What do you think?
Once You Know: A Novel
In the dry heat of her Arizona home, feisty, Irish-Catholic Colleen Moretti thrust the letter into the back of a drawer. Her ignore the fault line until the tremors pass. But her husband’s betrayal is far worse than Colleen suspects. With two daughters caught in the middle of a crumbling marriage, one who would love to see her father cut out of their lives and the other who would be crushed to lose him, Colleen is trapped in a no-win situation. Devastated, angry, and ashamed, she tries desperately to forgive her husband. Can Colleen mend her shattered heart and their broken home? Colleen finally realizes she can’t save her daughters, her marriage, and herself, so… who will she choose?
- GenresEbooks
493 pages, Paperback
Published July 9, 2020
About the author
Madeleine Van Hecke
1 book21 followersDark stories to help women navigate the shadow side of life.
Madeleine Van Hecke writes dark novels that focus on what contemporary women fear (and often condemn) to help them better navigate the shadow side of life. A psychologist, former college professor, and author of two nonfiction books, Van Hecke has returned to her first love of fiction during her retirement years. Her debut novel, Once You Know, won First Prize in Women's Fiction: 2020 Incipere Awards from Entrada Publishing.
FAQ's about Madeleine Van Hecke
1. Not to be rude, but aren’t you kind of old to be publishing a debut novel?
I am. And I can’t even blame procrastination. I was the kind of student who had term papers finished a week before they were due. But it takes courage to put yourself out into the world. I think it’s taken me all these years to be brave enough to do that. And I'm fortunate to have the gift of time in retirement to pursue that.
2. What are you retired from?
I taught courses in clinical and developmental psychology, critical thinking and creativity, for 20 years at North Central College in Naperville, IL. I've written two nonfiction books (Blind Spots and The Brain Advantage). I gave presentations through Open Arms Seminars and Common Ground. Most fun of all, I invented a word game called Wicked Words.
3. What is something about you that most people don't know?
Well, they will now I guess -- but most people don't know that I was a deeply religious child who went into the convent when I was seventeen years old. I left two years later without taking vows, but my time there connected me with many wonderful women, some of whom I'm still in contact with today.
4. What are three things in your life that you're most grateful for?
I'm most grateful that I experienced falling in love with and being loved by a funny, wonderful man -- my husband Greg Risberg, who died in 2014.
I'm most grateful that I experienced parenthood and grandma-hood. That messy mix of joy and sorrow, hopefulness and worry. The intimacy of having my life inextricably bound up with my two children and my granddaughter.
Finally, I'm most grateful that I've been able to spend a significant portion of my time in the creative flow of teaching and writing.
Madeleine Van Hecke writes dark novels that focus on what contemporary women fear (and often condemn) to help them better navigate the shadow side of life. A psychologist, former college professor, and author of two nonfiction books, Van Hecke has returned to her first love of fiction during her retirement years. Her debut novel, Once You Know, won First Prize in Women's Fiction: 2020 Incipere Awards from Entrada Publishing.
FAQ's about Madeleine Van Hecke
1. Not to be rude, but aren’t you kind of old to be publishing a debut novel?
I am. And I can’t even blame procrastination. I was the kind of student who had term papers finished a week before they were due. But it takes courage to put yourself out into the world. I think it’s taken me all these years to be brave enough to do that. And I'm fortunate to have the gift of time in retirement to pursue that.
2. What are you retired from?
I taught courses in clinical and developmental psychology, critical thinking and creativity, for 20 years at North Central College in Naperville, IL. I've written two nonfiction books (Blind Spots and The Brain Advantage). I gave presentations through Open Arms Seminars and Common Ground. Most fun of all, I invented a word game called Wicked Words.
3. What is something about you that most people don't know?
Well, they will now I guess -- but most people don't know that I was a deeply religious child who went into the convent when I was seventeen years old. I left two years later without taking vows, but my time there connected me with many wonderful women, some of whom I'm still in contact with today.
4. What are three things in your life that you're most grateful for?
I'm most grateful that I experienced falling in love with and being loved by a funny, wonderful man -- my husband Greg Risberg, who died in 2014.
I'm most grateful that I experienced parenthood and grandma-hood. That messy mix of joy and sorrow, hopefulness and worry. The intimacy of having my life inextricably bound up with my two children and my granddaughter.
Finally, I'm most grateful that I've been able to spend a significant portion of my time in the creative flow of teaching and writing.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
August 3, 2020
"Everything was normal, just 'different'"
When author Madeleine Van Hecke first made contact, she began by commenting that she particularly resonated with the review I had written for a certain book, many years ago now, but which I still remember for the deep emotional imprint it left on me. So when I read Madeleine's resume and her book's premise, I knew I was probably going to be up for reading a difficult storyline in this, her debut novel, and she has done a great job at not revealing too much in the synopsis. She does say right at the outset however, that the story has a trigger point of the Me Too movement, which may make it a disturbing read for some, but BOY! I had no idea what I was letting myself in for! I devoured the book in two rather lengthy sittings, which was probably my biggest mistake, as I was left a quivering emotional, but angry wreck, by the time I reached the final page, although there was a closure to the story which I wasn't really expecting and left me with a little feel good moment right at the end of my reading!
The main focus of this well constructed storyline, was one of familial abuse, both physical and mental. However the expanded, wider storyline was intense, complex and multi-layered, with so many different strands of what were essentially separate events with similar themes of abuse, happening or having happened to several different individuals. At first I thought it to be a rather excessive display within such a relatively small cast of characters, but after experiencing how carefully and thoughtfully all the various individual experiences were exposed piecemeal, then expertly transformed and gathered into a single narrative, I could quite see how this scenario could be extended out into the reality of everyday life in our modern times. You never truly know what goes on in people's lives behind closed doors, just how fragile a facade of normality can be and how easily it can be irrevocably shattered.
The fluid narrative and dialogue was compelling, troubling, explicit and harsh; but masterfully written, with a desperate intensity and with the total authority and intuitive confidence that the author is carrying the reader along on the journey with her. Madeleine effortlessly introduces new characters to the cast, then watches as their lives become inextricably linked by a common bond, observing their tenuous hold on relationships and often on reality itself. The gripping, almost voyeuristic storyline, touches on just about every human emotion and social exploitation of our modern day world, but it is dealt with and described so vividly and descriptively, yet compassionately, that Madeleine's words and dialogue add great depth, meaning and humanity to the telling of stories full of pain, destruction and redemption.
This is very much a character driven storyline and Madeleine has certainly created a complex, damaged, multi-faceted cast of characters who stand up well to scrutiny, despite the fact that I was personally unable to relate to any of their troubled, life circumstances, and often didn't find their personalities likeable, or their actions well considered or logical. However, I soon learned that before you judge someone, you need to have walked a mile in their shoes, a good lesson for me! When I first encountered Rachel's psychologist, Monica, I must admit that the sceptic in me took over almost immediately. However the power of her verbal communication with Rachel and the direction in which she was able to lead the meetings, almost without Rachel being a willing party and often with Rachel deliberately trying to undermine the outcomes, was very powerful and life-changing not only for Rachel, but also subliminally, for so many of her family and friends. Monica's intelligent listening skills and comforting, yet strangely unsympathetic words of encouragement, added a thoughtful new dimension to so many intrinsically linked reactions, which would eventually determine the outcomes for so many people.
Whilst 'listening' to Monica speak to Rachel, I fast came to the conclusion that the victims all suffered with self-esteem issues, which had left them searching for a sense of belonging in their broken lives. Whilst I realised that they neither wanted nor needed my own, or anyone else's sympathy, they craved having their voices heard by an understanding, non-judgemental ear, who was not going to offer advice, rather guidance and support, while they worked through their own feelings and emotions, before deciding how to face the outside world and share their long supressed memories and experiences, with confidence and at peace with themselves. There is pain and shame which needs to be acknowledged, selfish thoughts and feelings of self hatred and worthlessness to be controlled and expunged. Image, self-loathing and addiction issues, all seem to go hand in hand. However at some point, to be able to move on and leave events behind, even if they are never forgotten, you need to own up to the memories and own the situation, be able to put them in a box with the lid well and truly closed, except for the times when you choose to remember in whatever guise that takes.
On the reverse side of the same coin, you have Colleen! What would you do as someone who learns of the abuse of someone you love, but yet about which you knew nothing? Do you rant and rave blaming everyone except yourself. Do you bury your head in the sand and try to make believe that allegations are exaggerated and that nothing could possibly have happened or you would have known. Do you even have the audacity to partially blame the victim in an attempt to protect the perpetrator who just wouldn't be capable doing of such a thing. Do you really begin to show compassion towards the perpetrator, in the believe that they should be given another chance because they will have definitely changed and reformed. Do you only think of the consequences for yourself, somehow putting yourself at the front and centre as the injured party?
When do you begin to open your heart and mind to the victim, be prepared to really listen to them, then work together to find a way through the quagmire which will slowly suck you all in if you somehow don't reverse the tide. When do you put your family before yourself and have the courage to take the side of 'right over wrong'?
Madeleine does include some potential discussion points at the end of the book, which would form the basis of a robust debating platform for a book club or group. There are so many facets to both the storyline and characters, which are so certain to have made a unique impact on almost every individual reader, that there will be a myriad of thoughts and opinions.
This is definitely one of those books which makes reading such a wonderful experience, because as a reader I felt that I had been taken on a unique and individual journey.
This might be a work of fiction, however it does a great service to the cause of the Me Too movement and is an excellent reflection of the cultural and social history of our times, just waiting to be discovered by future generations of readers.
