A fragile hold: Living with multiple sclerosis and other uncertainties

by Ruth Cotton

When Ruth Cotton walked out of her neurologist’s office in 1997 with a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis, her life changed irrevocably. At the peak of her career and with three children still at home, all she could think of were the uncertainties – especially whether she’d become wheelchair-bound. But Ruth continued her full, active life and it wasn’t until her retirement that multiple sclerosis exacted its greatest toll – slowly taking her balance and mobility. In 2020, as the COVID-19 pandemic confined Ruth indoors, news came that her husband’s cancer – melanoma, diagnosed years before – was accelerating. Overwhelmed by a sense of life’s fragility, Ruth turned to writing to make sense of it all. As she gives close attention to her immediate environment, a more mindful way of being and thinking unfolds. A Fragile Hold reveals with warmth and unflinching honesty the daily, intimate scenes of a life with multiple sclerosis.

326 pages, Paperback

Published March 15, 2023

About the author

I grew up on a sheep and cattle property in the north-west of New South Wales, Australia. After qualifying as a secondary school teacher at the University of New England in Armidale, I set off to explore my interest in other cultures. This led me to work in Fiji and, later, Malaysia. Back in Australia, I’ve enjoyed a varied and challenging career, mainly in health services management. Since retiring, I’ve blogged and written on the local history of my suburb, my family’s history and daily life with multiple sclerosis.
I was diagnosed with this incurable autoimmune disease in 1997, at the peak of my career and with three children still at home. My latest book, A fragile hold: Living with multiple sclerosis and other uncertainties is the first time I have written about living with chronic disease and its impact on my life.
In all, I’ve written five books, including the popular local history series Hidden Hamilton: Uncovering stories of Hamilton, NSW (2014) and More Hidden Hamilton: Further stories of people, place and community (2016).
I live with my husband in Newcastle, New South Wales, Australia.

Reviews

[Debbie Robson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ruth Cotton’s memoir opens with these lines: “Once, I was strong. A young woman, who rode horses, mustered sheep, and competed in show jumping. Carried her toddlers with ease, helped set up the tent on camping holidays. That’s physical strength. I’ve always had the mental kind — an inner confidence and sureness that seemed convincing, from the outside. It is with me today, softened by life.”
By the time I finished the short prologue I was in tears. How do people cope in such a situation, when life delivers a particularly harsh blow? In A Fragile Hold Cotton examines mainly the most recent two years of her life when she keeps a blog on living with MS and her husband’s malignant stage 4 melanoma. The memoir also chronicles how Covid 19 has affected their lives and those around them.
In 10 chapters, each containing short essays, Ruth details the challenges she faces, starting with the onset of Covid 19, her inability to initially write more than one micro essay, and then her decision to start a private blog to share with a few invited friends. “I couldn’t control the outcomes of my life, but I could influence them. This, I believed, was the way I would rediscover joy.”
In her disarmingly astute and level-headed way the author examines not just the challenges she faces regularly as a person with MS but her search for positivity and open-mindedness about life in the 2020s. She discusses the medication she has had over the years, her specialist’s stark prognosis for her, how she now gets around in her mobility scooter, the occasional walks with her husband and simple things like the relief of seeing her grandchildren after a long absence.
In other essays Cotton writes about the joy of watching MetOpera’s At Home Gala Concert, her love for her suburb of Hamilton, how she tackles everyday tasks, how she copes when one day, her husband collapses. She reflects on the possibility of losing him:
“Last night, when I ventured from my room and found his in darkness, I knew his was a temporary absence. But that knowing could not disguise what my soul felt with a visceral anguish, that one night I would walk out to this small landing gallery and realise that Ken would not be there, ever, again. My soul needed to be awake last night, needed to allow that knowing to possess it.
Needed to allow itself to feel scared about what lay ahead, needed to call on all its strength, and needed to keep vigil for a while longer.”
There is so much in this memoir that will be a comfort and an aid to those who are coping with a debilitating illness. Cotton’s calm presence and clear thinking will help many who face such challenges. Highly recommended and a privilege to read.

[Alec Lucke · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book Review of A Fragile Hold by Ruth Cotton.

This memoir provides an insightful resume of what it is like to live and cope with multiple sclerosis, ageing and a husband afflicted by melanoma. How to find joy and meaning in life despite everyday fears and challenges is a chief preoccupation. The level of co-operation between Ken and Ruth is admirable as they support one another. Innovative measures and a fierce determination to research and combat the progression of disease is testimony to their resolve as they achieve small victories over adversity.
The book is written in Covid times and records the trials and tribulations of additional complications for those with compromised immune systems.
Ruth’s education, career and her lifetime love of books equips her to quote various authors and snatches of poems that brings the reader welcome relief from their unrelenting stresses. Past experiences and recollections provide balance so that the reader is able to marvel at their courage, hope and optimism.

Signed Alec Lucke