Helping Your Child Overcome Separation Anxiety or School Refusal: A Step-by-Step Guide for Parents

by Andrew R. Eisen, Linda B. Engler PhD, Joshua D. Sparrow MD

Effective Tools for Parents Does your child cling to you whenever you try to leave? Does he or she react strongly to the thought of being left alone? Psychologists call this kind of behavior separation anxiety, and it's usually a normal part of your child's developmental process — one that they outgrow. Sometimes, though, extreme or persistent kinds of separation anxiety can make life difficult for both you and your child. In some cases, separation anxiety issues can lead a child to be reluctant to get ready for school or, worse, to simply refuse to go at all. This behavior, called school refusal, comes with its own set of challenges. This book shows you how to identify when your child's separation anxiety or school refusal is more than just a phase and offers effective tools that you can use to manage your child's anxiety. Real-life stories about other children facing these challenges will help you keep your situation in perspective and remember that, with patience and persistence, your child will overcome his or her anxiety. After reading this book, you will be able to: •Identify your child's unique safety needs
•Empower him or her with simple and effective coping skills
•Guide your child to better sleep, more comfortable alone time, and regular school attendance
•Monitor your progress and tap additional resources as you need them

Genres: Parenting

208 pages, Paperback

First published July 1, 2006

Reviews

[Evie Mcgee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a good helpful read to support/coach parents in managing separation anxiety and school refusal.

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick read, helpful tips

[Jennifer Radtke · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just finished reading this book. At least two of my three girls are affected by Separation Anxiety as I was as a child. (I may still be but I think we have learned to adjust as adults.) This may be why I must carry everything in my purse and never be without it.

The book is packed full of good information. Only it reads as an instruction manual or a government document. I guess I'm just getting used to reading the self-help books that sound like friends talking together.

I found no great insights from this book. The thought that did come from it for me was that I keep reading these books in hopes that I will stumble on the "ah-ha" moment that I did not think of myself yet. So I got to wondering if I am really the good mom I hear people tell me that I am. Maybe I am doing a good job and not letting my girls fall behind the curve. With the imaginative things these girls think up, I don't know why I ever think these thoughts. Maybe I just read enough that I have collected enough knowledge that I do know what I am doing without even knowing it.

This is one of the reasons that I chose to start this blog; to share with the world the things my girls and I do to survive day after day. Like the little reading nook I have created in the playroom. They just spent the last half hour in there looking at and reading books together...nicely.

When it comes to separation anxiety, I make sure that I hug them alot and I hold their hand when out walking. I created a worry stone necklace for the eldest because she needs to hold onto something to feel safe. Since reading this book, I thought that I might need to make and sell these to other moms who are going through the same things that I am.

I started leaving a scrap of paper on her desk and every day I write a new heart on it for her to look at during the day whenever she starts to feel stressed. I walk her to school every day and pick her up every day. We talk about what the day is going to hold and what happened during the day. We discuss how to avoid situations and what she could have done to make the situation better. I talk to her teacher daily about what is going on or what went on the day before. Extremely thankful for the wonderful teachers that she has had so far and how helpful they have been to her.

We take moments out at random to do little things that I know she enjoys and that no one else can be included into. When my hubby was working in Florida (3 weeks out, 1 week home), I started her on journaling her feelings. She couldn't write words yet, so she would write the picture and then tell me how it made her feel and I would write them and tell her what it is that I wrote. That way if she was feeling that way again, she could see the word that explained that feeling, along with the picture.

I will still search and try to figure out the latest issues that these girls are going through. I already started studying for when they hit the teenage years. As I have learned so far, the girl you have at 2 is going to be your teenager. I am in for a doozy of teenage years. It's a good thing I have 10 more years before they are all teens.

[Cherise · Rating 5 out of 5]

When my son was four my husband and I left him for 5 days with some family members so we could go on a cruise with my sister and her husband. It was the first time we had been apart for more than an overnight stay. Needless to say the experience was not a good one for him, and since that time he has been cautious about being apart from us.

No matter how much we reassured him, or tried to comfort and address his insecurities, it seemed the problem gradually got worse instead of better. He would go to Pre-K without much fuss, but spending time with a sitter, or the night with family members began to be more and more of a challenge. He started Kindergarten this year and every morning was a struggle. He’d be crying to stay with me and I would try to ensure his safety and the importance of school, all while struggling with my own tears. It was a horrible way to start the day and by 9am I was completely emotionally drained.

With no clear reason for this down slide and being at my wits end, I sought the advice of a dear friend who happens to be a Psychology Professor. He sent me this book and I have never been more grateful for any gift.

At first I was concerned that the book wasn’t going to help as it didn’t seem to be geared towards my son’s specific issues. He doesn’t fall into any one category; he is more of an inconsistent combination of the case samples they have compiled. But I read the book, highlighted the things that applied to my son and began to work with my husband on getting our life back.

The most helpful thing about this book was getting my husband and me on the same page. His approach to dealing with our son was vastly different from mine, and it turns out neither of us were correct. It has been a long hard road and the book had forewarned us that once we started implementing what we learned it would get worse before it got better, they weren’t kidding. But with the help of this book, and the support of my family and his teacher, we are going on two weeks of not one tear before school. He also spent the night at my moms last weekend without any fight or fuss, without any need for reassurances.

I thought this book was written in a manner that was easy to understand and follow along. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who has a child suffering from school refusal or separation anxiety.

Cherise Everhard, March 2009