Why My Wife Had To Die

by Brian Verity

The terrifying fact is Huntington's disease leads to physical and mental deterioration. There is no cure. It is handed down genetically, with a 1:2 chance of inheritance that cannot be determined until the disease shows itself, often not until the sufferer is in their 40s. Many do not know they have the gene or are at risk of passing it on. Those who do know, because a parent has suffered from it, may wait a lifetime before finding out whether they are safe or not. The prospects are horrific. After his first marriage failed, Brian Verity had a breakdown and married the woman who nursed him back to health. Within a few years, she began showing the signs of Huntington's that he had seen in other members of her family and that he had a morbid fear of. Having fallen in love with her in hospital, he now found himself repelled, fearful of his own psychological fragility and inability to cope and yet committed to protecting her from the terrible distress that lay in wait. In his view, assisted dying was her only option. Was he right?

In this tough, uncompromising book, Brian Verity raises difficult ethical questions about the freedoms granted to carriers of the Huntington's gene to raise children of their own and the lack of freedom given to them to end their lives.

This is not a book with a happy ending, nor have its full ramifications yet been embedded into our supposedly caring society.

220 pages, Paperback

Published September 17, 2024

Reviews

[Emma book blogger Fitzgerald · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved the front cover is very different from any front cover I have seen before . The front cover is medical card in pink.
This is very emotional story about Mary who has Huntington disease but is written in first person by her husband. There was times I didn’t like him and I did feel sorry for him but he admits that he can not be very nice to Mary but this is due to her disease which is taking a toll on him as well. I felt sorry for Mary going through this disease.
I found why my wife had to die very interesting and I did get hooked wanted to dined out what happens to them both. It was easy read I finished it in two days. I would say This is powerful story where there was no cure in the 1960. The writer shown his Views very much in this story about Huntington disease. Thank you to @AlanJepson and @Envelope books for letting me read this book.

[Books By Your Bedside · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks to Envelope Books for the gifted copy of this book in return for an honest review.

Well, isn't this a heartbreaker! This one was always going to be hard to read, with such a topic to pull on the heartstrings, but Brian has done it with such sensitivity and tenderness.

I really felt for Brian. He comes across, at times, very unlikeable but I can’t hold it against him. No-one knows what it is like to care for a loved one, and sadly it can bring out the uglier sides to you. but I cannot say anything negative about it because it can’t be helped. You’re tired, you’re stressed, you’re angry, you’re worried – and soon those emotions can build up and the only person available to lash out on is the person you are caring for, and it’s not their fault.

Brian is not backwards in coming forwards with this book, and he puts across some very controversial opinions, some that wouldn’t see the light of day now if he was in the same situation, but were ideas that presented themselves at the time. They’re not always easy to swallow or talk about but I’m glad Brian has added them; Huntington's Disease is horrible, and a lot of people struggle to talk about illness or disability or death, but Brian has put it all on the page, good or bad, and we’re forced to ask these questions of ourselves.

It's a relatively short book but it did take me a while to read because it was so intense, it wasn’t a book I could sit down and lose myself in from beginning to end because it was very emotional.

Whoever designed the cover of this book has done a very good job. It's deceptively simple - a light pink cover that almost looks like a postcard, but it's only when you get closer do you realise it's an NHS card, showing that Mary Verity has Huntington's Disease and the prognosis is "irreversible disability", and so you instantly know it's going to be an important book.

This is set in the 1970s or so, when there was no cure and little treatment for Huntington's Disease, and even though there is still no cure, I am glad that things have developed in terms of treatment and living with the condition.

I do not know much about the disease and I found this to be really informative, but it is the right side of educational – it doesn’t feel too information heavy. This is more about how the condition has affected Brian and his wife, rather than what the condition actually is.

Brian has opened up his home, his family, and his heart with this book and I commend him for it, it can’t have been easy to return to those times. I would like to know what happened to Brian after his wife’s passing, whether he moved himself away from the medical/caring sphere or whether he continued to push against the stigma against such a condition.

[The Mythical Bookshelf · Rating 4 out of 5]

The past, with its whispers and half-truths, had suddenly moved across space and time and was about to engulf us.

This was an absolutely heartbreaking but eye-opening book. Brian Verity lays bare every emotion and thought - the good, the bad, the ugly, and everything in between - while still being able to tell the story of his wife's diagnosis of Huntington's disease and the calamity that ensued in their lives thereafter in great detail. It was very interesting to read about this from the perspective of the care giver, and to understand the emotional, physical, and mental strain that occurs when a loved one is dying before your eyes, and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

'I love you,' were my final words and she nodded very slightly, her hand half raised in farewell.

It's extremely hard to imagine the choices that Mary and Brian were faced with, but what was even more shocking was the lack of action and support from the healthcare system surrounding them. As Brian mentioned multiple times throughout the book, there was a "conspiracy of silence" surrounding Huntington's disease. I would have liked to know a bit more about Brian's life after his wife passed. Did he continue advocating against the silence and stigma surrounding Huntington's disease? What was life like after the passing of his wife? These are some of the questions that I have, but it's also understandable why he chose to end the book as he did.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is another beautiful book from envelope books, for this one they have done the cover in the style of a medical card, perfect for the tearful story that lies within the pages.

This book details a first hand account and gives close insight into Huntington's disease. The story is absolutely heartbreaking and you are definitely going to need a box of tissues at the ready.

The views and opinions expressed in this book are definitely on the controversial side and not everybody is going to agree with a lot of the things that are said, but whether you agree or not, what you will find here is a brutally honest and raw account of what life is like living with a loved one suffering from a debilitating, frightening and incurable illness.

The book puts forward a very important question, one that in my opinion needs further discussion and should not be a taboo subject in this day and age. I know that my personal feelings on the matter are near enough in line with the author.

I highly recommend this book for so many reasons! Go and pick it up!

An easy 5 stars.

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

[Angela L · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book a bit of a struggle to be honest. It's an uncompromising look at the realities of a life changing disease (Huntington's), from the perspective of the sufferer's husband.
There's no doubt that this is a horrid illness. It's hereditary (with a 50/50 chance of passing it on to your children) and strips away the person entirely.
Perhaps this is why the author was so bitter. Whilst he acknowledges that he treated his wife, Mary, badly his totally lack of empathy made this a really hard read for me. His clinical/cold reactions are astounding - to the extent that he rails that all families that have members diagnosed with the disease should be forcibly sterilised. His self righteousness is something to behold.
It's definitely thought provoking and I felt devastated for Mary but found it difficult to extend my sympathies to Brian.

[Chloe · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a powerful read. A unique perspective of the carer looking after someone with a life-limiting disease. It is brutally honest, and doesn't try to portray only the good of the carer. It asks you to reflect on the moral issues, as well as the lack of action and the "conspiracy of silence". It does get a bit repetitive at points, but I guess that reflects how trapped they are by this situation. There is no "moving on" or acceptance.

I found it very emotional, and cried at points. Those who know me will probably guess why. I think it was important to finish and read this though. This sort of things affects and touches so many people and is so far-reaching. More needs to be done.

So although I'm very emotional about this book, I'm glad I have read it. Thank you to the publisher for a copy of this book.

[Owen Hollifield · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a fascinating read about a couple dealing with the wife having Huntington's Disease. This book is well written and honest as it shows how the husband feels about and deals with his wife's decline. I highly recommend.

[William Keeling · Rating 5 out of 5]

Important and heartbreaking subject with a no holds barred account

[Loz Darwin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found Why My Wife Had to Die a difficult book to read(to the point I almost DNF) due to some of the authors view points on reproduction and how his wife was treated though I do understand it was a very difficult time for them both during the Huntingtons and that we simply have differing opinions on things.
That being said it's very well written, is emotive, thought provoking and I found myself finishing it in just 2 days. It pulls you in.
The cover of this book is absolutely brilliant too by Envelope Books.
Thank you for my copy