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By the Time You Read This, I'll Be Dead

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Daelyn Rice is broken beyond repair, and after a string of botched suicide attempts, she’s determined to get her death right. She starts visiting a website for “completers”— www. through-the-light.com.

While she’s on the site, Daelyn blogs about her life, uncovering a history of bullying that goes back to kindergarten. When she’s not on the Web, Daelyn’s at her private school, where she’s known as the freak who doesn’t talk.

Then, a boy named Santana begins to sit with her after school while she’s waiting to for her parents to pick her up. Even though she’s made it clear that she wants to be left alone, Santana won’t give up. And it’s too late for Daelyn to be letting people into her life... isn't it?

National Book Award finalist Julie Anne Peters shines a light on how bullying can push young people to the very edge.

200 pages, Hardcover

First published April 1, 2009

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About the author

Julie Anne Peters

34 books1,663 followers
Julie Anne Peters was born in Jamestown, New York. When she was five, her family moved to the Denver suburbs in Colorado. Her parents divorced when she was in high school. She has three siblings: a brother, John, and two younger sisters, Jeanne and Susan.

Her books for young adults include Define "Normal" (2000), Keeping You a Secret (2003), Luna (2004), Far from Xanadu (2005), Between Mom and Jo (2006), grl2grl (2007), Rage: A Love Story (2009), By the Time You Read This, I'll Be Dead (2010), She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not... (2011), It's Our Prom (So Deal with It) (2012), and Lies My Girlfriend Told Me (2014). Her young adult fiction often feature lesbian characters and address LGBT issues. She has announced that she has retired from writing, and Lies My Girlfriend Told Me will be her last novel. She now works full-time for the Colorado Reading Corps.

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 2,062 reviews
Profile Image for Steph Su.
948 reviews452 followers
March 24, 2010
BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS, I’LL BE DEAD tore my insides raw. As I read, I screamed. I cried. I threw the book across the room. I apologized and cradled it delicately in my hands. I also chuckled and fell in love with the characters, flawed as they all are. Julie Anne Peters is nearly unmatched when it comes to writing about difficult, taboo, controversial, and absolutely necessary subjects, and her latest book is a terrifying masterpiece that deserves to find its way into everyone’s hands.

Daelyn is not an easily likable protagonist. I hope to God that very few of us out there can actually understand where she is coming from, a dark and frightening world so terrorized, so beaten, so loveless that, for her, suicide is a form of salvation. And yet, as she slowly reveals to us her bullied past, we invariably find ourselves at once within her, shocked into silence at what we experience being her, and at her side, emotionally invested in attempting to give her hope. It’s a powerful duality of readers’ position that only the most skilled of novelists can achieve.

And indeed, Julie Anne Peters’ incredible writing skills are brilliantly showcased in this book. Daelyn’s voice is cynical and snarky without being overwhelmingly pity-inducing. Peters’ prose is short, to the point, and lyrically sweet. Sometimes succinctness is the greatest form of power.

I can’t end this review without pointing out how absolutely lovely Santana is—but I’ll let you find that out for yourself. Needless to say, I wish I could place a copy of this book into the hands of everyone between the ages of 12 and 18. Perhaps if everyone were allowed this candid look into Daelyn’s hurt, bullying and suicide—bullycide—would be hopefully less of a terrifyingly real problem.
Profile Image for karen.
3,978 reviews170k followers
September 30, 2010

this is the second part of a conversation about this book!! i got caris' sloppy seconds! to read the first part, please click here!

Caris: Maybe it was just your personality. Perhaps you're just not the type of dude who gets bullied. You know, badassery and whatnot.

I certainly cave on this point. The book was unbelievable. Both the website and Santana were only there to keep the girl from killing herself. Of course, all books do this. It seems that the bar is just set lower for teen fiction. This is one of those cases, as are most of the books I've read recently, where the plot of the book insults the intelligence of the reader. Teenagers are dumb, didn't you hear?

It's funny (and logical) that you bring up 13 Reasons Why. Over the past few days, I've come to realize that I like this book so much because of how much I hated Asher's book. I fucking hated 13 Reasons Why. The message killed me. Compare, for a moment, Hannah's complaints and Daelyn's. Best ass in school vs assaulted in the bathroom. Flirted with her vs made fun of her weight. The playing field is not level. Hannah killed herself for everyday shit. At least Daelyn's shit was painful enough to warrant her choice. I didn't like that Asher led the reader to believe that its reasonable to think one could kill oneself for the reasons Hannah did. Peters' character, at least, suffered a life that, as you say, seems unusually harsh. In conclusion, Jay Asher can suck it.

But tell me, go ahead and try, that you didn't love the fact that Daelyn was going to kill herself (and successfully this time) by putting a cinder block on her face in the bathtub.

karen: pff - i wasn't always this badass, and i never saw anyone else getting bullied, and i was one of those people who had a number of different social circles - student council and marching band and everything in between, so i sort of spanned the whole school (like greg's mom!!!) and i didn't really hear much of it. only one major sexual assault, and if she had given me the names, they would have been finished with their sexual careers. (okay, maybe i was a little badass)

so i am thinking that in rhode island, we just know how to treat people. roger williams taught us well and all that. no, i don't know. i'm older than you, right?? maybe it is a generation thing. (although i don't think i am THAT much older) maybe it's the heat?? when i took a class called "violence, compassion, and justice" in undergrad, they taught us that more violent crimes take place in the south than the north, and more in the summer than the winter in the north.

but it's a dry heat...

i wasn't in love with the asher book, either, but at least i was interested, as a reader, in where it was going. i wanted to know what the narrator had done to get into the tapes, and i was hoping she would eventually have a good reason for doing what she did. that rachel girl's review of that book is amazing. check it out. this book - not only was i not interested in the characters, the plot itself was boooooring. do it, kill yourself and get it over with, don't wait for A FRIGGING WEBSITE to give you permission. what was that all about. "i am really determined to kill myself, but the website told me to wait". ugh.

and as far as the sexual assault goes - i mean - it wasn't anything they are ever going to make a law and order episode about. some boys got a little gropey. i mean - yes - it was totally out of line and had it happened to me, there would have been consequences, but in order to impress a reader with the magnitude of an assault, i think she could have gone stronger. boob-grabbing and panty-pulling-down is not that bad on the spectrum of sexual assault.

and that is what pisses me off - because there is good teen fiction out there. this just isn't it. but it is popular. maybe this is like the baby version of john grisham or something. upsetting, but unchallenging.

true - a thumbs up for the cinder block. at least it was original.

but really, how hard is it to take some pills? in the blender?

Caris: Did you think, at any point, that Daelyn was going to kill herself? Or that Clay was guilty of anything?

