledging that there are some children who benefit, the book goes deeper looking at the family system. I found that the book spelled it out clearly, without judgement, merely laying out possibilities, and mostly having an openness to hope.
I hadn't realised why family therapy can be so important, because I come from a different background, though even when learning about flower essences I recall it was important to work with the whole family.
A valuable read.
July 10, 2011
An excellent book that presents an alternative approach to the insanity overtaking American pediatric care.
September 20, 2015
Highly recommended to read! It will open your eyes to the world of children and alternative therapy. People always have doubt with alternative therapy but this book is beutifully written not to convince the readers with boring facts but with familiar problems that we have heard of in our daily lives. The take home message in the book will definitely enrich you!
July 23, 2011
I only read about half of this. It was VERY anecdotal. The author's basic theme is that parents are responsible for all (or the vast majority of) their children's problems. Maybe she's right. It's hard to say. I found anecdotes somewhat unconvincing.
June 11, 2013
From a therapist's perspective that has been working in a very medicalized agency and trying to get back to roots of family systems this was a great place to start and be reminded that a lot of problems can be solved with family therapy and not medication.
May 6, 2014
This would have been way more effective if she removed the scaremongering about meds and technology at the beginning and end. The actual family therapy part was interesting and informative although her practice doesn't seem to cover single moms or children with severe problems
December 3, 2012
suffer the reader
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