Life of Cyn

by Caitlin Avery

Some say life begins at forty.

Cyn Mckinley hopes so since her former life is over. Home foreclosure, a cross-country move, and hidden drinking problem pretty much killed it. Being crushed by crippling anxiety doesn’t help.
 
When she discovers that her husband's new boss is the monster who raped her in high school, she spirals further down. Struggling to process this revelation, she conceals it from her husband because they need his job. Instead, she numbs her pain with too much wine, drives drunk, and her husband threatens to divorce her. She reluctantly quits drinking, hoping that will save her marriage.
 
But clarity from sobriety brings something unexpected to Cyn – the need for justice or revenge. If only she can find a way to make the demon pay for the trauma he inflicted, and the ripples it sent through her life, then maybe she’ll find peace.

336 pages, Paperback

Published December 27, 2022

About the author

Caitlin Avery writes about women whose lives are amiss and can’t resist dangerous impulses. She's the author of the award-winning adventure/thriller, The Last Cruz, its up-and-coming sequel, Grief and Grace, and her recently released commercial fiction, Life of Cyn. Her first book, a coming-of-age memoir, is called Lightning in my Wires. When she's not inventing transformative adventures for her readers, she loves to indulge in them. A triathlete, mountain biker, backpacker, black-diamond skier, and yoga enthusiast, she lives outside of Boston with her husband and son, and the cat and dog who rescued her.
To learn more about the author, follow Caitlin Avery Author on Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook, or Twitter.

Reviews

[KKEC Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

Life of Cyn by Caitlin Avery

Published: December 27, 2022
Bullough Pond Press
Pages: 326
Genre: Psychological Thriller
KKECReads Rating: 5/5
I received a copy of this book for free, and I leave my review voluntarily.

Caitlin Avery writes about women whose lives are amiss and can’t resist dangerous impulses. She's the author of the award-winning adventure/thriller, The Last Cruz, its up-and-coming sequel, Grief and Grace, and the soon-to-be-released women’s fiction Life of Cyn. Her first book, a coming-of-age memoir, is called Lightning in my Wires. When she's not inventing transformative adventures for her readers, she loves to indulge in them. A triathlete, mountain biker, backpacker, black-diamond skier, and yoga enthusiast, she lives outside of Boston with her husband and son and the cat and dog who rescued her.

“Every one of us got a hand in the beginning.”

Cyn is trying to get her life back on track. Between recent changes and her drinking, things have been hard. And she is starting to feel isolated and worthless. When a series of bad decisions leads to her husband giving her an ultimatum, Cyn knows she has to make some changes. But can she outrun the shadows from her past before it’s too late?

Wow. This book is heavy. It’s complex, vulnerable, sad, and at times infuriating. But it’s also beautiful. It is filled with hope, forgiveness, second chances, and recovery.

I spent a lot of this book so angry at Cyn. She went through something horrific at 17, and it altered her. And alcohol became her coping mechanism. And she chose the bottle over and over again. She risked her life, marriage, career, and her son's life.

The balance is Nick was also struggling. And not just with his wife and her addiction. He had his demons to battle, his webs to clear. I found the telling of their stories powerful.

Mary was an incredible character. She spoke with compassion, empathy, and knowledge. She was a remarkable character.

One of the most realistic portions of this book is the way Cyn’s addiction had a handle on her. That was so realistic. So heartbreaking. And, at times, so infuriating. But the path to redemption is rarely easy.

When Cyn decided to take her power back and call her attacker out, she never expected the domino effect it would cause. She had no idea that this monster had brutalized so many other women.

And for most of the book, her anger and fear motivated her. And kept her going back to the comfort of alcohol. But as Cyn starts to realize that the man that took so much from her is just a man, a broken, disgusting disgrace of a man- she realizes he is not worth the life she has to live.

When Mary takes Cyn to a meeting, and she finds nothing but support- I lost it. This was a decisive moment. The realistic way addiction is portrayed is scary. It was honest, and it was profound.

Cyn and Nick could be any of us. They are some of us. And this book does a phenomenal job of reminding us to be willing to forgive, understand, and practice patience.

I asked Caitlin to join her review team after seeing a video she shared about making attackers afraid. About saying their name and refusing to be silent.

This book isn’t at all what I expected. It was so much more. This was an incredible journey, and no amount of words will do this book justice. All I can say is read it.

[Rita Corcoran · Rating 3 out of 5]

First, let me say that anyone who writes and publishes has my respect. Yes. However, I think the editing was poor - book was way to long with much too much repetition. I know I'm a cranky old prune but the misuse of words ("jive" instead of "jibe" and a misspelling or two, along with the odd missing preposition) is distracting. I can't recommend.

On the plus side, alcoholism is dealt with realistically as is criminal behavior. There were some moments of excitement.

[Stephanie Skretkowski · Rating 5 out of 5]

Title: A Riveting Journey of Resilience and Healing: "Life of Cyn" by Caitlin Avery

Review:
"Life of Cyn" by Caitlin Avery is an emotionally gripping and profoundly inspiring tale that takes readers on a journey through the life of its captivating protagonist, Cyn. From the very first page, I found myself unable to put the book down as Cyn's story unfolded before my eyes.

Avery's skillful storytelling and vivid descriptions drew me into Cyn's world, where she faced a multitude of challenges, including trauma, PTSD, grief, and illness. As I followed Cyn's path, her unwavering strength and indomitable willpower left an indelible mark on my heart.

One of the most compelling aspects of this book is how it explores the transformative power of self-care and self-love. Cyn's journey teaches us that what we conscientiously put into our bodies can be the ultimate catalyst for healing. Avery seamlessly weaves in themes of holistic wellness and emphasizes the importance of nurturing our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

The portrayal of Cyn's marriage and her struggles within it adds an additional layer of depth to the narrative. Through her determination to save her marriage, Cyn exemplifies the complexity and resilience of human relationships. Her unwavering commitment to her role as a mother also shines through, underscoring the lengths she is willing to go to protect her family.

Avery's writing style is evocative and empathetic, allowing readers to deeply connect with Cyn's emotions and experiences. The author's attention to detail and her ability to depict raw and authentic emotions make the story feel incredibly real and relatable.

While the book deals with heavy themes, it is ultimately a story of hope and triumph. Cyn's journey serves as a reminder that even in the face of adversity, we have the power to heal, rebuild, and rediscover ourselves.

In conclusion, "Life of Cyn" is an exceptional work that resonates on a profound level. Caitlin Avery has crafted a compelling narrative that explores the depths of human resilience and the healing power of self-care. This book will leave you inspired, moved, and with a renewed appreciation for the strength of the human spirit.

I wholeheartedly recommend "Life of Cyn" to anyone seeking an unforgettable story of courage, redemption, and the indomitable power of the human will.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished this several days ago and have been putting off writing a review because I wanted it to really sink in and see what I thought with some space. I loved it. I read it in a few sittings and couldn’t stop turning the pages. There’s trauma, triggering events but nothing too tough to bear, humor (going out in the pink wig 😂), so many moments where Cyn made me mad and want to just say, stop it, what are you doing?!
And ugh this stuck with me, “cut her some slack,” Cyn said. “She’s sick.” “She’s drunk,” Melissa said. “There’s a difference.” No there isn’t.
And the names were quite clever. My favorite was Harry Grossman. All around a great book showing the strength and weakness of a women who has dealt with living a real life, survived its ups and downs, and is still standing at the end.

[Debi]

This novel is about confronting and overcoming an array of difficult experiences from addiction to surviving S.A. and the all-too-common ways in which parents harm or disappoint their offspring.

It reads like a novelization of actual life experiences because although there are delicate topics, the narrator focuses on the characters' actions more than helping readers experience the characters' emotional trajectories as if trying to maintain some distance for the sake of privacy.

The camaraderie and sense of empowerment among victims were what I most enjoyed.

This book made me realize that I don't have enough patience when it comes to addiction and that I could be more understanding of the cycles they endure before and while healing.

My thanks to the author for providing an ARC!

[Kim Loves Reading! · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is so relatable, sexual assault effects 3 out 5 women, as women we blame ourselves. Why do we do that, men never blame themselves?? Why do we think that maybe it was our fault? We shouldn't have drunk that much or wore that outfit that made us feel beautiful till it didn't. I was sexually assaulted when I was in high school party, I had passed out in a bedroom and boy assaulted me. A lot of it is blur, comes in pieces, the pain will always be a part of me. I have learned to move through the pain, because what happen does not define me.
I also turned to drinking like Cyn to cope, because alone with thoughts and anxiety was worse sober. With lots of therapy and support from family and friends I learned to move through the pain. This book needs to be added to every book club, women need to talk because we are stronger in numbers.

Cyn was sexually assaulted with she was in high school; the worst part is the man who assaulted her is her husband's new boss. Everything she thought she put behind her comes rushing to the surface, anxiety, stress and loss of control of who she wants to be. She starts to drink again which starts this spiral. This time with her young son in danger and her husband threats to leave her. To save her marriage and her son she quits drinking, with a clear conscience she now needs justice for what happened to her.

This book gives complexity that is life, marriage, family and the power to forgive.

Thank you to NetGalley and Pond Press for copy of this book for my honest review.

[Shira Goodman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Life of Cyn gave me insight and empathy to victims of sexual abuse as well as alcoholics working to stay sober. The novel gave me new perspective on individuals battling with difficult situations. I more fully appreciate the pathos and everyday tribulations of individuals dealing with alcoholism or sexual abuse.

Caitlin Avery, recounts the trials of a young mom, Cyn, as she battles the aftermath of a rape while in high school. You feel the pain of the woman that never seems to fully subside, and the angst of the alcoholism born from this difficult period. Caitlin made the characters come alive, especially the Cyn and her husband. I was rooting for both of them even when they made poor decisions.

While it is an emotional read, it is also gripping. The short chapters and multiple perspectives made the book easy to read. I finished it in days--including several nights where I stayed up reading to see what would happen to Cyn.

Finally, set in my hometown of Boston, I enjoyed the many local references.

I recommend this book to anyone looking for a good, insightful read but especially to readers who are supporting victims of sexual abuse. There are many books about Me Too on the market but I think that this one gives a unique, empathetic and captivating perspective.

[Maura Troy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had a hard time putting this book down. The long-term effects of sexual assault and the resulting trauma are heartbreakingly yet brilliantly expressed in this novel. The domino effect into addiction, the difficulties of intimacy and trust that can last for decades. Cyn is such a relatable character, one I both rooted for and got annoyed with, and then rooted for and got annoyed with all over again. It was these flip-flopping changes in my feelings for her that made me realize how well the author has portrayed the long term emotional effects of SA and addictions, none of which are easily or magically overcome. We can see the work, struggle, and the sometimes completely irrational behavior that is the roller coaster ride of recovery. We can see the toll it takes on family, especially as they deal with their own demons. Their wish to support often conflicts with their need to protect themselves and their loved ones, further emphasizing the ripple effect of SA traumas.

This is the first book I’ve read by Caitlin Avery, but I doubt it will be the last. Very well done.

I received an ARC copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Jacqueline Boulden · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a powerful story about overcoming the many layers of trauma that could destroy a person’s life. Cyn McKinley has put a sexual assault that happened in her teens mostly behind her until she comes face to face with her attacker. That’s bad enough. Then it turns out he’s the boss of her husband, who’s facing his own struggles with an explosive temper fueled by events in his childhood. They hit peaks and valleys together and separately as they try to navigate a minefield of unbearable pain and failing expectations. Will their marriage survive? Will Cyn learn to deal with her agonizing memories without the numbing help of alcohol? The turmoil of Caitlin Avery’s characters jumps off the pages and tugs at your heart as you will them to pull their lives back together.

