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What to Do When He Says, I Don’t Love You Anymore: An Action Plan to Regain Confidence, Power and Control
Discarding popular Christian advice to use romance and sweetness to draw a wandering spouse back into a marriage, Dr. David Clarke lays out a tough-love action plan for abused and betrayed spouses to rebuild their marriages through proven steps that will restore self-confidence one step at a time.
"I don't love you anymore." These simple words have the power to send the listener into shock, denial, and desperation. The obvious response is to ask oneself, "What can I do to win my partner back?" In this classic book, Christian psychologist Dr. David Clarke provides just the battle plan needed.
Contrary to what many relationship "experts" recommend—weak, passive plans that involve begging or romancing a spouse back—Clarke offers an approach that he calls guerilla love, which essentially turns the tables on the wandering spouse.
Drawing healthy boundaries and restoring your self-esteemFive things your spouse really means when saying, "I don't love you anymore"The most popular "exit lies" and how to see through themClassic symptoms of a person who is having an affairLearning when it’s time to walk awayThis book will remind you that you are worthy of love, that you are not a doormat, and that you are a prize. Dr. Clarke will empower and equip you to make the best and most God-honoring attempt at saving your marriage.
"I don't love you anymore." These simple words have the power to send the listener into shock, denial, and desperation. The obvious response is to ask oneself, "What can I do to win my partner back?" In this classic book, Christian psychologist Dr. David Clarke provides just the battle plan needed.
Contrary to what many relationship "experts" recommend—weak, passive plans that involve begging or romancing a spouse back—Clarke offers an approach that he calls guerilla love, which essentially turns the tables on the wandering spouse.
Drawing healthy boundaries and restoring your self-esteemFive things your spouse really means when saying, "I don't love you anymore"The most popular "exit lies" and how to see through themClassic symptoms of a person who is having an affairLearning when it’s time to walk awayThis book will remind you that you are worthy of love, that you are not a doormat, and that you are a prize. Dr. Clarke will empower and equip you to make the best and most God-honoring attempt at saving your marriage.
- GenresMarriage
226 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 1, 2002
82 people are currently reading
114 people want to read
About the author
David Clarke
5 books1 followerLibrarian Note: There is more than one author by this name in the Goodreads database.
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
May 8, 2017
Wow. This one took me by surprise.
It masquarades as a book of Biblical insight on perhaps one of the most sad, difficult, and troubling situations in marriage, and instead of providing Biblical guidance, it simply fuels anger, deceit, control, and division in an already volitile relationship.
In addition to repeatedly steamrolling over what could well be the healing salve of Biblical advice gleaned from the pastors of the very folks seeking help, the author replaces whatever guidance he imagines they provide and replaces it with his own recipe for division and heartbreak.
Although the author weaves in Scripture repeatedly to make his insight appear Biblical, his counsel appears more in line with the desires of our adversary than of our Savior, Who desires healing, restoration, forgiveness, and a giving-up-of-self for another.
If you are in a difficult situation and are looking for fuel to feed your anger and to justify a split, then perhaps you will enjoy this book.
However, if you want to heal your marriage, and are willing to follow the model of our Lord Jesus Christ, then leave this one on the bookshelf and try another (A couple recommendations are listed below).
Although it does not deal precisely with the topic of the title of this book, "You and Me Forever", by Francis and Lisa Chan, provides a fresh and Biblical perspective on marriage, and I found their insights both Biblical (I was actually amazed at the beauty of a number of their insights) and encouraging.
Another great one with a Biblical perspective and excellent insight is "Playing Hurt" by Brian Goins. Although this one is written to men specifically (and I am only 38% finished with it), the insight it provides is applicable to women as well as men (although the style and examples are clearly aimed at men who love sports).
If you are reading a book like this one, then my heart goes out to you, for you are probably already in a very desperate, broken place. Yet my prayer is that you will find a better book with Biblical insight that can help you to heal and reconnect with the one who has wounded you.
It masquarades as a book of Biblical insight on perhaps one of the most sad, difficult, and troubling situations in marriage, and instead of providing Biblical guidance, it simply fuels anger, deceit, control, and division in an already volitile relationship.
In addition to repeatedly steamrolling over what could well be the healing salve of Biblical advice gleaned from the pastors of the very folks seeking help, the author replaces whatever guidance he imagines they provide and replaces it with his own recipe for division and heartbreak.
Although the author weaves in Scripture repeatedly to make his insight appear Biblical, his counsel appears more in line with the desires of our adversary than of our Savior, Who desires healing, restoration, forgiveness, and a giving-up-of-self for another.
If you are in a difficult situation and are looking for fuel to feed your anger and to justify a split, then perhaps you will enjoy this book.
However, if you want to heal your marriage, and are willing to follow the model of our Lord Jesus Christ, then leave this one on the bookshelf and try another (A couple recommendations are listed below).
Although it does not deal precisely with the topic of the title of this book, "You and Me Forever", by Francis and Lisa Chan, provides a fresh and Biblical perspective on marriage, and I found their insights both Biblical (I was actually amazed at the beauty of a number of their insights) and encouraging.
Another great one with a Biblical perspective and excellent insight is "Playing Hurt" by Brian Goins. Although this one is written to men specifically (and I am only 38% finished with it), the insight it provides is applicable to women as well as men (although the style and examples are clearly aimed at men who love sports).
If you are reading a book like this one, then my heart goes out to you, for you are probably already in a very desperate, broken place. Yet my prayer is that you will find a better book with Biblical insight that can help you to heal and reconnect with the one who has wounded you.
January 30, 2020
A no BS guide to working on a relationship. The title is a bit misleading, but you'll figure that out in the first chapter.
February 28, 2018
Tough love and anger for what it really is.. SIN
When you have nothing to lose, this shows you, biblically, how to win your husband back to the Lord. If your spouse is not willing to do the work, then you have your answer.
When you have nothing to lose, this shows you, biblically, how to win your husband back to the Lord. If your spouse is not willing to do the work, then you have your answer.
March 6, 2024
Absolutely amazing book.
It has so many good points. So many ways to approach difficult situations. Would recommend to anyone that have a spouse who is not treating you with the respect that you deserve.
It has so many good points. So many ways to approach difficult situations. Would recommend to anyone that have a spouse who is not treating you with the respect that you deserve.
December 2, 2019
I didn’t read the whole book and I’m really not sure what to make of it. It might be good for someone whose spouse is cheating, but not sure it applies to every situation.
November 11, 2014
This is a Christian book. I am not a Christian. That said, it is an excellent book to read if you find out your husband is having an affair! EXCELLENT!
David Clarke has a no holds barred, practical, realistic, and effective method for getting a marriage back on track--if it is possible.
Turns out I did many of the things he mentioned, but to no avail. Husband said we should divorce and there was no one else. When I found out about the affair (with his best friend's wife!) several weeks later, I never talked to him again and his stuff was all moved to the garage, and the locks changed. By then he was living with his mistress, so it didn't really matter, but i am sure i surprised him with the strength of my reaction. I actually wasn't trying to get him back because once I realized what kind of person he was, there was NO WAY I wanted him back!
Still don't understand how he could be so cruel to do this to another person, especially his wife, AND his best friend! And for this woman, my friend, to do this to me, is beyond any cruelty I can imagine. They are truly suited for each other, and I deserve much better!
David Clarke has a no holds barred, practical, realistic, and effective method for getting a marriage back on track--if it is possible.
Turns out I did many of the things he mentioned, but to no avail. Husband said we should divorce and there was no one else. When I found out about the affair (with his best friend's wife!) several weeks later, I never talked to him again and his stuff was all moved to the garage, and the locks changed. By then he was living with his mistress, so it didn't really matter, but i am sure i surprised him with the strength of my reaction. I actually wasn't trying to get him back because once I realized what kind of person he was, there was NO WAY I wanted him back!
Still don't understand how he could be so cruel to do this to another person, especially his wife, AND his best friend! And for this woman, my friend, to do this to me, is beyond any cruelty I can imagine. They are truly suited for each other, and I deserve much better!
April 14, 2020
I really like the content in this book. It gives very precise clear instructions on what to do in certain situations. However that being said.. I felt a lot of negativity behind the words. Almost a crucify the guilty attitude. Where the Lord distinctly says that justice is His.. we are to love our "enemies" and pray for them. Being the one trapped in sin.. while we step back and wisely act as the bible teaches. It was almost as if he was name calling... my thoughts.
I've just finished reading the book a 2nd time through. I'm in a hard place and the shunning phase is clearly not working. I need to face the reality that he clearly does not love me... I've done everything I could to save something dead; after 3 very long years of perseverance it's time to move on. It was good to re-read and clearly see into my situation what was happening behind the scenes. It has not been easy to make the decision to grow up out of something that has held me bound and oppressed for so long.
I've just finished reading the book a 2nd time through. I'm in a hard place and the shunning phase is clearly not working. I need to face the reality that he clearly does not love me... I've done everything I could to save something dead; after 3 very long years of perseverance it's time to move on. It was good to re-read and clearly see into my situation what was happening behind the scenes. It has not been easy to make the decision to grow up out of something that has held me bound and oppressed for so long.
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews