My Rainbow to Keep

by Michelle L. Jeffreys

A mother’s journey through the unimaginable… Devastated after her daughter was murdered in the Marysville-Pilchuck High School shooting in Marysville, Washington. Michelle embarked on a journey to find a way to survive her loss and honor her daughter in a positive light. She takes you through tragedy and despair while learning to navigate this unchartered territory. Survival becomes a way of life when tragedy is attached to everything around you. How do you rediscover life after such a tragic loss? How do you continue living when your child has been tragically taken from you? What do you do to survive? A rollercoaster of what one mother experienced as a result of her daughter’s murder will provide you with an insider’s look at what tragedy can do to a person, a family, and a community. This book is filled with coping strategies, as well as validation of the emotions that are tied to grieving the loss of a child. Heartbreaking yet compelling, this book is not only for those grieving loss but for anyone who needs hope. It provides the assurance, strength, and guidance needed to navigate the journey towards healing.

118 pages, Paperback

Published September 8, 2020

About the author

Michelle is a mother to three children, Rayden, Zoë, and Lotte. She is married to Simon and enjoys cooking, boating, fishing, and crochet. Born and raised in Everett, Washington she currently resides with her family in Virginia Beach, Virginia.

Her book “My Rainbow to Keep” was written in honor of her daughter after she died in the tragic Marysville Pilchuck high school shooting on October 24, 2014. This book is filled with heartfelt testimony of the beautiful life her daughter lived.

Reviews

[Nina]

This book was written by my former yoga teacher at the Marysville YMCA. She is probably the reason why I still do yoga to this day. She was always so encouraging and friendly. Even now as I do my yoga from home, I can hear her voice saying “Shoulders off your ears, they can’t help you now.”

I eventually moved away from Marysville to Bremerton. I saw through the Navy community that she started working at the Navy gym in Everett and I was happy for her new job which I knew had better pay and benefits than the Y. And I was thinking about attending a yoga retreat she set up through Navy programs.

Then tragedy struck.

The shooting at Marysville-Pilchuck high school was a huge wake up call that the rash of school shootings was getting closer and closer to my circle. When I lived in Marysville, I lived across the street from the high school. One of the boys who grew up next door to me was attending that high school at the time of the shooting.

Then I saw Michelle on TV giving an interview about her daughter’s death. That was when I found out it was my former yoga teacher whose daughter had died. I felt so saddened to know someone who suffered the loss of a child in such a tragic and public way. She didn’t deserve this, but I felt she handle the interview as I knew her, with such grace.

Years later I saw her on my local news again. She had written a book about the loss of her daughter. This book. I immediately downloaded it. I didn’t read it for months, but as I did yoga I’d get my shoulders of my ears and think... I should read her book.

As I started the book, I was almost scared. Did I want to read about the worst moments in this woman’s life? It seemed an invasion of privacy of the woman I casually knew.

The book was short. I read it in an afternoon. And it was heartbreaking. And hopeful. I wish her much peace.

[Amanda B Jaworski]

2020 has been a tough year for me considering the loss of my grandmother and mother, although it wasn’t my child grief is something that comes with the loss of anybody and I have been struggling. I connected with the author is many ways, such as the feeling of guilt when being happy about anything after a loved one dies. You almost feel like you aren’t allowed to show any kind of joy because people might feel as if you moved on, which isn’t the case. I love that there is a scholarship with her name and I love that this author was brave enough to be so open even about the darkest parts of grief. It definitely is worth the time you spend reading it! I could never imagine the pain and also the resilience created from the same loss. I absolutely finished this in a very short time and I’m happy that I stumbled across this title!!!

[Mary Tock]

A mother's journey with grief

Thank you Michelle for writing and having this book published. I can not image it was an easy thing to undertake or accomplish. Your words go beyond helping those who have experienced the same loss of a child and touch those who have grieved losses in many ways. Thank you for sharing, caring and support you've given Immensely sharing your soulful journey.

[Janaya]

A Generous Snapshot of a Grieving Mother’s Process

Michelle opens her heart and shares her truth after experiencing her daughter’s loss in the Marysville-Pilchuck school shooting. She also offers words of advice to other grieving parents and pages of useful journal prompts for anyone grieving a loss.

[Lisa Symonds]

You have become the rainbow

Beautifully written record of the agony of a mother who lost what can never be replaced. Your vulnerable honesty has validated the emotions and actions of my own journey of mourning. I remember how deeply effected I was when people offered their advice that I "put it behind me, move on, get over it..." etc. Without them realizing, the message they sent me was that how I felt was not acceptable or correct. I thank you for validating my experiences of mourning.

So much of your story resonates with me since I lost my sister in a very tragic and traumatic way on the same exact day that you lost Zoe. You questioned yourself throughout the book, wondering and hoping to do your daughter justice in telling her story and yours, wanting desperately to honor her name and memory. I want you to know you did honor her in the most beautiful way.... by becoming that rainbow for others who suffer similar loss and journeys of mourning.

Zoe was such a beautiful and vibrant person who clearly left a special mark in all the lives she touched along the way! Thank you for sharing her with us through your writing and photos. You are a pillar of strength that many now look to when they wonder if they can make it through the pain.

I highly recommend this book to anyone and everyone... lessons learned in this story go beyond the loss, to include regrets of all parents along the parenting route. Life can distract you from what is most important... these are times we cannot get back for a do over no matter how badly we need to. Amidst life's chaos we must try to take a moment each day to remember and focus on our blessings and hug our loved one's tight.

~ Lisa Jo Symonds

[Shawna Baca]

A beautiful and poignant memoir

I had no idea what to expect before reading this memoir other than, that this was a book about a mother who went through the pain of losing her child and her message of hope in overcoming grief and loss. Although, I can’t even imagine what it would be like to lose a child, there is a sense of parallels in which, I can empathize with the author, being that I am a child who lost their father when I was a baby. The loss and void I felt growing up carried with me and affected me in all my facets of life. I have lost so many close loved ones in my life, and rather than spoiling the author’s story, that loss never goes away. This truly struck a cord within me, and anyone who has experienced it first hand, will feel connected to this story. The author shares in a way all the memories of this beautiful love story between her and her daughter and that makes me feel connected to Zoe. I feel like I know her, all the vibrant and wonderful attributes to her that made her who she is. I love the spiritual aspects in this book and at the end, my tears of tragedy turned into loving memories that her spirit still live on through love! Highly recommend to anyone who is dealing with grief or loss. It is a brave memoir, which is healing.

[Lori Yerxa]

My Rainbow to Keep, by Michelle Jeffreys, is about her heart-wrenching healing process, and a beautiful tribute to her daughter, Zoe, who was killed in a school shooting.

Jeffreys writes with vulnerability and clarity as she takes the reader on a stunning journey through her incredible ability to turn tragedy and loss into something positive, and bring guidance to anyone in a place of deep grief. She delves deep into her soul as she shares her most painful moments, like when she received the news, then adds a perfect balance of joyful memories about Zoe. Her courage to keep searching for help until she found the right fit, shows her determination and fortitude to keep moving forward after such a horrific and public event.

This very important story is for anyone suffering from loss, and in need of guidance. It is a guide for healing and hope, for those feeling alone, and an inspiration to how a new normal can be full and happy. I highly recommend this book. Buy it now.

[Onia Fox]

My God, I do not know where to start - perhaps just the sheer bravery of this mother.
This subject is so close to my own heart that I can barely read the words, they hurt so much. But this is not just a beautiful account following a harrowing experience, My Rainbow To Keep is a handbook - a bible, for people surviving such awful and violent grief.
Technically this is perfectly presented, but who cares about that, it is the content that matters.
Read this book if you need to and if, thankfully, you do not need to - then read it anyway, to better understand the horror of losing a child.
Thank you for My Rainbow To Keep.

[Samantha Evans]

What a beautiful book! Showed love, and strength as core themes all throughout the book. I was crying through reading what the author went through. The author was able to tell her feelings and experiences through this. It was like when I read it I was feeling like witnessing what was happening for real! It was brave of the author being able to tell what happened to her daughter, and what happened afterward. It was well-formatted, and easy to read. Great job from this author! I recommend this book! It can be a tear-jerker!

[Melissa Jordan]

This book was recommended to me. I am so glad I got to read it. It is beautifully written and you are right there with the mother and the family all the way through. You hear about these tragedies on the news but you never really get to feel the reality of it for the families who have lost a loved one. This is a great book for anyone to read and I would highly recommend it to anyone, even if you haven't experienced the loss of a child. It takes you through the grieving process and out the other side. Well done to the writer, amazing work. I send you my deepest condolences. Take care.

[John Turiano]

A heartfelt story of unimaginable loss and despair. Michelle's personal journey through the sudden death of her daughter, Zoë, drew me in from the beginning. For anyone who has experienced trauma in their life, this will tug at your heartstrings. I felt Michelle's pain and though on a different level, related to many of her experiences. The book was hard to put down and being a shorter read than I am used to, it left me wanting more. I would recommend My Rainbow To Keep to anyone experiencing loss or dealing with a friend struggling with grief.

[Arlene Lomazoff-Marron]

I feel a mixture of sorrow and happiness

My heart breaks for the trauma the author has experienced, but she has poured out her feelings and experiences so beautifully in this book.

[Angela B.]

Cried through most of it. Story about the loss of a child, grief, and forgiveness when you think it’s impossible.