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Eating, Sleeping, and Getting Up: How to Stop the Daily Battles with Your Child
Renowned for her no-nonsense, realistic, and extremely effective advice, parenting expert Carolyn Crowder has observed that the ultimate parent-child standoffs center around mealtimes, bedtimes, and the start of day. For anyone whose child is more likely to rise and whine than rise and shine, Eating, Sleeping, and Getting Up restores sanity to the household, with proven insights
-Why nagging, reminding, coaxing, or bribing don’t work in the long run
-How to break the cycle of arguing, threatening, and spanking
-The keys to starting a new-and-improved routine
-Specific language for ending a variety of standoffs
The skills Crowder teaches here can be applied to any parenting situation. Presented in a concise, clear format and complete with worksheets of exercises for both adults and kids, Eating, Sleeping, and Getting Up is a lifesaver that will help end the chaos forever.
-Why nagging, reminding, coaxing, or bribing don’t work in the long run
-How to break the cycle of arguing, threatening, and spanking
-The keys to starting a new-and-improved routine
-Specific language for ending a variety of standoffs
The skills Crowder teaches here can be applied to any parenting situation. Presented in a concise, clear format and complete with worksheets of exercises for both adults and kids, Eating, Sleeping, and Getting Up is a lifesaver that will help end the chaos forever.
- GenresParenting
240 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2002
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
December 13, 2008
Hmm... initially the premise of this book seems promising:
"Your children misbehave because they have become discouraged about finding a positive place of significance within the family." (24)
To correct their errant ways, simply stop being a "boss" or a "permissive pal" parent, and allow the children to experience the natural consequences of their misbehavior. The ideas are based on the work of Aldred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs.
So far so good. Here's one example. When your kids refuse to come to dinner, instead of screaming at them or caving in and fixing something else, explain that the next meal is breakfast. If they don't eat the dinner you've made when you serve it, allow them to experience the consequence of going to bed hungry. Be consistent, let them participate in preparations and clean-up, and have high expectations (don't plan for failure by buying late-night snack foods to substitute for dinner.)Become a respectful-responsible parent.
Seems pretty reasonable...
But what about this example of respectful-responsible parenting: your four year old is scared of the dark, and you put him to bed. "When he gets up crying, you do not respond to his misbehavior other than to return him to his room. You do not tell him he must go back to bed or talk to him at all. He knows. Then you go on about your evening's activities." (32)
Wait... crying is misbehavior? You don't talk to him at all?
She explains:
"A respectful, responsible mother will let the child scream and cry without any response at all. This mother knows that she has to let the child experience the consequences of her own behavior. The child may continue to cry and scream, but mom can and should choose not to respond because she understands the child is not really in distress. The wailing is a technique to gain power and attention and keep mom involved. She has other things to do, and the child needs to learn to appreciate that... the child learns to help mom by going to bed and sleeping when it is time to do so." The alternative? "A lifetime of screaming and abusing others to get what she wants" (30)
So... wanting mom is misbehavior. Willful, sinister manipulation of poor mom's feelings. And little kids are supposed to understand that mom has things to do so they should go to bed and let her do them, for her sake? That a heavy dose of empathy for a little kid...
So... if my girlfriend was crying when I had other things to do, I should just walk her silently back to her car and go back to my routine, to teach her that her emotions are inconvenient for me, and to please keep her unhappiness and fears to herself? I'm pretty sure it would work-- she wouldn't bother me with her problems anymore. I would lose all of her trust and confidence-- but what's that worth if my evening routine gets shaken. I might miss an episode of Heroes!!!
Like so many other crappy parenting books, this one creates false dichotomies: kid vs. parent, boss parent vs. permissive parent, responsible kid vs. tyrant. It breaks parents, attitudes, and behaviors into strange categories with no natural manifestation. She creates pages of imaginary examples-- imaginary parents disciplining imaginary children in wildly successful ways (thanks to my SPECIAL TECHNIQUES!!) or horrifyingly disappointing.
The reality, the range of human experience is always going to be in the rainbow shades between black and white. Alarms go off in my head as soon as an author is telling me "it is essential that you read through this book and then give all the ideas and techniques a good deal of thought. You must be fully committed to this approach before you begin or you may make things worse instead of better." (15)
Wait-- I have to be "fully committed to this approach"? And if not-- if I do it "wrong," then things will get even WORSE????
Yuck.
Is there no parenting book out there that both respects the experience of kids but gives parents tools to understand kids and help them manage themselves? I feel bowled over by the Sears philosophy of "you're a parent, you don't sleep-- get over it." And repulsed by the hard-nosed "cry it out, bend them to your will" philosophies on the other extreme.
"Your children misbehave because they have become discouraged about finding a positive place of significance within the family." (24)
To correct their errant ways, simply stop being a "boss" or a "permissive pal" parent, and allow the children to experience the natural consequences of their misbehavior. The ideas are based on the work of Aldred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs.
So far so good. Here's one example. When your kids refuse to come to dinner, instead of screaming at them or caving in and fixing something else, explain that the next meal is breakfast. If they don't eat the dinner you've made when you serve it, allow them to experience the consequence of going to bed hungry. Be consistent, let them participate in preparations and clean-up, and have high expectations (don't plan for failure by buying late-night snack foods to substitute for dinner.)Become a respectful-responsible parent.
Seems pretty reasonable...
But what about this example of respectful-responsible parenting: your four year old is scared of the dark, and you put him to bed. "When he gets up crying, you do not respond to his misbehavior other than to return him to his room. You do not tell him he must go back to bed or talk to him at all. He knows. Then you go on about your evening's activities." (32)
Wait... crying is misbehavior? You don't talk to him at all?
She explains:
"A respectful, responsible mother will let the child scream and cry without any response at all. This mother knows that she has to let the child experience the consequences of her own behavior. The child may continue to cry and scream, but mom can and should choose not to respond because she understands the child is not really in distress. The wailing is a technique to gain power and attention and keep mom involved. She has other things to do, and the child needs to learn to appreciate that... the child learns to help mom by going to bed and sleeping when it is time to do so." The alternative? "A lifetime of screaming and abusing others to get what she wants" (30)
So... wanting mom is misbehavior. Willful, sinister manipulation of poor mom's feelings. And little kids are supposed to understand that mom has things to do so they should go to bed and let her do them, for her sake? That a heavy dose of empathy for a little kid...
So... if my girlfriend was crying when I had other things to do, I should just walk her silently back to her car and go back to my routine, to teach her that her emotions are inconvenient for me, and to please keep her unhappiness and fears to herself? I'm pretty sure it would work-- she wouldn't bother me with her problems anymore. I would lose all of her trust and confidence-- but what's that worth if my evening routine gets shaken. I might miss an episode of Heroes!!!
Like so many other crappy parenting books, this one creates false dichotomies: kid vs. parent, boss parent vs. permissive parent, responsible kid vs. tyrant. It breaks parents, attitudes, and behaviors into strange categories with no natural manifestation. She creates pages of imaginary examples-- imaginary parents disciplining imaginary children in wildly successful ways (thanks to my SPECIAL TECHNIQUES!!) or horrifyingly disappointing.
The reality, the range of human experience is always going to be in the rainbow shades between black and white. Alarms go off in my head as soon as an author is telling me "it is essential that you read through this book and then give all the ideas and techniques a good deal of thought. You must be fully committed to this approach before you begin or you may make things worse instead of better." (15)
Wait-- I have to be "fully committed to this approach"? And if not-- if I do it "wrong," then things will get even WORSE????
Yuck.
Is there no parenting book out there that both respects the experience of kids but gives parents tools to understand kids and help them manage themselves? I feel bowled over by the Sears philosophy of "you're a parent, you don't sleep-- get over it." And repulsed by the hard-nosed "cry it out, bend them to your will" philosophies on the other extreme.
March 17, 2022
An extremely no nonsense way to go about eliminating three main hot button issues. Have had it on my bookshelf for six years and picked it up on occasion. Yes, it took me six years to get through this admittedly short book because I didn't want to force myself. There's something so simple about the teachings that I like to think it would work.
December 21, 2009
I like the basic philosophies of this book. Encouraging your child to be a part of the family team and expecting them to live up to their responsibilities--right up my alley!
I like the idea of letting your child feel the consequence of their action. But what I didn't find in the book was where my children would go with it.
So my child is supposed to be getting ready for bed and they are watching TV. I'm supposed to walk over to the TV and turn it off. Then they complain? Umm. No. Mine would go turn it back on. It would be an endless cycle. The author says to unplug the TV and remove it. Yeah. That's not happening when I can't lift it. Anyway. This is just one example. There are several that I had questions about. Like children throwing fits going to bed. Author says ignore them. Okay, I'm with her there. But what if they are in their room playing toys or playing with their brother keeping him awake? Just leave them? Let them play?
I like the idea of letting your child feel the consequence of their action. But what I didn't find in the book was where my children would go with it.
So my child is supposed to be getting ready for bed and they are watching TV. I'm supposed to walk over to the TV and turn it off. Then they complain? Umm. No. Mine would go turn it back on. It would be an endless cycle. The author says to unplug the TV and remove it. Yeah. That's not happening when I can't lift it. Anyway. This is just one example. There are several that I had questions about. Like children throwing fits going to bed. Author says ignore them. Okay, I'm with her there. But what if they are in their room playing toys or playing with their brother keeping him awake? Just leave them? Let them play?
April 7, 2009
I found this book helpful, but perhaps because it closely follows my own parenting instincts. And since my child is still a baby, I haven't even gotten to the hard parts of parenting yet! Maybe things like this will prepare me.
July 28, 2013
I found this to make a lot of sense and took some great ideas from it. Of course any parenting book is going to have its a-ha moments and others suggesting bordering on the ridiculous. Definitely worth the read.
February 10, 2011
Similar to Kid Cooperation by Elizabeth Handley, but a little more heavy-handed with the psychology and parental blame.
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews