Sadly, you'll have to get a used copy. It was written and published in 1970 on the occasion of the birth of Hong's profoundly disabled grand-daughter. If you are looking for real life honesty about suffering and a uniquely Christian worldview regarding it, you'll be glad you read this book. Hong is a brilliant, poetic prose writer who gives you a look into her troubled soul as she wrestled with God as to the meaning of pain. She writes, "I had a feeling that any painful problem, the front side of any question at which one stairs fixedly, has the same backside. Turn it over, and there one finds Christ. The frontsides of questions may be different. The backsides are always the same. 'Turn over any stone,' [says Jesus] 'and I am there.'"