Chasing Death: Losing a Child to Suicide.

by Jan Andersen

Second EditionOn Halloween 2002, Jan Andersen 's 20-year-old son Kristian found a permanent solution to his misery. Suicide. He wrote two suicide notes, took an overdose of Heroin and died on Friday 1 November 2002. Chasing Death attempts to put candid, but heartrending words to the often incommunicable pain that the surviving families endure, not only through the telling of Kristian 's story, but through the experiences of other families mourning the loss of a child, stepchild, grandchild, sibling, friend or relative to suicide. Although this book will break your heart, it will also provide solace to other child suicide grievers in knowing that their thoughts and feelings are normal and that they are not alone, in addition to being helpful to anyone who has lost a child or has been bereaved in any way. This book clearly demonstrates how debilitating the grief can be and how it can still cripple a survivor, ten, twenty, thirty and even forty years or more after the event. The audience for Chasing Death extends beyond grieving families and those who deal with them and will provide a compelling, touching and enlightening read for anyone interested in emotional true life stories. It will also help people respond with greater understanding and sensitivity to the surviving families grief.

Genres: Grief

484 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2009

Reviews

[Raymond Mills · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish this book had been available when we lost our only son to suicide 11 years ago. It is the best book that I have read about the grief of those left behind to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives and hearts. As I read the book, I felt that the author could have been writing about our son and the diverse emotions that my wife and I suffered – and still do suffer. I have never been able to adequately convey what I am feeling to those closest to me – and even less to strangers whom we meet and who ask that dreaded question, “Do you have any children?” I feel that I want to buy this book for all those I know and those we shall meet in the future. If they really want to know how we felt then and feel now, I would just hand them a copy of the book.

My son was bullied at college, so I am really glad to see that proceeds from the book are being donated to a charity that deals with bullying and abuse. Anyone who has a child and believes that this could never happen to them should buy a copy of this book. It will certainly make everyone realise that it can happen to anybody – even the most close and loving family, as ours was. This is an extremely powerful book and I felt particularly encouraged by the chapter on Life After Death, as my wife and I have experienced many signs that our son is still with us in spirit.

[Stacey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have a short attention span, so rarely do I come across a book that I have difficulty putting down after a brief period of reading. This book, however, captured my attention from the very first page and I did not want to stop reading. The author has not only attempted to tackle a very difficult and emotional topic, but she has channelled her own grief into what I can only describe as an incredible piece of writing. As I read the book I laughed and I sobbed many times, but it also made me think about certain issues a lot more deeply and has made me realise the enormous importance of communicating with my children. It has definitely made me more aware that suicide is not confined to certain sectors of society, but can happen to anyone, anywhere and at any time.

I have two children and one of my biggest fears has always been losing one of them, a fear with which I am certain all parents can identify. I am not certain that I would be able to carry on if something ever happened to one of them, so I have even more respect for the author in having pulled herself from the depths of her grief to produce something so positive, so helpful and so touching.

The author hasn’t just covered the suicide of her own son and the range of emotions and situations that she had to face, but has included a plethora of experiences from families around the world, all in different family set-ups. She has included experiences from grandparents, siblings, stepparents and so on, so that no one within the extended family has been forgotten.

She has also raised topics that I would never even have considered, such as the way in which a bereaved parent reacts to physical contact after the loss, dealing with the insensitive things that people do and say and a really uplifting chapter on life after death.

It has certainly made me re-think the way in which I will respond to anyone who has suffered a bereavement and I hope that it has taught me to say something more appropriate.

I will be reading the book again and have recommended it to all the parents that I know.

[Nicole Klieff · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was curious to read this book as suicide is very much a taboo subject and yet it seems everyday we read about someone tragically taking their own life, whether it be revealed within a wee snippet in the corner of the local journals, or worldwide on televised news bulletins informing us of the latest celebrity to depart our world. Death is never easy to accept at whatever age and I can only imagine the horror of losing a child. As a mother myself it would be inconceivable.

Harshly, in life many do survive with this painful scenario and I hope will sought out this book for some comfort knowing that they are not isolated with their discontented feelings of the massive void.

As soon as I picked up this book, I couldn't put it down. This book is written in the manner of a bestseller novel. It is eloquently written but without being too complex and with such raw honesty. Without revealing too much, I can only admire how the author has the courage to reveal the background leading up to her own son's death. Being emotionally fuelled and sympathising with the author, I found at times I just could not prevent the tears from flowing down my cheeks but being an important measure in the process of the book; revealing the brutal honesty of dealing or not wanting to deal with the grief.

I also would say that the author does break away with compassionate integrity sharing other people's stories interconnecting with her own experiences of how to deal with the death of a child, albeit through suicide or by any other diagnosis.

This heart-to-heart book will be identified by the many who need no verification of the pain they have already endured but also to envoke to the ways of staying in touch spiritually. Through this book many people will find great comfort and the recognition for the loss of their own special child.

[Ingrid · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you a million times to the author for writing this book and to all bookstores who have made it available. I searched for a book that was written by a parent who has also experienced this terrible loss. My 18 year old daughter took her own life six years ago and I have been in a living nightmare ever since, wondering if I am going mad and being unable to talk about some of my darkest thoughts and feelings to anyone else for fear that they wouldn't understand. This book was originally sent to me by another parent I had met on a bereavement forum and I have since purchased it for a couple of other bereaved parents. As soon as I started reading it, I felt that the author could see inside my mind and feel what I was feeling. I didn't want to read something full of platitudes and instructions on how to get over it - I just wanted someone to be able to identify with what I was going through. It is not only the author's experience that resonated with me, but parts of all the other experiences that were shared in the book. I took something from almost every one and could say, "Yes, that's how I feel". I found the chapter on life after death unbelievably uplifting and picked up some helpful coping strategies that I have put into practice. The author's compassion and understanding to some of those who made her son's life difficult is commendable, together with the fact that she does not blame anyone for her son's suicide. I hope that one day I may be the same, but it is so difficult. I was touched to see that the sales from the book are helping to raise funds for an anti-bullying charity.