Love in the Present Tense: How to Have a High Intimacy, Low Maintenance Marriage

by Morrie Shechtman, Arleah Shechtman

Drawing on their expertise on personal growth in the workplace and from their experience with couples in their popular workshops, Morrie and Arleah Shechtman present a new approach that challenges common notions about what makes a good marriage work. They recognize that myths about marriage often lead people to aim for unrealistic ideals. Examining eight myths about relationships—including “Love will carry you through the hard times,” “You need to work on your relationship if you want it to be good,” and “Spending lots of time together is very important”—the book also presents contrasting realities to help strengthen the bond. For those working to build a relationship or struggling to hold one together, this book provides powerful new ways to overcome old behaviors and create a new connection that springs from a shared understanding of one another's needs.

Genres: Relationships

196 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 2003

Reviews

[Paul Colea · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of the first books in this category I've read so I don't have much of a baseline to judge the book against.

I found it some of the concepts it introduces - e.g. suggesting the importance of conflict in a relationship rather than compromise as a quick patchy solution and complacency - quite refreshing. Most popular depictions of ideal relationships seem to promote a permanent lack of conflict or contradictions, and it was interesting to see the reverse of this point. Similarly, the book challenges the idea that spending inordinate amounts of time with your partner is a necessary prerequisite for a good relationship, and reinforces the importance of childhood models in adult development in the context of relationships.

The authors illustrate their points with lots of examples encountered throughout their career so it's easy to contextualize them. Overall it was a short, easy and pleasant read, even for a layman who's not particularly familiar with the subject matter or other books written in this space.

[Rochelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book and not what you expect. Shared values not shared insecurities will keep lovers together through the tough times and help you grow up and together......

[Victoria Whited · Rating 4 out of 5]

The officiant who married my husband and I recommends this book to all the couples she marries. It may have taken me awhile to get around to reading the Shechtmans' book but Love in the Present Tense is a fairly quick and easy read once one gets started. One of the things I most appreciated about this book is that it makes the reader think about conflict or disagreements in a different light--more of an opportunity for growth and connection rather than an obstacle. This book also made me reflect on previous frustrations and their root causes and what I could have done better or differently. Whether or not the reader agrees with the Shechtmans' advice, one thing is for certain. Love in the Present Tense is worth the time to read.

[Patty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Explicit and concrete examples of other couples and the issues they are dealing with help the reader relate to their own problems. Clear and encouraging, these authors hit the nail on the head.

[Stef · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some interesting and controversial ideas here. However, it did paint marriage as a very bland experience -- so practical it seemed pointless to even be married at all. For example, the concept of spending quality time together or having a quality chat for ten minutes per day being enough. Yes, that is a low-maintenance marriage. It also seems a joyless one. This book had some good ideas but failed to connect with me on a personal level.

[Lori Hansell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some good takeaways. An interesting approach to thinking about relationships. I am not sure how easy it will be to put any of it into practice as there is a lot of relating present situations back to familiar feelings you had in childhood. It seems a little impractical to do that by yourself without the help of a therapist.

[Denise · Rating 3 out of 5]

I guess this has some helpful relationship advice... I'm not enamored by it though. The writing is not the best, it is often repetitive in tone. Overall, I'm glad I read this.