I don't think I agree with you on the sexual assault thing. An attack like that is more about power and domination. Did they rape her? No. But they did shove her into a secluded area, fondle her, drag her out from underneath a bathroom stall (where she hits her head in the process), and attempt to pull her underwear off. When I think of the specifics, I feel ill. On a large enough spectrum, there's always something worse. But it's personal, isn't it? It's awful because it happened to her, not because it's worse than something that happened to someone else.

karen: ah, and there's the problem.

i have real trouble experiencing emotional connections with characters in books and movies. which is why i rarely cry at movies. i can never get past the idea of them as constructs. so if i knew someone this had happened to, or if i heard a news story, it would be one thing, but as far as it happening to a character... i can only think of it in terms of effectiveness to the reader. or plausibility.

i don't lack affect in real life, just in books n' stuff.

Caris: FYI- it would have been relevant to this conversation to mention that your last name was Bateman.

Oh man, your experience must've been even worse than mine. With that variety of literature-induced sociopathy, I would have been completely lost in both books. I can say, without reservation, that if you can't identify with Daelyn, then this book sucks ass. No wonder you've exhibited no sympathy whatsoever for these poor dead/dying kids.

That poses a unique sort of problem, though, doesn't it? I've found that every single one of the books I've read for class has relied on that emotional connection to draw the reader in. I've never tried to distance myself from the story, as to do so would make me have to actually pay attention to that drivel. When you read, then, you always require a solid, effective plot. Perhaps it's just because my expectations have gotten so low, but I'm glad I can stick with the emotional manipulation.

Going back to the questions I posed to you that you didn't answer (they wasn't rhetorical), I'd like you to answer them. Now more than ever. Those questions, which originally were based on the characters' emotional states, now are based on plot:

Did you think, at any point, that Daelyn was going to kill herself? Or that Clay was guilty of anything?

karen: sorry, sorry - fever makes me overlook tiny questions.

no - i never thought she would actually kill herself. even just reading the copy, you know that she will be redeemed through santana and given a reason to blah blah blah. that's why there is no reason to read the book - just read the flap and you get all you need to know.

as for clay. well, i was hoping. i was hoping he had done something that was small but led to something big and he wasn't even aware of it. something, anything, no matter how innocently it was done. otherwise, it is pure cruelty on her part to make him wait for his turn on all the tapes for nothing.

off to work!!

Caris: Seems like fever might be something you should stay home from work for?

I made a point to not read the flaps. I started that at the beginning and didn't want to read any of my assigned books. So now I just start reading them without having any idea what they might be about. Leviathan and Watersmeet have been genuine surprises. That's just bad flap editing, in my opinion.

I didn't think, even for a second, that Clay had done anything wrong. He was too nice. He got along with his mother and was well liked by classmates. On top of that, he liked Hannah. It was a poor setup for a huge letdown. Daelyn, though I felt strongly that she would survive, had a chance. I had 13 Reasons Why in mind and thought to myself that if that moron could do it, this moron's got to be able to.

karen: sure, but plenty of people on her list hadn't done anything wrong. whatsherface slapped her because she thought hannah had slept with her boyfriend. that is a stupid reason to kill yourself. clay could have done something accidentally, especially since he believed the rumors about her promiscuity and they intimidated him. all it would have took would be him going "i heard you were very experienced, please be gentle with me" and she could have gone apeshit and slit her wrists right there in the midst of a makeout session. she was a loose cannon, who could predict her responses??

i have to come to work, because today is a school day. and if i had skipped today, it would have been a nightmare. i barely remember today because there were so many books all i did was blur through the mall. in a fever. but now i get to talk teen fiction (for this and other related books) and then i can go home and finish solaris .

Caris: That's true. Hannah was a bit off, which is more interesting than Daelyn's victim complex. I had a hard time seeing Hannah as a character, as she manifested herself in those cassette tapes. She was more of a poltergeist.

The thought that keeps coming back to me is how insulting these books are to their intended audience. When I compare it to something I really liked, such as Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, it almost seems pointless because there is no real comparison. Here we have books that capitalize on shock (suicide) and don't really allow the reader to connect with the characters on multiple levels. Sure, you can share in Clay's bafflement or Daelyn's reaction to bullying, but they're not characters that stay with you. That's a big problem, I think, as these books rely on voice and character development to be memorable. But I only remember them because they sucked.

In Nick and Norah (which I consider to be the best piece of teen fiction I've ever read), the reader is exposed to real life. An uber cool real life, but real life nonetheless. There's self-doubt and pain, misunderstandings and relationship development. In these suicide books, death is almost a character. I don't like that they all try to reach the reader in a lovely-bones-guest-on-Oprah kind of way. It's lame. How are teenagers supposed to enjoy good fiction when they're constantly barraged by sparkly fucking vampires and stupid girls killing themselves. I've only recently jumped into this urine-filled kiddie pool and I already want to stop.

karen: ha! she was a poltergeist! and i kept wondering how she made the tapes... did she write everything out beforehand and then read from a script? how did she keep everything straight in her head - so calmly facing the destruction of her person? why didn't she ever fumble over her words or cry or do anything human? her tone was so bitchy and snarky - she doesn't strike me as a victim - as someone who wouldn't just fight her way out of her problems. clay seemed more likely to kill himself, mr. nice guy doormat, chasing after the broken girls.

there was a guy on the class last night who had struggled with depression before, and he said he could really relate to the way daelyn thought. shrug. i have been depressed, too, but at least i was interesting when i was depressed. (i did not say this in class because i am not an asshole) but teacher didn't like that book either, although she said she liked the last third. but that she may have been forcing herself.

i never read nick and norah, but i saw the movie, is it similar in tone and all?

don't give up on teen fiction! (suddenly i am an advocate) having just finished marcelo in the real world i can assure you it gets better. and are you the one who tried and gave up on hunger games?? if so, i don't know. that book is very good - it's not all vampires and wrist-slitting. i also enjoyed feed. oh, and that teenage survival series - those are pretty fun. it does get better. and if anything else turns up on my reading list that makes me think of you, i will tell you.

Caris: Script? Psh. That girl was just organized. Her emotions were so jacked up that she was able to get her message across in an inhumanly organized and well-paced manner. Those things were what made her believable, see?

Nick and Norah is similar to the movie, but different. It's better.

I haven't tried the Hunger Games, though I have been assigned to read the third (?!) book for class. I need a break from teen fiction. I need to see other people.

Profile Image for Boxer Mama.
557 reviews2 followers
February 3, 2010
Teen suicide. Not an easy subject to think or talk about. This book tells the story of Daelyn. She's 15 and determined to die this time. Yes, you read correctly...she's tried to kill herself before and failed. This time she knows it will work. A victim of bullies, she can't face life anymore. She thinks everyone will be happier without her. One day after school she meets Santana and things start to look a little different, but is it too late?

As a mother of a child who was bullied and talked about suicide because of it, this book was very difficult for me to read. It really struck a nerve with me because it is such an accurate account of what really goes on in our kids' mind. I recommend this book to anyone with a child.
Profile Image for Connie.
184 reviews3 followers
March 2, 2012
This book ticked me off more than any I've read since My Sister's Keeper. Just like Picoult's book, this novel slapped me in the face at the end and negated whatever positive experience I might have gained from it.

By the Time You Read This ... could have been a good book. It was fast-moving and compulsively readable. Then I got to the end and literally said out loud, "What the hell?" Without giving too much away, I'll say this: Cliffhangers can be effective literary devices when done well. Mentally dropping the reader off the cliff, however, just frustrates. It makes me feel like the author (or editor or publisher) is just too lazy or too uncommitted to write a resolution. Don't get me invested in characters and then not even tell me what bloody happens.

In terms of subject matter, it would be virtually impossible not to compare this novel to Jay Asher's 13 Reasons Why. Both discuss an important issue in today's youth in a creative way. Asher blows Peters out of the park by being much more realistic (and also giving the reader a satisfying if somewhat sad denouement). And while I could relate to Daelyn in some ways more than Asher's Heather, I felt 13 Reasons Why better demonstrated the complexity of emotions in a suicidal person.

Bottom line: this book is not worth your time unless you want to throw it across the room when you're done (which was unfortunately not an option for me since I read it on my Kindle).
Profile Image for Samantha Elizabeth.
1 review3 followers
August 19, 2012
I think that some of the reviews on here are a little biased, seeing as some of you reading this book don't understand that type of pain Daelyn was in before she offed herself. I read this book a while ago when I was still in high school, and it was so beautifully painful for me. I was the new girl who underwent bullying along with personal tragedies my sophomore year. I ended up in an institution for having suicidal tendencies and characteristics. And yes, at one point, I planned out my death. I remember being in so much pain, but only inside. Daelyn was being torn to shreds by the pain, and she was willing to go to any lengths to stop it. Suicide is not a way to stop life, but to stop pain. There is no "lack of character depth" with Daelyn. She's exactly what she is - A girl in agonizing pain. There is nothing more to that. She doesn't do anything besides read and sit at her computer, because there is nothing else she is capable of doing with that state of mind. I love the way she was portrayed. It is truly like that. When you're bullied and broken, you don't let people close, not even for a moment. Yes, there is always doubt in your mind, even when people follow through with suicide, they were doubting it at one point. For people to say that the author did not give her much of a personality, or did not make her as complex as she should have been, you don't understand her, then. There is so much more to her than just what the author lets on. This book is obviously targeted to a specific group of readers, so for someone to say that Daelyn wasn't right-on or the perfect portrayal of pain, then they obviously haven't been in that same place. Personally, I enjoyed it. Except for the blatant lack of needed attention that her parents showed her - I know that makes things a thousand times worse. Overall, it was a pretty accurate book in the category of suffering.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Heather.
482 reviews45 followers
October 11, 2011
Daelyn has been demeaned, bullied, tortured and almost raped through her years in school. For some reason, the teachers and principals always believe the other students, making her feel further bullied. Daelyn was overweight most of her life and that was the main fodder for the bullies, but not all. She tried to make her parents listen, but they just passed it off as kids being kids. Her mom went on diets with her saying it would be "fun" and her father would sneak food to her at night. She was sent to fat camp where they were tortured with emotional abuse and physical exercise beyond their limits. She final went home when a boy died. But that was before. She has made a few attempts to take her life and failed. The last attempt, pouring bleach and ammonia down her throat only resulted in a burned stomach lining and collapsed esophagus. She has to wear a heavy neck brace, can't talk, and all her food has to be pureed. She doesn't realize that she's become a frail, skinny, looking girl. And that she's pretty.

Daelyn flies under the radar. It's what keeps her safe and how she plans to slip from this world without anyone knowing her plans. Her father monitors her computer so she can't get on suicide websites. But she finds one that he can't trace and there she begins her countdown. Twenty four days. But a boy begins sitting on the bench with her while she waits for her parents to get her from school and he worms himself into her life without her permission. Next thing she knows she's staying at his house because she can't be trusted to stay at home alone and her parents both have meetings when there's a half day of school. Despite the fact that Daelyn can't talk, Santana talks a lot asking lots of questions. She writes some answers down. Others she ignores. Then she finds out something about Santana that seems to make her think. She doesn't stop her countdown, but one day in chorus (she did it as a joke) a mean girl elbows her and a teacher moves her to a different section. In a way, he sticks up for her. And she ends up standing by the overweight girl. And she's nice to the girl and the girl starts chatting to her and sits with her in another class. Daelyn even writes a joke about the mean girl to the overweight girl and they laugh in chorus. But she's not supposed to be making friends. She's supposed to be letting go of everything.

Daelyn is not a pitiful character. The neck thing gets to me, but that's a personal thing. She's strong in her decision to end her life. She isn't blaming anyone. She blames herself. She doesn't believe in God because he was never there for her before. And she really thinks her parents will be better off without her. She doesn't take her medicine that was seeming to work. She really is strongly convinced that suicide is the answer. The website is not one that talks you into doing it. It ask questions that make you think about your choices. It makes you wait those twenty four days. It asks if you've thought of this and that. Have you decided how, where. Have you decided who will find you etc. But asks deeper questions like who will become you after you're gone. Daelyn keys in no one, but can't help but think of the overweight girl in chorus. Tougher questions come.

The author does a great job of portraying a girl in the depths of depression. There is no feeling. An absolute absence of any emotion. Inside is dead. That's how Daelyn is for most of the book until Santana starts to stir feelings in her. She's a sympathetic character. She doesn't whine about her life. Maybe because she can't feel. She just lays it out in flashbacks in black and white. She doesn't even seem to hate the people that were so cruel to her. She can't feel even that emotion. But Santana is hard to ignore. He's loud with bleached blond hair and colored tips and he seems to appear out of nowhere. And like I said, he talks a lot.

I can't say I enjoyed this book because I don't enjoy reading about suicide. But this was a very well written book on bullying, its effects on the victims and suicide. It addressed a very tough subject with integrity. People that attempt suicide aren't doing it for attention. They're doing it to say, "Hey, I NEED HELP!" They should be treated with respect and kindness and understanding. Not like a freak, a criminal, or a burden. They should get help because the next time probably won't be an attempt.

Now there is no clear ending to the novel. The author lets you decide for yourself what you think Daelyn did on the last day. I know what she did and I have my proof to back it up. But some others might see it differently. But be it bullying or suicide this novel is a great lesson on both.

Profile Image for Jocelyn.
1 review
September 26, 2014
I don't even know where to begin with this book. I gave it one star, and I have no idea why anyone would give it anything more. I decided to give it a try only because it had such good reviews, and I felt this book was a total waste of time. It took all the energy in my body to finish it because it was so bad. I only finished it so I could feel justified in giving it 1 star, I didn't want to rate it so poorly & it turn out that it gets better. But no, I was right. The book is terrible and stayed terrible until the very last page.

Where do I start? The bland, one dimensional character with no personality except for her desire to be dead? Is that what people think suicidal people are like? Cause I can assure you, usually people struggling with suicide don't walk around only thinking about suicide. Usually they have normal lives, usually they have friends & hobbies & lives to leave behind. The main character (I can't for the life of me even bother to remember her name.) had nothing. Which made me not even care if she did or did not kill herself. I had no sympathy, no feeling, nothing to relate to. Every chapter was the same thing. The girl went to school, complained, was harassed by this boy (but that's a whole different story), complained about that, then went home, complained some more, then went on the website and complained to the website. How do you have sympathy for someone who does nothing?

Another problem with this book, the boy. He constantly harassed her after school, which is something no one would do. After being zoned out, cut off, not spoken to, he continued to speak to her. I guess this would be some person's idea of "true love" but it was my idea of "bullshit". It was idiotic and just gave me more of a reason to hate this book.

And let's discuss the fact that it seemed the author practically ASSISTED people & told them the best ways to kill themselves? There were constant tips on the least/most painful ways to end your life, and how to do it. Did they even take into consideration WHO would be drawn to their book? People who are probably already easily triggered by this kind of thing? Extremely distasteful.

I won't even discuss the ending because if you happen to make it to the end of this book without clawing your eyes out, I wouldn't want to ruin it for you. But if you're already reading and debating whether it's worth it to finish, just a heads up, it's not.
Profile Image for Libro Joven.
68 reviews132 followers
February 9, 2010
This book was hard, but at the same time it was so enthralling. Reading so openly about bullying and a parasuicidal kid made my stomach into a knot, but I couldn't keep my eyes off the book until I was finished with it. It is short, but at the same time, it feels so long. Not because it's boring, but because the topics it talked about felt so... important, maybe? I'm not sure what's the right word for it. I'm not sure there's a right word for it.

If you enjoyed "Willow", by Julia Hoban, this is definitely a book for you, even though the books by themselves have little in common. In these pages you will read about the hopeless desperation of a girl, the angish in her parents, and about a hesitating, sweet and sad love story. Until you reach the ending. Which I had to read at least three times to make sure I had completely understood it. Or did I?
Profile Image for Thea Villa.
5 reviews
June 7, 2013
The only thing that's keeping me from giving this a 5 was the ending.
I don't hate it. It's just that, it's making me so confused that I can't make up my mind on what kind of ending Daelyn will have.

I like how Julie Anne Peters write this book. I like the start. I like how Daelyn portrays her thoughts and I haven't been in the situation as her and luckily for me, I was not bullied but those thoughts about suicide, I can somehow relate to. Her indifference to her parents and the thought were what got me but somehow I felt that she was too cold for them. But honestly that part does not really affect my rating.

What really affected it was the ending.
It was really...confusing.
It leads both ways, she either goes through it or she does not.

She deletes her account and starts a new life.
She empties everything and no more Daelyn Rice.
The dog refuses to serve the master.
Daelyn refuses to succumb to her bullies.
Her dad calls out if she's ready to leave.
Then with determination and purpose, she heads into the light.

Honestly, it feels like that she'll live and that's what irks me. It seems too cliche and too obvious but I can't believe that she also dies because it all seems so positive in the last chapter. It's okay to have ambiguous chapters but not if it's already about life and death and you just really want to know if DAELYN LIVES OR NOT.

*Food for thought: What if through the light was not really about suicide but getting through it? What if deleting your account actually meant your name being put in the DOD list wherein you finally killed the demons in your head and start a brand new you?


or maybe I just feel like this because there was no Santana moment in the end. I just enjoyed Santana so much especially with his words.
Can't find a guy like that in real life so far. meh. Too bad his days are numbered.

Let me just say that I really like/love this book, especially when Santana FINALLY got through her. Daelyn is starting to see the world in a new light and let me repeat my words from the start:
The only thing that's keeping me from giving this a 5 is the ending.
We don't really know if she dies or not.

Some people might like an open ending wherein you decide the end but I can't, not with these choices because with these choices entail different consequences like otome games or choose your own adventure book. It's like if Daelyn lives and finds a new ray of hope in Santana, he dies maybe and if Daelyn dies, everything ends for her and Santana will be left wondering on a love that could have been and will still die maybe.

As you might have already observed, I don't like this open ending. I can't decide.

But truthfully speaking, if I really have to decide, she lives. SHE GETS THROUGH IT WITH SANTANA AND EVEN THOUGH HE WILL DIE I KNOW THAT SHE WILL SEE THE WORLD IN A NEW KIND OF LIGHT. IN THE KIND OF LIGHT THAT SANTANA BROUGHT INTO HER LIFE. It's not only about Santana but Emily also has something to do with it. She can't see herself in Emily because Emily was strong, courageous and bubbly unlike Daelyn who preferred not being talked to.

She drowns her demons that have been haunting her and not her physical body. She kills off her old self and starts a new life filled with hope and happiness. She heads into the light.

Or maybe I'm just the glass-is-half-full kind of person.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Conner.
80 reviews54 followers
May 14, 2014
Sometimes after wasting my time with a truly horrible book, I enjoy reading 1 star reviews for it on goodreads. So I was going over the reviews for this book and all I saw were positive ratings. In this situation I feel like you guys are wrong and so I needed to put up a review to set the record straight. It's probably the fault of all these 4 and 5 star reviews that I suffered through reading this book in the first place.

This book is just so bad. Poor writing, abysmal character development, dialogue straight out of a John Green fan-fiction written by an 11 year old... there is nothing positive I can say about it. The main character is so flat, boring, and one-dimensional that she isn't even a character; she has no personality beyond her exaggerated suicidality. She is a caricature of a depressed person. The male character written in here since every teen book has to have a love interest, is even worse. People like this absolutely do not exist. Our protagonist hardly says a word to him and only glares at him, but that doesn't stop him fulfilling his role for the book and following her around and magically being in love with her, and ultimately being there for her when she needs it. If this book was in any way meant to help someone that was depressed, the inclusion of this character is just baffling to me, considering most people won't have anyone like this; someone that cares and is understanding of their plight, especially not someone that will stay around when they consistently push them away. This is the character I was referring to when I made the John Green fan-fiction comment and you'll see what I mean if you make the grave mistake of reading this book; the difference is John Green is a good writer, and his dialogue is clever, whereas here it is mind-bendingly stupid. One comment the character made that I keep thinking about was when the protagonist didn't eat the crust of her pizza, the male character says something along the lines of "I don't like the crusts either, that means we're perfect for each other." I'm not sure in which universe that makes sense, as this just means nobody eats the pizza crusts and they get thrown away.

