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Becoming Ben: From God to Gay
In middle-class 1980s Sydney, young Ben is captive to his mother’s secrets of violence, sexual predation, and alcoholism, but confused by her public mask of deep religiosity. Will he ever be free of her? Is suicide the only way out?
Through his close friend and neighbour, Prue Goldberg, and her holocaust survivor parents, he experiences a bigger, richer world of family and culture, beyond the fundamentalist church that has always ruled his life.
When he finally escapes his mother and the church, Ben’s journey is typical of survivors whose childhood boundaries have been violated. His relationships are sabotaged by self-doubt, self-harm and substance abuse and then, at twenty-five, his mother’s will reveals that he was never who he thought he was.
His new journey of self-discovery takes him through love and loss and, finally, love again.
This is a tale of hope that shows that breaking a child’s spirit is not the final call if the right kind of love is available.
Through his close friend and neighbour, Prue Goldberg, and her holocaust survivor parents, he experiences a bigger, richer world of family and culture, beyond the fundamentalist church that has always ruled his life.
When he finally escapes his mother and the church, Ben’s journey is typical of survivors whose childhood boundaries have been violated. His relationships are sabotaged by self-doubt, self-harm and substance abuse and then, at twenty-five, his mother’s will reveals that he was never who he thought he was.
His new journey of self-discovery takes him through love and loss and, finally, love again.
This is a tale of hope that shows that breaking a child’s spirit is not the final call if the right kind of love is available.
342 pages, Kindle Edition
Published July 18, 2022
1 person is currently reading
6 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
October 25, 2023
Not a bad book, not a great book, sometimes just passable.
New twists and turns are created with only a few pages left in the book. The ending was, for me, too hurried. Some subplots weren't given a chance to develop before being replaced with another short-lived plot.
Sorry, but not a fan.
New twists and turns are created with only a few pages left in the book. The ending was, for me, too hurried. Some subplots weren't given a chance to develop before being replaced with another short-lived plot.
Sorry, but not a fan.
September 29, 2022
I found this book a page turner from beginning to end. All the characters were extremely well drawn with a most realistic mixture of personalities from the predatory, cruel, selfish and self- obsessed to the beautifully empathetic, kind and giving. I was totally invested in Ben's journey from the frightened little boy to the man he finally became when he found his true origins.
It was often difficult reading given the bigotry and bullying he endured and brought home the realities of growing up gay in the late 1980's/90's. Sadly it is perhaps not much better for young LGBTQI people today
I highly recommend this book as a very realistic portrayal of growing up different in our society and all the hurdles needed to be overcome to gain acceptance. An honest and beautifully told story which also had some quite exquisite poetry.
It was often difficult reading given the bigotry and bullying he endured and brought home the realities of growing up gay in the late 1980's/90's. Sadly it is perhaps not much better for young LGBTQI people today
I highly recommend this book as a very realistic portrayal of growing up different in our society and all the hurdles needed to be overcome to gain acceptance. An honest and beautifully told story which also had some quite exquisite poetry.
September 27, 2022
I’ve just finished reading this book regretfully. I always regret finishing a book that I’ve enjoyed as much as this one. I found it hard to put down and I read it in short time.
I hope the author writes another book soon, or better still a sequel. The characters were very alive for me and the author’s obvious understanding of aspects of the subject matter made it a fascinating read.
Highly recommended.
I hope the author writes another book soon, or better still a sequel. The characters were very alive for me and the author’s obvious understanding of aspects of the subject matter made it a fascinating read.
Highly recommended.
October 3, 2022
This book deals with a very important subject, namely the harm done to a child who is subject to parental abuse of whatever kind, physical, sexual or psychological. The harm extends to the child's development as a teenager, and a young adult and how it can be so damaging in the formation of healthy relationships with other people. The author, having been a practising clinical psychologist for many years, is very well qualified to deal with these matters.
It is sometimes uncomfortable reading about the troubles and problems which beset young Ben as he grows up. Problems which include self-harm, suicidal ideation, self-doubt, lack of confidence and loss of self-esteem. In Ben's case, the friendship and love shown to him by a neighbouring family, plus the expert help he receives from a psycho-therapist, leads to his gradual recovery and healing. The book offers hope that despite a really terrible and destructive up-bringing from a clandestine alcoholic mother Ben is able to surmount these difficulties and finally develop a satisfying adult relationship with another young man.
I have only one small criticism of this book, the reason I have only awarded it four stars instead of five. That is the fact that I find Ben's mother a rather unbelievable character. She is depicted as so utterly awful in the book and, to my mind, her character, unlike that of other characters in the book, is so incompletely developed that she seems to me to be only a caricature rather than a real person. Whatever can her motivation be for treating her only son so badly? Ben turns out to have been adopted, but the motivation for Ruth (the mother) deciding to adopt him as a baby is never made clear, at least not to me, and I have read the book from cover to cover. So, Ruth as a person is as problematic to me, as she clearly is to her poor son Ben.
However, this is a minor quibble, and I believe this book contains an important message, and is well worth reading.
I bought this book as a signed copy from the author.
It is sometimes uncomfortable reading about the troubles and problems which beset young Ben as he grows up. Problems which include self-harm, suicidal ideation, self-doubt, lack of confidence and loss of self-esteem. In Ben's case, the friendship and love shown to him by a neighbouring family, plus the expert help he receives from a psycho-therapist, leads to his gradual recovery and healing. The book offers hope that despite a really terrible and destructive up-bringing from a clandestine alcoholic mother Ben is able to surmount these difficulties and finally develop a satisfying adult relationship with another young man.
I have only one small criticism of this book, the reason I have only awarded it four stars instead of five. That is the fact that I find Ben's mother a rather unbelievable character. She is depicted as so utterly awful in the book and, to my mind, her character, unlike that of other characters in the book, is so incompletely developed that she seems to me to be only a caricature rather than a real person. Whatever can her motivation be for treating her only son so badly? Ben turns out to have been adopted, but the motivation for Ruth (the mother) deciding to adopt him as a baby is never made clear, at least not to me, and I have read the book from cover to cover. So, Ruth as a person is as problematic to me, as she clearly is to her poor son Ben.
However, this is a minor quibble, and I believe this book contains an important message, and is well worth reading.
I bought this book as a signed copy from the author.
November 3, 2022
Becoming Ben is a complex story that explores family abuse, adoption, sexual awakening, greed, love, betrayal, tragedy, revenge and so much more.
Keep the tissues handy as you travel with Ben through his journey from his traumatic childhood to love and hope. The relationships are so captivating that the reader is compelled to keep reading to learn how Ben grows through the vagaries of human behaviour.
Duncan creates the early scenes of Ben’s childhood in a way that is terrifying yet psychologically riveting. You will be haunted by them until you read beyond and live with Ben through his healing as he discovers friendship and love.
The unfolding of the Church’s involvement in Ben’s life will trigger your own anger and have you page turning with red hot fury.
Other scenes are so lush and luminous that you know you are reading the words of someone who has had a real experience of the creative force. You can feel the energy, see the paintings unfold, hear the music and experience the joy of the artistic soul.
The characters throughout the book are realistic, colourful and complex. Duncan’s years of working with people’s mental health issues has clearly provided a wealth of genuine real life people and their journeys to health. You want to strangle some, and embrace others. There are no bland characters in this story.
Overall, this book is haunting, exciting, dramatic and a darn good read.
Keep the tissues handy as you travel with Ben through his journey from his traumatic childhood to love and hope. The relationships are so captivating that the reader is compelled to keep reading to learn how Ben grows through the vagaries of human behaviour.
Duncan creates the early scenes of Ben’s childhood in a way that is terrifying yet psychologically riveting. You will be haunted by them until you read beyond and live with Ben through his healing as he discovers friendship and love.
The unfolding of the Church’s involvement in Ben’s life will trigger your own anger and have you page turning with red hot fury.
Other scenes are so lush and luminous that you know you are reading the words of someone who has had a real experience of the creative force. You can feel the energy, see the paintings unfold, hear the music and experience the joy of the artistic soul.
The characters throughout the book are realistic, colourful and complex. Duncan’s years of working with people’s mental health issues has clearly provided a wealth of genuine real life people and their journeys to health. You want to strangle some, and embrace others. There are no bland characters in this story.
Overall, this book is haunting, exciting, dramatic and a darn good read.
October 21, 2022
I thoroughly enjoyed Lindsay Duncan’s novel I think in very cinematic images and while I was reading Becoming Ben - From God to Gay I was imagining the movie version and even casting the roles.
For me that’s the test of an enjoyable novel and this is a very enjoyable and absorbing novel written by an author who obviously possesses a vast professional knowledge of human frailties and addictions.
As well as Ben the primary character I particularly enjoyed the ensemble cast of characters that kept my interest . Ben’s family relationships as fractured as some of them were seemed authentic .
His deep and supportive friendships with Rudy, Gretel Prue and boyfriend Justin prove yet again that you can choose your friends but not your relatives and the importance of connection to others.
For any interested film buffs or producers out there I cast Australian actor Kodi Smit -McPhee as Ben and his twin brother Michael , Judy Davis as Ruth, Noni Hazlehurst as Joanna , Angourie Rice as Prue and as the charismatic vet Justin of course Tim Draxyl.
For me that’s the test of an enjoyable novel and this is a very enjoyable and absorbing novel written by an author who obviously possesses a vast professional knowledge of human frailties and addictions.
As well as Ben the primary character I particularly enjoyed the ensemble cast of characters that kept my interest . Ben’s family relationships as fractured as some of them were seemed authentic .
His deep and supportive friendships with Rudy, Gretel Prue and boyfriend Justin prove yet again that you can choose your friends but not your relatives and the importance of connection to others.
For any interested film buffs or producers out there I cast Australian actor Kodi Smit -McPhee as Ben and his twin brother Michael , Judy Davis as Ruth, Noni Hazlehurst as Joanna , Angourie Rice as Prue and as the charismatic vet Justin of course Tim Draxyl.
September 27, 2022
This story of a young man's road to self-realisation is confronting, but also moving and heartwarming. The author has obviously delved deeply into his realm of Psychology to present this complex group of characters, who inhabit Ben's world and who make this journey such a layered and fascinating read.
It is a page-turner. It is involving. It is hard to put down.
It is a page-turner. It is involving. It is hard to put down.
September 26, 2022
I could not put this book down. I read it in two sittings. It tackles some heavy issues so be prepared for strong emotions.
***Alert** It deals with issues of alcoholism, sexual abuse, bullying and religion.
There are also strong beautiful characters.
Highly recommend. A great first novel.
***Alert** It deals with issues of alcoholism, sexual abuse, bullying and religion.
There are also strong beautiful characters.
Highly recommend. A great first novel.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 4, 2023
Fantastic story, could not put it down. Definitely triggering in some parts, but such a beautifully written protagonist. I became so invested in Ben’s journey that I even started dreaming about the plot!
December 15, 2022
I couldn’t put this down. It’s one of the best things I have ever read.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews