7 Stages of Marriage: Laughter, Intimacy and Passion Today, Tomorrow, Forever

by Sari Harrar, Rita DeMaria

Draws on the advice of top marriage experts as well as a survey of more than one thousand couples to trace the evolution of a marriage and offer advice on how to keep a relationship fulfilling and healthy in the face of such challenges as child care, aging parents, and individual interests, in a guide that is complemented by self-check quizzes and easy exercises.

Genres: Relationships

352 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2006

Reviews

[Samantha · Rating 4 out of 5]

While there are some clear criticisms of this book - first, it's very heavy on 'marriage' when really the '7 stages of marriage' could just be called 'the 7 stages of committed relationships.' There's also no mention of same-sex couples, however if you're willing to overlook these annoyances there's a lot of great information about relationships here.

Written by a psychologist who has extensive experience in couples counselling, she began to notice specific patterns or 'stages' occurring in committed relationships. The first 2-4 years is on average 'the passion stage' or 'the honeymoon period' - a chemical cocktail in our brains when we fall in love that some argue is as powerful as a hit of cocaine. However, she insists that this chemical hit will always wear off. For many couple it comes as a shock and feels similar to coming down off a drug high - leaving you flat and suddenly noticing things about your partner you didn't realise before, the things you disagree on, opposing opinions on politics, minor habits that annoy you etc.

At this point it's natural to think 'maybe I didn't choose the right person.' The good news is that according to Harrar this is completely normal - and worth pushing and working past because the rewards of getting through each stage of commitment until 'Completion Stage' is worth it for the vast majority of couples. She even argues getting past the passion stage come-down allows you to build a relationship that's deeper and more meaningful than sex and hormones.

Each stage comes with quizzes, exercises and suggestions for navigating the challenges of each stage - from newlywed bliss to raising a family to suffering 'explosion stages' of job losses, illnesses and death.

There were a few pieces of advice I wouldn't take on board for myself, but that is surely going to be the case with any advice-centred book. Having said that I would recommend it to any of my friends in committed relationships and will be definitely diving in and out of it as my partner and I go through life together.

[Mindy Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is great at helping me feel like our mariage is normal, rough patches and all. That alone is very reassuring! But then it also helps me see where the problems we're currently going through are coming from (what stage we're in) and then clarifies what qualities tend to be most helpful for couples going through those stages. Ex: In the cooperation stage, the book is helping us see how important it is to prioritize teamwork and clear plans/expectations and to really be there to help each other out. This is something we can do better at, so we're finding our own ways to prioritize our partnership and support each other with housework, life decisions, and the other things the book is helping us see that we're dealing with. It really just helps you define where you are so you can know which issues to focus on. It's been a big, reassuring help to me!

[Dan Lawton · Rating 3 out of 5]

I get these steps (the ones appropriate to my life so far, anyway) and I completely agree with them. The problem is making someone else realize them too (a spouse, for example). I found myself underlining certain parts as they were exactly what's going on in my (spouse's) life. It hit close to home in many respects, but like a pattern I keep finding in these self-help marriage and relationship guides, not many solutions are offered. So it's great that these situations aren't unique and have happened to many other relationships over the years, but I still don't know how to fix it. God seems to be the go to solution in these books, but how about an alternative, please? I'm not alone, cute, but I don't care so much about that. I really need solutions.

[Keeley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very excellent read. Some really great points and ideas about making your relationship better. I had to read this for school.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great book to help every couple in every stage of marriage