Greetings! from Gumdrop Mountain

by Jordan Stewart

This is a place where the big heist takes place at Pets Unlimited instead of the bank. A place where romantic comedy stars have secret horror chambers and where it rains bicycles on occasion. This is a place where anything could, and usually does, happen. This is Gumdrop Mountain.

Greetings! from Gumdrop Mountain is the debut collection of short stories from Jordan Stewart. This slim volume contains 22 stories culled from Jordan's website, The Broken Chair Essays, as well as new, unpublished work. The often bizarre stories also manage to feel melancholic, offering a tug at the heart strings while never straying too far from the funny bone.

93 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2009

Reviews

[Max Maxwell · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was written by a local, so I feel uncomfortable slagging on it. Perhaps, to those of you who live in sprawling metropolises like London or New York or Tulsa, Oklahoma, for that matter, this makes no sense to you. Alas, I am from the Maritimes, a trio of Canadian provinces by the sea, and here in the Maritimes, we are supposed to offer no criticism of that which is released by other people from the Maritimes. (Maybe I'm making this up? I don't think so, though.) It's the bad side of the solidarity coin, a product of years of non-recognition only very recently broken by, say, Joel Plaskett and Buck 65. So... I'm very sorry, but this collection of short stories isn't very good, despite it being promoted in every record store and bookshop in Saint John, Fredericton, and the like.

I should preface my explanation of the above comment by saying: there are moments of genuine brilliance here. The story "Eric, Who Is A Robot," in particular, is stunning, and its use of some Huey Lewis lyrics (Mars is getting closer by the hour; a DJ has run in fear, but courteously left the entire News discog playing on loop) gets a funny mention .on the book's copyright page:

Lyrics from Huey Lewis' "If This Is It" used without permission because we're a tiny company with no lawyers and, really, is he ever going to see this book? Probably not.

But as you read the entire thing, you realize that the "random" sense of humour and esoteric style of "Eric," or any other story in the book, for that matter, is ubiquitous, and I don't mean that in a good way. The stories are all cut from the same cloth: no plot, a little development here and there, but not too much; bizarre, strange little snippets of fictional (impossible?) people's lives, usually involving death or a body or suicide, written, nine out of ten times, in third-person limited (You are writing a book. It's not a very good book...), and very poorly edited with regard to punctuation. I felt like pulling my hair out by the end of it.

And I loved Stewart's earlier book of poetry. You see, modern poetry at its best is all-style, no-substance; or, rather, style over substance, in a Henry-Miller-esque sort of way, sensation over clarity, like Yeah Yeah Yeahs lyrics. So it worked better for him to do this, zoom in, take a verbal snapshot, in poetry. In prose, however, I feel like he's going for Douglas Coupland and coming up short.

However, I state again that there were some truly stellar stories here. In order, they are: "Brangelina," about an indifferent writer receiving an award, in which we get this awesome observation—

"Here is a glass of champagne," someone says, handing you a glass of champagne.
This is something that happens when you've just won an award for successful screen writing. You are standing at the edge of the room thinking about why certain drinks hold certain significances.
You won an award; here is some champagne.
You are eating a cookie; here is some milk.
You are closing a deal; here is a double scotch on the rocks.
You are planning a triple homicide in your parent's basement; here is some Tang.

—"A Month of Saturdays," about a millionaire whose life is, essentially, unchanged; "Dressing In Layers," the second-best story in the book, about a tough-guy who talks a talking grizzly out of jumping off a building; "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do" (maybe?), a Monty-Python-esque skit about a breakup in the middle of a violent trainwreck; "Looks Like Rain," wherein it rains heavy objects instead of water; and "She Is 9/11" (again, maybe?), about a stalker caught in the act (oddly, you're compelled to say, "poor guy!").

And, of course, I'll finish by saying that I'm full of shit, and I've never published anything. So there you go.

[Bill · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked the book, it was funny and indifferent I. It's own way. If I were to write, it would be quirky. I can understand why some people would not like/enjoy it, but. You cannot take yourself seriously when reading it. It is just as well it is broken into snippets of short stories for more ease of digestion.

[Robert Maguire · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this collection. I happen to be a fan of dark humor and sometimes stories that are downright sad (see Breaking Up is Hard to Do); I was reminded multiple times -- in the stories about lost love, as well as "Eric, Who is a Robot" -- of the story collection "The Doors of His Face, the Lamps of His Mouth" by Roger Zelazny (http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13...). I think I was reminded of that book because G!FGM hit the same emotional notes in certain places.
As a final thought, I wish that I had never read this book so that I might read it and find the laughter and melancholy all over again.

[Erin Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was wonderfully enjoyable, and quite good considering it was self published by someone actually living in Saint John. I was a bit dumb when I first started reading this book. I thought that it was one collective story, so when I was reading each short story I was certain that they were supposed to link somehow and I couldn't find the connection between them. Once I realized my mistake, I laughed and kept reading, now better understanding.
It made me laugh many times. Its dark humour was well done and sprinkled throughout each story. I recommend anyone pick up these short stories, if you don't mind stories with a bit of morbid humour.