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

With thanks to the author for the copy received. I have to admit that this novel wasn’t usually something I would read, I struggle reading something that is raw and full of pain. Something that you know happens from seeing the news and knowing that very little is done to help the victim. The #MeToo news was typical of that.
But I’m glad that I did, Cyn was a character I liked, and I had equal amounts of sympathy and respect for her. She knew that her reliance on alcohol was causing damage to her marriage and possible risk to her son but too much was happening around her for her to quit. Af first, when she outed her abuser, and many other victims came forward it seemed to help her but it soon started to overpower her and she relapsed again. Combined with her awful landlord, health problems within her family and ongoing marital problems it seemed like there would be no way out. But despite her issues Cyn was a strong woman with plenty of determination, in many ways much stronger than her husband Nick.
My opinions of Nick changed throughout the novel. I didn’t always feel that he gave enough support, even though I could appreciate that he was concerned about their son’s welfare. But I felt that he wasn’t as honest as Cyn, he also had issues but wasn’t able to address and acknowledge them the same way she did. The way he did try and cope was totally different to hers. Once he started to accept what had happened to him, throughout his childhood, he seemed to be more of a support.
This is an incredibly important novel, some of the storyline has only been discussed publicly because of recent events. I dread to think of what may still come to light with correct support.

[Helen Morrish · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book deals with a shocking event Cyn experiences in her early life, which leads to her eventual struggle with addiction. You will go on a journey with her as she battles her addiction to save her marriage, and eventually puts her perpetrator behind bars. A very relevant book for the #MeToo movement, brilliantly written with great dialogue and a main character you can really relate to.
A page turner, a definite 5 out of 5 stars. Thanks for giving me the opportunity Caitlin of reading an ARC of Life of Cyn.

[Mrs Mommy Booknerd http://mrsmommybooknerd.blogspot.com · Rating 5 out of 5]

#FirstLine - The night was make or break, so when Cyn’s husband, Nick, asked what she wanted to drink, she hit pause.

This book was fantastic….heavy and hopefully, sad and triumphant. I was pulled into this raw and honest story that shows nothing in life is simple. This story covers heavy topics, but does so with heart and truth. The story is beautifully told and paced well. You will become engrossed in the story and this story and chapters will stay with you long after you finish reading!! A must read for 2023!!!!

[Kay · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book as an ARC. This book is not my normal kind of read, but it has become one of my favorite of this year.
Cyn was a very troubled women trying to move on after a rough few years. When confronted with someone for her past, she goes deep into a dark time. Over the next few years, she experiences some high highs and low lows.
After the events of the #MeToo moment, I feel like Cyn shows the very real life effects than can plague a person even over 20 years later.

[Tianna.Clore · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was fortunate enough to read an ARC of this deeply moving novel. The story follows a woman on the brink of self-destruction as she navigates life after a sexual assault that occurred years prior. Her life is thrown into a tailspin when she discovers that her attacker is now her husband’s new boss who she outs on social media. This thought provoking novel covers one woman’s story of her triumph over the trauma that dimmed her light for so long. It’s a must-read!

[Catherine Collins · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of those books that I couldn't put down, anxiously turned each page, and then wanted more. If there was a fast-forward button I would have used it...just to make sure everything was going to go okay for Cyn.

If this was a movie, of which - it would be a good one, it's one that I would have my hands over my eyes and peeking out. The realistic points of alcoholism hit home as well. A wonderfully written book that I highly recommend.

[Janelle Phillips]

While I was reading this book I realized that the author was illustrating the lives of so many of us/women who struggle. I felt like I was walking in her shoes, cried when she cried, felt frustrated, scared all the feelings….in a very prominent way this book helped me see the light. Cyn was a light. I more than recommend this book to couples and to women on the whole. Thank you thank you Caitlin Avery—cannot wait to see what is next.

[Jenna Wang · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a page-turner that helps you empathize with people struggling with addiction and victims of rape. I enjoy how Caitlin alternates between the various struggles in her life throughout the book, giving it variety and a feeling of real-life. I love how her initial personality traits she views as a weakness become her strengths in the end. I can't wait to recommend this book for my book club!

[Kathy (books.happen) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Life of Cyn is about a woman who moves back to Massachusetts from Arizona and finds out that her husband’s new boss is the same person who raped her in high school. She has a hard time coping and turns to alcohol for help. There were parts of the book where I felt like yelling, “No Cyn, don’t do it!” But I also felt complete sympathy for her. Ultimately this book is about a lot of heavy stuff: trauma, revenge, grief, forgiveness. Kudos to Caitlin Avery for navigating these issues so well.

[Elaina Blanton · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a survivor myself, I completely relate to this incredibly well written story.
The author takes you in and shows you what it’s like to suffer through an assault and not receive justice. I felt this story deeply. While triggering, reading this story is also cathartic because the author is speaking up.

Thank you for this amazing book!

[Florence Aldrich-Bennett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Once I started reading Life of Cyn it was difficult to put the book down. I was drawn in and eager to see how the story unfolded. The twists and turns are intriguing. The book offers a great deal
of " food for thought " and is unforgettable. Terrific book!

[Elaine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honest story about how past trauma can affect a person’s life choices. Many threads of truth from authors personal journey with rape, alcoholism. Brings to light the fact that abusers often face no consequences for their crimes and go on to repeat them.

[L · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good rainy day read

[Barbara Birchall · Rating 2 out of 5]

Rivetiing? Not for me

I got to 70% and could not go on. I found I didn't care, which is a pity because the subject matter is so important.

[Cotty · Rating 2 out of 5]

while it was entertaining, i wish the author had spent less time telling and more time showing us the changes the characters made to their lives

[Robin Ginther-Venneri · Rating 5 out of 5]

Trigger Warnings

Alcoholism

Rape

Suicidal Thoughts

Life of Cyn is a moving and powerful story about healing and survival. It accurately depicted the long-term effects of sexual assault and trauma, which can last for decades. The domino effect into addiction and the difficulties of intimacy and trust are all accurately portrayed. The book details her journey as she tries to come to terms with what happened to her and rebuild her life. It's an incredibly moving story that will stay with you long after you've finished reading it.

This was a hard topic, but it was beautifully written, and though I cried at times, the ending was satisfying. If you're looking for a well-written and insightful book, I recommend this one.



Thanks so much for an advance review copy of this book. I am voluntarily leaving a review of my personal opinion.

[Wendy Friree Taft · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book- it reels you in and has you hopeful that Cyn can keep it together and be strong enough to get through the hurdles and challenges that are coming at her from many directions. I highly recommend you read it to find out!

[Kala Geree · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent !

I follow this author on TikTok and have enjoyed hearing her story and learning about her journey on that platform. This novel Is a realistic story about many types of abuse and the damage and destruction caused . It's told with honesty, thoughtfulness and sometimes humor. It mirrored experiences I've had and was a bit triggering at times but it's told with care and sympathy.

[Genalea Barker · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was such an emotional read. The author tackles heavy and complex topics with compassionate wisdom with dashes of brutal honesty. Before reading this book, I'm not sure I knew both could coexist within a single narrative. At least not at this level.

Powerful insight into what it's like to live as a sexual assault survivor. I felt Cyn's pain so deeply, and wanted to hug her. But this isn't just a book about a woman navigating life after an attack, and processing her trauma. Avery takes us deeper, showing us the difficult, and the ugly.

So often with books tackling the troubling nature of alcoholic parents, we have a limited point of view. "Life of Cyn" showed multiple points of view, though only through two characters. We saw these characters (the alcoholic, and their partner) at their best, and their worst.

This book will stick with me for a long time. Thank you to the author for the opportunity to read an Advanced Reader Copy.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

ARC provided by the author.
I want to apologize to the author for taking so long to read this book. I received the ARC in November but as soon as I read that James wore Drakkar I had to stop. It triggered a memory from when I was 14, the year of my first assault, so I had to put the book away. Once I worked through that memory I was able to pick the book back up again.

I identified with Cyn and her struggles with self medicating. I'm glad she had Nick in her life. People like James never change and eventually get what they deserve. The ending was fulfilling and needed after the roller coaster ride we were a part of.

This book could be triggering to some folks, like it did me, even when I thought I had worked through it already. Cyn is a woman in a spiral trying to get her life together. Join Cyn on her journey of self discovery and empowerment.