Every second I spent reading this was a complete waste of time, and it was honestly insulting to me, not because it was "depressing", but because of the way this book treated both its audience and mental illness. It's not going to teach you anything about understanding people who are depressed and want to take their lives. It's a cheap cash-in of popular titles about teen suicide, such as "Thirteen Reasons Why", which by the way was also a pretty bad book. If you're going to write realistic fiction about mental illness, you need to be able to write compassionately, and you need to understand your subject matter. This author takes the time to do neither.
Profile Image for Milena.
141 reviews40 followers
July 6, 2018
This one really got me. I cried from the first to the last page.
127 reviews
September 3, 2011
I thought that it was a good book to show how drasticly people react to things like being called names and being made fun of. I feel like the people in this book actually exist. Although I really liked this book, there was a reason for me giving it four stars. She gave up. She was a hard character to get at the beginning because I haven't had to deal with characters before, but by the end of the book I viewed her as a heroine and... she died. She. Just. Gave. Up. I really liked her character and wish that in the end she didn't die.

Every book that I've read has had some sort of happy ending. Ever since I was little, "Oh, she got her prince!' or "The evil witch died and the people in the kingdom lived happily ever after!" In real life "happily ever after" is so hard to achieve that I don't think it has happened to anyone. Although when adults read those "magic" stories to you they made you think that everything was going to be all right when in the back of their mind they know isn't true. That's why those five and six year old girls think that by the time that they turn sixteen they will be married to a handsome prince and live in a pink castle.

This book was my first realization into what can happen to people that are your best friends, or just some random person you pass in the hall on your way to class. The way that she died and the information in the back of the book really opened my eyes to what can happen. I told my mom what this book was about and she shooshed me because the topic that it's on is- too- too, I don't even know. I am thoroughly surprised that they kept it on the summer reading list.

Recently, a boy that I knew attempted to commit suicide and ended up getting put in a medically induced coma. A week and a half later he died and the teachers couldn't even talk to us about it. I think that they think if they talk about it, then we will do it, that's not true. Although I don't understand why this boy would go suicidal because his family was so kind and nice, he still tried. I know that this isn't really a review of the book, but it goes along with the message that the author was trying to send to its readers.

This book was an eye-opener and I suggest it to anyone and everyone.

Just want to say something to the parents of that boy.
I can't even imagine the pain that you went through, and you're still going through. The pain of losing one child at seventeen months is enough to even attempt to handle, but to lose your fourteen year old too is just too much to bare. I just want you to know that I feel so bad and the memory of him will go on forever because he was so kind and helpful to everyone. He cared enough to set up a toy drive at Christmas because he didn't want anyone to go without a present.
Fly high. Always missed, never forgotten.
Profile Image for Sulis Peri Hutan.
1,055 reviews242 followers
September 23, 2015
Cara Bunuh Diri Yang Dipilih Daelyn Rice

Keefektifan: Beberapa cara pernah dipilih, seperti mengiris nadi, menelan cairan amonia dan pemutih namun Daelyn tetap selamat. Sambil menunggu waktu dan membaca pengalaman orang-orang melakukan bunuh diri, dia akan memikirkannya nanti, cara lainnya yang akan dipakai untuk mengakhiri hidupnya dengan cepat.

Waktu: 23 hari.

Ketersediaan: Tergantung apakah ada faktor penghambat, seperti orangtuanya yang selalu mengawasi dirinya dan tidak pernah membiarkan dirinya sendirian, mereka tidak ingin kecolongan lagi. Atau seseorang yang selalu mengganggu Daelyn ketika menunggu jemputan sepulang sekolah, seorang anak laki-laki yang sekarat sama halnya dengan dirinya.

Kesakitan: Lebih sakit menghadapi perlakuan orang lain yang mengolok-olok daripada melukai diri sendiri.

Secara kebetulan ketika mencari informasi tentang surat wasiat Daelyn menemukan situs www.Menembus-Cahaya.com, sebuah situs bunuh diri, menolong Daelyn merencanakan bunuh dirinya, tempat orang-orang yang akan membuat diri mereka sendiri meninggal. Secara ajaib, Menembus-Cahaya mengetahui data diri Daelyn, seperti menemukannya, mengetahui keinginan sejati Daelyn. Tempat berkumpulnya para korban penganiayaan, orang-orang lemah dan tanpa daya. Di situs tersebut ada berbagai macam ruang diskusi sesuai dengan tema kenapa seseorang ingin melakukan bunuh diri, mereka menceritakan pengalaman dan penderitaan yang pernah dialami. Serta ada pula cara melakukan bunuh diri, metode dan peralatannya. Dari sana kita bisa menentukan cara apa yang cocok untuk mati.

"Yang terjadi selama beberapa menit mengubahmu selamanya."

Aku tidak tahu mengapa aku tidak dapat membiarkan hinaan-hinaan itu berlalu, tapi aku tetap tidak bisa. Aku adalah produk dari setiap luka yang pernah ditorehkan di diriku.
Produk sapah manusia. Pembuangan.

Sambil menunggu 23 hari berlalu, Daelyn menjalani hari-harinya dengan biasa, menebalkan telinga di tempat baru. Dia tidak pernah punya teman dekat, pernah namun sejalannya waktu mereka menjauh. Kegiatan favoritnya saat ini selain menikmati kisah hidup Maggie Louise dalam buku Hasrat dalam Kabut adalah membuka situs Menembus-Cahaya secara sembunyi-sembunyi, membaca pengalaman orang lain tentang perbuatan kejam yang pernah mereka alami, sambil mengingat kembali penderitaan yang juga Daelyn alami. Ejekan teman-temannya, kamp khusus menurunkan berat badan yang malah membuatnya seperti di neraka, pelecehan seksual sampai tidak dipercaya orangtua sendiri kalau dia benar-benar mengalami bullying di sekolah.

Kemudian suatu hari ketika Daelyn menunggu jemputan, anak laki-laki yang beberapa hari ini selalu mengamati dirinya berani menampakkan diri, dia sangat ingin tahu tentang Daelyn, buku apa yang dia baca, kenapa dia tidak pernah bicara, apa yang terjadi dengan lehernya sehingga harus memakai penyangga? Membuat Daelyn gerah akan kehadirannya dan menghindari. Namun laki-laki tersebut tidak menyerah, dia ingin berteman dengan Daelyn, dia ingin menunjukkan kalau Daelyn tidak sendirian di dunia ini, akan ada orang lain yang tulus menyayangi dan mendengarkan keluh kesahnya, ada orang lain yang bisa dijadikan tempat berbagi. Ada orang lain yang lebih menderita daripada dirinya. Laki-laki yang menunjukkan bahwa hidup bisa dinikmati.

Bullycide. Aku tahu kata itu dengan baik. Bunuh diri sebagai jalan keluar dari bullying.

Mereka membunuhmu dengan kata-kata mereka.

Kegagalan dan kesalahanmu. Hal-hal itu melekat pada dirimu. Hal-hal itu mengumpal jadi kanker jelek yang bertumbuh di dalam dirimu dan membuatmu ingin mati.

Kali ini Julie Anne Peters mengambil tema Bullycide, bunuh diri karena bullying, setelah sebelumnya berhasil membuat saya terkesan dengan tema Transgender dalam buku Luna. Bullying selalu menarik bagi saya, walau saya belum pernah mengalaminya, paling hanya sebatas ejekan di mana tidak terlalu saya pedulikan karena saya adalah tipe orang yang sangat cuek. Namun Daelyn tidak secuek saya.

Waktu kecil dia sangat disayang kedua orangtuanya, anak kecil yang gemuk selalu menyenangkan dan lucu, tapi begitu remaja kegemukan bisa menjadi masalah. Sasaran olok-olokan, sasaran kejahilan, sehingga menjadi rendah diri, tidak percaya diri, merasa dirinya jelek, dijauhi teman-temannya. Membuat Daelyn tidak berarti dan tidak ada yang memahami dirinya. Dia berperang dengan ketakutannya dan kalah, yang akhirnya memilih mengakhiri hidup karena tidak tahan lagi menerima ejekan dan perlakuan tidak menyenangkan dari orang lain. Ditambah tidak ada dukungan darinya, kadang orang dewasa, dalam hal ini orangtua Daelyn, hanya menganggap sepele, tidak usah didengarkan, melakukan hal-hal dengan cara yang mereka tahu, yang mereka pikir terbaik. Mereka tidak merasakan sehingga tidak mengetahui penderitaan Daelyn, hanya bicara saja mudah.

Situs Menembus-Cahaya bisa membuka mata kita, melihat penderitaan orang-orang akibat pelecehan baik verbal maupun fisik, perbuat sepele yang kita lakukan bisa membuat orang lain terluka dalam. Dampaknya lebih dari luka badan, pengobatan dari terapis saja tidak akan cukup, perlu berbulan-bulan bahkan seumur hidup untuk menyembuhkan luka mereka. Kehadiran Santana Girard membuat Daelyn memikirkan kembali akan makna hidup, memberikan warna pelangi dalam hidupnya yang abu-abu kotor.

Buku ini tidak diceritakan secara mendayu-dayu, jauh dari itu. Daelyn bahkan cenderung sinis ketika menceritakan kisah hidupnya, dan lewat Santana kita akan mendapatkan humor yang segar, yang menganggap hidup harus dinikmati sebaik-baiknya. Santana adalah tokoh paling favorit di buku ini, dia bisa menghangatkan suasana, bisa membuat kita tersenyum. Sedangkan bagian paling favorit adalah ketika Santana mencoba berbicara dengan Daelyn di bangku tempat biasa dia menunggu jemputan, dan ketika Daelyn bertemu dengan Emily, ketika sadar kalau diam saja tidak akan mengatasi masalah, malah akan menciptakan Daelyn yang lain.

Selalu ada jalan keluar. Yang perlu kau lakukan hanyalah mengambil jalan itu.

Yang kutahu adalah, kau tidak dapat kembali ke belakang. Kau tidak dapat menekan tombol "hapus" dan mengetik ulang kehidupanmu.
Bagaimana mereka akan diingat, orang-orang yang menyerah pada kegelapan?
Sebagai pecundang, atau pemenang?

Buku ini bercerita tentang makna hidup, akan ada bagian atau keajaiban yang akan membuat kita berbelok tiba-tiba, berlawanan arah dari apa yang sudah kita rencanakan. Tuhan akan menyentil kita, karena Dialah yang paling tahu bagaimana ketika kita meninggal nanti.

Buku ini recommended bagi siapa saja, bagi orangtua agar lebih mengawasi anak-anaknya dan jangan pernah membiarkan mereka merasa sendiri. Terlebih untuk para remaja agar lebih menghargai orang disekitar kita. Jagalah ucapan dan perbuatanmu, pikir dulu sebelum bertindak karena siapa tahu bisa melukai orang tersebut.

review lengkap http://www.kubikelromance.com/2015/08...
Profile Image for Kate.
Author 15 books822 followers
July 27, 2009
My friend Tammy dropped this off at the library for me to read, and one day as I was waiting for the virus scan to run on my work computer, I started reading. I only got 12 pages in and I told myself I would continue the next day at lunch. By the next day, Lexi (the intern who shares my desk) had also started reading it while virus scans were running. She took it home and finished it that night. I had other things to read, but the whole time I was wondering and worrying about the girl in the story.

Daelyn is going to kill herself in 23 days. Her most recent suicide attempt left her mute, and she spends most of her days re-reading her romance novels and visiting Through the Light, a website dedicated to suicide completers. The book counts down the days as she pours her soul out to the website, horrific stories about being bullied about her obesity, and tries to avoid the weird boy named Santana who keeps showing up at the bench where she waits for her parents to pick her up from school.

This book had so much truth in it... Daelyn's voice was very real and her journey will suck you in...
Profile Image for Bex.
532 reviews5 followers
January 20, 2019
This post may contain spoilers. Also, content note for suicide, bc it's impossible to talk about this book without discussing that (as a major theme of the plot).

I try not to hate on books mercilessly if I can help it. That being said: this time I think it's warranted.

This book isn't just a bad book, I think it's genuinely dangerous. It gives some quite graphic descriptions of ways to end one's life, with 'ratings' for things like pain and 'effectiveness'. I'm not going to make a judgement on such information existing in the wider world: however, in a book aimed at teenagers? Yeah, that's not cool. I know it could be argued that it does talk about 'cons' to the different methods, but still, they're not really examined enough for a book AIMED AT TEENAGERS.

I think there's a lot to be said about representation and identifying with fiction, and I think books about characters who are bullied, characters who are fat, characters who have mental health problems, and characters with two or more of these storylines definitely should exist. I just don't think this is one of them, partly because it felt quite fatphobic at times. As well, for people who might identify with the protagonist, I think the picture painted is incredibly bleak, which could be really harmful, and that really worries me. Especially the ending- cos, y'know, at the end of the day, you're gonna recover for a guy, right? (Sarcasm. Massive sarcasm.). The ending also felt massively rushed, like, suddenly she was gonna be okay? Recovery's not like that, not at all.

Please don't read this. DEFINITELY please please do not give this to teenagers.
Profile Image for ayşnr._.r.
301 reviews58 followers
February 9, 2017
15 yaşında ki Daelyn etrafında ki insanlardan sürekli olarak zorbalık gören genç bir kız. Daha fazla dayanamayarak bir kaç kez intihar girişiminde bulunur fakat sonuç hep başarısız olur. Ama bu sefer bunu başarmak için kararlıdır.
Daelyn internette "Işığın-İçinden" adlı bir site bulur. Bu siteye kaydolan kişilere belirli süreler verilir böylece süreleri dolduğunda intihar edebilecekler. Bir nevi ölümünüze geri sayım. Daelyn'nin süresi 23 gün. Şimdi aşırı dram yüklü kitapları çok beğenerek okuyorum. Bazı kitaplarda bu dram, üzüntü ve baş karakterin yaşadığı olaylar bize tam aktarılamıyordu. Ama bu kitapta öyle değil. Ben okumaya başladığımda Daelyn'e sadece şişmanlığı ve dış görüntüsü yüzünde alay edildiğini sanıyordum. Durum bununla da kalmıyormuş ve zorbalığın en üst kısımlarında geziyor kitap.
Zorbalık yaşayan bir insanın kaldığı en zor durumlardan biride bence "yaşadıklarını anlatmasıdır. Burada sadece Daelyn değil, kayıt olduğu sitede ki kullanıcıların yazdığı o 3-5 cümlelik şeyler bile beni inanılmaz etkiledi.
Daelyn her okul çıkışı annesinin onu almasını beklerken bir çocukla karşılaşır. Her gün Daelyn ile konuşmak için bin takla atar. Daelyn önceden yaşadığı olayları göz önüne alarak kendini hep çocuktan uzak tutar. Çünkü baş karakterin sürekli söylediği bir söz var. "Erkeklere güvenilmez, istedikleri şey hep aynıdır."
Öte yandan bu gizemli ve oldukça komik olan erkek karakter Santana'ı ben çok sevdim. Onun yaşadığı hayatı başka bir kitap olarak okumak isterdim. Belki Daelyn yaşadıklarını yaşamasaydı Santana'a çok daha farklı yanaşabilirdi.
Sevmediğim kısmı ise Daelyn'nin annes ve babası. Kızlarıyla daha çok ilgilenmelerini istedim. Yaşadığı sorunları kendi anlatmak istemese bile bir anne baba olarak onların anlamasını o kadar istedim ki. Puanımı buradan kırdım. Artık bu tarz kitaplarda anne ve babaların daha bilinçli bir şekilde olduğu karakterler okumak istiyorum.
Kitabı 1 günde okudum. Yazarın dili inanılmaz akıcı, o yüzden hele ki RS'de iseniz koşarak gidin alın ve hemen okuyun. Ben bu kitabın çoğunluğunu dehşet içinde ve gerçekten insanların yaptığı şeylere inanamayarak okudum. Bu kitap kurgu olabilir fakat gerçek hayatta bunların aynısını belki de daha fazlasını yaşayan milyonlarca insan var. Bu kitabı okumanızı tavsiye ediyorum. Kitap bittikten sonra arkada ki notu da okumanızı öneririm.
Profile Image for Sab H. (YA Bliss).
292 reviews100 followers
January 29, 2015
Whoa!! I was not expecting this, specially in such a short read. This is probably the most torn I've been since I finished Ballads of Suburbia. This book is so harsh. And raw. And wrong. And cruel. And depressing. And sick. Oh, and I loved, loved, loved it. Even though my stomach sometimes didn't. I had physical ache while reading, that's how amazing it was. Seriously, I believe every person alive should read it. If you dare to read something so heart-wrenching that will most likely stick with you. It leaves a great message.

The world is a freaking messed up place, no need to hide that. This may be a hard read, but only because it's so real that it hurts. The characters in the book were magnificent. The guy, Santana, I've never been so in love with a realistic-fiction character before. I wanted to tear him out of the book and keep him. He will steal your heart and keep it. The writing was good, felt awkward at times, but worked perfectly.

If you think you have the guts to read about bullying and suicide (Bullycide) you must go pick this up right now. If you read Hate List (Jennifer Brown) and liked it, I think you will find this one really interesting too.
Profile Image for Alexis Stankewitz.
1,196 reviews52 followers
November 5, 2016
I wanted to scream at the main protagonist and slap her really hard. I mean, I get that she's had a rough life (sort-of) and that she has low self esteem and is suicidal, but all I read was "Whine,whine,whine, My parents are awful and I've been bullied a lot in my life,so that make me want to die" girl:you have parents that love and care about you and are willing to do literally ANYTHING to help you feel better. You go on beyond-the-light.com (which I pray doesn't acually exist in some corner of the internet) basically use it as a online journal, and then proceed to bash everyone else using it as an online journal.
Profile Image for Grace Messi.
321 reviews1 follower
April 10, 2017
I just realized that it's been almost a year since I have finished this book - my least favorite read OF ALL TIME - and although I have since disposed of the book (by throwing it out because I felt it was a disservice to donate it and let someone else read it as well). So, here is my attempt at a review for it:

My thoughts the entire time I read this. I had so many issues with it. First off, the narrative was terribly dry as boring. Also, the whole "a love interest can save my life" is complete bs. Not because love has no impact, but a s/o cannot heal mental illness. There's also a lot of weight-shaming from Daelyn and soooo much body hate due to her obesity that is never really dealt with. I also remember a line about Daelyn thinking that it would be easier to have cancer than to be suicidal, and honestly half of her thoughts were so ignorant that I didn't even know where to begin. I tried to have sympathy for her because of what she had gone through, but I despised this book completely - the characters, the plot, the writing. All of it. Also, I was incredibly angry at the fact that the author included "articles" from the site helping the main character to commit suicide that actually listed ways to kill yourself with a pain rating and a how-to - ALL WITHOUT A TRIGGER WARNING -in a book where the readers may be dealing with suicidal thoughts or other mental health issues. Which I also found really disappointing as I loved the authors book "Define Normal" when I was younger. But I'm struggling to see how this atrocity got published to begin with.
Profile Image for İdris Alp.
152 reviews6 followers
January 7, 2017
Ahhh ahhh sen nasıl bir kitapsın be, yıktın geçirdin beni. D'nin başına gelenleri ağzım açık okudum, insanların özellikle de çocukların Ne kadar acımasız zorbalar olduğunu okudukça kalbim sızladı. Bu kitap bence diğer genç yetişkin kitaplarından değil, tabi kitaba başlarken bende sıradan bir konu demiştim ama okudukça anladım ki bambaşkaydı yani en azından benim için. Yazarın ilk başta diline alışamadım nedense hep cümleleri yanlış okudum ama alışmaya başlayınca bir gecede 170 sayfa okudum. D'nin o depresif hallerini Santana'nın bitmek bilmeyen enerjisini yazar çok iyi işlemiş. Zaten kitap GY olunca birinci kişi ağzından anlatılıyor, ve D'nin anlatışına alışıyorsunuz. Ya şimdi burda ne anlatırsam spoil olacağı için bir şey anlatamıyorum ama Santana için bile okunacak bir kitap .Klasik #gokitap tarzında sürükleyici ve 1-2 günde bitirip kafanızı başka yönlere çekmek için ideal bir kitap .Eğer Konuş Benimle ve Öİ13S sevdiyseniz buna bayılacağınıza eminim. Tabi herkese öneremem çünkü çoğu kişi kahramanın acizliğinden dolayı kitaba tamamen ön yargılı yaklaşıyorlar ondan dolayı bu türü sevenler için Harika bir kitap. Ve #2017 nin ilk ağlatan kitabı .Hadi okuyunda kitap üzerinde tartışalım . ha bu Arada kitabın kabartma detayı Ve kapağı da çok hoş. Puan:4,6
#julieannepeters #bythetimeyoureadthisillbedead #goyayinlari
7 reviews
July 14, 2016
I checked this out from my school's library. As a high school teacher, I am angry after reading this that my school carries it and checks it out to teens. I have no problem letting students read stories about difficult topics and hot-button issues, but this book crosses a line. I felt like I was getting how-to tips on ways to kill myself every other page, which is ridiculous and irresponsible. The ending offers teens no message on what to take away from the book, meaning that they are left on their own to navigate the topic of whether or not people should commit suicide if they are bullied and determined enough.

Students like the book. I think they are drawn in by the topic and the characters. But I am worried putting a book like this into the hands of students who are often vulnerable to their own emotions and who can be their own worst enemies. This book is a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Profile Image for Thomas.
1,457 reviews8,563 followers
September 11, 2010
I really liked this book - I would instantly distribute it to a lot of individuals attending my school. Bullying is an abusive, hurtful, and often times overlooked behavior that breaks the self-esteem of kids and teens. It was understandably difficult to read this, but I trudged through the torturous things Daelyn experienced.

Daelyn may be a bit unsympathetic for most readers, but her circumstance made it all the more believable to me. The writing was also solid. I am looking forward to reading more books by Julie Anne Peters - apparently she has a lot of other books published but this was my first from her.
Profile Image for Trisha.
4,637 reviews161 followers
September 23, 2012
I just finished and closed this book.

Typically I would wait to do my review on a book like this. I would sit with it for a few days, but I read this book for a challenge so I'm going to go ahead and write it up. I may change it again later.

I struggle with books like these. I'm glad that they are out there - books that deal with REAL issues that kids are having. Not bad hair days, but bad YEARS. days and days and days where they drag on and...when a person reaches a point where they don't feel they can go on.

I also don't think these books that deal with real issues - like suicide - should be for adults only. I think it's a very real, very serious issue in our teens, our youth - that dying by their own hand is very much a reality and a choice they choose!

But...(you knew that was coming, right?) I know I have my own bias. It's hard for me to read these books and not pull my own stuff in to it.

As a mom, I want to scream and yell, scold and...hug and cry and hold her hands and...just crumble because it just breaks my heart that this is an option. That kids die every day by their own hand.

As a survivor of all different types of abuse - it always surprises me just how differently we can all handle it. Did I handle it right? Is she handling it wrong? Is it MY place to judge her? Is it her place to judge me?

I just...I'm a mom of two girls and a survivor. It's hard not to get angry about a book about suicide - it's hard not to get angry at SUICIDE. It's just hard not to scream and yell and pull this book apart.
Profile Image for Damla.
218 reviews20 followers
January 6, 2017
Kitap içimi dağlayarak bitirdi. O kadar acı verdi ki bana anlatamam size. Geçen 23 gün boyunca ben ağladım, ben üzüldüm, ben dağlandım... İçim yandı, içim kanadı... Yazar yaşamlarımımızın bir zaman diliminde karşımıza çıkabilecek bir durumu o kadar duygulu ve içten bir şekilde yazmış ki artık kitabın sonlarına doğru gözyaşlarım sel olup aktı. Özellikle 15 yaşındaki bir genç kızın yaşadığı bu durum/lar o kadar acı ki son 5 günü okurken kaç kez kitabın kapağını kapattım inanın hatırlamıyorum. Son 5 gün bütün sırlar ortaya çıkmasına rağmen kitabın sonu okuyucuların düşünceleri ile başbaşa kalmasını sağlamış. Yazarı bu nokta da gerçekten çok kızgınım. Bir an gerçekten bir an o kadar çok umutlandım ki hayalimde Santana ile Afrik dansı yaptım. Ama daha sonra kitabın ismini görünce bütün umutlarım bir çöp öğütücüsüne gitti ve orada tıkalıp kaldı. Ve her şey bu kadardı... Bitti. Acı ile...

Kitap 2017 yılında okuduğum ilk kitap. En acısıyla en umut öldürücü şekli ile aklımda kalacak bir şekilde iz bıraktı ben de... Sonsuza kadar. Seninle iyi ki tanışmışım Daelyn. Ve seninle de bir gün Afrika dansı yapacağım Santana, söz...
Profile Image for Jaime Arkin.
1,422 reviews1,326 followers
May 3, 2011
this book instantly intrigued me when i saw the title and description. it a tough read ... heavy and sometimes hard to stomach but completely worth it.

daelyn is hard to grasp as a character i felt sorry for her but i was also mad. she was giving up and i wanted her to fight for her life and happiness. her relationship with her parents made me want to pull my hair out... but i had hope towards the end but then .... no resolution. i imagine im supposed to determine in my own mind what really happened there but it frustrated me.

im a hea girl so i'm just going to go with that!

as i said...heavy topics... bullying, depression and suicide are all talked about quite freely in this book so keep that in mind when reading.

i did really like it and if you are looking for something heavier and emotion filled this is a good short book.
Profile Image for Meryssa Plentz.
14 reviews5 followers
March 4, 2019
So, this book was very difficult for me for many reasons.
First of all, I have had suicidal moments. Moments where I sat in my bathroom crying with a broken razor in my hand.
Second of all, I honestly do not need to know of effective ways to kill myself. I'm sure plenty of people looked at this book and decided to use one of these methods to do so.

I honestly hated this book. I was waiting for it to end. I seriously was. I liked 13 Reasons Why way more than I liked this book.
1) 13rw had a more serious stand point because the narrator had already killed herself.
2) It shows a much better view of how it would effect the people around you.
3) it didn't fucking tell me how to kill myself.
Profile Image for Nur Ötken.
Author 2 books38 followers
March 9, 2020
Tek bir eleştirim var kitapla ilgili: dilinin çok basit ve gelişigüzel olması. Benim için etkileyiciliği düşüren bir etken oluyor. Diğer yandan 15 yaşında bir kızın dilinden yazılmış olduğu izlenimini güçlendirmesi açısından daha iyi olabilir.
Konu, kurgu ve duygular açısından da beni bitirdi. Bu hisleri gerçekten yaşamış insanlar için psikolojik anlamda ağır olabilir bu kitap. Fazla gerçek, fazla içtendi. Kaç yerinde ağladığımı sayamadım bile. Bu olayları yaşayan insanların anlaşılması, bu gençlere yardımcı olmak açısından çok anlamlı bir kitap.
Profile Image for Dreya.
21 reviews6 followers
November 2, 2015
Another heartbreaking story I have read. This story made me feel how its like to live in a world of people who get bullied most of their lives.

I know life is unfair, but we need to stand up and fight. And "do not let the pain ate you", just like what it did to Daelyn Rice.

So be PROUD! And smile! ^_^
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