Un-Hinged What I Learned From Saying “It’s Not You, It’s Me” in the New York Dating Scene

by Mariann Yip

In Un-Hinged: What I Learned from Saying, “It’s You, It’s Not Me” in the NYC Dating Scene, Mariann Yip recounts her dating experiences from over a span of two years in New York City.

Written with the familiarity of Mariann telling her close girlfriends about her dates for the first time, each chapter presents a different suitor and dives into the lessons she learned. With each of the twelve men she discusses, she reveals the ups and downs of online dating, the realities of dating in a city like New York, and the personal development she experienced in her late twenties.

When it comes to dating, love exists and will come and go. It’s important to remember that finding love is a journey and takes patience and time. Your unique dating experience is valid, and the way your relationship ends does not define your worth or what you deserve. And, most importantly, you should never settle, because oftentimes, honey, it’s them―it’s not you.

173 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 2022

About the author

Mariann Yip is a native New Yorker and was born and raised in the Lower East Side in the beautiful city that never sleeps. She is a lifestyle and travel blogger who shares tips and travel adventures at www.mariannyc.com. She hosts the podcast The City Confessions, in which she leads ongoing discussions with other New York residents to share their truths and stories. Mariann’s mission is to create a safe platform for storytelling and to normalize pain, struggle, and vulnerability.

In her spare time, Mariann loves traveling to new destinations and getting to know different cultures, checking off her Yelp restaurant bucket list, researching new and cool activities to do in NYC, and exploring new cafes to get her oat milk latte fix. Un-Hinged is her first book.

Reviews

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fun, completely binge-able read that illuminates the humor in these all too familiar situations the extraordinary, single women of NYC find themselves in. As her therapist points out and the author acknowledges, Yip has a tendency to cut men slack, give them the benefit of the doubt, make excuses for them and not see them for what they are, painting a happier picture and trying to always find the positive and a lesson. While it’s helpful for women to see the commonalities in their NYC dating experiences, I feel they’re overly romanticized in the book, which granted, I loved reading and would recommend despite the author’s overly positive spin on what I see as unforgivable events and lessons we as women shouldn’t have to be in a position to learn. The culture in NYC of men making women feel safe, special, and then pulling the rug from under them shortly after the relationship becomes physical, isn’t acceptable. Let’s pull the rug out from under them. I for one have stopped having casual sex in this city. It’s not empowering as we are taught to believe. If enough of us say no, we can change the culture to one more respectful of us. Anyone with me?!

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Online dating is tough (ok, it’s the worst) and it can be really easy think you’re the only one struggling. Mariann reminds us that when it comes to dating, you have to center yourself and remember that you’re out there to learn, have some fun and find your own path to love. Speaking of, If you’ve never done online dating, or if you’re a veteran, you’ll enjoy learning along with Mariann as she shares 12 of her most memorable - and educational — dating stories that will keep your entertained and inspired. Reading the book, you’ll feel like you’re getting the post-date wrap up from your most fabulous and thoughtful NYC friend. Her advice is super helpful for anyone starting to date and figure out their relationship to love. 

[Jaleesa Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really LOVED this book! It's so entertaining and so raw! Once I started, I didn't even want to put it down! I finished all of it practically in one night lol. It honestly felt like I was reading an entry of my own diary and reminded me of my younger single self, navigating the dating scene and looking for love in New York. Mariann writes with so much vulnerability and paints such a vivid picture that I felt like I was re-living, healing, and forgiving my younger self for all the dating mistakes of my past. Through her growth, I was able to acknowledge my own growth. And that just feels GOOD. I highly recommend this book for singles, but also for people who may already be in a relationship, but want to crash down memory lane! lol. I'm sure you'll be able to relate to her stories!

[Pisces · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recently just got out of a long term relationship and have been in a difficult place. I picked this book up because of the catchy cover and title. I didn't expect to enjoy the book as much as I did and I'm so glad I read it! It was a great distraction from my breakup and I loved reading about the author's experiences with online dating. I couldn't put the book down because I felt like I was going through it with her and I wanted to get to the end to see if she would find Mr. Right. I won't spoil the ending but all I can say is that this was a great book that made me feel better. I particularly loved the author's conclusion and she helped change my mindset about love and relationships.

[Selma Ali · Rating 5 out of 5]

I literally read the first 5 chapters in one day because it makes you want to find out what happens in the next few dates without having to wait. The book is so easy to read and I love the key points for readers to keep in mind after each chapter, that is very meaningful. I can't wait to finish the book and I'm already asking for book#2!! P.s for those who have not been in the dating scene for a while this book helps you open up again and it gives you that comfort and empathy feeling knowing that someone else was once in your shoes.

[Tina Chen · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an easy book to read. I took it on the airplane and finished it on my two hour flight to Florida. I found it entertaining, relatable and most of all real. I loved the key lessons at the end and made me feel like other people are also having the same feelings as me when it comes to dating. It also encouraged me to get out there and take risks and loved that the author was unapologetically herself in her narration!

[Mia · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a light, fun, and insightful read! This was a short book recounting 12 different dating experiences with men that Marianne met on Hinge in NYC. As someone who hasn’t used the dating apps that much so far here, it was really interesting to hear her experiences and comforting to hear someone who has so much hope and can share the positives & learnings from each situation. Marianne’s confidence, wit, and energy throughout the journey and her writing made this book a quick read!

[sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Un-hinged is a witty portrayal of dating in NYC that mirrored some of my own dating experiences in the big city. If you are a New Yorker you will love reading about which date spots Mariann hit through her search for Mr. Right. The author is courageous putting herself out there through each dating experience and it is an enjoyable read whether you live in NYC or outside.

[Dara Pollak · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Mariann's stories! So relatable and honest, it's nice to read a book about dating that doesn't just blame the opposite sex. She takes responsibility when it's needed and is truly skilled at assessing her feelings. Dating in NYC is tough, but this book inspired me to have a positive dating attitude :)

[Courtney Crites · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the most incredible books I’ve read! It was so insightful and I literally could not put it down. The takeaways as a single 20-something navigating online dating in 2022. Mariann is so honest and relatable and made me feel so heard and seen which was great. I would recommend this book to literally everyone!

[Jordana · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is exactly what I needed. It was fun, honest and relatable, and I laughed a lot too. I read it in a little over an hour and couldn't put it down. It was great reading all about the restaurants and bar spots I've heard of or have been to also living in NYC! I loved it overall and definitely felt inspired throughout.

[Justin Dorsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book extremely relatable and enjoyable. I became very invested in the author's dating adventures in NYC. This was the first book on dating that I read, and now I want to explore the genre even more.

I loved Un-hinged, because the book made me analyze my own thoughts on dating, and made realize me I want to get back out there!

[Carly Quinones · Rating 3 out of 5]

It’s pretty bland, writing could be a lot better. She was pretty repetitive and a little contradictory to herself at times. The lessons she learned were good but pretty basic. As a fellow native New Yorker, I felt she sort of beat that point over the head a bit. You won’t miss anything if you don’t read it.

[Life__with__books · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely adored this book!!! Hilarious stories of dating in NYC with very fun anecdotes! Made me want to book a flight to NYC and order a pickleback shot! Super quick read on a topic we can all relate with! Highly recommend!

[Katya Bychkova · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are dating in New York (or anywhere!) it's a must-read. Real-life stories and dating advice from a girl who is funny and so real. While reading this book, you will laugh, you will cry, you will want to change your life - so many feelings and thoughts, which is a good sign. Highly recommend!

[Arlyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely LOVE this book! Once you start, you really won't be able to stop. I finished the book in 2 days. Mariann gives an honest and entertaining account of what modern dating looks like in NYC. It's fun, witty, and a total page turner!

[Mandy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is such an easy read. It was definitely a page-turner as I finished it in one sitting within a few hours. The author was very vulnerable, honest and open about her dating experiences and the lessons she learned from each.

[Victoria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fun read! Mariann was raw and real. As someone who didn’t date in NYC, I lived vicariously through her stories. I appreciated the key takeaways at each chapter that were relatable. It’s great to see her growth throughout. Thanks for sharing your experiences, Mariann!

[Marilyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a such an interesting and great book to read about the NYC dating scene. The author discusses a few of the guys that she met online and was very honest about them. I would recommend this book.

[Melissa Face · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am neither dating nor living in NYC, but that didn’t stop me from loving this book! I appreciated Mariann’s honest depictions of her time on the app and her quest for a relationship and a better understanding of herself. Well done.

[Stephanie O'Quigley · Rating 5 out of 5]

A well written, refreshingly honest book of stories that any girl in NYC can relate tO!

[Chester Yow · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read. Read the entire thing in a day and really enjoyed the content. The content was great and learned a ton about dating in the city. Must read!

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

So funny and charming! Real life stories that are relatable.

[Josue · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing read, fresh stories from our updated dating reality.

[Jonathan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such an easy read! A Fun, honest and introspective take on dating in NYC.

[Saige Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Adore this book!! Such an honest, and relatable story of dating in New York, made me laugh and connect with Mariann, loved her stories and style of writing.

[Prianca Moghe · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was amazing! I could relate to so many of the stories Mariann spoke about, and couldn't put it down! Go buy the book, highly recommended

[Daylyn Weppner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mariann is transparency, insight, and relatability shine through her work!

[Jiwon Ra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing book! Super well written and relatable.

[Christina Brennan · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an awesome read! NYC can be an animal when it comes to dating. This is a MUST MUST read