Fits Her to a T

by Alice Xavanéro

The secret deep inside her is devouring Zoë like a raging inferno. Since that fateful day in Lebanon, her strategy has been to suppress it and get on with life as best she can.

At company HQ in Amsterdam, Maher, a sharp, hardworking but aloof project-manager is starting to disintegrate in front of the eyes of his colleagues. All the while the enigmatic, kinky Pantera has established her disruptive presence.

Sink or swim. Transition or die.

From the ashes of a man, a transgender woman comes alive. With her coming out, Zoë's life is turned inside out and upside down and a frantic struggle begins. What sacrifice is she prepared to make for the freedom to be her true self? What price will Zoë ultimately pay?

Everything is in the balance: her family, friends, colleagues, career, home.. EVERYTHING!! She's well aware she could lose it all – even life itself – as she embarks on an existential journey to the other side.

434 pages, Paperback

Published June 15, 2022

About the author

Someone recently asked me, “Alice, who are you?”
Without thinking twice, I answered, “Dreamer. Fighter. Survivor. Indie writer”.

"Fits Her to a T" is my debut novel. As a trans woman, I believe that everyone has the right to be their true identity and to live in peace and dignity.

Things that I love (perhaps too much): 80’s pop music, Reese’s chocolate, Stranger Things and the smell of buttery French croissants being baked in the oven.

When I’m not working or writing, I’m probably biking or going on a walkabout in the vast dunes on the North Sea coastline of Holland. Something about sand dunes and salty air..

Reviews

[(straw)mary ♡ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to Booksirens and the publishers for providing me with a free digital arc, to leave a voluntary and free review.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: graphic depictions of violence, homophobia, hate crimes, references to assault, sexual and derogatory language, depression, self-harm, suicidal thoughts

This heart-wrenching novel details the journey of a strong woman named Zoe, who is growing to feel comfortable in her own skin. This book takes on the format of an epistolary, as personal increments become detailed through the narrative taking place in the form of diary entries. This is a painful and raw depiction of the trials that people have to endure when transitioning into the person whom they are deep down, as the weight of the world seems to be against them.

I felt personally touched by this novel, and I was emotionally invested as Zoe blossomed into a beautiful young woman, who stands strong and firmly sticks by her beliefs. The personal aspect of a novel written in journaling format was effective in depicting the raw emotional distress that was occurring internally, as well as externally in her life. The realism of this piece had me shaken to my core, and I want to express my tremendous appreciation to the author and her team, as they bravely combined their personal experiences to depict such an important real-life experience. While my rating was affected by my personal opinion of minor aspects of the writing style, such as the slightly jarring nature of the intimate scenes, as their extensive details caused me to occasionally lose touch with the powerful story that I was immersed in. That is what brought my rating down slightly and it is now 4.5 stars. Other than that, I believe that this novel was executed in an astounding way that should be used to bring awareness to such detrimental issues.

Overall, this is one of the most powerful pieces of literature that I have ever read and one that I will be thinking about for years to come. I recommend everyone to read it, once the trigger warnings are taken into account, as I firmly advocate for the sheer importance of such an impactful novel. I am eternally grateful to Booksirens and the publishers, as well as the amazing author, for providing me with such a phenomenal book that has touched my soul deep down inside.

[Anwen Hayward · Rating 2 out of 5]

Necessary disclaimer: views entirely subjective, not suggesting that the author is a bad person, etc etc, simply my own personal opinion after reading a book. You might love it! I did not.

Second edit: the author herself commented on this review, taking umbrage with my not liking the book, and I found her comments incredibly rude and condescending. I have deleted her comments rather than engage. Needless to say, I'm not impressed with this behaviour. Authors, stay out of reviewer spaces. I paid for this book with my own money and I am fully entitled to write a negative review of it on a book review platform if that was my experience of it. Not everyone will like your books, and this is an unfortunate fact of being an author. You have to accept that (which isn't to say that you have to learn to like it) and refrain from attacking people over it.

Anyway, with that out of the way:

God, this was hard reading. I mean, what is this:

Kurt blew his top. He leapt onto the table and made a violent dash for me. “Devil’s child, I will get you!” Luckily for me, there were several colleagues between us who blocked his way and pinned him down. Now horizontal on the tabletop, Kurt kicked and thrashed in sheer futility.
“No, Kurt. If you must know, I’m the child of Pluto,” I said as I waved goodbye at him.
“Shibli, I promise you and your kind will burn in hell. ‘Let God Burn Them’ – that’s what LGBT is. Hell. That’s where you and your gay filth will end up on Judgement Day.” Kurt spewed out more hate and vitriol.
“Enough! Enough of this! Take this freaking zealot out of here and have security escort him off company terrain,” Marcus demanded.

That, by the way, happens at a corporate board meeting. This book badly needed an editor. It swapped between past and present tense every few pages, the whole thing was written directly addressing a fake journal as 'Jules' for no apparent reason, and the characters had absolutely no dimension. They all existed either to completely adore Zoe and have a huge crush on her for being a stunning Amazon of female essence (her words), or to loathe her to almost comical proportions, as in the excerpt above. Even the protagonist had no depth. If she wasn't reeling off a list of designer items (at one point, she describes herself at a funeral as wearing 'Tom Ford designer sunglasses' and leaves her 'Lotus sportscar' to her sister in her will - really?!) she was making strange, ideological screeds on behalf of the author, such as:

Currently some who are claiming to be transgender are definitely not transgender. They are hurting our cause. So, most de-transitioners are one example. Don’t even get me started when it comes to transvestites and crossdressers being wrongfully identified as transgender. My heart sinks when I hear that. And it doesn’t stop there: a few days ago, Vogue magazine featured someone on their Instagram channel, who claims to be a non-binary trans woman. WTF? Seriously, how can you claim to be two contradicting identities at the same time? Jules, I should know: I am a trans woman, and I definitely know that’s not congruent with being non-binary. When push comes to shove, it’s simple: those who do not feel trapped in their bodies and are content living with their anatomy at birth are NOT transgender. The waters are being muddied by too many at the moment.

Which seemed, in my eyes, to completely fly in the face of the author's expressed belief on her Goodreads page that she believes all people have the right to their own identities. I had hated this book before I got to this paragraph, and I hated it all the more after. There were weird undertones of internalised misogyny; Zoe describes everyone based on how attractive she finds them, and her own mother and sister aren't exempt from this. There's a completely bizarre scene where her Dominatrix alter-ego takes over and fights off a group of predatory men with a whip in a nightclub on behalf of her friend. I'm struggling to find something I liked about this book. The playlist, maybe? The author has good taste in music. Apart from that, I can't recommend it to anyone.

[Sappho · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Fits her to A T” is very well written and the diary format and the fact that the author has provided a playlist to accompany the chapters made it very attractive; a more extended way for the writer to express things.
From my point of view, this book is divided in three sections, three main chapter of the life of a human being to ponder upon. It shows the world through the eyes of a Dutch person with a middle eastern background and gives us a glimpse of obstacles on her way to transition. Next, it describes the psychological pressure and the chain of events that awaken a person to realize a truth about herself and give her courage to step towards what she desires. It then gives us a view of some of the social barriers and pressures this person has to endure such as loss of friends, family or having to face violence in a society in a country that I expected it less. Alongside these, we learn about the steps that one takes to transition and the strength needed for this.
After these steps are somewhat dealt with, the details of which the writer does not go deep into and maybe could be found in the other works available on this subject, a human being in the book find the possibility of fantasize and think more freely. This section, compared to the latter two is more scattered and would have benefited from more contextual descriptions but I find it very interesting because it shows that we still have a long way to get to a chapter, in this instance for the queer and especially the trans community, to reach the step to fantasize even further and live some of these fantasies.
It is a marvelous piece of work. I hope to see such works from different points of view more and more. Each of the chapters I described above could turn into one book itself. As the writer's first work, it is very promising of her future work.

[Judith Jegers · Rating 5 out of 5]

SPOILER ALERT

Finished! Done. I read ithis novel in one go, all through the weekend. I couldn’t put it down, that’s how much I needed to know what happened to Zoe. ‘Fits you to a T’ is a powerful book. Never did I doubt that what happens to Zoe in her transition is real, for some reason I just know it is. And that gives that extra dimension to the narrative, this is as real as it gets. At moments, the story is heartbreaking, but stay tuned as Zoe will experience a happy end. The happiest end possible; it’s quite a ride. The book tells very open about the transition of Zoe, and with that has taught me a lot. Somehow, I thought I knew more than I actually did on this topic, and I thank Alice Xavanero for being so frank about this.

Alice has a smooth style of writing; and together with the short chapters this means I constantly thought: just a couple of pages more, turning the pages with more and more urge. I definitely recommend.

[Gabriel]

DNF. I wanted to like this, but it was written too poorly to be worth continuing for me. It read like someone’s unedited first foray into novel writing. I might give it another shot when I have more patience for that.

[Melenia · Rating 1 out of 5]

I like the idea of the book but can't get past the way it is written. DNF

[JoygaPeach · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this ebook after winning a Goodreads giveaway. It was a great read and very interesting view point from a transgender perspective. I admit I'm very uninformed when it comes to this subject matter and I found it very intriguing to have my introduction into this very complex world from this view. I love how the author gives a 360° view from all characters and shows the many sides of the main character, Maher/Pantera/Zoe. I'm looking forward to reading more from this author.

[Literary Reviewer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Maher has always known something was different about his mind and his body. Living what amounts to a lie, Maher begins to understand what it is his mind is trying to tell him, and he seeks help to sort out his life. Making the necessary changes to live a happy life won’t be the difficult part. The truly hard part will be telling his family, friends, and coworkers. Maher, wanting very much to move forward and leave the trauma of his past behind, becomes Zoë and a new life begins.

Fits Her to a T, by Alice Xavanéro, chronicles the life of Zoë van Vixenhoven, a transgender woman in the process of leaving behind the life she has always known as a son and brother. The feelings she has battled since early in her life have haunted her and made for a troubled existence. Once she decides to pursue transitioning, there is no turning back even though the obstacles in her way feel almost insurmountable.

Xavanéro has chosen to tell Zoë’s story primarily through diary entries. The diary entries are thorough and read much less like a journal and more like a first-person narrative. I especially enjoyed the author’s choice of writing style. The reading flows smoothly and creates a connection between readers and characters. Readers are taken on a journey through Zoë’s experiences leading up to her decision to seek counseling in preparation to make this life-altering change. The author’s ability to draw readers in via Zoë’s journal is unique and, honestly, an incredibly effective technique I appreciated immensely.

The author’s knowledge of medical terminology, processes, and counseling procedures and advice are all especially thorough. She leaves no stone unturned and allows readers to see the entire experience of transitioning from informing family members and making the necessary changes in the work environment to hormone therapy and gender reassignment surgery. It is clear that Xavanéro wants her readers to understand the struggle from making the decision to dealing with consequences along the way. She does not shy away from difficult topics like hate crimes and estrangement of family, friends, and coworkers. This is just one aspect of Xavanéro’s writing that I truly appreciated. The author’s willingness to be frank and open with Zoë’s entire experience is impactful on many levels.

I am giving Fits Her to a T, by Alice Xavanéro, 5 out of 5 stars. Xavanéro’s story is an important one and in no way tries to make light of the decision-making process transgender women must face as they choose to be themselves. Though very different from most books I usually choose, I found Xavanéro’s work to be one well-worth reading. Zoë’s story is captivating, and I found myself completely wrapped up in her experiences. I recommend this book to anyone who finds themselves questioning the experiences of loved ones who may be transgender. The author, as she reveals in the book’s afterword, knows whereof she speaks–her novel reveals a truth most of us will only come to understand if we take the time to listen to those who are living it.

[Raelee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won this book from a Goodreads giveaway. I had a hard time deciding whether this deserved three or four stars. I was interested in the story and really appreciate getting to read from a new point of view, but I found the writing to be a little clunky, especially the dialogue. That may be a result of translation, but it was hard to get through in places.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good storyline and read

[N · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book. I was immediately drawn in by the very personal journal entries of the main character, Zoë, documenting her awakening and struggle to step out into the world as herself, finally. It is a path filled with turmoil and uncertainty, but also with warmth and light. As Zoë fights her way to the surface, while facing many obstacles, she also begins to find out the true meaning of friendship and family and home. It was a pleasure to meet and get to know the lovely Zoë, in all her compelling aspects. Flawed, as we all are, but brave and strong and unwilling to give up. She’s a character that will stay with me for a long time.