When author Madeleine Van Hecke first made contact, she began by commenting that she particularly resonated with the review I had written for a certain book, many years ago now, but which I still remember for the deep emotional imprint it left on me. So when I read Madeleine's resume and her book's premise, I knew I was probably going to be up for reading a difficult storyline in this, her debut novel, and she has done a great job at not revealing too much in the synopsis. She does say right at the outset however, that the story has a trigger point of the Me Too movement, which may make it a disturbing read for some, but BOY! I had no idea what I was letting myself in for! I devoured the book in two rather lengthy sittings, which was probably my biggest mistake, as I was left a quivering emotional, but angry wreck, by the time I reached the final page, although there was a closure to the story which I wasn't really expecting and left me with a little feel good moment right at the end of my reading!
The main focus of this well constructed storyline, was one of familial abuse, both physical and mental. However the expanded, wider storyline was intense, complex and multi-layered, with so many different strands of what were essentially separate events with similar themes of abuse, happening or having happened to several different individuals. At first I thought it to be a rather excessive display within such a relatively small cast of characters, but after experiencing how carefully and thoughtfully all the various individual experiences were exposed piecemeal, then expertly transformed and gathered into a single narrative, I could quite see how this scenario could be extended out into the reality of everyday life in our modern times. You never truly know what goes on in people's lives behind closed doors, just how fragile a facade of normality can be and how easily it can be irrevocably shattered.
The fluid narrative and dialogue was compelling, troubling, explicit and harsh; but masterfully written, with a desperate intensity and with the total authority and intuitive confidence that the author is carrying the reader along on the journey with her. Madeleine effortlessly introduces new characters to the cast, then watches as their lives become inextricably linked by a common bond, observing their tenuous hold on relationships and often on reality itself. The gripping, almost voyeuristic storyline, touches on just about every human emotion and social exploitation of our modern day world, but it is dealt with and described so vividly and descriptively, yet compassionately, that Madeleine's words and dialogue add great depth, meaning and humanity to the telling of stories full of pain, destruction and redemption.
This is very much a character driven storyline and Madeleine has certainly created a complex, damaged, multi-faceted cast of characters who stand up well to scrutiny, despite the fact that I was personally unable to relate to any of their troubled, life circumstances, and often didn't find their personalities likeable, or their actions well considered or logical. However, I soon learned that before you judge someone, you need to have walked a mile in their shoes, a good lesson for me! When I first encountered Rachel's psychologist, Monica, I must admit that the sceptic in me took over almost immediately. However the power of her verbal communication with Rachel and the direction in which she was able to lead the meetings, almost without Rachel being a willing party and often with Rachel deliberately trying to undermine the outcomes, was very powerful and life-changing not only for Rachel, but also subliminally, for so many of her family and friends. Monica's intelligent listening skills and comforting, yet strangely unsympathetic words of encouragement, added a thoughtful new dimension to so many intrinsically linked reactions, which would eventually determine the outcomes for so many people.
Whilst 'listening' to Monica speak to Rachel, I fast came to the conclusion that the victims all suffered with self-esteem issues, which had left them searching for a sense of belonging in their broken lives. Whilst I realised that they neither wanted nor needed my own, or anyone else's sympathy, they craved having their voices heard by an understanding, non-judgemental ear, who was not going to offer advice, rather guidance and support, while they worked through their own feelings and emotions, before deciding how to face the outside world and share their long supressed memories and experiences, with confidence and at peace with themselves. There is pain and shame which needs to be acknowledged, selfish thoughts and feelings of self hatred and worthlessness to be controlled and expunged. Image, self-loathing and addiction issues, all seem to go hand in hand. However at some point, to be able to move on and leave events behind, even if they are never forgotten, you need to own up to the memories and own the situation, be able to put them in a box with the lid well and truly closed, except for the times when you choose to remember in whatever guise that takes.
On the reverse side of the same coin, you have Colleen! What would you do as someone who learns of the abuse of someone you love, but yet about which you knew nothing? Do you rant and rave blaming everyone except yourself. Do you bury your head in the sand and try to make believe that allegations are exaggerated and that nothing could possibly have happened or you would have known. Do you even have the audacity to partially blame the victim in an attempt to protect the perpetrator who just wouldn't be capable doing of such a thing. Do you really begin to show compassion towards the perpetrator, in the believe that they should be given another chance because they will have definitely changed and reformed. Do you only think of the consequences for yourself, somehow putting yourself at the front and centre as the injured party?
When do you begin to open your heart and mind to the victim, be prepared to really listen to them, then work together to find a way through the quagmire which will slowly suck you all in if you somehow don't reverse the tide. When do you put your family before yourself and have the courage to take the side of 'right over wrong'?
Madeleine does include some potential discussion points at the end of the book, which would form the basis of a robust debating platform for a book club or group. There are so many facets to both the storyline and characters, which are so certain to have made a unique impact on almost every individual reader, that there will be a myriad of thoughts and opinions.
This is definitely one of those books which makes reading such a wonderful experience, because as a reader I felt that I had been taken on a unique and individual journey.
This might be a work of fiction, however it does a great service to the cause of the Me Too movement and is an excellent reflection of the cultural and social history of our times, just waiting to be discovered by future generations of readers.
September 17, 2020
(Once you know) You'll Wish You Didn't.
Had I known what this book was about, I would not have read it. I misunderstood that the 'mystery' in the family was a traditional mystery theme....it's not. This is more like a novelization of a self help book for incest survivors. Incest is not a topic a lot of people want to read about. I found the descriptions cringe worthy and the religious themes added to my discomfort. The author can write and her pacing, dialogue etc were good (hence 2 stars) but the themes were a 100% nope for me.
Had I known what this book was about, I would not have read it. I misunderstood that the 'mystery' in the family was a traditional mystery theme....it's not. This is more like a novelization of a self help book for incest survivors. Incest is not a topic a lot of people want to read about. I found the descriptions cringe worthy and the religious themes added to my discomfort. The author can write and her pacing, dialogue etc were good (hence 2 stars) but the themes were a 100% nope for me.
Read
August 23, 2020This was an unsettling read, with a very religious outlook, expressing opinions that seem awfully wishy-washy for something truly evil.
This isn’t what I usually read, as realistic violence leaves me very depressed. This is a tough topic, an important one to acknowledge, warn, educate and discuss about, but I did not approve of the opinions of this book.
I really hated Colleen, the mother, her selfishness, her lack of sensitivity, her dangerous blindness when it came to the safety and wellbeing of both daughters, and other children by the way (niece, and the rest of the world) and her sense of entitlement. The novel particularly centers around her, and the daughter is just a secondary character.
The focus on Colleen made me fear a lot for the ending… and even if it didn't take the worst path possible, the ending was still not good. This book was so very soft on perpetrators, and the whole novel placed compassion and forgiveness in all the wrong places. I really disliked the treatment of the subject, the opinions expressed, the religiousness...
This isn’t what I usually read, as realistic violence leaves me very depressed. This is a tough topic, an important one to acknowledge, warn, educate and discuss about, but I did not approve of the opinions of this book.
I really hated Colleen, the mother, her selfishness, her lack of sensitivity, her dangerous blindness when it came to the safety and wellbeing of both daughters, and other children by the way (niece, and the rest of the world) and her sense of entitlement. The novel particularly centers around her, and the daughter is just a secondary character.
The focus on Colleen made me fear a lot for the ending… and even if it didn't take the worst path possible, the ending was still not good. This book was so very soft on perpetrators, and the whole novel placed compassion and forgiveness in all the wrong places. I really disliked the treatment of the subject, the opinions expressed, the religiousness...
October 3, 2020
“Once You Know “is a novel that balances between the stories of a mom, Colleen, and her daughter, Rachel, as they navigate Rachel suddenly coming to terms with repressed memories of being sexually abused when she was eight years old. This type of topic is one that’s commonly written about, so it was refreshing to have an author talk about the topic so openly. It’s not my usual genre, but I’m glad that I expanded my reading library. It is an intense novel though so I can understand that it might not be everyone’s cup of tea.
We start the novel with Colleen and her husband Derek as they find out that they will need to move back to Chicago for Derek’s job after just moving to Arizona less than a year ago. This means Colleen now has to a lot of work to get the home ready and prepare to move her family, which includes their eight-year old daughter Izzy. This initial part of the story, before any of the main traumas is revealed, really started my dislike of Colleen. It constantly felt that taking care of Izzy was a burden on her and she kept saying how stressed out she is yet she didn’t do much aside from taking care of her daughter; it’s even mentioned how the house wasn’t fixed up, so aside from day-to-day care, I’m not sure what Colleen was doing with all her time and what exactly was stressing her out.
Rachel is in college and is an active participate in her women and violence class. She has her best friend Mandy, who she moves in with, and Aaron, her boyfriend. I appreciated these two characters as they were very supportive of Rachel, especially once she remembers what happened to her all those years ago. These memories come back to Rachel after visiting her aunt’s house (I won’t reveal the details as it does spoil part of the story). As she comes to terms with these incidents, she now has to work to move forward with healing.
I appreciate the author’s research that was used as the writing details the healing process and can serve as a great educational material to those that don’t know as much about a form of PTSD that we don’t typically think about. Not only does Rachel work on rebuilding herself, but she also has to deal with the fear that this could happen to her sister, Izzy. After all, she was sexually abused when she was the same age.
Rachel is a well-written character and I love that she’s relatable as her healing process isn’t linear; it’s a roller coaster with many ups and downs. While working on moving forward in healing, you not only take many steps forward, but also many steps back (and sometimes many tangents that you didn’t see coming and it muddles your healing process.) It was nice to follow Rachel on this journey and root for her to succeed in trying to find a way to rebuild. There were many times while reading that I wished this story solely focused on her and her process.
Unfortunately, there is nothing nice I can say about the Colleen character as I did not like her from beginning to end. I know I’m in the minority when it comes to liking her at the end, but I just didn’t see her fully adopting a changed outlook (she never fully came to understand reason and instead held on to religion as the only source of healing). I think that was main issue with her as religion can be a great source of healing and hope, but it’s not the only path. To me, I think she should have attended counseling as well (either alone or with her daughter) to actually delve into the traumas that Rachel dealt with. Counseling is not only for the victim, but can be an excellent resource to those around them to gain coping tools. (Of course, I’m not an expert in any way, but it’s just my thought and knowledge from those I’ve known in a similar situation.)
Overall, I encourage any reader to read this novel even if it’s not their “type” of story. It’s a great insight into a topic that’s commonly overlooked and could be happening to those in our lives (we see those around Rachel not have a clue even though their close and they only know after she tells them.) The writing was great as it’s easy to follow the storyline and I liked that there isn’t a full stop ending where everything is fully wrapped up in the end (bits and pieces are, but there’s still room for some speculation of the future). It was a good way to end it as it fits the theme of this book that there is no end to overcoming trauma and it can sometimes be a never-ending process.
**Thank you to Goodreads and the publisher for the chance to read this ARC. Opinions expressed in this review are solely my own.**
Check out my other reviews at Chonky Books Review
We start the novel with Colleen and her husband Derek as they find out that they will need to move back to Chicago for Derek’s job after just moving to Arizona less than a year ago. This means Colleen now has to a lot of work to get the home ready and prepare to move her family, which includes their eight-year old daughter Izzy. This initial part of the story, before any of the main traumas is revealed, really started my dislike of Colleen. It constantly felt that taking care of Izzy was a burden on her and she kept saying how stressed out she is yet she didn’t do much aside from taking care of her daughter; it’s even mentioned how the house wasn’t fixed up, so aside from day-to-day care, I’m not sure what Colleen was doing with all her time and what exactly was stressing her out.
Rachel is in college and is an active participate in her women and violence class. She has her best friend Mandy, who she moves in with, and Aaron, her boyfriend. I appreciated these two characters as they were very supportive of Rachel, especially once she remembers what happened to her all those years ago. These memories come back to Rachel after visiting her aunt’s house (I won’t reveal the details as it does spoil part of the story). As she comes to terms with these incidents, she now has to work to move forward with healing.
I appreciate the author’s research that was used as the writing details the healing process and can serve as a great educational material to those that don’t know as much about a form of PTSD that we don’t typically think about. Not only does Rachel work on rebuilding herself, but she also has to deal with the fear that this could happen to her sister, Izzy. After all, she was sexually abused when she was the same age.
Rachel is a well-written character and I love that she’s relatable as her healing process isn’t linear; it’s a roller coaster with many ups and downs. While working on moving forward in healing, you not only take many steps forward, but also many steps back (and sometimes many tangents that you didn’t see coming and it muddles your healing process.) It was nice to follow Rachel on this journey and root for her to succeed in trying to find a way to rebuild. There were many times while reading that I wished this story solely focused on her and her process.
Unfortunately, there is nothing nice I can say about the Colleen character as I did not like her from beginning to end. I know I’m in the minority when it comes to liking her at the end, but I just didn’t see her fully adopting a changed outlook (she never fully came to understand reason and instead held on to religion as the only source of healing). I think that was main issue with her as religion can be a great source of healing and hope, but it’s not the only path. To me, I think she should have attended counseling as well (either alone or with her daughter) to actually delve into the traumas that Rachel dealt with. Counseling is not only for the victim, but can be an excellent resource to those around them to gain coping tools. (Of course, I’m not an expert in any way, but it’s just my thought and knowledge from those I’ve known in a similar situation.)
Overall, I encourage any reader to read this novel even if it’s not their “type” of story. It’s a great insight into a topic that’s commonly overlooked and could be happening to those in our lives (we see those around Rachel not have a clue even though their close and they only know after she tells them.) The writing was great as it’s easy to follow the storyline and I liked that there isn’t a full stop ending where everything is fully wrapped up in the end (bits and pieces are, but there’s still room for some speculation of the future). It was a good way to end it as it fits the theme of this book that there is no end to overcoming trauma and it can sometimes be a never-ending process.
**Thank you to Goodreads and the publisher for the chance to read this ARC. Opinions expressed in this review are solely my own.**
Check out my other reviews at Chonky Books Review
February 10, 2021
This book came with a trigger warning, for good reason.
This was a tough read- not because of writing style, but because of the content itself. Once You Know opens the pretty curtains to expose the darkness inside that many families deal with. The primary characters in this story are a mother and her college aged daughter; each struggling with the daughter's revelation of remembered, repressed memories during the #MeToo era. The abuser, in this case the husband/father, is still in the picture and the women of this story struggle with his place in their current lives.
Colleen, the mother, is a devout Catholic. She struggles to reconcile her duties as a mother, with her strong faith and deeply held religious conventions as they relate to marriage. While her initial reaction to her daughter's revelation is appropriate, she soon slides down the slippery hill of attempting to "save" her husband. It would be unfair to suggest Colleen's struggle is strictly religious. Her position of relative comfort and privilege is suddenly insecure and she's not sure that is a price she wants to pay. She wants what no one can really have- absolution without penance.
Rachel, the daughter, carries the the burden of anger both at her abuser (her father) and her mother. She's struggling with her autonomy as a sexual human being and her role as protector of her younger sister. Throughout her modern day story, she's immersed in the college scene and the #MeToo movement. While her struggle most often displays as anger, readers get glimpses of the broken parts that impact her every day life. Rachel is interesting in that she doesn't just fall into the crevasse of depression and anxiety that another comparative character has. That other character is a study of a life really lost. In Rachel's case- she is willing and even eager, to take on the hard work of healing. From confronting her abuser and his enabler, to seeking therapy, to joining women's causes, to carefully nurturing a romantic relationship on her own safe terms, Rachel's a study in survival and building a healthy life again.
There was a side story added here, and that wasn't my favorite part. When Colleen somehow accidentally stumbles upon a new friend who somewhat unbelievably shares her own experience as a mother who discovers the same sort of abuse. Her role in the story is clear, she's there to provide a cautionary tale to Colleen- a study in "what if". Where Colleen and Rachel felt very real to me, Pat did not, and I found the circumstances of her just opening up to a near stranger about such a sensitive (and illegal) thing, a bit hard to swallow.
Still, Pat aside, I feel this is very well researched and written, and it's a story worth telling and reading. I know some reviews mentioned the father in this scenario seemed a little too sympathetic, but I didn't get that. I think it's actually very realistic that most abusers aren't the black and white monsters you recognize from afar. If it was that very easy, more women would leave more quickly, children would tell more quickly, authorities would move more quickly. Instead, these are men who are often likable and I imagine, who feel guilt and shame over their actions. This doesn't absolve them of anything, but it does make for a very complicated recovery for their victims.
This was a tough read- not because of writing style, but because of the content itself. Once You Know opens the pretty curtains to expose the darkness inside that many families deal with. The primary characters in this story are a mother and her college aged daughter; each struggling with the daughter's revelation of remembered, repressed memories during the #MeToo era. The abuser, in this case the husband/father, is still in the picture and the women of this story struggle with his place in their current lives.
Colleen, the mother, is a devout Catholic. She struggles to reconcile her duties as a mother, with her strong faith and deeply held religious conventions as they relate to marriage. While her initial reaction to her daughter's revelation is appropriate, she soon slides down the slippery hill of attempting to "save" her husband. It would be unfair to suggest Colleen's struggle is strictly religious. Her position of relative comfort and privilege is suddenly insecure and she's not sure that is a price she wants to pay. She wants what no one can really have- absolution without penance.
Rachel, the daughter, carries the the burden of anger both at her abuser (her father) and her mother. She's struggling with her autonomy as a sexual human being and her role as protector of her younger sister. Throughout her modern day story, she's immersed in the college scene and the #MeToo movement. While her struggle most often displays as anger, readers get glimpses of the broken parts that impact her every day life. Rachel is interesting in that she doesn't just fall into the crevasse of depression and anxiety that another comparative character has. That other character is a study of a life really lost. In Rachel's case- she is willing and even eager, to take on the hard work of healing. From confronting her abuser and his enabler, to seeking therapy, to joining women's causes, to carefully nurturing a romantic relationship on her own safe terms, Rachel's a study in survival and building a healthy life again.
There was a side story added here, and that wasn't my favorite part. When Colleen somehow accidentally stumbles upon a new friend who somewhat unbelievably shares her own experience as a mother who discovers the same sort of abuse. Her role in the story is clear, she's there to provide a cautionary tale to Colleen- a study in "what if". Where Colleen and Rachel felt very real to me, Pat did not, and I found the circumstances of her just opening up to a near stranger about such a sensitive (and illegal) thing, a bit hard to swallow.
Still, Pat aside, I feel this is very well researched and written, and it's a story worth telling and reading. I know some reviews mentioned the father in this scenario seemed a little too sympathetic, but I didn't get that. I think it's actually very realistic that most abusers aren't the black and white monsters you recognize from afar. If it was that very easy, more women would leave more quickly, children would tell more quickly, authorities would move more quickly. Instead, these are men who are often likable and I imagine, who feel guilt and shame over their actions. This doesn't absolve them of anything, but it does make for a very complicated recovery for their victims.
November 1, 2020
In this stunning debut, Hecke delivers a moving chronicle of one family’s struggles as old secrets come to surface and unravel their lives.
Trying to convince her parents to let her rent her own apartment after finishing the first year of college, Rachel’s life is turned upside down when a class on gender and violence unearths painful memories of childhood. But what infuriates her more is her mother Colleen’s obvious disregard of her feelings as she turns a blind eye to her husband’s past mistakes. With their family at the brink of breaking up, the two must find a way to protect eight-year-old Izzy, Rachel’s younger sister, from the fallout of this conflict.
