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Memoirs of a Mercenary
The faithful description of his life written by himself, relating all that he endured in the campaign against the Turks, in the Arctic Ocean, in German cities and countrysides among soldiers, robbers, and peaceful citizens, young maidens and apparitions. He finally settles down in Halle, his native city, where he married two wives, and all that he suffered in this world.
222 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1987
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
November 21, 2013
‘Memoirs of a Mercenary’ is an autobiographical work, encompassing the adult life of its Author, Master Johann Dietz, who relates both his personal triumphs and great misfortunes with much aplomb.
In addition to living an extraordinarily eventful and adventurous life, Dietz evidently also had a flair for writing, as evidenced by his uncommonly sharp wit and sense humour. Those who have read Robinson Crusoe will find the spirit and delivery of this book quite familiar.
Dietz’s account of life both in urban centres during peace and on campaign during times of war, gives the reader an intimate and fascinating insight into the everyday lives of the renaissance middle class, and that of the Holy League’s soldiers during the Great Turkish war with the Ottoman Empire in Europe.
Dietz was a ‘Barber Surgeon’ - the shorthand title for what passed for an intermediate medical practitioner in his day. In practice, this meant that he administered medical 'care' when required, and sustained himself through barbering when otherwise unoccupied. As such, he gives candid descriptions of his patients’ various maladies and some of the misguided quackery earnestly employed by himself to treat their conditions.
You can’t help but laugh and cringe as he describes attending an ailing nobleman with poultices of questionable composition, or through the pressing of several freshly-killed chickens (still warm) upon the afflicted area. Modern doctors and medical students reading this would find his conduct to be criminal. He even confesses to establishing a sham, where he examined all of the urine brought to him by neighbors (who paid him handsomely), and merely made shit up on the spot until some of it proved true.
Nonetheless, as his experiences are too numerous and diverse to relate in detail, here’s a selection of some of the book’s choicest happenings:
- A Spanish siege engineer’s lucky hit with a single incendiary cannon shot that ignites the enemy’s entire powder magazine.
- Surviving an outbreak of the bubonic plague
- Nearly drowning... on about five different occasions over several years.
- Nearly getting killed by the Ottoman host when looting bodies after a battle.
- Laughing at a friend who, in his efforts to kill a wounded Turk, with a view to loot him afterwards, broke the blade of his fine dagger against the Turk's ribs, and then proceeded to bludgeon the Turk to death with the hilt in a fit of rage.
- Getting attacked by feral dogs and scaring them off with a special dance.
- His aversion of a ‘mustached woman who looked more like a man’.
- His steaming liaisons and post-coital christian guilt.
- Every single family he encounters trying to get their daughters married to him.
- People everywhere defrauding him of vast sums of money.
- Cutting open a patient's anus and having him then die, after literally sharting himself to death (expelling 'air and wine' in great quantities).
- Describing, at the end of many a section, how terribly the person who had wronged him ended up dying of a some horrible disease or condition (this happens a lot and is hilarious).
- A maritime trip to the Antarctic where his ship's crew killed just about every living creature they encountered.
- Beating the shit out of his first wife (described as a 'wanton hussy') on account of her bad attitude and poor conduct, and then getting away with it by blaming it on a ghost.
-Remarrying as a 65 year-old and having 4 children with his new bride (40 years his junior), with the last one born only a year before his death.
The last quarter does dry out and drag on quite a bit though. Most of it is spent describing, in excruciating detail, the many wrongs he suffered at the hands of his first wife, who I can only really describe as a shrewd, cruel and cunning gold digger (possibly a time-traveling Kardashian), as well as his in-laws, and their legal representatives. Nonetheless, he takes every opportunity to advise the male reader with little pearls of wisdom, warning against the dangers of women, the hazards of materialism, and of placing too much stock in friends.
I find it a true a shame that his memoirs were assembled haphazardly from an incomplete manuscript, and it shows in the considerable number of lapses in continuity. Nonetheless, even with this and other faults (he spends about 20% of the book praising the lord) I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Books like these are a great way to vicariously experience the kind of minutae of bygone eras that are so often overlooked by historical works of non-fiction.
In addition to living an extraordinarily eventful and adventurous life, Dietz evidently also had a flair for writing, as evidenced by his uncommonly sharp wit and sense humour. Those who have read Robinson Crusoe will find the spirit and delivery of this book quite familiar.
Dietz’s account of life both in urban centres during peace and on campaign during times of war, gives the reader an intimate and fascinating insight into the everyday lives of the renaissance middle class, and that of the Holy League’s soldiers during the Great Turkish war with the Ottoman Empire in Europe.
Dietz was a ‘Barber Surgeon’ - the shorthand title for what passed for an intermediate medical practitioner in his day. In practice, this meant that he administered medical 'care' when required, and sustained himself through barbering when otherwise unoccupied. As such, he gives candid descriptions of his patients’ various maladies and some of the misguided quackery earnestly employed by himself to treat their conditions.
You can’t help but laugh and cringe as he describes attending an ailing nobleman with poultices of questionable composition, or through the pressing of several freshly-killed chickens (still warm) upon the afflicted area. Modern doctors and medical students reading this would find his conduct to be criminal. He even confesses to establishing a sham, where he examined all of the urine brought to him by neighbors (who paid him handsomely), and merely made shit up on the spot until some of it proved true.
Nonetheless, as his experiences are too numerous and diverse to relate in detail, here’s a selection of some of the book’s choicest happenings:
- A Spanish siege engineer’s lucky hit with a single incendiary cannon shot that ignites the enemy’s entire powder magazine.
- Surviving an outbreak of the bubonic plague
- Nearly drowning... on about five different occasions over several years.
- Nearly getting killed by the Ottoman host when looting bodies after a battle.
- Laughing at a friend who, in his efforts to kill a wounded Turk, with a view to loot him afterwards, broke the blade of his fine dagger against the Turk's ribs, and then proceeded to bludgeon the Turk to death with the hilt in a fit of rage.
- Getting attacked by feral dogs and scaring them off with a special dance.
- His aversion of a ‘mustached woman who looked more like a man’.
- His steaming liaisons and post-coital christian guilt.
- Every single family he encounters trying to get their daughters married to him.
- People everywhere defrauding him of vast sums of money.
- Cutting open a patient's anus and having him then die, after literally sharting himself to death (expelling 'air and wine' in great quantities).
- Describing, at the end of many a section, how terribly the person who had wronged him ended up dying of a some horrible disease or condition (this happens a lot and is hilarious).
- A maritime trip to the Antarctic where his ship's crew killed just about every living creature they encountered.
- Beating the shit out of his first wife (described as a 'wanton hussy') on account of her bad attitude and poor conduct, and then getting away with it by blaming it on a ghost.
-Remarrying as a 65 year-old and having 4 children with his new bride (40 years his junior), with the last one born only a year before his death.
The last quarter does dry out and drag on quite a bit though. Most of it is spent describing, in excruciating detail, the many wrongs he suffered at the hands of his first wife, who I can only really describe as a shrewd, cruel and cunning gold digger (possibly a time-traveling Kardashian), as well as his in-laws, and their legal representatives. Nonetheless, he takes every opportunity to advise the male reader with little pearls of wisdom, warning against the dangers of women, the hazards of materialism, and of placing too much stock in friends.
I find it a true a shame that his memoirs were assembled haphazardly from an incomplete manuscript, and it shows in the considerable number of lapses in continuity. Nonetheless, even with this and other faults (he spends about 20% of the book praising the lord) I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Books like these are a great way to vicariously experience the kind of minutae of bygone eras that are so often overlooked by historical works of non-fiction.
August 16, 2023
This book was much more amusing than I expected. A first person slice of an adventurous life in the late 17th century.
December 7, 2015
I'm a die hard fan of historical diaries and this one doesn't disappoint (too much). The first half is full of adventure while the remaining slows down to an almost skip-able pace laden with Dietz's complaining about his wife and how is he always embroiled in some sort of court case. I never really understood what his job was, he randomly cures people without the use of blood letting and then also is a barber, what? What can I take away from this book? Babies and young children were always dying, his wife was a drunk, never get married, and be a pirate. He goes into 'praise the lord' rants a bit, which I skimmed in order to remain sane.
October 7, 2015
What a curate's egg of a book. Travel scenes, war descriptions, and life as an explorer were all engaging and interesting, and sometimes enjoyable. But domestic details of fighting with the missus, and endless appeals to various courts, were somewhat hard to follow, so many characters involved, and tedious to say the least. I'm recommending some chapters only.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews