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Teenage Guys: Exploring Issues Adolescent Guys Face and Strategies to Help Them (Youth Specialties
Youth workers need to fully understand the inner workings and development of adolescents in order to really meet their needs. In Teenage Guys, Dr. Steve Gerali presents the stages of development that adolescent guys go through, providing stories from his own experiences in ministry and counseling as well as practical research findings to equip youth workers (both male and female) to more effectively minister to teenage guys. With advice from counselors and veteran youth workers, you’ll find helpful suggestions on how to minister to teenage guys and their families. Each chapter includes discussion questions to help you and other youth workers process the issues your own students face and learn how you can help them and mentor them through this tumultuous time. In addition to concepts like mentoring and rites of passage, Dr. Gerali also walks readers through the seven areas of development young guys go through. You’ll understand more about: Cognitive development • Identity formation • Social development • Emotional development • Physiological development • Sexological maturation • Faith formation
- GenresParenting
320 pages, Paperback
First published May 5, 2006
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
January 31, 2023
Some parts that stuck out to me
"I've talked to hundreds of young guys in bondage to this notion. They're exhausted and spiritually defeated because they've been told that sexual drive, desire, or thoughts are all forms of lust. They've read books about dating that tell them not to; books about sexual purity that make sex anything but pure; and books about guys that give the impression that everything sexual within them is a dangerous, ravenous, demonic, overtaking battle that must be aggressively wages. These texts are built around the premise that a guy—who is created by God as a sexual being—should only be sexual when he's married. Until that time, he must battle the testosterone, or it will make him sexually impure. Guys come to believe that the slightest sexual tinge is the beginning of a cancerous spot that must quickly be eradicated. For a good number of Christian guys, all of their spiritual energy is consumed by eliminating sexual desire from their minds and bodies. This is nothing but a form of bondage. Guys are attempting the impossible—to be without testosterone."
Page 77
"We need to teach guys how to think sexually pure (by this I mean they can think a lot about sex and still know that it's pure). That doesn't mean they have to ignore sexual desire or drive. It doesn't mean they'll never play out sexual experiences in their minds. (Sexual rehearsal is also a God-designed part of good sexuality. In fact, it's instinctual.) If we continue to give the impression that all sexual thought is lust and should be avoided, we become false teachers who cause these young guys to stumble in the name of a faulty righteousness."
Pages 77 - 78
"A God-given sex drive can and should grow strong. It shouldn't be starved (by pushing out any sexual thought, desire, feelings, or the things that may incite them) or perverted."
Page 78
"Thinking sexual thoughts originates from God's sexual design for guys. Therefore, according to Philippians 4:8 (NASB), they can think sexual thoughts that are true, honorable, right, lovely, of good repute, excellent, and even pure. To lead guys to believe anything other than this is not true, honorable, right, and so on."
Page 79
"We need to help guys find adventure, break the boredom, and discipline their minds by actively replacing porn with healthy pursuits."
Page 89
"Sexual thinking is a normal byproduct of how God created us to be sexually good."
Page 90
"Somehow we've gotten the idea that thinking through sexual situations, daydreaming of sex with a spouse someday, or envisioning passionate sexual circumstances is all lustful thinking."
Page 92
"Jesus doesn't always give advice; sometimes he just holds a guy to let him know he is secure, valued, and unconditionally loved."
Page 134
"Time does not heal wounds—God does, and he uses his people as a vehicle through which he works."
Page 151
"He may find he has something profound to say, but by the time it leaves his mouth, it wasn't exactly what he'd formulated in his head."
Page 182
"Too often identity is defined by what men do. This method of labeling a person has tragic results because what a guy does will ultimately come to an end. This is why men live in crisis after their retirement. Instead, we need to help guys see that who they are defines what they do. So as a guy takes advantage of new opportunities, such as art, we need to reinforce that he's creative and that's what makes him an artist."
Page 208
"Guys learn that all affection is sexual in nature. From childhood he's conditioned to supress his need for affection."
Page 225
"When a guy becomes a teenager, the need for affection and reassuring touch is considerably necessary and greatly desired. While he may desire and need it, a guy can't admit he has a need for affection out of fear of being perceived as weak or soft, so he suppresses that.
Secondly, he experiences new sexual desires and a new freedom to engage in dating. He starts to get attention from girls. This combination blurs the line between affection and sexual touch. Maybe this is why the number of sexual crimes is so high—guys are living their lives affectionately repressed and sexually charged. The only outlet for their affective needs is sexual."
Pages 225 - 226
"At this point the dilemma worsens. Now a double jeopardy effect kicks in: guys can't experience any physical affection from other guys because it's perceived to be homosexual; and he can't receive affection from girls because it's perceived to be lustful, impure, and inappropriate. Once again, Christian dating books reinforce a detrimental view that reduces all physical contact as being sexual. These authors are writing out of—and generating an atmosphere of fear in—a desperate attempt to keep kids as far away from sexual sin as they can. Their directive: avoid any physical contact because physicality is unwise at best, and (according to some authors) immoral at worst. I agree we must teach kids to abstain from sexual contact, and they must live purely. But I don't believe we should reinforce a position with the lie that all touch leads to sex."
Page 226
"The reason a boy fears dependence on a girl is that he fears her rejection and the pain and humiliation that go with it. A boy's desire to be powerful isn't as much about muscle as it is about heart and the fact that if you allow yourself to be dependent on someone—for a smile, for love, for sex, for self-respect—then you can be devastated be her as well."
Page 232
"In a concrete, conceptual form, guys learn that being like Jesus means mimicking him. They learn they must constantly measure themselves against an icon that was fully God and perfect humanity. It soon becomes a defeating exercise, if we're being honest about it."
Page 267
"They adopt the premise that godly men strive to be perfect—sinless. The eradication of sin—sinful habits, sinful thoughts, sinful conversations and attitudes—becomes the focal point of their Christian living. And while Scripture calls us to live pure lives, it also tells us that Christ eliminates our sin as far as the east is from the west. So their trajectory gets off at the point where guys learn to make sin the focal point of their Christian living—whether it's embracing it or eliminating it.
Christ needs to be the focal point. The writer of Hebrews challenges us to "fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith" (Hebrews 12:2). Satan doesn't want guys to formulate faith, so by getting the trajectory off—making guys constantly fixate on their sin—they never know the power of godly living. Godly men don't eliminate sin in their lives; godly men deal with sin in their lives. They come to understand that this is the very thing that makes them run to God, rely on him, and live in him."
Pages 267 - 268
"They believe that by acting like him will make him become like him. They learn that their action (doing) defines who they are (being), instead of understanding that who they are (a good work in process) defines what they do."
Page 268
"A guy will walk in a manner worthy of his calling if he's constantly looking to Jesus, not striving to eliminate something Jesus has already eliminated."
Page 269
"I've talked to hundreds of young guys in bondage to this notion. They're exhausted and spiritually defeated because they've been told that sexual drive, desire, or thoughts are all forms of lust. They've read books about dating that tell them not to; books about sexual purity that make sex anything but pure; and books about guys that give the impression that everything sexual within them is a dangerous, ravenous, demonic, overtaking battle that must be aggressively wages. These texts are built around the premise that a guy—who is created by God as a sexual being—should only be sexual when he's married. Until that time, he must battle the testosterone, or it will make him sexually impure. Guys come to believe that the slightest sexual tinge is the beginning of a cancerous spot that must quickly be eradicated. For a good number of Christian guys, all of their spiritual energy is consumed by eliminating sexual desire from their minds and bodies. This is nothing but a form of bondage. Guys are attempting the impossible—to be without testosterone."
Page 77
"We need to teach guys how to think sexually pure (by this I mean they can think a lot about sex and still know that it's pure). That doesn't mean they have to ignore sexual desire or drive. It doesn't mean they'll never play out sexual experiences in their minds. (Sexual rehearsal is also a God-designed part of good sexuality. In fact, it's instinctual.) If we continue to give the impression that all sexual thought is lust and should be avoided, we become false teachers who cause these young guys to stumble in the name of a faulty righteousness."
Pages 77 - 78
"A God-given sex drive can and should grow strong. It shouldn't be starved (by pushing out any sexual thought, desire, feelings, or the things that may incite them) or perverted."
Page 78
"Thinking sexual thoughts originates from God's sexual design for guys. Therefore, according to Philippians 4:8 (NASB), they can think sexual thoughts that are true, honorable, right, lovely, of good repute, excellent, and even pure. To lead guys to believe anything other than this is not true, honorable, right, and so on."
Page 79
"We need to help guys find adventure, break the boredom, and discipline their minds by actively replacing porn with healthy pursuits."
Page 89
"Sexual thinking is a normal byproduct of how God created us to be sexually good."
Page 90
"Somehow we've gotten the idea that thinking through sexual situations, daydreaming of sex with a spouse someday, or envisioning passionate sexual circumstances is all lustful thinking."
Page 92
"Jesus doesn't always give advice; sometimes he just holds a guy to let him know he is secure, valued, and unconditionally loved."
Page 134
"Time does not heal wounds—God does, and he uses his people as a vehicle through which he works."
Page 151
"He may find he has something profound to say, but by the time it leaves his mouth, it wasn't exactly what he'd formulated in his head."
Page 182
"Too often identity is defined by what men do. This method of labeling a person has tragic results because what a guy does will ultimately come to an end. This is why men live in crisis after their retirement. Instead, we need to help guys see that who they are defines what they do. So as a guy takes advantage of new opportunities, such as art, we need to reinforce that he's creative and that's what makes him an artist."
Page 208
"Guys learn that all affection is sexual in nature. From childhood he's conditioned to supress his need for affection."
Page 225
"When a guy becomes a teenager, the need for affection and reassuring touch is considerably necessary and greatly desired. While he may desire and need it, a guy can't admit he has a need for affection out of fear of being perceived as weak or soft, so he suppresses that.
Secondly, he experiences new sexual desires and a new freedom to engage in dating. He starts to get attention from girls. This combination blurs the line between affection and sexual touch. Maybe this is why the number of sexual crimes is so high—guys are living their lives affectionately repressed and sexually charged. The only outlet for their affective needs is sexual."
Pages 225 - 226
"At this point the dilemma worsens. Now a double jeopardy effect kicks in: guys can't experience any physical affection from other guys because it's perceived to be homosexual; and he can't receive affection from girls because it's perceived to be lustful, impure, and inappropriate. Once again, Christian dating books reinforce a detrimental view that reduces all physical contact as being sexual. These authors are writing out of—and generating an atmosphere of fear in—a desperate attempt to keep kids as far away from sexual sin as they can. Their directive: avoid any physical contact because physicality is unwise at best, and (according to some authors) immoral at worst. I agree we must teach kids to abstain from sexual contact, and they must live purely. But I don't believe we should reinforce a position with the lie that all touch leads to sex."
Page 226
"The reason a boy fears dependence on a girl is that he fears her rejection and the pain and humiliation that go with it. A boy's desire to be powerful isn't as much about muscle as it is about heart and the fact that if you allow yourself to be dependent on someone—for a smile, for love, for sex, for self-respect—then you can be devastated be her as well."
Page 232
"In a concrete, conceptual form, guys learn that being like Jesus means mimicking him. They learn they must constantly measure themselves against an icon that was fully God and perfect humanity. It soon becomes a defeating exercise, if we're being honest about it."
Page 267
"They adopt the premise that godly men strive to be perfect—sinless. The eradication of sin—sinful habits, sinful thoughts, sinful conversations and attitudes—becomes the focal point of their Christian living. And while Scripture calls us to live pure lives, it also tells us that Christ eliminates our sin as far as the east is from the west. So their trajectory gets off at the point where guys learn to make sin the focal point of their Christian living—whether it's embracing it or eliminating it.
Christ needs to be the focal point. The writer of Hebrews challenges us to "fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith" (Hebrews 12:2). Satan doesn't want guys to formulate faith, so by getting the trajectory off—making guys constantly fixate on their sin—they never know the power of godly living. Godly men don't eliminate sin in their lives; godly men deal with sin in their lives. They come to understand that this is the very thing that makes them run to God, rely on him, and live in him."
Pages 267 - 268
"They believe that by acting like him will make him become like him. They learn that their action (doing) defines who they are (being), instead of understanding that who they are (a good work in process) defines what they do."
Page 268
"A guy will walk in a manner worthy of his calling if he's constantly looking to Jesus, not striving to eliminate something Jesus has already eliminated."
Page 269
Read
July 25, 2011The book’s subtitle is fitting. Gerali explains underlying issues of teen guys and offers a wealth of practical advice.
It’s tough to distinguish amongst youth-help books. Read enough, and they begin to sound the same. Still, Gerali’s presentation is among the most helpful Christian guys’ leadership books I’ve read.
Visually the book is appealing, with charts and sidebar comments. The sections are divided clearly by subject (i.e. growth spurts, homosexuality, suicide, etc.) for easy reference. The style is far more personal than academic, an easy read.
Gerali is personal but not unlearned. He has a bone to pick with some Christian guy literature like Wild at Heart and the Every Man series. (“Every Young Man’s Battle throws out the baby with the bath water,” he writes.) Some of these bones are legitimate, and I appreciate his critical perspective of other voices.
Be aware, however, that the “Guys and Sex” section itself (chapter 3.1) has some controversial parts: “We need to teach [teen] guys how to think sexually pure (by this I mean that they can think a lot about sex and still know that it’s pure).” Gerali’s perspective is a little more open, in my opinion, than the Bible presents. Still, he gives us something to think about.
Overall, a valuable reference for anyone leading or raising teen guys. A helpful companion book: Raising Cain by Kindlon and Thompson.
It’s tough to distinguish amongst youth-help books. Read enough, and they begin to sound the same. Still, Gerali’s presentation is among the most helpful Christian guys’ leadership books I’ve read.
Visually the book is appealing, with charts and sidebar comments. The sections are divided clearly by subject (i.e. growth spurts, homosexuality, suicide, etc.) for easy reference. The style is far more personal than academic, an easy read.
Gerali is personal but not unlearned. He has a bone to pick with some Christian guy literature like Wild at Heart and the Every Man series. (“Every Young Man’s Battle throws out the baby with the bath water,” he writes.) Some of these bones are legitimate, and I appreciate his critical perspective of other voices.
Be aware, however, that the “Guys and Sex” section itself (chapter 3.1) has some controversial parts: “We need to teach [teen] guys how to think sexually pure (by this I mean that they can think a lot about sex and still know that it’s pure).” Gerali’s perspective is a little more open, in my opinion, than the Bible presents. Still, he gives us something to think about.
Overall, a valuable reference for anyone leading or raising teen guys. A helpful companion book: Raising Cain by Kindlon and Thompson.
October 17, 2023
Gerali does a great job outlining common misconceptions and ideas believed in Christian Masculinity and how they tend to dominate many spiritual teachings from youth group leaders and pastors alike. Many times in the church, I faced these problems with many of the leaders I encountered and always seemed to doubt the veracity of my faith at the end of the day. I believe if I had read this book a decade sooner, it would have had a more substantial impact on my faith and kept me in church.
This book tends to give more of a wide sweeping overview of the topics it covers, rather than go into nitty gritty detail and case studies for specific problems. This on the surface is fine, but can undermine some of the more provoking topics like spirituality, sexual maturity, and behavioral issues.
This book tends to give more of a wide sweeping overview of the topics it covers, rather than go into nitty gritty detail and case studies for specific problems. This on the surface is fine, but can undermine some of the more provoking topics like spirituality, sexual maturity, and behavioral issues.
March 6, 2019
Interesting to read as my son is almost 14. Will return to it as reference as we continue to parent during this season of BIG changes!
January 25, 2016
I was required to read this book in my youth culture. I found it very helpful in even understanding my brother as a teen, and even my husband. I would recommend this to anyone that works with youth, male or female.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews