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The Beginner's Guide to Being Evil
Hey! I'm Dave. And you have questions. You're probably starting with this one:
"Why should I not only buy, but actually read this book?"
Look, no matter what religious doctrine, books, laws, or commandments you follow (and even if you don't), 100% of you have committed sins, shameful deeds, etc. (Quit lying to yourself, yes you have. For some of you, it probably happened within the past hour.) Ergo, when you reach the afterlife, for a lot of you there’s going to be a closed door to the escalator heading Upstairs, probably guarded by two big goons with big stupid wings.
Shock of all shockers! You’re headed Downstairs.
"So, what happens down there, Dave? Is it really all that bad?"
Welp, I'll be honest. Most of you are probably looking at spending the rest of eternity working in wart diagnostics, slaving away in a food court (haha, "food"), or any of a thousand other awful careers. Did I mention the plumbing level?
"Isn’t there any hope, Dave?"
Oh, I'm so very glad you asked!
In my book, I give you the skinny and the lowdown on EVIL. What it is, how it works, and how to use said information therein to make your afterlife less pitiful. Heck, there’s even a test to assess your evil skills to see where you stack up and decide if you should work a little harder to better your situation. Because you can! Better your afterlife situation, that is.
Sure, you can ignore me. But while I’m not all "omniscient" like the Big Guy Upstairs (cheater), I’ll know whether you snubbed me because the old adage stands: you can’t bullsh-- a bullsh--er.
What’s a few measly bucks anyway if it earns you a decent apartment in the hereafter? Then you can point and laugh at all your friends who gave you crap for buying the book. (Trust me, they’re on their way Downstairs, too.)
So, come on! Don’t be afraid. You might actually learn something of value…not like high school and college—and it’s a lot cheaper!
~ Dave E. Lish
* * *
"Dave E. Lish Presents: The Beginner's Guide to Being Evil," brought to you by the meat suit known as Craig Crawford, is a satire novella published by Mannison Press, LLC.
"Why should I not only buy, but actually read this book?"
Look, no matter what religious doctrine, books, laws, or commandments you follow (and even if you don't), 100% of you have committed sins, shameful deeds, etc. (Quit lying to yourself, yes you have. For some of you, it probably happened within the past hour.) Ergo, when you reach the afterlife, for a lot of you there’s going to be a closed door to the escalator heading Upstairs, probably guarded by two big goons with big stupid wings.
Shock of all shockers! You’re headed Downstairs.
"So, what happens down there, Dave? Is it really all that bad?"
Welp, I'll be honest. Most of you are probably looking at spending the rest of eternity working in wart diagnostics, slaving away in a food court (haha, "food"), or any of a thousand other awful careers. Did I mention the plumbing level?
"Isn’t there any hope, Dave?"
Oh, I'm so very glad you asked!
In my book, I give you the skinny and the lowdown on EVIL. What it is, how it works, and how to use said information therein to make your afterlife less pitiful. Heck, there’s even a test to assess your evil skills to see where you stack up and decide if you should work a little harder to better your situation. Because you can! Better your afterlife situation, that is.
Sure, you can ignore me. But while I’m not all "omniscient" like the Big Guy Upstairs (cheater), I’ll know whether you snubbed me because the old adage stands: you can’t bullsh-- a bullsh--er.
What’s a few measly bucks anyway if it earns you a decent apartment in the hereafter? Then you can point and laugh at all your friends who gave you crap for buying the book. (Trust me, they’re on their way Downstairs, too.)
So, come on! Don’t be afraid. You might actually learn something of value…not like high school and college—and it’s a lot cheaper!
~ Dave E. Lish
* * *
"Dave E. Lish Presents: The Beginner's Guide to Being Evil," brought to you by the meat suit known as Craig Crawford, is a satire novella published by Mannison Press, LLC.
158 pages, Paperback
Published September 9, 2021
1 person is currently reading
5 people want to read
About the author
Craig Crawford
17 books48 followersCraig Crawford grew up reading all the time but it’s when he discovered fantasy and science fiction he got to wondering whether he could do it too. He spent the next decades writing and improving his skills. He published two non-fiction indexes with Palladium Books in 1994 and 1997. In 2008 he happened into an internship working with an editor on a novel and a novella. In 2019 he got interested in writing horror and got his first story published. Since then he’s published thirty short stories with twenty-two different presses including a humorous novella. In 2023 he published a novel length, dark sci-fi/horror serial in four parts thanks to RedCape Publishing. The next installment is releasing now.
He writes in fantasy, sci-fi, YA, horror, humor—whatever his imagination gives him.
He writes in fantasy, sci-fi, YA, horror, humor—whatever his imagination gives him.
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Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews
February 10, 2024
I have read several of Craig's sci-fi/horror books and had no idea he could write such funny stuff! There were a few funny lines scattered here and there in those books but there was no hint of Craig's real comedic genius.
I am committed to not giving spoilers but I will say don't ignore the footnotes. There is a joke and humor around almost every comma and period.
I loved this book! 4.9 stars from me!
I am committed to not giving spoilers but I will say don't ignore the footnotes. There is a joke and humor around almost every comma and period.
I loved this book! 4.9 stars from me!
December 27, 2025
This book made me laugh. I would say it was a "light read", but there are so many funny little details to catch that I can't really say that. Very clever. I'm glad I had this one around to get me through the holiday season, which can be so stressful! I'll read more from this author.
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews