NOW is infinite.
The mind is our greatest ally and also our greatest deceiver.
The retreat rhythms here have become a way of life. A few weeks ago, I felt awed by the majesty of nature. I could hardly take a step without being overwhelmed by an explosion of sensations. Now I am undergoing a different experience - there is no separation between “me” and “not-me”, between subject and object. Therefore no “me” exists to be overwhelmed by something outside of myself. This body walking is the same as the butterfly fluttering, the beetle ambling, the snake slithering, the wind moving. This body breathing feels like sunrise and sunset, bird wings flapping, sounds rising and falling.
We give names to these experiences in order to communicate. But the experiences are not these names, no do ideas contain them. They are experiences that come and go. But the feelings within is a constant “at oneness”, nothing separate, nothing to ponder, everything in its place, as it should be, just right, perfect.
To say that this is the most complete peace is an understatement. This is far beyond peace, harmony, balance, love - it is unspeakable. This experience transcends anything I could have imagined and is so overwhelming nothing could replace it. Not all the power, money, sex, or fame - nothing, including the threat of death, is bigger than this. But I am not giving an accurate picture if I dwell on these sublime feelings. Just yesterday, I had many strenuous meditations. I spun out of control and at one point I wanted to get up and walk out of the room. It was painful. Fantasies poured over each other in a cascade of imagine; everything seemed to be going wrong. I felt that all of my life had been wasted. At this moment life is glorious, but I know that alter today, tomorrow, or the day after I could drop into another morass.
Peace beyond comprehension following hell realms of my own making. It was unpleasant yesterday, but now that seems so distant, so irrelevant. I feel energy gathering for the next sit. I hear an almost imperceptible footstep in the hallway. Subtle lights and shadows playing against my window reflect human movement on the lawn. Soon the distant sound of the bell will announce another period of sitting. I have given up counting the days. It matters not. I am so thankful for the peace, the peace, the sublime peace.
When we begin to pay attention, we detect patterns in what appeared to be scattered thoughts. We begin to see that many of the thoughts are nothing more than old rags wrapped around a basic ambition that finds expression through fantasies. The fantasies seem quite real while they last.