Colleen’s impractical dream of reconciliation after Dennis’s betrayal is sketched with credibility, and through her readers are able to see how denial can make a person blind to others’ obvious faults, causing them to make bad choices in an effort to justify their self-delusionary behavior.
The enduring friendship between the women in the story adds warmth to otherwise deeply upsetting and dark narrative. Hecke doesn’t shy from the messiness of incest and childhood sexual abuse, and though Colleen’s reckless behavior is maddening, the narrative is all the more effective for its boldness.
This is a dark and unforgettable tale.
Trying to convince her parents to let her rent her own apartment after finishing the first year of college, Rachel’s life is turned upside down when a class on gender and violence unearths painful memories of childhood. But what infuriates her more is her mother Colleen’s obvious disregard of her feelings as she turns a blind eye to her husband’s past mistakes. With their family at the brink of breaking up, the two must find a way to protect eight-year-old Izzy, Rachel’s younger sister, from the fallout of this conflict.
Colleen’s impractical dream of reconciliation after Dennis’s betrayal is sketched with credibility, and through her readers are able to see how denial can make a person blind to others’ obvious faults, causing them to make bad choices in an effort to justify their self-delusionary behavior.
The enduring friendship between the women in the story adds warmth to otherwise deeply upsetting and dark narrative. Hecke doesn’t shy from the messiness of incest and childhood sexual abuse, and though Colleen’s reckless behavior is maddening, the narrative is all the more effective for its boldness.
This is a dark and unforgettable tale.
February 5, 2021
DNF at 30%
I got this book as part of a goodreads giveaway. While the pacing of the book is compelling, it inflicts too much pain in the sheer ignorance and dislikability of the main character/ mother Colleen. The reliance on religion and her sheer ignorance is difficult to continue with.
The trigger warnings on this book were not adequate - it mentioned the Me Too movement would be backdrop and there’d be references to sexual assault, but based on the phrasing I assumed that it just meant it’d be in passing, not that another main character would be grappling with her childhood sexual abuse.
As a survivor, this was an unwelcome surprise, with the addition that instead of immediately resolving or at least addressing this abuse, the book forces you to grapple with the dramatic irony of the mother not knowing and sending her youngest child back to this abuser.
Another thing that pissed me off is how they referred the trigger warning for “sensitive” readers. I can read this material when adequately prepared and when it’s explicated in a fashion that doesn’t feel exploitative for plot, but in this case I decided I don’t want to waste my time and emotional energy.
I got this book as part of a goodreads giveaway. While the pacing of the book is compelling, it inflicts too much pain in the sheer ignorance and dislikability of the main character/ mother Colleen. The reliance on religion and her sheer ignorance is difficult to continue with.
The trigger warnings on this book were not adequate - it mentioned the Me Too movement would be backdrop and there’d be references to sexual assault, but based on the phrasing I assumed that it just meant it’d be in passing, not that another main character would be grappling with her childhood sexual abuse.
As a survivor, this was an unwelcome surprise, with the addition that instead of immediately resolving or at least addressing this abuse, the book forces you to grapple with the dramatic irony of the mother not knowing and sending her youngest child back to this abuser.
Another thing that pissed me off is how they referred the trigger warning for “sensitive” readers. I can read this material when adequately prepared and when it’s explicated in a fashion that doesn’t feel exploitative for plot, but in this case I decided I don’t want to waste my time and emotional energy.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 14, 2020
While reading this book I was so mixed on my feelings of whether I thought the book was written well or whether I did not like it. The mother Colleen I did not like throughout most of the story until the very end when she amazingly finally did what was right for her daughter. For most of the book I felt angry with this character for the way she thought and the way she reacted and acted towards Rachel.
Nearing the end of the book I was sure it would end in a way that would enrage me even further, but it does end with a feeling that this mother has finally given her daughter a chance at healing within the family.
With the realization coming to the mother that there is more to her world than her own needs and happiness.
Nearing the end of the book I was sure it would end in a way that would enrage me even further, but it does end with a feeling that this mother has finally given her daughter a chance at healing within the family.
With the realization coming to the mother that there is more to her world than her own needs and happiness.
March 25, 2021
One of the good things about book clubs is that you read books that you might not otherwise even take notice of. This is one of those books. Although the book is extremely well-written, the subject matter decries the craft. Van Hecke is a retired psychologist and the book is a composite of several of her patients. It is about a female college student who, reacting to an innocent comment made by her aunt, unleashes repressed memories of her father's sexual abuse of her when she was eight years old. The story takes shape in the backgrounds and thought processes of the major characters.
March 23, 2022
Incredibly moving and real
I devoured this book in a day, but I'm sure I will be thinking about it for a long time to come. The complexity of the situation and the characters made it feel so real. At times I was angry at them, then angry for them, then angry right along with them. This book deals with child sexual abuse in an unflinching way, but also in a way that is deeply human.
In full disclosure, I am a former student and friend of the author, although I did not know about this book until yesterday. Kudos Madeleine for creating such a moving, impactful debut novel!
I devoured this book in a day, but I'm sure I will be thinking about it for a long time to come. The complexity of the situation and the characters made it feel so real. At times I was angry at them, then angry for them, then angry right along with them. This book deals with child sexual abuse in an unflinching way, but also in a way that is deeply human.
In full disclosure, I am a former student and friend of the author, although I did not know about this book until yesterday. Kudos Madeleine for creating such a moving, impactful debut novel!
September 10, 2020
Unbelievable!!!
Colleen finds out that her daughter Rachel who's now in college was sexually abused by her father when she was eight. Colleen is conflicted. Should she stay with her husband? Rachel seems fine now so it wasn't that bad. Her younger daughter Izzy is now eight. Her husband promises not to abuse her so it will be fine. WTF!!! This book is wrong on so many levels! How is it okay to put your child in danger of being molested? Unbelievable!!!
Colleen finds out that her daughter Rachel who's now in college was sexually abused by her father when she was eight. Colleen is conflicted. Should she stay with her husband? Rachel seems fine now so it wasn't that bad. Her younger daughter Izzy is now eight. Her husband promises not to abuse her so it will be fine. WTF!!! This book is wrong on so many levels! How is it okay to put your child in danger of being molested? Unbelievable!!!
October 3, 2020
Goodreads Kindle Copy Win
A letter is shut away but not forgotten. It proves of a husband’s infidelity as it waits for the right moment to be unraveled. But is there ever a right moment and how it will affect them but their daughters as well.
The choices to be made and how to handle the fall out in a no win situation. A struggle that people often faces in life when things fall apart. An average read.
A letter is shut away but not forgotten. It proves of a husband’s infidelity as it waits for the right moment to be unraveled. But is there ever a right moment and how it will affect them but their daughters as well.
The choices to be made and how to handle the fall out in a no win situation. A struggle that people often faces in life when things fall apart. An average read.
October 11, 2020
Awe struck
To some there is discomfort in reading a book filled with pain. To others it’s the nudge they needed to speak out against cruelty. To me it was more of an understanding of how something like this could effect a persons life. It took a minute to get into this book but I was drawn to find out how it would end. Thank you for sharing this story.
To some there is discomfort in reading a book filled with pain. To others it’s the nudge they needed to speak out against cruelty. To me it was more of an understanding of how something like this could effect a persons life. It took a minute to get into this book but I was drawn to find out how it would end. Thank you for sharing this story.
October 25, 2020
Intense read with lots of twists and turns. Interesting characters that have hard choices to make and decisions that are going to affect them. Page turning read.
I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
April 20, 2022
The subject matter did not bother me, it was the way the family responded to it. As a mother I found the steps to deal with the situation very unbelievable. Not sure how the book ended up in the mystery genre.
October 7, 2020
I wish I had known what the underlying "mystery" in this book was before I read it. Not a subject I would voluntarily read about. Couldn't finish.
November 16, 2020
Interesting story about a dysfunctional family with painful secrets. Unfortunately, this type of realistic scenario is not uncommon in today's society.
November 28, 2020
A hard subject presented with sensitivity. The characters are well defined and their emotions including fear and anger are believable and the reader is able to relate to them.
November 30, 2020
I won this Kindle edition book in a Goodread
Giveaway. Thank you to everyone involved.
Giveaway. Thank you to everyone involved.
September 9, 2020
I received a free electronic ARC of this modern novel on August 22, 2020, from Goodreads, and Madeliene Van Hecke. A debut novel, this work centers around some very hard-to-approach subjects with grace and precision. Madeleine Van Hecke bravely takes us into the taboo world of parental pedophiles and the damage they can set upon a family, a community, any microcosm based on normal life. We see through the eyes of a couple of mothers, a former victim now approaching adulthood and innocent victims who are to be kept in ignorance but also are located in the fallout zone. We also see into the heart and mind of one father who gave into temptation years ago and is finding the price today is more than he can pay.
And we are introduced to victim options - legally in the community, the church, medically, with the help of family, and much more. This was a hard book at times to read, but one I am very glad I have read. All too often in our world today we encounter the damages of this sin though we may not recognize the symptoms for what they are.
Pub date October 15, 2020
Reviewed on September 9, 2020, at Goodreads. Reviewed on October 16, 2020, on AmazonSmile, Barnes&Noble, and BookBub. Not available for review on Kobo or GooglePlay.
And we are introduced to victim options - legally in the community, the church, medically, with the help of family, and much more. This was a hard book at times to read, but one I am very glad I have read. All too often in our world today we encounter the damages of this sin though we may not recognize the symptoms for what they are.
Pub date October 15, 2020
Reviewed on September 9, 2020, at Goodreads. Reviewed on October 16, 2020, on AmazonSmile, Barnes&Noble, and BookBub. Not available for review on Kobo or GooglePlay.
November 21, 2020
I had mixed feelings about this novel. I don't think I would have read it if I had known what the struggles Rachel was facing were. The subjects in this book are not ones I would normally read but I found it was well written.
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews