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The Intimacy Deficit: Fully Enjoying God, Yourself, Others and Creation
The biggest problem facing humanity is a lack of intimacy - the relational intimacy we were created to need and enjoy in the very beginning. This intimacy can be best understood as an experience of oneness with our Creator God, with ourselves, with others, and with God's creation.
Life is often unhappy and frustrating because we lack this true intimacy in one (or more) of these 4 key contexts, and then go searching for it in wrong relationships and places where it was not meant to be found. Among many other things, our culture's religious consumerism, identity politics, porn addiction and mental health crisis can be traced back to the intimacy deficit we are all experiencing in different ways today.
Wired for Intimacy
1 The intimacy deficit
2 Intimacy defined
With God
3 Intimacy with God
4 Through biblical meditation
5 Through biblical prayer
With ourselves
6 Intimacy with ourselves
7 Through rejoicing
8 Through repentance
With others
9 Intimacy with others
10 Through spiritual friendship
11 Through spiritual parenting
With creation
12 Intimacy with creation
13 Through work
14 Through play
Living with intimacy
15 The intimacy quadrant
Appendix 1 The intimacy quadrant and pornography
Appendix 2 The intimacy quadrant and anxiety
Life is often unhappy and frustrating because we lack this true intimacy in one (or more) of these 4 key contexts, and then go searching for it in wrong relationships and places where it was not meant to be found. Among many other things, our culture's religious consumerism, identity politics, porn addiction and mental health crisis can be traced back to the intimacy deficit we are all experiencing in different ways today.
Wired for Intimacy
1 The intimacy deficit
2 Intimacy defined
With God
3 Intimacy with God
4 Through biblical meditation
5 Through biblical prayer
With ourselves
6 Intimacy with ourselves
7 Through rejoicing
8 Through repentance
With others
9 Intimacy with others
10 Through spiritual friendship
11 Through spiritual parenting
With creation
12 Intimacy with creation
13 Through work
14 Through play
Living with intimacy
15 The intimacy quadrant
Appendix 1 The intimacy quadrant and pornography
Appendix 2 The intimacy quadrant and anxiety
192 pages, Paperback
Published July 22, 2025
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Displaying 1 of 1 review
February 25, 2026
A lot of people (including me) struggle with relationships and intimacy, so this book is all about the different ways that you can be intimate, in a non-sexual way, with friends and God.
I found the book quite detailed, and there were a lot of concepts that I might have not thought of before. The book mentions Psalms that were written out of anger (I wonder if this refers to some of the ones from when King David was on the run from Saul). The book also paints the common image of Jesus and the church having the "ultimate marriage" in the future, and also the image of talking to God at the end of the day being like a typical married couple before going to sleep.
I liked how this book set out how to seek this intimacy with Jesus, as the author cites his own experience of Jesus, including how a relationship with Him helped during the difficult days of lockdown. There were also some good comments on male relationships, and the difficulty men have in particular with opening up, mostly because of typical ideas of masculinity that are ultimately unhelpful. One of my favourite comments was a reference to another author who jokingly pointed out that Jesus just having twelve close friends in his mid-thirties was a miracle.
I also liked the frequent references to other sources, with CS Lewis mentioned a lot; for example, he is referred to as having stated that when "Our Father" is said in the Lord's Prayer, it represents "dressing up as Christ", but in a non-blasphemous way. I also liked the fact that the author did not condone being self-deprecating, and set out how there is no problem with enjoying God's creation, both of which are things that I get the impression some Christians might have difficulty with.
The book made some good comments about how we spend our time; it wasn't the first Christian book that I'd read that made reference to screen addiction, and it also made a good point about how if you try to keep too many friendships going through constant catch-ups, you will never be able to turn them into anything more than just superficial.
Overall, in an age when mental health has become more important, this book felt like a good reminder of how we can safeguard our own wellbeing, by seeking a relationship with our Creator, who will be with us "until the very end of the age".
I found the book quite detailed, and there were a lot of concepts that I might have not thought of before. The book mentions Psalms that were written out of anger (I wonder if this refers to some of the ones from when King David was on the run from Saul). The book also paints the common image of Jesus and the church having the "ultimate marriage" in the future, and also the image of talking to God at the end of the day being like a typical married couple before going to sleep.
I liked how this book set out how to seek this intimacy with Jesus, as the author cites his own experience of Jesus, including how a relationship with Him helped during the difficult days of lockdown. There were also some good comments on male relationships, and the difficulty men have in particular with opening up, mostly because of typical ideas of masculinity that are ultimately unhelpful. One of my favourite comments was a reference to another author who jokingly pointed out that Jesus just having twelve close friends in his mid-thirties was a miracle.
I also liked the frequent references to other sources, with CS Lewis mentioned a lot; for example, he is referred to as having stated that when "Our Father" is said in the Lord's Prayer, it represents "dressing up as Christ", but in a non-blasphemous way. I also liked the fact that the author did not condone being self-deprecating, and set out how there is no problem with enjoying God's creation, both of which are things that I get the impression some Christians might have difficulty with.
The book made some good comments about how we spend our time; it wasn't the first Christian book that I'd read that made reference to screen addiction, and it also made a good point about how if you try to keep too many friendships going through constant catch-ups, you will never be able to turn them into anything more than just superficial.
Overall, in an age when mental health has become more important, this book felt like a good reminder of how we can safeguard our own wellbeing, by seeking a relationship with our Creator, who will be with us "until the very end of the age".
Displaying 1 of 1 review