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Not Your Mother's Divorce: A Practical, Girlfriend-to-Girlfriend Guide to Surviving the End of a Young Marriage
No matter what your age, divorce is one of life’s greatest challenges. But while your parents, friends, and lawyers may be chock-full of advice, the truth is that young women who divorce today face a brand-new set of issues and possibilities far removed from those of women a generation before. If you’re looking for a fresh, empowering, and thoroughly modern guide to starting this new chapter of your life, Not Your Mother’s Divorce offers the ultimate roadmap—from wading through legal jargon to getting back into society—as told by your best girlfriends who’ve been there. Based on the experiences of more than thirty women who divorced in their twenties and thirties without children, Not Your Mother’s Divorce offers camaraderie and practical counsel the news to family and friendsCoping with sudden singledom—from living arrangements to changing your nameProtecting yourself financially and dividing your assetsLegalese 101—making the legal process work for youReentering the dating sceneHow to handle encounters with your exWarm and insightful, Not Your Mother’s Divorce gives you the tools to find your way through this difficult time—and emerge a stronger, wiser, happier you.From the Trade Paperback edition.
272 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 30, 2003
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17 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
August 12, 2009
Not Your Mother's Divorce, aka NYMD, was a very helpful and empowering book for me.
It dispelled the following myths:
Because this is your choice, you don't have the right to feel bad about it
Because you're making other people unhappy, you don't have the right to feel happy yourself
Useful things I learned:
I am going through a grieving process, just like with any other loss. It is absolutely normal and completely common for me to be having huge mood swings, and to cycle through anger, denial, depression, euphoria, guilt, and more - even several times a day.
Lots and lots of people have gone through exactly what I'm going through.
Whatever emotion I happen to be having is 100% normal and acceptable.
Some of the things I highlighted:
You have two-thirds of your life to live, a whole wide world in front of you and a chance to focus on your own well-being and sanity
Your soul is undergoing an earthquake - it won't last forever
Emoting is healthy and letting yourself grieve will help you heal faster and more thoroughly in the long run
Build a sturdy support system of people you can call anytime of the day or night
Focus on the people whose company really helps you, reassures you, and cheers you up
Don't let other people get to you
Make a list of things you don't miss
Physical separation can lead to a new sense of your own strength, wisdom, and capacity for happiness
Think about what you want to do differently now that you can indulge your own preferences entirely
You may find it really liberating to let go of all of your things and become a minimalist
Financial separation from your husband is crucial - the sooner the better
What you're doing takes immense courage and endurance. No matter what the particulars of your situation, you are not a bad person for getting divorced
Come up with a brief canned statement to explain to the rest of the world (ie, not close friends/family)
Things I didn't quite agree with:
This book is heavily into the retail therapy, and hardly a page goes by without a reference to spending money on pampering yourself. While I agree that this can really make you feel better in the short run, especially if you're spending money on stuff you weren't able to do with your spouse, spending money on myself when I'm essentially unemployed would not make me feel any better in the long run. It would make me feel worse: dependent on my credit card, unable to do anything right.
Major fave:
Be phenomenally accepting of yourself. You have never gone through this before; it's a huge deal, you're in entirely uncharted territory, and you're bound to act strange some of the time. Learn the critical importance of forgiving and having deep and abiding compassion for yourself.
Lots of very practical advice, although since it was written in the States I skipped the whole chapter on the legal aspects of property division, etc. (as I'm Canadian). Also very good emotional support and validation. Like any good girlfriend's guide should, it made me feel a lot less alone. Which is pretty useful these days.
It dispelled the following myths:
Because this is your choice, you don't have the right to feel bad about it
Because you're making other people unhappy, you don't have the right to feel happy yourself
Useful things I learned:
I am going through a grieving process, just like with any other loss. It is absolutely normal and completely common for me to be having huge mood swings, and to cycle through anger, denial, depression, euphoria, guilt, and more - even several times a day.
Lots and lots of people have gone through exactly what I'm going through.
Whatever emotion I happen to be having is 100% normal and acceptable.
Some of the things I highlighted:
You have two-thirds of your life to live, a whole wide world in front of you and a chance to focus on your own well-being and sanity
Your soul is undergoing an earthquake - it won't last forever
Emoting is healthy and letting yourself grieve will help you heal faster and more thoroughly in the long run
Build a sturdy support system of people you can call anytime of the day or night
Focus on the people whose company really helps you, reassures you, and cheers you up
Don't let other people get to you
Make a list of things you don't miss
Physical separation can lead to a new sense of your own strength, wisdom, and capacity for happiness
Think about what you want to do differently now that you can indulge your own preferences entirely
You may find it really liberating to let go of all of your things and become a minimalist
Financial separation from your husband is crucial - the sooner the better
What you're doing takes immense courage and endurance. No matter what the particulars of your situation, you are not a bad person for getting divorced
Come up with a brief canned statement to explain to the rest of the world (ie, not close friends/family)
Things I didn't quite agree with:
This book is heavily into the retail therapy, and hardly a page goes by without a reference to spending money on pampering yourself. While I agree that this can really make you feel better in the short run, especially if you're spending money on stuff you weren't able to do with your spouse, spending money on myself when I'm essentially unemployed would not make me feel any better in the long run. It would make me feel worse: dependent on my credit card, unable to do anything right.
Major fave:
Be phenomenally accepting of yourself. You have never gone through this before; it's a huge deal, you're in entirely uncharted territory, and you're bound to act strange some of the time. Learn the critical importance of forgiving and having deep and abiding compassion for yourself.
Lots of very practical advice, although since it was written in the States I skipped the whole chapter on the legal aspects of property division, etc. (as I'm Canadian). Also very good emotional support and validation. Like any good girlfriend's guide should, it made me feel a lot less alone. Which is pretty useful these days.
August 11, 2008
Very helpful book for a twenty something going through divorce. Almost like a friend talking to you more than it is a "self-help" book. It doesn't really place blame on anyone, it more or less helps you understand that what you are feeling is completely normal.
June 6, 2010
Insightful and honest. I really felt comforted reading this. So many great thoughts, ideas, and empathic advice throughout. What I learned was that I'm not alone in my strange and random range of emotions and that when I come out the other end of the tunnel, I remain myself, but a better version of myself. The version of myself that knows better, lives fuller, and loves deeper because those are the things that life experience rewards me with. In some way, I have to thank my soon-to-be-ex-husband for showing me what life IS NOT about. And, I've come away knowing what I want and deserve in a life partner (whether i remarry or just re-partner).
So, thanks M. You've been instrumental in my emotional and mental growth.
This book is highly recommended for ladies coming out of their starter marriages...i.e., married for 5 years or less, no kids (although there's still good advice for women with kids, there are no specific chapters dealing with divorce and children), and in their 20's-30's.
So, thanks M. You've been instrumental in my emotional and mental growth.
This book is highly recommended for ladies coming out of their starter marriages...i.e., married for 5 years or less, no kids (although there's still good advice for women with kids, there are no specific chapters dealing with divorce and children), and in their 20's-30's.
October 23, 2008
A lot of the divorce books I browsed through had topics on things that don't really pertain to me and my situation. This one really did touch on most things I am feeling and going through - kind of how a girlfriend in a book would talk about. Good for those going through a divorce.
June 20, 2012
Married people should read these.
People who wil marry one day should read these.
People who live together and love each other should read these.
People who are planning to live together should read these.
Mothers should read these.
Mother´s in law should read these.
People who wil marry one day should read these.
People who live together and love each other should read these.
People who are planning to live together should read these.
Mothers should read these.
Mother´s in law should read these.
January 28, 2013
Straightforward advice tailored to my particular demographic, easy-to-read chapters, provides lots of validation for emotional and social craziness of getting unhitched.
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews