Reflections: Auschwitz, Memory, and a Life Recreated

by Agi Rubin

Reflections is a book of memories, but it is equally a book about memory. Speaking of herself as well as other Holocaust survivors, Agi Rubin We survivors are a bundle of contradictions. We push away the past, and we are constantly drawn back to it. When we are here, we are also there. And when we are there, we are also here. “Survivors,” Agi tells us, “are jugglers. Life goes on, death goes on, and survivors themselves go on—somewhere in between.” What is it like to live within such contradictions? While most survivor memoirs end at liberation, Reflections follows the fate of Holocaust memories over the course of an entire life. Agi describes in detail her initial awakening and the journey home, being a young survivor in the giddy limbo of postwar Europe, recreating lives and families in the United States, responding to the unanticipated surge of interest in the Holocaust in recent years. Throughout, the inner dialogue with memory deepens. “New experiences reflect old ones,” says Agi. “They put them in a different light, or a different darkness.” These reflections are the story this book tells about Auschwitz, memory, and a life recreated.

196 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 2006

Reviews

[Edward Janes · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Reflections: Auschwitz, Memory and a Life Recreated" (2006, 218 pages) by Agi Rubin and Henry Greenspan.

Agi Rubin was born in Monkacz, Czechoslovakia and, along with her family, was deported to Auschwitz in 1944 where her mother and brother were murdered upon arrival. In January, 1945 Rubin was death marched to Germany where she would later be liberated by Russian forces; she was 15 years old. Later she would emigrate to the USA settling in the Detroit area where Rubin married and raised her family.

Reflections "Emerges from a continuing [25 year] conversation between memory and an unfolding present" (page xviii) and results from the collaborative efforts of Rubin and psychologist and Holocaust scholar Henry Greenspan.

The book is divided up into many short chapters, most just a couple pages long; a few, four or five pages. Initially this reader missed the impact of these short passages; soon enough it became clear the engrossing nature of the work. Powerful, compact and crisp, one well constructed and compelling memory after another draws the reader into this absorbing memoir. Agi writes that "memory is born in conversation"; using her diary reflections and years of continuous study with Dr. Greenspan, memories are drawn out that "are too painful to be borne alone"; and the reader is seemingly presented with the memories as Agi recalled them.

One of the more astonishing reveals we learn is that a photograph of Rubin was found to exist in The Auschwitz Album; about this photograph Rubin wrote, it "Didn't bring back any memories.... It led nowhere. It was less like looking in a mirror than looking through a mirror--to some dark shadow land on the other side, where I am looking back. This is not surprising. Photos are the outsider's way of remembering Auschwitz, but they are not ours. From the inside, we remember smells--the stench of the camp, the odor of unwashed flesh, the odor of burning flesh. And sounds--screaming, beatings, pleading, the whistle of a whip or of a train. We remember the feelings of exhaustion and hunger and helplessness and cold. And the feeling of having no feeling. But seeing, if we let ourselves see at all, was done mostly through averted eyes. Our memories of Auschwitz do not have the objectivity of photographs. We were rarely so shameless or bold." (Page 4).

Maybe photographs are not "objective" but rather imperfect tools of representation. Reflections, I believe, helps bridge the reader to greater understanding and clearer representation of what happened at Auschwitz-Birkenau. A moving and powerful piece.

[Chase · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read very few stories about the Holocaust. Mainly because it's a very strong topic to learn about. This story might be the most powerful I've read. The way Agi talks about the nightmares is very interesting because it's almost like she is living in the past, present and future all at the same time. The description of her memories lurking in the shadows waiting to pounce is haunting and tragic, but it also shows how strong the human spirit is and how connections with other people are so important.

This book has literally changed the way I think about small inconveniences in life. It was a quick read and I recommend this book to anyone with an interest in learning how this event has shaped the survivors after they endured it.

[Alesha · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is much to be said but there are no right words. It is a memoir. She is a teen when she goes to Auschwitz. It a journey of memories that stand out to her after liberation. How she finds family, lives and eventually has a family of her own. It’s a powerful read.

[Cindi Sawtell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reflections shows how people compartmentalize the horror that has happened in their lives, and what strength that takes to move forward

[Jerm W · Rating 5 out of 5]

My grandmother wrote this book. It’s wonderful to see the direct experience that led to my existence. Although I’m biased, the triumph of this story is so moving and beautifully written. Often times, chapters will begin with a poetic charm and end with a equally thoughtful resolution or lesson.

[Verity Johnston · Rating 5 out of 5]

An exceptional read and totally gripping. What an inspirational woman.

[Joel Ungar · Rating 5 out of 5]

Agi Rubin sits at the other end of my row at my synagogue. I knew she was a Holocaust survivor, but I did not know her stories. Very touching and honest.