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Ask your Husband: A Catholic Guide to Femininity
There is, perhaps, no more controversial statement today than “the husband is the boss of his wife.” In Ask Your Husband , Stephanie C. Gordon explains how this proposition proves to be required by Scripture and by two millennia of Catholic teaching. Ask Your Husband instructs Catholic wives how properly to serve their husbands in Christian by emulating our Lady and by embracing the household patriarchy, just as she did. Ask Your Husband is a counter-cultural manifesto of the domicile. Against the fetid rot of feminism, Christian wives should employ this book in their labors to rehabilitate the wayward popular Christian view of their sexual roles, their souls, their marriages, and their mothering.
- GenresCatholic
340 pages, Hardcover
Published February 1, 2022
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134 people want to read
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March 2, 2022
2.5/3 stars.
This book has potential to be a good —even awesome— book, however it falls flat. Quite flat. Honestly, I am sad to say so. I give the book 2.5/3 stars because after reading the whole thing, I do believe Stephanie Gordon set out on a good venture (respect and celebrate your husband and embrace your womanly calling) but through poor writing and maybe even more so, poor editors, the book is very clunky. I would be extremely reticent to recommend it. And I say this as someone who is by no means a feminist. As Alice von Hildebrand states: feminism without femininity is a sham.
I want to expound because I think the content matter of this book deserves that. First, much of the book is, I am sad to say, tone-deaf. It is written in a sarcastic and derisive manner. The author frequently scoffs at opposing arguments (and sometimes presents the weakest opposing arguments)— you can honestly feel the eye-roll. If this were a bestie girl-chat over lunch and she wanted to eye roll and make use of things like “obviously” “that should be so clear to logical people” “you’re illogical”— that’s one thing, BUT a self-proclaimed guide to femininity is not the place for such language. It constantly distracts the reader from the point and makes it insanely easy to confuse what IS being said. I had to laugh because, as someone with a more aggressive/expressive personality, I can relate to her tone-deaf charges (totally guilty myself), but it was MY HUSBAND who helped me significantly in this department. He made the simple argument that if I want to promote femininity, embrace femininity — even in the way I write. Being aggressive and derisive will only turn people away. He was right. This book crystallized that point. If I were to proclaim myself a lady (which this author does) and then constantly mocked my opponents and blew over arguments by calling people illogical, I am actually not embracing my feminine strengths but adopting the ever-cringe-worthy “bro-girl” blows. That’s the oddest thing about the book: along with its “tude”, it has a decidedly masculine tone (constantly using incredibly “bro” like examples: Rocky, Gladiator, Will Ferral, Parks & Rec, etc) when it’s not being derisive. *Tone matters.* It is part of how we communicate. I can say “Good Morning” but my tone can totally change the meaning. Stephanie writes as a bro-dude, and it honestly messes with reader and heart of the book. And as a woman, it’s crazy how our tone can make or break the day. I believe Stephanie knows this, but for whatever reason, she still opted for manliness, condescension, and even a patronizing tone. While ironically arguing for not being derisive or obnoxious. Unfortunately, echoing the less-admirable qualities of her husband. So, maybe it makes sense. I wish her editors had helped her find her voice, instead she sounds like a mini-Tim.
Furthering this, the structure of the book is incredibly confusing. Stephanie makes bold claims that seem to actually be straight up misogynistic. In one chapter, she relies heavily on Aristotle to prove that men and women are unequal. Her goal is to discuss marital friendship, BUT what she means by the term “unequal” is entirely unclear. Also, why Aristotle? Yes, he’s fascinating, but he’s a pagan philosopher and the attempt here is to promote a Catholic view? Confusing. I honestly believed she was stating that women are not equal in dignity… but then towards the end of the book she talks about how men and women ARE equal in dignity. Things like this are not helpful. In fact, she leaves quite a few unclear holes throughout the book, which I honestly believe could be damaging to women trying to embrace femininity. Because while she strives to uphold the Catholic view, her weak writing can lead people to believe she is arguing for all kinds of messes instead. We have an obligation to speak the truth and speak it well, but sometimes what Stephanie is saying is masked behind her eye-rolling tone and poorly argued/not explained points. Instead of starting at the beginning, with the WHY of femininity and the WHY of marriage, she jumps in guns blazing and shouting and then tries to make sense of it all.
With that said, there are lots important points that this book strives to make, for example: keeping romance alive in your marriage, celebrating your husband, looking your best for him out of love for him, not nagging, not publicly shaming your spouse, the importance of homemaking, why moms are crucial, why motherhood is the ultimate career— yes, yes YESSSS. But, again, it’s NOT explained well. In fact, it’s articulated is a messy manner. A lot of times the author makes a point and states “don’t like it? Suck it up.” “Facts don’t care about your feelings.” Or, “take it up with Jesus.” Yikes, girl, this is how you drive women away. So again, unless you already understand where Stephanie is coming from, you might find the book palatable, but for anyone searching this book and it’s scattered delivery is potentially damaging.
What about the reverence that should be seen in the union between husband and wife? The reverence that we have for others?
In conclusion, the GOOD in this book is mixed in with muddied language, confusion, and defensiveness. Thus making it, at times, hard to decipher what the author is trying to convey and who exactly she is addressing. Again, I would be hesitant to recommend this book to others because I sincerely believe it could lead to greater confusion AND that the Catholic Church already has many profound and clearly written authors who have already penned books on this subject.
I would strongly recommend reading instead:
— Fulton Sheen’s Three to Get Married (seriously a MUST read) AND The World’s First Love
— Letters to a Young Bride (a much clearer guide to being a wife) AND The Privilege of Being a Woman by Alice von Hildebrand
—The Eternal Woman by Gertrude von le Fort
—Dietrich von Hildebrand’s books on marriage.
—The Mission, Nature, and Role of Woman
This book has potential to be a good —even awesome— book, however it falls flat. Quite flat. Honestly, I am sad to say so. I give the book 2.5/3 stars because after reading the whole thing, I do believe Stephanie Gordon set out on a good venture (respect and celebrate your husband and embrace your womanly calling) but through poor writing and maybe even more so, poor editors, the book is very clunky. I would be extremely reticent to recommend it. And I say this as someone who is by no means a feminist. As Alice von Hildebrand states: feminism without femininity is a sham.
I want to expound because I think the content matter of this book deserves that. First, much of the book is, I am sad to say, tone-deaf. It is written in a sarcastic and derisive manner. The author frequently scoffs at opposing arguments (and sometimes presents the weakest opposing arguments)— you can honestly feel the eye-roll. If this were a bestie girl-chat over lunch and she wanted to eye roll and make use of things like “obviously” “that should be so clear to logical people” “you’re illogical”— that’s one thing, BUT a self-proclaimed guide to femininity is not the place for such language. It constantly distracts the reader from the point and makes it insanely easy to confuse what IS being said. I had to laugh because, as someone with a more aggressive/expressive personality, I can relate to her tone-deaf charges (totally guilty myself), but it was MY HUSBAND who helped me significantly in this department. He made the simple argument that if I want to promote femininity, embrace femininity — even in the way I write. Being aggressive and derisive will only turn people away. He was right. This book crystallized that point. If I were to proclaim myself a lady (which this author does) and then constantly mocked my opponents and blew over arguments by calling people illogical, I am actually not embracing my feminine strengths but adopting the ever-cringe-worthy “bro-girl” blows. That’s the oddest thing about the book: along with its “tude”, it has a decidedly masculine tone (constantly using incredibly “bro” like examples: Rocky, Gladiator, Will Ferral, Parks & Rec, etc) when it’s not being derisive. *Tone matters.* It is part of how we communicate. I can say “Good Morning” but my tone can totally change the meaning. Stephanie writes as a bro-dude, and it honestly messes with reader and heart of the book. And as a woman, it’s crazy how our tone can make or break the day. I believe Stephanie knows this, but for whatever reason, she still opted for manliness, condescension, and even a patronizing tone. While ironically arguing for not being derisive or obnoxious. Unfortunately, echoing the less-admirable qualities of her husband. So, maybe it makes sense. I wish her editors had helped her find her voice, instead she sounds like a mini-Tim.
Furthering this, the structure of the book is incredibly confusing. Stephanie makes bold claims that seem to actually be straight up misogynistic. In one chapter, she relies heavily on Aristotle to prove that men and women are unequal. Her goal is to discuss marital friendship, BUT what she means by the term “unequal” is entirely unclear. Also, why Aristotle? Yes, he’s fascinating, but he’s a pagan philosopher and the attempt here is to promote a Catholic view? Confusing. I honestly believed she was stating that women are not equal in dignity… but then towards the end of the book she talks about how men and women ARE equal in dignity. Things like this are not helpful. In fact, she leaves quite a few unclear holes throughout the book, which I honestly believe could be damaging to women trying to embrace femininity. Because while she strives to uphold the Catholic view, her weak writing can lead people to believe she is arguing for all kinds of messes instead. We have an obligation to speak the truth and speak it well, but sometimes what Stephanie is saying is masked behind her eye-rolling tone and poorly argued/not explained points. Instead of starting at the beginning, with the WHY of femininity and the WHY of marriage, she jumps in guns blazing and shouting and then tries to make sense of it all.
With that said, there are lots important points that this book strives to make, for example: keeping romance alive in your marriage, celebrating your husband, looking your best for him out of love for him, not nagging, not publicly shaming your spouse, the importance of homemaking, why moms are crucial, why motherhood is the ultimate career— yes, yes YESSSS. But, again, it’s NOT explained well. In fact, it’s articulated is a messy manner. A lot of times the author makes a point and states “don’t like it? Suck it up.” “Facts don’t care about your feelings.” Or, “take it up with Jesus.” Yikes, girl, this is how you drive women away. So again, unless you already understand where Stephanie is coming from, you might find the book palatable, but for anyone searching this book and it’s scattered delivery is potentially damaging.
What about the reverence that should be seen in the union between husband and wife? The reverence that we have for others?
In conclusion, the GOOD in this book is mixed in with muddied language, confusion, and defensiveness. Thus making it, at times, hard to decipher what the author is trying to convey and who exactly she is addressing. Again, I would be hesitant to recommend this book to others because I sincerely believe it could lead to greater confusion AND that the Catholic Church already has many profound and clearly written authors who have already penned books on this subject.
I would strongly recommend reading instead:
— Fulton Sheen’s Three to Get Married (seriously a MUST read) AND The World’s First Love
— Letters to a Young Bride (a much clearer guide to being a wife) AND The Privilege of Being a Woman by Alice von Hildebrand
—The Eternal Woman by Gertrude von le Fort
—Dietrich von Hildebrand’s books on marriage.
—The Mission, Nature, and Role of Woman
Read
February 2, 2022Another hypocrite tells women to be silent doormats while she makes bank doing exactly the opposite. She doesn’t have the Imprimatur from actual Catholic authorities but claims to speak for the Church, which she can’t because she’s a woman and women have no authority in Catholicism. At all.
Her advice ranges from the evil — stay thin regardless of your health because seeing a grey hair or extra pound will lead Hubby to cheat on you and it will be your fault — to the downright dangerous of “go to the priest if he hits you.”
Stay away from this book if you value your life, and I mean that in the most literal possible sense.
Her advice ranges from the evil — stay thin regardless of your health because seeing a grey hair or extra pound will lead Hubby to cheat on you and it will be your fault — to the downright dangerous of “go to the priest if he hits you.”
Stay away from this book if you value your life, and I mean that in the most literal possible sense.
Read
March 6, 2022I read a sample of this book and bought it because I had high hopes for this book. I appreciate the author’s willingness to share counter-cultural ideas; however, I cannot in good conscience recommend the book for a few reasons (in no particular order)...
1. It is not written in charity. I can’t in recent memory remember a book that was written with so much snark as this one. It doesn’t matter if you say all the right things...if you are not saying it in a spirit of love, you will not win hearts. I was turned off by the tone at so many parts, which is saying something considering I can be a pretty sarcastic person myself.
2. This book includes many quotes/references that are taken out of context. It’s very easy to include a snippet from a document to make it fit your agenda, and there was a lot of that.
3. The author claimed all of what she said is Catholic teaching when it is not (see point 2 above). She would have done much better by saying many of her ideas were suggestions, like a wife not leaving the house without asking her husband permission. But to say that it’s doctrine and if you don’t do it, you’re sinning? No.
4. There were many generalizations - one being that women are pursuing money and careerism when they seek work outside the home. I have no doubt that’s true for some, but many are just doing what they feel called to do.
Honestly, I agree with some of what she said. Women should be at home! Women need to care for their husbands and husbands should lead their wives! But her overall approach was less than appealing, and all of the good things she said will be overlooked because of the points above.
Just to give you a direct quote, I showed this part to my husband (without telling him about the book) to see what he thought: “Ladies, if your husband has never sat you down to request, respectfully, that you honor his fashion, exercise, dietary, or romantic preference, you very likely have a grave marital problem.” My husband literally thought that it was a joke.
Please don’t waste your money on this when there are better Catholic marriage books out there.
1. It is not written in charity. I can’t in recent memory remember a book that was written with so much snark as this one. It doesn’t matter if you say all the right things...if you are not saying it in a spirit of love, you will not win hearts. I was turned off by the tone at so many parts, which is saying something considering I can be a pretty sarcastic person myself.
2. This book includes many quotes/references that are taken out of context. It’s very easy to include a snippet from a document to make it fit your agenda, and there was a lot of that.
3. The author claimed all of what she said is Catholic teaching when it is not (see point 2 above). She would have done much better by saying many of her ideas were suggestions, like a wife not leaving the house without asking her husband permission. But to say that it’s doctrine and if you don’t do it, you’re sinning? No.
4. There were many generalizations - one being that women are pursuing money and careerism when they seek work outside the home. I have no doubt that’s true for some, but many are just doing what they feel called to do.
Honestly, I agree with some of what she said. Women should be at home! Women need to care for their husbands and husbands should lead their wives! But her overall approach was less than appealing, and all of the good things she said will be overlooked because of the points above.
Just to give you a direct quote, I showed this part to my husband (without telling him about the book) to see what he thought: “Ladies, if your husband has never sat you down to request, respectfully, that you honor his fashion, exercise, dietary, or romantic preference, you very likely have a grave marital problem.” My husband literally thought that it was a joke.
Please don’t waste your money on this when there are better Catholic marriage books out there.
April 1, 2022
THIS BOOK DOES NOT REFLECT ACTUAL CHURCH TEACHING. It is not a "Catholic guide." The Catholic Church is the universal Church and this book is based totally on one person's opinion in one tiny part of the world. What is in this book are opinions, not facts. It's also written and edited more poorly than this review probably. I don't have the time to go into how incredibly disheartening this book is. There is so much wrong in family life today, but this book takes a horrible approach. It's as if we are clinging to erroneous notions of the past because we can't deal with the world as it is now. I felt compelled to write something because I absolutely would not want anyone to read this book and think that it represents Church teaching. I wouldn't want anyone to read it in general, but I can't help that. There is so much misinformation out there.
I encourage everyone to just go straight to the sources these days. I just want to recommend to everyone reading any Theology of the Body or the Catechism by Pope John Paul II and any actual Church sources to understand Church teaching on marriage and family life. Read the sources and read commentaries as close to the source as you can (meaning from various Congregations of the Church rather than any one person's opinions or any one bishop's imprimatur). These writings expressing Church teachings are also A MILLION times more encouraging than this author's tone. It is a classic trademark of the enemy to speak in a discouraging and condescending tone.
I am so saddened to see so many women think that this is a good book with good suggestions. It horrifies me. It reminds me of a 1950s magazine. We can idealize the past so much, desire to be that 1950s housewife, and forget the goodness of the people who exist now in all of their miseries and sufferings.
This book is also so narrow-minded. A very small portion of women would even be able to live this life. How someone living in poverty, or even in the lower middle class, could ever live by these suggestions is beyond me. There is no thought to the human dignity of a woman, and the fact that she has free will in any true sense. It uses the Blessed Mother as a model to shame women for living differently. The book is very dangerous, does not represent Church teaching, poorly researched, written with extreme lack of charity, takes quotes out of context, relies on sources that have since been updated to reflect fuller truths. It is disheartening for the billions, and I mean billions and not millions, who have very little chance of even trying to live this life if they wanted. It puts demands on people that God would not expect.
The worst part is, in the end, this book is degrading to men and women. It represents one type of man and one type of woman. It does not celebrate the complexity and delicate nature of human life in its various cultures, socioeconomic statuses, and personalities. It also convolutes and takes out of context what is common to us all. I truly feel so sad for this author even though she would not care for my thoughts and feelings on this matter. The author says that people think she is brainwashed, but I think it is much worse, her beliefs are abusive. Truths about men and women are twisted to fit in whatever the author's life looks like. I just hope especially that young families will not use this as a guide to married life. There are so many better and good sources out there.
I encourage everyone to just go straight to the sources these days. I just want to recommend to everyone reading any Theology of the Body or the Catechism by Pope John Paul II and any actual Church sources to understand Church teaching on marriage and family life. Read the sources and read commentaries as close to the source as you can (meaning from various Congregations of the Church rather than any one person's opinions or any one bishop's imprimatur). These writings expressing Church teachings are also A MILLION times more encouraging than this author's tone. It is a classic trademark of the enemy to speak in a discouraging and condescending tone.
I am so saddened to see so many women think that this is a good book with good suggestions. It horrifies me. It reminds me of a 1950s magazine. We can idealize the past so much, desire to be that 1950s housewife, and forget the goodness of the people who exist now in all of their miseries and sufferings.
This book is also so narrow-minded. A very small portion of women would even be able to live this life. How someone living in poverty, or even in the lower middle class, could ever live by these suggestions is beyond me. There is no thought to the human dignity of a woman, and the fact that she has free will in any true sense. It uses the Blessed Mother as a model to shame women for living differently. The book is very dangerous, does not represent Church teaching, poorly researched, written with extreme lack of charity, takes quotes out of context, relies on sources that have since been updated to reflect fuller truths. It is disheartening for the billions, and I mean billions and not millions, who have very little chance of even trying to live this life if they wanted. It puts demands on people that God would not expect.
The worst part is, in the end, this book is degrading to men and women. It represents one type of man and one type of woman. It does not celebrate the complexity and delicate nature of human life in its various cultures, socioeconomic statuses, and personalities. It also convolutes and takes out of context what is common to us all. I truly feel so sad for this author even though she would not care for my thoughts and feelings on this matter. The author says that people think she is brainwashed, but I think it is much worse, her beliefs are abusive. Truths about men and women are twisted to fit in whatever the author's life looks like. I just hope especially that young families will not use this as a guide to married life. There are so many better and good sources out there.
March 1, 2022
The writing is not strong and suffers, as other reviewers have said, from a lack of editing. The author comes across as flippant and degrading – especially if you do not fit into her “one size fits all” marriage advice. A good editor could have worked with her to create a book that would have shared her views in a more helpful manner – this is not the book to convince those who disagree (thanks in a large part to the snarky comments) and will only delight those who already share her views and are willing to look past the limited perspective and weak authorship.
Lacking an imprimatur and a nihil obstat isn’t usually a sticking point for me; however, if you’re going to say over and over again, ‘This is church teaching and if you don’t like it, take it up with Jesus,” having them might be helpful, especially if you choose to cherry pick your references.
Lacking an imprimatur and a nihil obstat isn’t usually a sticking point for me; however, if you’re going to say over and over again, ‘This is church teaching and if you don’t like it, take it up with Jesus,” having them might be helpful, especially if you choose to cherry pick your references.
December 18, 2022
I was planning on reading this, but my husband said no.
March 13, 2022
Christian patriarchy is on the rise, as TAN's publication of this drivel shows. This book isn't worth the paper it's printed on.
March 22, 2022
Okay- I’m going to attempt my review of this book.
I’ll start by saying I’ve watching the Gordons on YouTube for a couple of years now, so I feel like that prepared me for this book. Especially the “tone” in which the author, “Steph”, writes in.
I’ve been waiting for this book for months, I was so looking forward to it and I’m slightly disappointed. I’m giving this book 3 stars, however I would give the actual message of the book 5 stars. I think it’s a message we desperately need in our modern world. I think Steph does a really good job backing up her claims about wives and mothers needing to be in the home caring for their families rather than in the world working.
However, I will readily admit the books faults. 1) it comes across very snarky at times. I really wouldn’t feel comfortable giving this book to a friend who I thought would benefit from the message because it does come across extremely judgmental in some sections. And to be fair, this is probably a topic where we need harsh comments sometimes, but it does lack a certain charity that I think some women will need when first learning about this subject. 2) I don’t like that Steph doesn’t account much for other personality traits in husbands. She’s clearly married to a alpha-male personality and some guys just aren’t alpha-males, and I don’t see a problem with that. 3) I got a very “you should do what we do in our marriage because it’s the right way” vibe at times. 4) There were some unrealistic parts for most families, for instance she talks about going for a walk and it’s great for everybody because some kids fall asleep and husband and wife get to talk without interruptions-that made me laugh in comparison to our family walks. I often think our neighbors think we’re a walking circus act. 5) My final complaint is probably a lack of sympathy in some sections. You get the feeling that she’s saying “I’ve done it through these hard circumstances, so no one else has any excuses if I’ve done it through such and such”. Hopefully all my thoughts make sense here.
All in all, I’m glad I read the book. I did learn some stuff and it’s given me some new perspectives on my vocation as a wife and a mother. I’ll be meditating on some of these sections on how I need to do better in certain areas. I encourage you to read this book if 1) you’re open to some suggestions on being a better wife and mother and 2) you’re prepared to look past (and maybe even forgive) some of the attitude that comes across at times. I really appreciate that Steph is willing to tackle this topic and open herself up to the hatred that I’m sure she’s getting. I sincerely wish the editor had maybe cut some of her “tangents” in the book and stuck more to the Church’s teachings with some occasional advice from her.
My favorite part was the very last section on St Josemaría Escríva’s writings about marriage. So if you don’t read the book, look him up online and read some of his stuff!
I’ll start by saying I’ve watching the Gordons on YouTube for a couple of years now, so I feel like that prepared me for this book. Especially the “tone” in which the author, “Steph”, writes in.
I’ve been waiting for this book for months, I was so looking forward to it and I’m slightly disappointed. I’m giving this book 3 stars, however I would give the actual message of the book 5 stars. I think it’s a message we desperately need in our modern world. I think Steph does a really good job backing up her claims about wives and mothers needing to be in the home caring for their families rather than in the world working.
However, I will readily admit the books faults. 1) it comes across very snarky at times. I really wouldn’t feel comfortable giving this book to a friend who I thought would benefit from the message because it does come across extremely judgmental in some sections. And to be fair, this is probably a topic where we need harsh comments sometimes, but it does lack a certain charity that I think some women will need when first learning about this subject. 2) I don’t like that Steph doesn’t account much for other personality traits in husbands. She’s clearly married to a alpha-male personality and some guys just aren’t alpha-males, and I don’t see a problem with that. 3) I got a very “you should do what we do in our marriage because it’s the right way” vibe at times. 4) There were some unrealistic parts for most families, for instance she talks about going for a walk and it’s great for everybody because some kids fall asleep and husband and wife get to talk without interruptions-that made me laugh in comparison to our family walks. I often think our neighbors think we’re a walking circus act. 5) My final complaint is probably a lack of sympathy in some sections. You get the feeling that she’s saying “I’ve done it through these hard circumstances, so no one else has any excuses if I’ve done it through such and such”. Hopefully all my thoughts make sense here.
All in all, I’m glad I read the book. I did learn some stuff and it’s given me some new perspectives on my vocation as a wife and a mother. I’ll be meditating on some of these sections on how I need to do better in certain areas. I encourage you to read this book if 1) you’re open to some suggestions on being a better wife and mother and 2) you’re prepared to look past (and maybe even forgive) some of the attitude that comes across at times. I really appreciate that Steph is willing to tackle this topic and open herself up to the hatred that I’m sure she’s getting. I sincerely wish the editor had maybe cut some of her “tangents” in the book and stuck more to the Church’s teachings with some occasional advice from her.
My favorite part was the very last section on St Josemaría Escríva’s writings about marriage. So if you don’t read the book, look him up online and read some of his stuff!
February 6, 2022
Excellent Work!
I am a Baby Boomer, and became a radical feminist in 1970. I believed everything that Gloria Steinem fed me. That the television series, "All in the Family" was true, women had been repressed, allocated domestic roles as a prerequisite of having been born a female, and as a result, I must fight within the new militia to win our freedom! Then I lived through this revolution. I got my education, put my children into childcare, and too late realized that I had not only taken on a full time professional career, but had actually lost my loved hobbies of cooking from scratch, growing and preserving our families produce, flower gardens, crafts that I had enjoyed making with my women friends and children, and housekeeping, which I had actually enjoyed. I was too exhausted to meet my husband's needs, and because my distress created a very conflicted woman, my husband left me for another woman. Is it any wonder why my children did not espouse my former beliefs, or to become loving, giving men? All four sons have gone their own ways. I'm disabled with rheumatoid arthritis, and their self centered behavior is appalling. As a woman who lost her peace, her family, and now must rely on agency help to survive, I am thrilled to finally see a brave woman with a traditional family (exactly as my grandmothers had and enjoyed), speak out truth. The Catholic faith that I'd thrown away with my bras, has become the center of my life. Timothy Gordon's book, "Patriarchy" was a precise revelation of how and why we have no genuine, courageous, and men willing to commit to relationships anymore. I couldn't have agreed more with the Gordons' assessments. I lived through the losses, as did many of my contemporaries who believed the lies, are now in their 70's, sick, alone, and their children couldn't care less. God help us!
I am a Baby Boomer, and became a radical feminist in 1970. I believed everything that Gloria Steinem fed me. That the television series, "All in the Family" was true, women had been repressed, allocated domestic roles as a prerequisite of having been born a female, and as a result, I must fight within the new militia to win our freedom! Then I lived through this revolution. I got my education, put my children into childcare, and too late realized that I had not only taken on a full time professional career, but had actually lost my loved hobbies of cooking from scratch, growing and preserving our families produce, flower gardens, crafts that I had enjoyed making with my women friends and children, and housekeeping, which I had actually enjoyed. I was too exhausted to meet my husband's needs, and because my distress created a very conflicted woman, my husband left me for another woman. Is it any wonder why my children did not espouse my former beliefs, or to become loving, giving men? All four sons have gone their own ways. I'm disabled with rheumatoid arthritis, and their self centered behavior is appalling. As a woman who lost her peace, her family, and now must rely on agency help to survive, I am thrilled to finally see a brave woman with a traditional family (exactly as my grandmothers had and enjoyed), speak out truth. The Catholic faith that I'd thrown away with my bras, has become the center of my life. Timothy Gordon's book, "Patriarchy" was a precise revelation of how and why we have no genuine, courageous, and men willing to commit to relationships anymore. I couldn't have agreed more with the Gordons' assessments. I lived through the losses, as did many of my contemporaries who believed the lies, are now in their 70's, sick, alone, and their children couldn't care less. God help us!
February 3, 2023
I heard endlessly terrible things about this book, and decided to read it for myself before casting too much judgment.
Most of it is as bad as they say. I vehemently disagree with most of what the author claims, and what she claims is not a reflection of infallible Church teaching for faithful Catholics. Additionally, her tone is rather arrogant and the editing of the book is far from perfect, which I found distracting.
There were some respectable sentiments and some quotes from saints and other sources that I enjoyed. But this is not Truth on its own, and I caution readers to keep that in mind.
Most of it is as bad as they say. I vehemently disagree with most of what the author claims, and what she claims is not a reflection of infallible Church teaching for faithful Catholics. Additionally, her tone is rather arrogant and the editing of the book is far from perfect, which I found distracting.
There were some respectable sentiments and some quotes from saints and other sources that I enjoyed. But this is not Truth on its own, and I caution readers to keep that in mind.
August 15, 2024
See my review here
3.5 Stars
5 Star message (for the most part) but 3 star delivery and tone.
3.5 Stars
5 Star message (for the most part) but 3 star delivery and tone.
February 4, 2025
DNF at 25%. This can be most charitably described as a train wreck. I do not inherently disagree with SOME of the things she says. However, she seems to fall into the category of “lets go back to the past and it will fix all of our problems.” Instead of taking only what was good and true, the best, of the past and moving forward. In essence, she seems to have rose-colored glasses when viewing marriages in past eras. She also has an abysmal habit of failing define her terms and utilizing singular anecdotal examples as “proof” for the validity of her arguments. It would also be wise to refrain from using Aristotle as support for one’s arguments if discussing the dignity of women. Perhaps, Mrs. Gordon does indeed believe women as unequal to their husbands and that women are somehow, as Aristotle argued “deformed men.” If you profess to be Catholic, Aquinas would have been the wiser choice. In any case, it is difficult to say exactly what she believes because her arguments lack any clarity and nuance.
I might have found it possible to press on and untangle the knots of the entire book were it not for the abrasive, know-it-all tone. There is an air of superiority that permeates the entire book. I agree that there is a need to speak the truth boldly, but that can be done in in a charitable and decorous manner. Talking down to others as though they are stupid and can’t understand what you perceive to be “self-evident” is not going to change any hearts and minds. As the adage goes “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.”
The idea behind this book had potential and could have been incredibly instrumental in helping women reclaim their femininity and role in society. However, the author ultimately sabotaged her own message. My advice: skip this one.
I might have found it possible to press on and untangle the knots of the entire book were it not for the abrasive, know-it-all tone. There is an air of superiority that permeates the entire book. I agree that there is a need to speak the truth boldly, but that can be done in in a charitable and decorous manner. Talking down to others as though they are stupid and can’t understand what you perceive to be “self-evident” is not going to change any hearts and minds. As the adage goes “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.”
The idea behind this book had potential and could have been incredibly instrumental in helping women reclaim their femininity and role in society. However, the author ultimately sabotaged her own message. My advice: skip this one.
March 23, 2022
Just finished chapter 1. Pretty excited about moving forward!
August 7, 2023
I enjoyed how deep and thorough the explanation of Church teaching regarding women was laid out. I learned so much that I didn’t know before. It is a hard read in regards to accepting everything she states, but the truth is boldly proclaimed and I appreciated having to do my own self reflection and ask for Jesus to soften and mold my heart in so many ways as wife and mother. 💕
October 14, 2025
Wow. This book took me a while to read even though it was a fairly short book. I had to reread so much of it because there was so much to unpack. I have to admit, some of the things in this book were hard to accept due to the amount of feminism that has been shoved into our brains. You definitely have to put your guard down while reading this one. But it’s important to remember she is not just saying what she thinks, she quotes scripture, canon law, the catechism, the saints, etc. let this book teach you instead of just being offended.
Main points that I took away from this book are:
Mother Mary is our role model in motherhood and femininity and what following her example really looks like
My husband is the head and I am the heart of the home.
You never stop being your husbands girlfriend, don’t let the spark die.
And so so so much more.
This book made me so proud to be Paul’s wife and want to strive to be better for him.
Main points that I took away from this book are:
Mother Mary is our role model in motherhood and femininity and what following her example really looks like
My husband is the head and I am the heart of the home.
You never stop being your husbands girlfriend, don’t let the spark die.
And so so so much more.
This book made me so proud to be Paul’s wife and want to strive to be better for him.
Read
November 17, 2025I would say the message of this book is 5 stars but the delivery was 3. The message really is just for women to live in accord with Gods teachings in their vocation. I didn’t agree with everything this author says but honestly it could just be that I misunderstood her bc the editing and tone isn’t great. Sometimes the author is really blunt and angry about certain topics and just doesn’t sound like a joyful feminine wife. I get it. Sometimes I get fed up with feminist agenda and women talking smack about their husbands but I think she should have edited it and focused on the traditional parts of her marriage she loves and why. I really loved her talking about the covenant and sacramental meanings of marriage and how solid and beautiful marriage really is. honestly the message was so good and she had some killer points. I just wish she could have wrote it with a different tone
April 19, 2022
Overall, this was great. It is clearly meant for those of us who reject much of the modern culture built by feminism, anti-child rhetoric, and self-worship. If that’s you too, you know it can feel very lonely when you’re trying to live a traditional life in the midst of ..all this (one review contains the absurd statement “Christian patriarchy is on the rise” which made me lol).
In that vein: I would warn anyone who GENUINELY wants to grow in holy femininity to read between the lines of the negative reviews. There is quite a lot of faux-handwringing (“THINK OF THE CHILDREN” type stuff but for abused (?) wives) and hyperbole about the DaNgEr of her arguments. Aside from the fact that that’s super demeaning (women are too stupid to not listen blindly to this random book..?), if you read the whole thing, you’ll see that Gordon always cites legitimate sources for her statements. Furthermore, she doesn’t actually advocate for the more offensive claims made about her (eg, she explicitly rejects staying with an abusive spouse). Another example: I’ve seen her raked over the coals for “claiming that refusing marital intimacy is a mortal sin.” Nope. She mentions, in exactly one sentence only btw, that ST THOMAS AQUINAS said that. If anything, her extensive citations and research made the central portion of the book a little dry. But that means that if one doesn’t like those arguments, I’m afraid one will have to discard the Angelic Doctor, St Paul, and a number of popes and Church Fathers.
Yes, she can be abrasive. But there’s a lot of good content here, and I suspect that the screeching fury from some of the reviews says more about their personal politics than performative **concern** about women being put in “danger” by this book. I would bet that those readers knew they would hate this and it remains an eternal mystery to me why so many people in this culture seek out and enjoy being enraged. 🤷♀️ As for me, a recovering liberal feminist turned trad wife, I actually found it uplifting and encouraging. Take that for what it’s worth.
In that vein: I would warn anyone who GENUINELY wants to grow in holy femininity to read between the lines of the negative reviews. There is quite a lot of faux-handwringing (“THINK OF THE CHILDREN” type stuff but for abused (?) wives) and hyperbole about the DaNgEr of her arguments. Aside from the fact that that’s super demeaning (women are too stupid to not listen blindly to this random book..?), if you read the whole thing, you’ll see that Gordon always cites legitimate sources for her statements. Furthermore, she doesn’t actually advocate for the more offensive claims made about her (eg, she explicitly rejects staying with an abusive spouse). Another example: I’ve seen her raked over the coals for “claiming that refusing marital intimacy is a mortal sin.” Nope. She mentions, in exactly one sentence only btw, that ST THOMAS AQUINAS said that. If anything, her extensive citations and research made the central portion of the book a little dry. But that means that if one doesn’t like those arguments, I’m afraid one will have to discard the Angelic Doctor, St Paul, and a number of popes and Church Fathers.
Yes, she can be abrasive. But there’s a lot of good content here, and I suspect that the screeching fury from some of the reviews says more about their personal politics than performative **concern** about women being put in “danger” by this book. I would bet that those readers knew they would hate this and it remains an eternal mystery to me why so many people in this culture seek out and enjoy being enraged. 🤷♀️ As for me, a recovering liberal feminist turned trad wife, I actually found it uplifting and encouraging. Take that for what it’s worth.
April 1, 2022
THIS BOOK DOES NOT REFLECT ACTUAL CHURCH TEACHING. It is not a "Catholic guide." The Catholic Church is the universal Church and this book is based totally on one person's opinion in one tiny part of the world. What is in this book are opinions, not facts. It's also written and edited more poorly than this review probably. I don't have the time to go into how incredibly disheartening this book is. There is so much wrong in family life today, but this book takes a horrible approach. It's as if we are clinging to erroneous notions of the past because we can't deal with the world as it is now. I felt compelled to write something because I absolutely would not want anyone to read this book and think that it represents Church teaching. I wouldn't want anyone to read it in general, but I can't help that. There is so much misinformation out there.
I encourage everyone to just go straight to the sources these days. I just want to recommend to everyone reading any Theology of the Body or the Catechism by Pope John Paul II and any actual Church sources to understand Church teaching on marriage and family life. Read the sources and read commentaries as close to the source as you can (meaning from various Congregations of the Church rather than any one person's opinions or any one bishop's imprimatur). These writings expressing Church teachings are also A MILLION times more encouraging than this author's tone. It is a classic trademark of the enemy to speak in a discouraging and condescending tone.
I am so saddened to see so many women think that this is a good book with good suggestions. It horrifies me. It reminds me of a 1950s magazine. We can idealize the past so much, desire to be that 1950s housewife, and forget the goodness of the people who exist now in all of their miseries and sufferings.
This book is also so narrow-minded. A very small portion of women would even be able to live this life. How someone living in poverty, or even in the lower middle class, could ever live by these suggestions is beyond me. There is no thought to the human dignity of a woman, and the fact that she has free will in any true sense. It uses the Blessed Mother as a model to shame women for living differently. The book is very dangerous, does not represent Church teaching, poorly researched, written with extreme lack of charity, takes quotes out of context, relies on sources that have since been updated to reflect fuller truths. It is disheartening for the billions, and I mean billions and not millions, who have very little chance of even trying to live this life if they wanted. It puts demands on people that God would not expect.
The worst part is, in the end, this book is degrading to men and women. It represents one type of man and one type of woman. It does not celebrate the complexity and delicate nature of human life in its various cultures, socioeconomic statuses, personalities. It also convolutes and takes out of context what is common to us all. I truly feel so sad for this author even though she would not care for my thoughts and feelings on this matter. The author says that people think she is brainwashed, but I think it is much worse, her beliefs are abusive. Truths about men and women are twisted to fit in whatever the author's life looks like. I just hope especially that young families will not use this as a guide to married life. There are so many better and good sources out there.
I encourage everyone to just go straight to the sources these days. I just want to recommend to everyone reading any Theology of the Body or the Catechism by Pope John Paul II and any actual Church sources to understand Church teaching on marriage and family life. Read the sources and read commentaries as close to the source as you can (meaning from various Congregations of the Church rather than any one person's opinions or any one bishop's imprimatur). These writings expressing Church teachings are also A MILLION times more encouraging than this author's tone. It is a classic trademark of the enemy to speak in a discouraging and condescending tone.
I am so saddened to see so many women think that this is a good book with good suggestions. It horrifies me. It reminds me of a 1950s magazine. We can idealize the past so much, desire to be that 1950s housewife, and forget the goodness of the people who exist now in all of their miseries and sufferings.
This book is also so narrow-minded. A very small portion of women would even be able to live this life. How someone living in poverty, or even in the lower middle class, could ever live by these suggestions is beyond me. There is no thought to the human dignity of a woman, and the fact that she has free will in any true sense. It uses the Blessed Mother as a model to shame women for living differently. The book is very dangerous, does not represent Church teaching, poorly researched, written with extreme lack of charity, takes quotes out of context, relies on sources that have since been updated to reflect fuller truths. It is disheartening for the billions, and I mean billions and not millions, who have very little chance of even trying to live this life if they wanted. It puts demands on people that God would not expect.
The worst part is, in the end, this book is degrading to men and women. It represents one type of man and one type of woman. It does not celebrate the complexity and delicate nature of human life in its various cultures, socioeconomic statuses, personalities. It also convolutes and takes out of context what is common to us all. I truly feel so sad for this author even though she would not care for my thoughts and feelings on this matter. The author says that people think she is brainwashed, but I think it is much worse, her beliefs are abusive. Truths about men and women are twisted to fit in whatever the author's life looks like. I just hope especially that young families will not use this as a guide to married life. There are so many better and good sources out there.
April 6, 2022
I’m so glad this book has been written. Kudos to Steph for taking on this challenging topic, and kudos to Tan for publishing it. I hope this will be the first of more books about wifely obedience for traditional Catholics. It is more important than ever to be reminded of the beauty, truth, and goodness of Church teachings/traditions regarding marriage roles. Hopefully, “Ask Your Husband” will re-energize this conversation. I’m grateful to have read it and would recommend it with a few small caveats to others.
One star off for bad editing. Tan seems to have been asleep at the wheel for this one. The footnotes are all over the place—some reputable sources, some very sketchy (Protestant) websites, and sometimes they are just punchlines of jokes. Bizarre. Feels like someone couldn’t decide if this should be a scholarly work or a conversational piece a la “Marry Him and Be Submissive.” Similarly, Gordon eschews modern citations 90% of the time, but then uses the junk site “psychology today” in her weight loss section. Unfortunately, just uneven citations and sources throughout.
Likewise, some chapters sound very much like Steph’s voice—yes, sometimes snarky and derisive; that’s just the Gordon style, get used to it. But then other chapters read like someone went through her writing and replaced every fourth word with something they found in their thesaurus. Again, it just needed a better editor at Tan to keep the style even throughout. (And who the hell decided to keep the line “Once you begin losing weight, I guarantee you’ll be thanking him. I’ll leave it to you to figure out the best way to do that…” Ick. Please let’s be able to write about intimacy with modesty and decorum.)
Unfortunately, I decided to remove a second star for tone. St. Francis de Sales teaches us that generosity without charity is nothing. Gordon has been generous with her time and talent to share this book with the world. But without charity of tone and intent, I fear this book’s influence will stop at the perimeter of super-Trad circles. I can’t imagine many (any??) more liberal Catholics making their way through the eye-rolling, mean-girl attitude in order to really take to heart the many truths in this book. I wonder what this book might have looked like in the hands of someone like Carrie Gress instead?
Still, a good read with many excellent (and sometimes hard to hear!) truth bombs. If you’re interested at all in the topic and want to become a better, more traditional wife, by all means read this book.
But as my own husband remarked, “don’t let someone else’s wife replace the opinions of your own husband.”
One star off for bad editing. Tan seems to have been asleep at the wheel for this one. The footnotes are all over the place—some reputable sources, some very sketchy (Protestant) websites, and sometimes they are just punchlines of jokes. Bizarre. Feels like someone couldn’t decide if this should be a scholarly work or a conversational piece a la “Marry Him and Be Submissive.” Similarly, Gordon eschews modern citations 90% of the time, but then uses the junk site “psychology today” in her weight loss section. Unfortunately, just uneven citations and sources throughout.
Likewise, some chapters sound very much like Steph’s voice—yes, sometimes snarky and derisive; that’s just the Gordon style, get used to it. But then other chapters read like someone went through her writing and replaced every fourth word with something they found in their thesaurus. Again, it just needed a better editor at Tan to keep the style even throughout. (And who the hell decided to keep the line “Once you begin losing weight, I guarantee you’ll be thanking him. I’ll leave it to you to figure out the best way to do that…” Ick. Please let’s be able to write about intimacy with modesty and decorum.)
Unfortunately, I decided to remove a second star for tone. St. Francis de Sales teaches us that generosity without charity is nothing. Gordon has been generous with her time and talent to share this book with the world. But without charity of tone and intent, I fear this book’s influence will stop at the perimeter of super-Trad circles. I can’t imagine many (any??) more liberal Catholics making their way through the eye-rolling, mean-girl attitude in order to really take to heart the many truths in this book. I wonder what this book might have looked like in the hands of someone like Carrie Gress instead?
Still, a good read with many excellent (and sometimes hard to hear!) truth bombs. If you’re interested at all in the topic and want to become a better, more traditional wife, by all means read this book.
But as my own husband remarked, “don’t let someone else’s wife replace the opinions of your own husband.”
April 10, 2022
Content is good but it seems a little disorganized. The author seems more like she is whining and defensive rather than sharing truth or a compelling argument, which was a little grating. Well researched and a good variety of sources to follow up on.
February 24, 2024
I was grossly disappointed by this book. I was expecting an uplifting read about the goodness of femininity and the beauty of the role of wife and mother, but no. My main issues (because if I were to get into everything I would never finish this review):
The way she presented her arguments as "Catholic teaching" just by quoting a pope or Church document (often) out of context. And then dismissed JPII's writings condoning working women just because she disagreed with them.
Her overall sarcastic, arrogant, and off-putting tone. It really sounded like she was trying to make her reader angry.
Her overemphasis on the wife's duty to her appearance and weight, and the marital-debt. No, fortunately if you don't manage to loose weight I don't think your marriage will fall apart. Or maybe it will because it didn't have good foundations in the first place... But I really hope that the only glue holding your marriage together is sexual attraction like she claims is normal. And it is dangerous to declare to women their whole lives and schedules should be oriented around the sexual demands of her husband.
I would agree that there an argument can be made that the role of mother should be taken seriously and it is ideal for a mother to stay at home during the early years of the child's life. Is that always possible? Definitely not. But this book missed the whole point.
I can never recommend this book to anyone.
The way she presented her arguments as "Catholic teaching" just by quoting a pope or Church document (often) out of context. And then dismissed JPII's writings condoning working women just because she disagreed with them.
Her overall sarcastic, arrogant, and off-putting tone. It really sounded like she was trying to make her reader angry.
Her overemphasis on the wife's duty to her appearance and weight, and the marital-debt. No, fortunately if you don't manage to loose weight I don't think your marriage will fall apart. Or maybe it will because it didn't have good foundations in the first place... But I really hope that the only glue holding your marriage together is sexual attraction like she claims is normal. And it is dangerous to declare to women their whole lives and schedules should be oriented around the sexual demands of her husband.
I would agree that there an argument can be made that the role of mother should be taken seriously and it is ideal for a mother to stay at home during the early years of the child's life. Is that always possible? Definitely not. But this book missed the whole point.
I can never recommend this book to anyone.
December 2, 2023
"I'M NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS!!!!" the novel.
Why is a grown ass lady still in this phase?
One of its more bizarre forms, since this time the "other girls" are "less human than men".
Typical narcissist who's conveniently "masculine" only when it's quirky for her, ie. "I can handle when men curse, because I'm tough because of my childhood, but other ladies can't!" Only she can have a nuanced personality, as it CLEARLY says in the Bible. Don't forget how CLEAR it is. Did I mention it's clear? Good, because that's going to be the only argument here.)
This abusive dynamic is appealing to her, because it's some kind of fetish LARP she enjoys. But when other women inevitably find this unappealing, and don't agree they're "less human than men" (because Aristotle said so), she calls them a feminist (similar tactic to liberals who just say 'racist' or 'phobe' to shut people down without an argument, only in this case it also implies you're an 'other girl' to build up her ego even more).
The tone is so immature that reading it, you get a freaked out, sad feeling.
How is her husband's IQ so low that he falls for this?
(I'd conclude he is a grifter, and doesn't care if he's preaching truth or falsities if it gets attention.)
The technical writing is atrocious. Not only are the technical aspects clunky, but her arguments and reasoning skills are, too. She repeats something she heard about Aristotle (pagan), using the Appeal to Authority fallacy to argue for a Catholic point. But how is Aristotle's opinion of women relevant here? Just because he thought they were less human than men doesn't mean you've convinced us of why we should agree with him.
One star.
Her husband should also shut his mouth and get a haircut.
Why is a grown ass lady still in this phase?
One of its more bizarre forms, since this time the "other girls" are "less human than men".
Typical narcissist who's conveniently "masculine" only when it's quirky for her, ie. "I can handle when men curse, because I'm tough because of my childhood, but other ladies can't!" Only she can have a nuanced personality, as it CLEARLY says in the Bible. Don't forget how CLEAR it is. Did I mention it's clear? Good, because that's going to be the only argument here.)
This abusive dynamic is appealing to her, because it's some kind of fetish LARP she enjoys. But when other women inevitably find this unappealing, and don't agree they're "less human than men" (because Aristotle said so), she calls them a feminist (similar tactic to liberals who just say 'racist' or 'phobe' to shut people down without an argument, only in this case it also implies you're an 'other girl' to build up her ego even more).
The tone is so immature that reading it, you get a freaked out, sad feeling.
How is her husband's IQ so low that he falls for this?
(I'd conclude he is a grifter, and doesn't care if he's preaching truth or falsities if it gets attention.)
The technical writing is atrocious. Not only are the technical aspects clunky, but her arguments and reasoning skills are, too. She repeats something she heard about Aristotle (pagan), using the Appeal to Authority fallacy to argue for a Catholic point. But how is Aristotle's opinion of women relevant here? Just because he thought they were less human than men doesn't mean you've convinced us of why we should agree with him.
One star.
Her husband should also shut his mouth and get a haircut.
April 11, 2022
Excellent book that is desperately needed in our time where the world has gone crazy as it undermines women, men, and marriage at every turn. As usual there are many naysayers who came to trash the book because it challenges their paganistic view of Christianity. If you want to grow in your understanding of Christianity and infuse it with Christian teaching then this book is for you. This same message has been hidden from you by those peddling a false Christianity that seeks to conform to the world instead of transforming the world. Stephanie Gordon has done a masterful job of illustrating the truths of Christianity throughout the ages and how they continue to apply today even though the rest of the world, including Christians, has abandoned timeless feminity. Give it a read and see for yourself how it challenges the narrative and why so many are having a hard time accepting today what Christendom has known and taught for centuries.
March 21, 2023
I only read about half of this book. I really came open to it, excited, wanting to hear language that would help me put into practice a good order to my marriage. In short, I already agreed with the premise of the book, about the way a marriage is organized. Unfortunately, the author's tone is condescending toward the reader (assuming the reader is coming with baggage that she may not be coming with). And the writing is just...not good. Assertions are made and no attempts are made to back them up (in the sizable portion I read). This reads like a social media post or rant, but not like a published work.
Read Ann's review posted March 2, 2022 (pinned to the top) for a much better treatment than my own, which I agree with, and suggestions on what to read instead.
Read Ann's review posted March 2, 2022 (pinned to the top) for a much better treatment than my own, which I agree with, and suggestions on what to read instead.
October 8, 2023
I thought this was a very thorough book about living as a Catholic wife. Especially day-to-day expectations of what a wife should be doing. This has definitely been lost in society. And I agree with the whole book. I gave it 5 stars, because I believe everyone women should be reading this. Including young women discerning their vocation.
March 31, 2022
This is a classic "marmite" book. Readers will either love it or hate it.
The author claims that Catholic wives must be obedient to their husbands and cannot leave the family home without their consent (Kindle 3%). Their role is to ‘serve’ their husbands (30%), who are their bosses (37%). Wives should never work outside the family home (29%). Unless a wife has been told to improve her appearance by her husband, there is something wrong with their marriage (60%).
This is certainly ‘a’ model of marriage. If the author wants to live it, then she should be free to do so. But problems arise when she insists that this is the ‘only’ permissible model for Catholic wives
This model of marriage can be found in some versions of Judaism and Islam. So why should we think that it is God’s requirement for (Catholic) Christians? Couldn’t it just be an ancient cultural view of marriage which has been accidentally incorporated into various religions?
The author cites Scripture and Tradition to prove that the model is divinely and inerrantly taught (43%). But ideas can be contained in Scripture and Tradition without them being inerrant teachings. Galileo’s arguments were initially rejected as contrary to Scripture and Tradition. Anti-semitism can be cited as taught by Scripture and Tradition, until Vatican II (1965) rejected such an interpretation. Women’s chapel veils were taught by Scripture and Tradition, but are no longer considered to be divine commands. To make her case the author needs a further argument to prove that wifely obedience is Scriptural, Traditional AND a divine command. But the book does not provide one.
Instead the book just insists that the Church’s magisterium has previously taught wifely obedience as a divine command, so therefore it must be one. To the obvious rejoinder that the Church no longer teaches it, the author condemns the ‘twentieth century apostasy’ (11%). But perhaps the church is not in apostasy? Perhaps it no longer teaches wifely obedience because that idea has ‘run its course.’
Church teachings can run their course and cease to be relevant. The Second Lateran Council (1139) condemned Crossbows as immoral weapons, but the development of gunpowder made that teaching irrelevant. The Old Testament taught the necessity of Circumcision, but that command ran its course and was abolished in the New Testament. How do we know that wifely obedience hasn’t also been rendered irrelevant by changes in society? The author doesn’t consider this possibility, she just insists that wifely obedience is ‘perennially binding’ (12%). But she gives no argument to prove that it is so.
More problematic is the argument from ‘nature.’ We hear that husbands are ‘natural’ leaders (18%) and ‘heads’ of a marriage (24%), whereas wives are naturally passive (26%). There are male virtues of assertiveness, boldness and leadership, as well as female virtues related to docility, quietude and fealty to husbands (47%). Men are more “rational” than women (37%), which the author illustrates by explaining how her husband had to correct her poor judgement and ban her from leaving the house one day (4%).
How do we know these truths about the differences between men and women? The author seems to imply that it is because Aristotle said so. But Aristotle said many things which are not true. He said that women have less teeth than men. They do not. So, ancient views (such as Aristotle’s) cannot just be cited as dogma. His views have to be tested, and proven. But the book does not test or prove its opinions about the differing natures of men and women.
Within the detail of the book, there are also claims that some readers may find troubling. The author seems to suggest that a wife should obey a husband even if it is contrary to a doctor’s medical advice…, although ‘hopefully’ a husband and doctor will not be in disagreement (64%). And, of course, it is a wife’s duty to be sexually available, upon demand, despite any feelings of exhaustion from caring for a family (66%).
Throughout, the book has a “combative” tone. If women are not happy with what the author is saying then they ‘need to take it up with God’ (3%). Or else they just need to ‘suck it up’ (33%). Feminism has a ‘malodorous stench’ (50%). And we hear how contrary arguments are ‘illogical’ (18%) or ‘nonsense’ (20%) or "utter nonsense” (24%).
Overall, this is a clear statement of a particular viewpoint, but it is asserted rather than argued, and it is done with a tone which does the author few favours.
The author claims that Catholic wives must be obedient to their husbands and cannot leave the family home without their consent (Kindle 3%). Their role is to ‘serve’ their husbands (30%), who are their bosses (37%). Wives should never work outside the family home (29%). Unless a wife has been told to improve her appearance by her husband, there is something wrong with their marriage (60%).
This is certainly ‘a’ model of marriage. If the author wants to live it, then she should be free to do so. But problems arise when she insists that this is the ‘only’ permissible model for Catholic wives
This model of marriage can be found in some versions of Judaism and Islam. So why should we think that it is God’s requirement for (Catholic) Christians? Couldn’t it just be an ancient cultural view of marriage which has been accidentally incorporated into various religions?
The author cites Scripture and Tradition to prove that the model is divinely and inerrantly taught (43%). But ideas can be contained in Scripture and Tradition without them being inerrant teachings. Galileo’s arguments were initially rejected as contrary to Scripture and Tradition. Anti-semitism can be cited as taught by Scripture and Tradition, until Vatican II (1965) rejected such an interpretation. Women’s chapel veils were taught by Scripture and Tradition, but are no longer considered to be divine commands. To make her case the author needs a further argument to prove that wifely obedience is Scriptural, Traditional AND a divine command. But the book does not provide one.
Instead the book just insists that the Church’s magisterium has previously taught wifely obedience as a divine command, so therefore it must be one. To the obvious rejoinder that the Church no longer teaches it, the author condemns the ‘twentieth century apostasy’ (11%). But perhaps the church is not in apostasy? Perhaps it no longer teaches wifely obedience because that idea has ‘run its course.’
Church teachings can run their course and cease to be relevant. The Second Lateran Council (1139) condemned Crossbows as immoral weapons, but the development of gunpowder made that teaching irrelevant. The Old Testament taught the necessity of Circumcision, but that command ran its course and was abolished in the New Testament. How do we know that wifely obedience hasn’t also been rendered irrelevant by changes in society? The author doesn’t consider this possibility, she just insists that wifely obedience is ‘perennially binding’ (12%). But she gives no argument to prove that it is so.
More problematic is the argument from ‘nature.’ We hear that husbands are ‘natural’ leaders (18%) and ‘heads’ of a marriage (24%), whereas wives are naturally passive (26%). There are male virtues of assertiveness, boldness and leadership, as well as female virtues related to docility, quietude and fealty to husbands (47%). Men are more “rational” than women (37%), which the author illustrates by explaining how her husband had to correct her poor judgement and ban her from leaving the house one day (4%).
How do we know these truths about the differences between men and women? The author seems to imply that it is because Aristotle said so. But Aristotle said many things which are not true. He said that women have less teeth than men. They do not. So, ancient views (such as Aristotle’s) cannot just be cited as dogma. His views have to be tested, and proven. But the book does not test or prove its opinions about the differing natures of men and women.
Within the detail of the book, there are also claims that some readers may find troubling. The author seems to suggest that a wife should obey a husband even if it is contrary to a doctor’s medical advice…, although ‘hopefully’ a husband and doctor will not be in disagreement (64%). And, of course, it is a wife’s duty to be sexually available, upon demand, despite any feelings of exhaustion from caring for a family (66%).
Throughout, the book has a “combative” tone. If women are not happy with what the author is saying then they ‘need to take it up with God’ (3%). Or else they just need to ‘suck it up’ (33%). Feminism has a ‘malodorous stench’ (50%). And we hear how contrary arguments are ‘illogical’ (18%) or ‘nonsense’ (20%) or "utter nonsense” (24%).
Overall, this is a clear statement of a particular viewpoint, but it is asserted rather than argued, and it is done with a tone which does the author few favours.
August 25, 2025
I know Stephanie means well writing this book but it unfortunately doesn’t seem well directed towards her target, which is women. She comes across as aggressive and unreasonable in some parts, it lacks the delicacy in which hard truths should be presented.
The book spared itself a little in the last two chapters which manage to create a more intimate and spiritual atmosphere, especially when she talks about her own journey and provides really good spiritual resources. I look up to Stephanie as she’s an exemplary mother but I just wish she would’ve been able to sound more inspiring throughout the book.
The book spared itself a little in the last two chapters which manage to create a more intimate and spiritual atmosphere, especially when she talks about her own journey and provides really good spiritual resources. I look up to Stephanie as she’s an exemplary mother but I just wish she would’ve been able to sound more inspiring throughout the book.
February 1, 2024
I love this book. If I won the lottery I'd donate a box to every parish in my state.
My only gripe with the book is that the ending could have been better formulated. I felt the book hit some great points and lost some of it's momentum in the end.
The points Gordon hits in the book ring true in today's uber feminist culture. We must return to the tried and true traditions of the church that resulted in happy, well ordered families.
Thank you Mrs. Gordon for writing this book.
My only gripe with the book is that the ending could have been better formulated. I felt the book hit some great points and lost some of it's momentum in the end.
The points Gordon hits in the book ring true in today's uber feminist culture. We must return to the tried and true traditions of the church that resulted in happy, well ordered families.
Thank you Mrs. Gordon for writing this book.
March 16, 2022
You must stop and think and reread
This is a great book, it helps you understand a lot of things that maybe going on in your own life and a good idea of how Jesus wants us to handle them.
This is a great book, it helps you understand a lot of things that maybe going on in your own life and a good idea of how Jesus wants us to handle them.
October 1, 2023
Women as slaves
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