I read Kate Meyer’s new book “Grief Doesn’t Erase Grief” over a 10-day period. (I was given a pre-release copy) Which is pretty good for me, it usually takes me longer to complete a book. We all experience some form of grief at some point in our adult lives. It is especially true as we age. I found this book to be very clearly laid out. It reads like a “How To” book in the area of grief. The author is quite clear in her definitions and descriptions of stages of grief. But she doesn’t stop there. The author uses her wealth of experience to fill in around all the processes of grief with real life examples she has experienced as a counselor/therapist/pastor. I found that aspect to be what really got me hooked and wanted to complete the book as fast I did.
I will not try and write a synopsis of the book here. I just wanted to high light a few portions that struck deeply with me. The author states: “Grief is the greatest cost of love. It is a risk we take because we are beings created to be in relationship, because we thrive in community”. The idea that the grief we feel is the cost of loving someone. That is an interesting concept to think about.
Another part of the book that struck me was; “Of all the things grief steals, the ability to feel love, either from God or towards God, is perhaps the greatest loss.” It doesn’t have to happen but many times it can, if only temporarily. The author states this loss shines the light on the importance of having a community around us. They help listen to the grieving person and let them share their questions and doubts about God without being judged or belittled.
The last passage that struck deeply in me was; “God created humanity with many amazing, imbued abilities and defenses, and primary among them is the emotional numbing that happens in early grief. Yes, grievers feel sadness and pain immediately following the death of a loved one, but not to their full extent. If we lived in the full reality of grief, the full pain all the time, we would not be able to withstand it.” I had the strange coincidence of witnessing something of this as I was reading this portion of the book. I was at coed softball game in my community on evening and as the game was proceeding, I heard a screaming, wailing sort of noise coming from one of the other team’s members. At first, I thought this person had been hit by a ball. They were curled up in a ball screaming. It was chilling. Such a raw release of emotion. As this unfolded, word came out that this person had just received a phone call that her mother had just passed away. What I was witnessing was unbridled raw grief. It was chilling for all who were witnessing it. The author’s view that God created humans with amazing defense mechanisms and the emotional numbing is one of them. What I saw for a brief time could not have been sustained by this person. It would have torn them a part.
So, I would recommend this book to anyone. Think of it as a handbook to successfully dealing with grief. Whether your own grief or someone in your circle of friends. I personally feel that I am better prepared for grief the next time I am faced with it or if one of my friends experiences it.