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First the Broccoli, Then the Ice Cream: A Parent's Guide to Deliberate Discipline
Don't be misled by the title... this is not a book about how to get your kids to eat their veggies, though it can certainly help with that issue, along with giving you guidance on how to tackle a lot of other behavior problems many parents face every day. Dr. Tim Riley uses common sense, clinical experience and a healthy dose of humor to explain the reasons behind these all too common and often frustrating behaviors and what you as a parent can do about them. Among the many tools presented in this can-do book, parents will
- Four (or maybe five) really useful principles of behavior
- Six simple (but not always easy) steps to more effective discipline and motivation
- What to do when you like what your child is doing, and when you don't
- Specific responses to some of the most common problem behaviors
Proud recipient of the 2011 National Parenting Center Seal of Approval!
- Four (or maybe five) really useful principles of behavior
- Six simple (but not always easy) steps to more effective discipline and motivation
- What to do when you like what your child is doing, and when you don't
- Specific responses to some of the most common problem behaviors
Proud recipient of the 2011 National Parenting Center Seal of Approval!
- GenresParenting
208 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2010
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
January 19, 2011
A very good parenting book. I'd give it 4.5 stars. I liked the realistic but sane and deliberate approach to teaching children.
A couple of ideas that stand out:
* Even if you're doing everything right, your child may not do what you want him to do.
* Discipline works best when the contrast between what you do when the child behaves and when they don't is great. So you work to make the child feel free and privileged when he's behaving and very deprived when he's not. It was a good way to explain why some discipline methods don't work.
* I liked his ideas of writing out the expectations for each child, as well as the rules, followed by the consequences for breaking them. Be deliberate and forthright about what you will be doing and what is expected.
* Riley distinguishes between rules (don't hurt others, follow instructions the first time, etc.) and expectations (chores like finish cleaning room by 7:30 a.m., empty dishwasher before dinner, etc.). He suggests making just a few rules, imposing consequences each time for an infraction of them, and then letting the other things slide.
* Be like gravity. No arguing with the child, simply impose the consequence every time.
* Deal with today's behavior today. Punishments that continue on (like grounding that gets added to again and again) are counterproductive.
* Add an "earn-back" provision after punishments (like picking up the toys if they didn't before, apologizing to someone they hurt, or doing a chore card).
* I thought his idea of job cards was interesting. For older kids, he suggests having a set of cards made up that include jobs that aren't part of the regular routine, such as vacuuming out the car. After a child has completed his minutes of time-out, he is to choose a card at random and when that card is done, he can earn back his privileges.
* It is better to lose all privileges for a short time rather than some privileges for a long time.
A couple of ideas that stand out:
* Even if you're doing everything right, your child may not do what you want him to do.
* Discipline works best when the contrast between what you do when the child behaves and when they don't is great. So you work to make the child feel free and privileged when he's behaving and very deprived when he's not. It was a good way to explain why some discipline methods don't work.
* I liked his ideas of writing out the expectations for each child, as well as the rules, followed by the consequences for breaking them. Be deliberate and forthright about what you will be doing and what is expected.
* Riley distinguishes between rules (don't hurt others, follow instructions the first time, etc.) and expectations (chores like finish cleaning room by 7:30 a.m., empty dishwasher before dinner, etc.). He suggests making just a few rules, imposing consequences each time for an infraction of them, and then letting the other things slide.
* Be like gravity. No arguing with the child, simply impose the consequence every time.
* Deal with today's behavior today. Punishments that continue on (like grounding that gets added to again and again) are counterproductive.
* Add an "earn-back" provision after punishments (like picking up the toys if they didn't before, apologizing to someone they hurt, or doing a chore card).
* I thought his idea of job cards was interesting. For older kids, he suggests having a set of cards made up that include jobs that aren't part of the regular routine, such as vacuuming out the car. After a child has completed his minutes of time-out, he is to choose a card at random and when that card is done, he can earn back his privileges.
* It is better to lose all privileges for a short time rather than some privileges for a long time.
September 16, 2011
This book was an answer to a prayer. There have been some behavioral problems going on at our house for a while and this book has not only reassured me there must be other parents going through the same struggles (or there wouldn't be a book) and how to get a happier home, mom and children. Dr. Riley's approach of deliberate discipline, consequences, and expectations was easy to read and very informative. I loved the suggestions of rewards, when children do what they are suppose to, and his suggestions of punishment, when children don't do what they are suppose to. I also really like how there are suggestions of discipline for teenagers as well as toddlers and every age in between. He gives great examples of what to do and when and a step-by-step guide of different strategies. There's lots of great ideas for positive reinforcement, something that I need to do more of!
As I read, I started to implement some of the different strategies. Behavior is getting better slowly, but I feel as the mom more in control of my emotions and discipline.
As all parenting/advice books, this book might not be for you, but it really helped me in making a plan for deliberate discipline. I would highly recommend it.
As I read, I started to implement some of the different strategies. Behavior is getting better slowly, but I feel as the mom more in control of my emotions and discipline.
As all parenting/advice books, this book might not be for you, but it really helped me in making a plan for deliberate discipline. I would highly recommend it.
March 17, 2011
my daughter is almost 22 months...enough said :) Just getting started but I'm already more thoughtful in my approach to discipline.
I checked this out from the library but I'm actually going to purchase this book to have on-hand to refer to as needed.
Loved It! Highly recommend to parents with children of any age.
I checked this out from the library but I'm actually going to purchase this book to have on-hand to refer to as needed.
Loved It! Highly recommend to parents with children of any age.
June 29, 2011
Reading too much about child rearing can lead some to over obsess. I glean what feels right to me. A lot of Riley's discipline tactics make sense.
"Establish clear, firm, specific and developmentally appropriate expectations and hold the child to them."
"Deliver consequences, not lectures" - I grew up with lots of lectures...in one ear, out the other
"Establish clear, firm, specific and developmentally appropriate expectations and hold the child to them."
"Deliver consequences, not lectures" - I grew up with lots of lectures...in one ear, out the other
July 24, 2011
Very well-written and well-balanced with clear ideas and presentation. So many of these kinds of books can get lost in "to-do" lists and be overwhelming to the point where one gives up before even trying Step 1, but Dr. Riley does an excellent job of communicating ideas and reasoning at a level that parents can relate to without feeling threatened or defeated.
July 28, 2015
Great parenting book! It felt like a users manual and gave good step-by-step instructions for specific situations. I probably won't apply all his methods in my home but I was grateful for many of the ideas and insights.
October 23, 2013
Quick read. Good tips in here from toddler to teen.
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews