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Do It For You: How to Stop People-Pleasing and Find Peace
Imagine living a peaceful life...
One where you move through your days confidently and authentically...
Doing your thing without worrying about how you'll be received...
That's the life I always dreamed was possible, but I had no idea know how to get there. I felt trapped in a constant loop of people-pleasing, toxic relationships and burnout, and simply didn't have the time for my own dreams.
Until my life came crumbling down around me and I had to rebuild it from the ground up.
Do It For You is the collection of all the wisdom gleaned from this process. It will open up new doors to creating your very best life, offering insights, straight talk and practical exercises. This book is an interactive manual meant to empower you to break free from the habit of people-pleasing, remember your worthiness and find true inner peace.
One where you move through your days confidently and authentically...
Doing your thing without worrying about how you'll be received...
That's the life I always dreamed was possible, but I had no idea know how to get there. I felt trapped in a constant loop of people-pleasing, toxic relationships and burnout, and simply didn't have the time for my own dreams.
Until my life came crumbling down around me and I had to rebuild it from the ground up.
Do It For You is the collection of all the wisdom gleaned from this process. It will open up new doors to creating your very best life, offering insights, straight talk and practical exercises. This book is an interactive manual meant to empower you to break free from the habit of people-pleasing, remember your worthiness and find true inner peace.
188 pages, Paperback
Published January 21, 2023
1 person is currently reading
17 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
January 4, 2023
I was very keen to read Do It For You: How to Stop People-Pleasing
and Find Peace. The book didn't let me down! It gave fantastic
insights.
The author had a great knowledge about the topic and she showed
some interesting cases.
So if you like to read about practical psychology and self help, don't
hesitate to chose this fantastic book.
I give with lots of pleasure a 5 star rating for this amazing work!
and Find Peace. The book didn't let me down! It gave fantastic
insights.
The author had a great knowledge about the topic and she showed
some interesting cases.
So if you like to read about practical psychology and self help, don't
hesitate to chose this fantastic book.
I give with lots of pleasure a 5 star rating for this amazing work!
December 8, 2022
Where was this book through my tumultuous "20’s & 30”’s? 😳
Vanessa Ooms "Do it For You" takes aim at a problem common in all of us: the desire to be liked by others.
With heart-connecting, head-nodding shares, Ooms masterfully reflects those bewitching elements that find our way into our daily lives - often erupting, when unchallenged, with paralyzing self-doubt, anxiety, control issues and painful perfectionism.
Breaking these intricate patterns can be challenging, especially if we've taken on these behaviors & self-defeating patterns for a long time.
"Do it for You" provides hope, guiding the reader with course-correction approaches on how to be more assertive & boundaried in the healthiest way possible, with exercises to help set healthy boundaries essential for your well-being.
A must-read. 5/5.
Vanessa Ooms "Do it For You" takes aim at a problem common in all of us: the desire to be liked by others.
With heart-connecting, head-nodding shares, Ooms masterfully reflects those bewitching elements that find our way into our daily lives - often erupting, when unchallenged, with paralyzing self-doubt, anxiety, control issues and painful perfectionism.
Breaking these intricate patterns can be challenging, especially if we've taken on these behaviors & self-defeating patterns for a long time.
"Do it for You" provides hope, guiding the reader with course-correction approaches on how to be more assertive & boundaried in the healthiest way possible, with exercises to help set healthy boundaries essential for your well-being.
A must-read. 5/5.
January 22, 2023
I was guilty of this for years, but managed to overcome it for many of the same reasons the author did. So, why did I read this? Well, I never want to fall into that phase again, and two, because I know people who are guilty of this, and probably need to read this book. But before I recommend a book, I like to read it myself. And yes, I would recommend this book!
Whether you are in this rut or not, it has a lot of good advice on how to live a happy and healthy lifestyle, which is covered in the last chapter. This one was actually my favorite chapter, because I felt it needs to be read by anyone who feels they are missing something in their lives. We hear it all the time, but seem to never take it to heart, but we need to carve out time each day for ourselves. It is not being selfish, it's being smart!
Whether you are in this rut or not, it has a lot of good advice on how to live a happy and healthy lifestyle, which is covered in the last chapter. This one was actually my favorite chapter, because I felt it needs to be read by anyone who feels they are missing something in their lives. We hear it all the time, but seem to never take it to heart, but we need to carve out time each day for ourselves. It is not being selfish, it's being smart!
March 2, 2023
Let's say, just for hypothetical purposes, that a retired teacher continued to tutor dozens of students, write and/or review literally hundreds of books, officiate several different sports daily in all seasons, maintain an active role in the church and choir, participate in sports leagues, and exercise daily. One might say that this person had retired the right way and was maintaining his youth. On the other hand, one might express concern that this person was attempting to do too much, was going out of his way to please an excessive number of groups of people, and was not spending enough time watching out for himself. The first of these alternatives is healthy; the second is not, and is the subject of this book.
In Do it For You, Ms. Ooms describes the difficulties encountered by people pleasers and folks who are addicted to approval, listing among their deficiencies low self-esteem, inability to say no, tendencies to take on too much, fearing rejection, having little to no free time, and habitually apologizing to keep the peace. Ooms suggests that these folks take steps to recognize potentially toxic relationships and behaviors, including possessiveness, manipulation, isolation, sabotage, betrayal and guilt trips. She prescribes auditing friendships, watching out for oneself, and provides 12 tips for how to say "no."
For Vanessa Ooms, this is a "Here's how I became a healthier person" book. The retiree described above is me, and I thank Ms. Ooms for this tutorial on how to ensure that I remain among the first groups I mentioned and avoid joining the second.
In Do it For You, Ms. Ooms describes the difficulties encountered by people pleasers and folks who are addicted to approval, listing among their deficiencies low self-esteem, inability to say no, tendencies to take on too much, fearing rejection, having little to no free time, and habitually apologizing to keep the peace. Ooms suggests that these folks take steps to recognize potentially toxic relationships and behaviors, including possessiveness, manipulation, isolation, sabotage, betrayal and guilt trips. She prescribes auditing friendships, watching out for oneself, and provides 12 tips for how to say "no."
For Vanessa Ooms, this is a "Here's how I became a healthier person" book. The retiree described above is me, and I thank Ms. Ooms for this tutorial on how to ensure that I remain among the first groups I mentioned and avoid joining the second.
December 9, 2022
Great Self-Improvement Writing
In the personal journey of Do It For You, Vanessa Ooms dives bottomless into finding a better path of happiness in the curvy, vertical and horizontal road, called life. Using big research and real-world examples, the author gives the reader an amazing amount of tools to help them uncover all the anxieties that may have crept inside one’s psyche. Vanessa helps the reader by giving them payoffs and alternatives while trying to make the difficult decisions to change for the better.
I really loved the way the author mixed some experts quotes, as well as her personal feelings, her life’s journey, some of the pitfalls–and risings–plus the great website and informational research that was shared in the writings. Vanessa really digs deep from her own life-time adventures and stops to ask the reader questions about what the next step is take in finding one’s place, while putting some examples on how to grow and learn to be a happier person. Some of the examples of breathing and taking a cold shower to jumpstart the internal system helped me, personally, in my quest to improve myself.
On the whole, a great work of self-improvement, self-healing, or just plain soul searching to get to the happy place we all strive for in life. Very well written and great structure leading the reader through different exercises and ideas to strive onto a more enhanced journey of better personal health. I never realized how many ways and exercises a person could use to improve lifestyle before I read her book. There is an approach for anyone that picks up this piece and savors the next day of their lives.
In the personal journey of Do It For You, Vanessa Ooms dives bottomless into finding a better path of happiness in the curvy, vertical and horizontal road, called life. Using big research and real-world examples, the author gives the reader an amazing amount of tools to help them uncover all the anxieties that may have crept inside one’s psyche. Vanessa helps the reader by giving them payoffs and alternatives while trying to make the difficult decisions to change for the better.
I really loved the way the author mixed some experts quotes, as well as her personal feelings, her life’s journey, some of the pitfalls–and risings–plus the great website and informational research that was shared in the writings. Vanessa really digs deep from her own life-time adventures and stops to ask the reader questions about what the next step is take in finding one’s place, while putting some examples on how to grow and learn to be a happier person. Some of the examples of breathing and taking a cold shower to jumpstart the internal system helped me, personally, in my quest to improve myself.
On the whole, a great work of self-improvement, self-healing, or just plain soul searching to get to the happy place we all strive for in life. Very well written and great structure leading the reader through different exercises and ideas to strive onto a more enhanced journey of better personal health. I never realized how many ways and exercises a person could use to improve lifestyle before I read her book. There is an approach for anyone that picks up this piece and savors the next day of their lives.
July 15, 2023
What I loved about this book from the get go was that the author mentioned how the book came into being, slowly over time, putting deeper knowledge as if making their own self absorb this information. Secondly they also mention that it's an interactive manual which quickly piques my interest as I believe, if you are providing with theory, you need to provide some basis to practice it practically as well.
Although I guess it did fall short on that as I feel it could have had more of those at the end of each chapter.
Overall a good read.
Although I guess it did fall short on that as I feel it could have had more of those at the end of each chapter.
Overall a good read.
August 18, 2023
One of the best self-help books I've read in recent times.
This is a complete package of issue, cause and fix
This book is nothing less than the books like "Art of Saying No"
This is a complete package of issue, cause and fix
This book is nothing less than the books like "Art of Saying No"
April 23, 2023
Reclaim Your Life NOW!
Life is not a bed of roses, it often hands out hard knocks. Who hasn't faced rough times? Generally, people get through, but there are times when it feels like the sky crashed on your head! The author here has been to hell and back, she narrates; but finally worked through it all by sheer determination to find her true self, since then she is stubborn never to compromise on herself ever again. Her journey, though difficult, proved to be an extremely rewarding experience. The result is this book, a manual, to help others to recover their true self. Learn to do Life.
Many of us are people pleasers, and that's where it all starts. The more you please others, bit by bit you lose yourself; there are some who exploit you for what you are - such a nice person! At last it all ends in tears. Vanessa gives here an unflinching account of how it all culminated into pushing her to a hopeless state of despair. Many would find her description familiar. The most important message is that it is never too late to get back your life and live on your own terms. What's more, you can work on it yourself. Resources, interactive groups, many more that can guide you are provided
There is plenty collected wisdom from many sources, tried and tested by her, and well researched techniques, which is complied into an easy to adapt guide for all. Anyone can adopt her methods, it is enormously inspirational, just need to devote time for yourself. All the red flags of toxic personalities are explained, how to get out of such situations. Follow the instructions, each step is well explained and learn the best way to tackle troublesome issues. Build your confidence, stand up for yourself, mend your emotional health and wellbeing. Slowly, steadily you will surely recover from whatever hit you.
Great book to help yourself or loved ones. Strongly recommend.
Life is not a bed of roses, it often hands out hard knocks. Who hasn't faced rough times? Generally, people get through, but there are times when it feels like the sky crashed on your head! The author here has been to hell and back, she narrates; but finally worked through it all by sheer determination to find her true self, since then she is stubborn never to compromise on herself ever again. Her journey, though difficult, proved to be an extremely rewarding experience. The result is this book, a manual, to help others to recover their true self. Learn to do Life.
Many of us are people pleasers, and that's where it all starts. The more you please others, bit by bit you lose yourself; there are some who exploit you for what you are - such a nice person! At last it all ends in tears. Vanessa gives here an unflinching account of how it all culminated into pushing her to a hopeless state of despair. Many would find her description familiar. The most important message is that it is never too late to get back your life and live on your own terms. What's more, you can work on it yourself. Resources, interactive groups, many more that can guide you are provided
There is plenty collected wisdom from many sources, tried and tested by her, and well researched techniques, which is complied into an easy to adapt guide for all. Anyone can adopt her methods, it is enormously inspirational, just need to devote time for yourself. All the red flags of toxic personalities are explained, how to get out of such situations. Follow the instructions, each step is well explained and learn the best way to tackle troublesome issues. Build your confidence, stand up for yourself, mend your emotional health and wellbeing. Slowly, steadily you will surely recover from whatever hit you.
Great book to help yourself or loved ones. Strongly recommend.
May 14, 2023
If you missed "Your Erroneous Zones" and "Co-Dependent No More," here is a contemporary summary of what people learned from those books and what made them so popular. It may be too early for another book on this topic to become a huge seller, but the ideas are valuable for some people.
If you read the bestsellers in this field in the 1980s and have had no other trouble with people-pleasing, you don't really need this book. While the author does describe some new groups and techniques people are using to break people-pleasing habits, she does not move beyond the basics of thinking through what individuals want to do and saying no to excessive, burdensome demands from other people. She does not, for example, discuss practical strategies for helping others when and as Melody Beattie said a good friend would help others, in an appropriate, non-co-dependent way, and the difference ought to be obvious. Nor does she discuss any changes we might want to make beyond individually saying no.
So...the writing style is better than used to be standard for psychological self-help books, with minimal jargon from academic literature or twelve-step group slang, and the information is valuable for some people. Others, probably a majority, can afford to skip this book but it deserves to be rated for its potential value to its intended audience.
If you read the bestsellers in this field in the 1980s and have had no other trouble with people-pleasing, you don't really need this book. While the author does describe some new groups and techniques people are using to break people-pleasing habits, she does not move beyond the basics of thinking through what individuals want to do and saying no to excessive, burdensome demands from other people. She does not, for example, discuss practical strategies for helping others when and as Melody Beattie said a good friend would help others, in an appropriate, non-co-dependent way, and the difference ought to be obvious. Nor does she discuss any changes we might want to make beyond individually saying no.
So...the writing style is better than used to be standard for psychological self-help books, with minimal jargon from academic literature or twelve-step group slang, and the information is valuable for some people. Others, probably a majority, can afford to skip this book but it deserves to be rated for its potential value to its intended audience.
February 25, 2023
Trigger warnings for mentions of suicide and alcoholism.
Do It For You is a practical guide on how to stop people pleasing and be happy with yourself and your life. It gives solid definitions and examples that feel personal, but also broad enough to be relatable. Something I particularly enjoyed was how non-judgmental the definitions were. For example, the definition of narcissist often comes with heavy judgment and negative connotation. The author defined narcissism without malice and strived to be fair when discussing it despite experiencing abuse from a narcissist herself. I also appreciated the exercises that varied from recognizing people pleasing to soothing yourself after doing some tough personal work.
One quote that really stood out to me was: "When I voiced my feelings, I was told I was too sensitive. Over time I internalized this voice." This quote shows how the author was able to show her own experiences and still be relatable to her audience. The amount of times I was told I was too sensitive is immense. It was refreshing to find someone who felt similarly to myself.
A wonderful and impactful read. 5/5 stars.
Do It For You is a practical guide on how to stop people pleasing and be happy with yourself and your life. It gives solid definitions and examples that feel personal, but also broad enough to be relatable. Something I particularly enjoyed was how non-judgmental the definitions were. For example, the definition of narcissist often comes with heavy judgment and negative connotation. The author defined narcissism without malice and strived to be fair when discussing it despite experiencing abuse from a narcissist herself. I also appreciated the exercises that varied from recognizing people pleasing to soothing yourself after doing some tough personal work.
One quote that really stood out to me was: "When I voiced my feelings, I was told I was too sensitive. Over time I internalized this voice." This quote shows how the author was able to show her own experiences and still be relatable to her audience. The amount of times I was told I was too sensitive is immense. It was refreshing to find someone who felt similarly to myself.
A wonderful and impactful read. 5/5 stars.
March 12, 2025
As an Intuitive/Psychic Coach of Manifestation and other spiritual healing modalities, I have encountered many, many cases of clients who give their power away and feel miserable in the process. I can only praise Vanessa Ooms for doing such a wonderful job on a very important topic. Surrendering our authentic Self to family, spouses, peers, the government or the weather(!) is such a disservice to our great human potential. DO IT FOR YOU is well written, with Vanessa's intelligent, caring and compassionate voice shining through. As a self-published author myself, and knowing the challenges of making this information easy-to-read, Vanessa has succeeded. Her book is enjoyable and should be a must-read for teachers, parents, psychologists or anyone wondering why they don't feel good! Well done, Vanessa and thank you! I am going to include this in my Manifestation Course reading list.
March 11, 2023
This book is such a gift. It is designed as a workbook to identify one's people-pleasing, codependent and toxic relationships and behaviors. Then it gives loving, supportive exercises and tools to become self-aware, love yourself and set healthy boundaries to be able to live peace-filled, radical self-care. I find that Vanessa's open, honest sharing of her journey and the tools she used to transform her life encourages me to believe that I can do it too! And that I I matter enough to put my attention on me! I am grateful for this book because it shows me what is unhealthy relationships and how to change my behavior.
October 25, 2024
Thanks to @BookTasters & @VanessaOoms for the ecopy in exchange of an honest review.
“You don't have to prove your worth to the universe.”
It's a collection of wisdom that author acquired amidst the process of rebuilding her life from ground up. It provides interactive manual aimed to empower the reader to break free from the vicious cycle of people pleasing.
I'd the urge to give it 5 stars but decided against it. It's a great beginner friendly self help book and it reminded me of so many points about setting boundaries, that slipped my mind. At times I felt like Vanessa was spying on me because it was so accurate to what I was going through.
Highly recommended💫
“You don't have to prove your worth to the universe.”
It's a collection of wisdom that author acquired amidst the process of rebuilding her life from ground up. It provides interactive manual aimed to empower the reader to break free from the vicious cycle of people pleasing.
I'd the urge to give it 5 stars but decided against it. It's a great beginner friendly self help book and it reminded me of so many points about setting boundaries, that slipped my mind. At times I felt like Vanessa was spying on me because it was so accurate to what I was going through.
Highly recommended💫
April 9, 2023
This book is much needed for so many. The empath/narcissist dynamic is not only an important topic but the author does a nice job of highlighting and covering the issues. A must read for empaths and people dealing with narcissist.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews