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Drowning: A Memoir
Andy is trying to escape. His diet of booze and drugs has pushed everything good away. After his mum saves his life by sucking vomit from his lungs, he sets off in search of a reason to live. From Barnsley he heads to Texas. From Texas to Dorset. His days start with wine and cigarettes. His nights end in blackness. One day, he finds himself on the floor of a supermarket in a puddle of wine, glass, and blood. But between that floor and the end of a pier, everything changes.Drowning is an addiction memoir that reads like a novel and will appeal to readers of James Frey and Augusten Burroughs.
175 pages, Kindle Edition
Published August 17, 2020
18 people are currently reading
22 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
March 3, 2021
A powerful and shocking memoir of addiction.
Powerful because Andy Palmer is a first class writer. In his memoir Drowning, he draws the reader into his addiction until even a teetotaller can taste the release a pint of vodka gives, someone having never tried drugs of any kind can feel the relaxing of the mind which Andy gets from swallowing codeine or popping ‘E’s. And one experiences every fear and every anxiety Andy suffers in the process.
Shocking too because Andy is not what one may expect from a drug addict. He doesn’t come from a broken home: indeed throughout the book, Andy’s parents try again and again to rescue him from himself; he has jobs and a loving family. This is a book for which the phrase ‘there but for the grace of God go I’ is made.
Why and how? That’s not an easy question to answer. Young Andy starts small by stealing cigarettes and booze from his beloved grandfather but soon he is stealing prescription drugs from the neighbours and booze from the off-licence. Certainly he gets in with the ‘wrong’ crowd. Andy seems to attract other drug users like a powerful magnet. I vacillated between wanting to protect him and wanting to hit him.
Time and again, Andy does try to escape – to Texas, to Dorset on the English south coast, but each time his addictions follow him necessitating trips to hospital and rescues by strangers, until Andy seems to be literally and figuratively drowning.
Does he manage to turn his life around before it’s too late? You will have to read on to find out, but one thing I guarantee is that this book stay with you far longer than a bottle of booze.
Powerful because Andy Palmer is a first class writer. In his memoir Drowning, he draws the reader into his addiction until even a teetotaller can taste the release a pint of vodka gives, someone having never tried drugs of any kind can feel the relaxing of the mind which Andy gets from swallowing codeine or popping ‘E’s. And one experiences every fear and every anxiety Andy suffers in the process.
Shocking too because Andy is not what one may expect from a drug addict. He doesn’t come from a broken home: indeed throughout the book, Andy’s parents try again and again to rescue him from himself; he has jobs and a loving family. This is a book for which the phrase ‘there but for the grace of God go I’ is made.
Why and how? That’s not an easy question to answer. Young Andy starts small by stealing cigarettes and booze from his beloved grandfather but soon he is stealing prescription drugs from the neighbours and booze from the off-licence. Certainly he gets in with the ‘wrong’ crowd. Andy seems to attract other drug users like a powerful magnet. I vacillated between wanting to protect him and wanting to hit him.
Time and again, Andy does try to escape – to Texas, to Dorset on the English south coast, but each time his addictions follow him necessitating trips to hospital and rescues by strangers, until Andy seems to be literally and figuratively drowning.
Does he manage to turn his life around before it’s too late? You will have to read on to find out, but one thing I guarantee is that this book stay with you far longer than a bottle of booze.
February 19, 2021
Very honest and revealing.
This book surprised me. It's not often I grab a book when it's on promo, and start it that same day-but something made me do that. I had a dip in-and I kept reading. It was really interesting, and instantly engaging. I could soon tell it wasn't going to be pretty.
I loved the nostalgia: spending time with his grandad; first colour TVs, Youth Clubs......and I also remember the Saturday football results being read out on TV, and the rise and fall of the announcer's voice, indicating a win or loss. Dickie Davies? Ah yes, Artex, you don't hear of that now. Mum had the bathroom and kitchen done in that years ago. I loved these reminders.
He mentions music of the time; being a musician, I love this. He doesn't just quote the titles; he pops the lyrics eg. for "I'm Blue da ba dee" etc-and it takes you right back to when that record was out, you think what you were doing at the time etc. I found myself singing along with these, and felt the book sort of had a soundtrack. Loved it!
A coming of age memoir. It's a great read; quick, flowing, I couldn't put it down despite the late hour I started it. I really enjoyed this book! (the second part was inevitably harder due to the foreseen consequences and decline). It is set in Yorkshire, where I live-so I recognised many places; Barnsley, Holmfirth, as well as the seaside places too (Blackpool, Scarborough etc). I read memoirs set all over the world, but, occasionally it's nice to 'come home' and read someone's story from 'round 'ere'.
What was he getting into? Playing a risky game; playing with fire. He conveys emotions so well. I kept waiting for the wakeup call. It was exhausting in that he kept doing the same things again and again, despite having some terrifying situations, and so many lucky escapes. When would he learn and just stop???? (Easy for others to say, I know). Thank heaven he is still here to tell the tale.
It ends a bit abruptly. But hopeful. I would have liked an epilogue, eg how he turned his life around, what he's been doing since, how he got to where he is today.............but maybe he will write a sequel? If so, I will be very happy to read that.
This book surprised me. It's not often I grab a book when it's on promo, and start it that same day-but something made me do that. I had a dip in-and I kept reading. It was really interesting, and instantly engaging. I could soon tell it wasn't going to be pretty.
I loved the nostalgia: spending time with his grandad; first colour TVs, Youth Clubs......and I also remember the Saturday football results being read out on TV, and the rise and fall of the announcer's voice, indicating a win or loss. Dickie Davies? Ah yes, Artex, you don't hear of that now. Mum had the bathroom and kitchen done in that years ago. I loved these reminders.
He mentions music of the time; being a musician, I love this. He doesn't just quote the titles; he pops the lyrics eg. for "I'm Blue da ba dee" etc-and it takes you right back to when that record was out, you think what you were doing at the time etc. I found myself singing along with these, and felt the book sort of had a soundtrack. Loved it!
A coming of age memoir. It's a great read; quick, flowing, I couldn't put it down despite the late hour I started it. I really enjoyed this book! (the second part was inevitably harder due to the foreseen consequences and decline). It is set in Yorkshire, where I live-so I recognised many places; Barnsley, Holmfirth, as well as the seaside places too (Blackpool, Scarborough etc). I read memoirs set all over the world, but, occasionally it's nice to 'come home' and read someone's story from 'round 'ere'.
What was he getting into? Playing a risky game; playing with fire. He conveys emotions so well. I kept waiting for the wakeup call. It was exhausting in that he kept doing the same things again and again, despite having some terrifying situations, and so many lucky escapes. When would he learn and just stop???? (Easy for others to say, I know). Thank heaven he is still here to tell the tale.
It ends a bit abruptly. But hopeful. I would have liked an epilogue, eg how he turned his life around, what he's been doing since, how he got to where he is today.............but maybe he will write a sequel? If so, I will be very happy to read that.
February 20, 2021
A memoir to be treasured
This is a very well-written book. Concise and to the point, the pacing is just right as it draws you in and sweeps you along. It tells of a life that spirals downwards and plunges into a hell of addiction to drink and drugs. There seems to be no stopping the dive towards a sorry end.
The author’s vivid descriptions rang true and I could imagine, but not fully comprehend, the turmoil of doom and despair he went through. He suffered addictions where nothing ever satisfied his desires and a self-destructive trait which affected both him and those around him.
What impressed me most was the love and support of his parents and a special friend, Michael. They despaired for Andy but continued to care for him and pray for his salvation. That love paid off in the end when the truth finally hit home, and small green shoots of recovery began.
Although this was a sad and shocking story, it ended on a note of optimism. I hope Mr Palmer is working on a sequel which will answer the questions this one has raised. It would be an inspiration to other recovering addicts.
This is a memoir to be treasured, as it is a miracle the author survived to tell the tale. A lot of others in his situation did not, so in many ways he is recounting his experiences on their behalf.
I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to find out more about addiction and the terrible impact it can have on someone’s life.
This is a very well-written book. Concise and to the point, the pacing is just right as it draws you in and sweeps you along. It tells of a life that spirals downwards and plunges into a hell of addiction to drink and drugs. There seems to be no stopping the dive towards a sorry end.
The author’s vivid descriptions rang true and I could imagine, but not fully comprehend, the turmoil of doom and despair he went through. He suffered addictions where nothing ever satisfied his desires and a self-destructive trait which affected both him and those around him.
What impressed me most was the love and support of his parents and a special friend, Michael. They despaired for Andy but continued to care for him and pray for his salvation. That love paid off in the end when the truth finally hit home, and small green shoots of recovery began.
Although this was a sad and shocking story, it ended on a note of optimism. I hope Mr Palmer is working on a sequel which will answer the questions this one has raised. It would be an inspiration to other recovering addicts.
This is a memoir to be treasured, as it is a miracle the author survived to tell the tale. A lot of others in his situation did not, so in many ways he is recounting his experiences on their behalf.
I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to find out more about addiction and the terrible impact it can have on someone’s life.
April 6, 2021
I can only give this book 5 stars because I couldn't put it down and when it got to the end I was disappointed not to know what happened next. This is a shocking book but not for any of the reasons you'd expect. Andy is from a good, loving family and his journey into addiction starts by doing what many kids do- stealing the odd cigarette and swig of alcohol at the grandparents house. You get the sense that Andy struggled to fit in and be accepted by his peers, but as he got more and more reckless in his efforts to find ways of escaping real life, the addiction to that feeling of escape just grabbed hold of him and didn't let him go. What follows is just one incident after another of risk taking and recklessness - any one of which could have resulted in death - one way or another.
I really wanted to dislike Andy - on the one hand he is so selfish and needlessly destructive. He is surrounded by people who coukd help him if he would just let them... but I couldn't dislike him... at all. He paints a perfect picture of addiction - there's no malice about it and he knows he is hurting others and this makes his need for self destruction even worse. Its heart breaking - especially as he must be a nice guy as he is surrounded by lovely people who keep trying to help but just can't reach him. I think this busts a lot of myths about the nature of addiction- this could be me, or any member of my family or friends. He could work and maintain friendships, people liked him yet had literally no idea of what was going on inside. There is a heartbreaking account of Andy's exchange with the doctor where he is asked questions, we hear whats in his head and how this differs from the response he gives out loud - its an important lesson about asking the right questions,giving people time and maybe challenging a response that is obviously at odds with the evidence... but it is also clear that no one coukd help Andy till he was prepared to help himself. All this started with being a bit unhappy, not really fitting in, a bit if bad behaviour and escalated over the years to the point where it just seemed there was going to be no way out of this for Andy.
This book desperately needs an epilogue... or a sequel. The end is very sudden and after the journey I feel I've been on with Andy I just need to know a bit more. This is an amazing insight into the nature of addiction at a level everyone will be able to relate to - this is about alcohol predominantly and the shocking harm it causes and the unimaginable difficulties getting out of addiction once it takes hold. A heartbreaking tale that is exceptionally well told.
I really wanted to dislike Andy - on the one hand he is so selfish and needlessly destructive. He is surrounded by people who coukd help him if he would just let them... but I couldn't dislike him... at all. He paints a perfect picture of addiction - there's no malice about it and he knows he is hurting others and this makes his need for self destruction even worse. Its heart breaking - especially as he must be a nice guy as he is surrounded by lovely people who keep trying to help but just can't reach him. I think this busts a lot of myths about the nature of addiction- this could be me, or any member of my family or friends. He could work and maintain friendships, people liked him yet had literally no idea of what was going on inside. There is a heartbreaking account of Andy's exchange with the doctor where he is asked questions, we hear whats in his head and how this differs from the response he gives out loud - its an important lesson about asking the right questions,giving people time and maybe challenging a response that is obviously at odds with the evidence... but it is also clear that no one coukd help Andy till he was prepared to help himself. All this started with being a bit unhappy, not really fitting in, a bit if bad behaviour and escalated over the years to the point where it just seemed there was going to be no way out of this for Andy.
This book desperately needs an epilogue... or a sequel. The end is very sudden and after the journey I feel I've been on with Andy I just need to know a bit more. This is an amazing insight into the nature of addiction at a level everyone will be able to relate to - this is about alcohol predominantly and the shocking harm it causes and the unimaginable difficulties getting out of addiction once it takes hold. A heartbreaking tale that is exceptionally well told.
April 17, 2021
Andy is trying to escape. His diet of booze and drugs has pushed everything good away. After his mum saves his life by sucking vomit from his lungs, he sets off in search of a reason to live. From Barnsley he heads to Texas. From Texas to Dorset. His days start with wine and cigarettes. His nights end in blackness. One day, he finds himself on the floor of a supermarket in a puddle of wine, glass, and blood. But between that floor and the end of a pier, everything changes.
It’s hard to discuss “characters” in a memoir but I think Palmer did an excellent job selecting people from his life who, not only made a big impact on him but were great to read about. The family, friends and other people selected for the book were well chosen and helped improve the story.
Palmer did a good job of helping me understand the lay of the land in the town that he grew up in and the places he visited. There wasn’t a huge emphasis on describing every single place, the story was more focused on the people in the places, but I felt comfy in each location and the way the people used it helped me understand where I was even more.
The “plot” of this story is the authors own life which I think is a hard thing to write. Keeping a life story interesting without losing the message or fabricating too much is complicated. I think Palmer really lived a fascinating life because this book reads like fiction while also feeling authentic. The depth of emotion is there, because Palmer truly lived it. Not only that, but he’s perceptive and his memory is long. Being able to remember and relay others emotions during those times was well done, despite the fact that Palmer was using heavily during a majority of the time period the book takes place in.
I found this book easy to read and I made a connection with Andy through the writing style. Simple while also laced with slang and terms that I didn’t know, the word usage was still easy to follow. I truly enjoyed the journey that Andy took us on. A journey through his past.
It’s hard to discuss “characters” in a memoir but I think Palmer did an excellent job selecting people from his life who, not only made a big impact on him but were great to read about. The family, friends and other people selected for the book were well chosen and helped improve the story.
Palmer did a good job of helping me understand the lay of the land in the town that he grew up in and the places he visited. There wasn’t a huge emphasis on describing every single place, the story was more focused on the people in the places, but I felt comfy in each location and the way the people used it helped me understand where I was even more.
The “plot” of this story is the authors own life which I think is a hard thing to write. Keeping a life story interesting without losing the message or fabricating too much is complicated. I think Palmer really lived a fascinating life because this book reads like fiction while also feeling authentic. The depth of emotion is there, because Palmer truly lived it. Not only that, but he’s perceptive and his memory is long. Being able to remember and relay others emotions during those times was well done, despite the fact that Palmer was using heavily during a majority of the time period the book takes place in.
I found this book easy to read and I made a connection with Andy through the writing style. Simple while also laced with slang and terms that I didn’t know, the word usage was still easy to follow. I truly enjoyed the journey that Andy took us on. A journey through his past.
June 27, 2021
Finished this in 3 sittings. Would have been 2 but I had to go out!! I've struggled with real life stories these past few years but I devoured this. I found it well written & honest, with the right amount of detail. It reminded me that beneath a lot of addictions, are a lot of underlying problems & trauma. It's easy sometimes to judge people instead of looking deeper & wondering why. I liked this memoir a lot. Andy was not in a good way & if I can be brutally honest, he was a mess. But the insight of following his thoughts, he lack of self worth & depression is something that will stay with me. I've chatted to Andy since reading this & he's pretty impressive. What an inspiration! I think we all have a crossroads at one point in our lives, where our path is decided or we change our reality. The book ends at his crossroads. I had a million questions and hopefully they'll be answered in a follow-up book!!! As you can probably tell, I really recommend this one...
February 28, 2021
This book had me hooked from the beginning being very readable. Not a subject I would normally read about but it led me into a world I am totally unfamiliar with. My only 'criticism' is that I would love to know how Andy's life has been since the events if the book .... a final chapter as an update would have completed it for me... if that had been present I would have rated it as 5 stars.
March 14, 2021
Sometimes you must spiral to the deepest depths, before you see the light. That’s what happened to Andy Palmer, author of DROWNING. Now Andy shares his darkest secrets with his readers. How brave! He makes way for others to know that there is a way out. You do NOT have to drown. Stay afloat!
Donna O'Donnell Figurski - author of PRISONERS WITHOUT BARS: A CAREGIVER'S TALE
donnafigurski.com
Donna O'Donnell Figurski - author of PRISONERS WITHOUT BARS: A CAREGIVER'S TALE
donnafigurski.com
February 28, 2023
An emotive and honest read into the mental and physical impact of substance misuse. Drowning encapsulates the thinking, process and illness of addiction with raw feelings. You can’t help but feel empathy for Andy in his memoir and I was willing his recovery with each page. His writing style is gentle but informative, with relatable childhood memories and awareness raising into the deceit, desperation and torment those in addiction can face. The fact Andy came through his addiction will inspire readers, people who have been through addiction, those with loved ones struggling and those working in the field. I think (and hope) that perhaps a sequel could be made from this, it left me wanting to know more, which is always a great thing!
April 22, 2021
I read ‘Drowning:A memoir’ this afternoon. I just had to finish it once I had started, couldn’t put it down. I highly recommend this book.
I think the author and I must be a similar age, so many relatable and nostalgic ‘been there, done that’ moments at the start of the story, even the music fitted with my memories of the time.
As Andy told his story it felt such an honest, engaging and transparent account, it never felt like alcoholism/addiction was something that happened to ‘other people’, quite frightening really how one choice led to another.
My heart broke for Andy so many times as he dealt with his addiction, crippling anxiety and compulsion to do what he could to numb it.
I felt the frustration too, as well meaning supportive people in his life tried to help, but somehow never really got to connect with Andy and understand his illness and the hold it had on him.
I especially felt for Andy when I realised how young he was. I genuinely sobbed through the moments of misery and rooted for Andy throughout.
Well worth a read and I certainly hope we get to hear more of the story soon.
I think the author and I must be a similar age, so many relatable and nostalgic ‘been there, done that’ moments at the start of the story, even the music fitted with my memories of the time.
As Andy told his story it felt such an honest, engaging and transparent account, it never felt like alcoholism/addiction was something that happened to ‘other people’, quite frightening really how one choice led to another.
My heart broke for Andy so many times as he dealt with his addiction, crippling anxiety and compulsion to do what he could to numb it.
I felt the frustration too, as well meaning supportive people in his life tried to help, but somehow never really got to connect with Andy and understand his illness and the hold it had on him.
I especially felt for Andy when I realised how young he was. I genuinely sobbed through the moments of misery and rooted for Andy throughout.
Well worth a read and I certainly hope we get to hear more of the story soon.
July 21, 2021
A Powerful and Honest account of addiction.
Addiction is not a pretty subject, and I can only admire someone that has the honesty and integrity to share their story – warts and all. From an ordinary childhood, through petty theft and shoplifting, and into drinking and the downward chilling repetitive spiral of drugs, alcohol and being hospitalised, comes a story of hope and faith. This was a no holds barred, honest and heart-rending account of what addiction really feels like from the inside. An impossible story for someone to tell unless they had been there, reached rock bottom and then turned themselves around. Andy was lucky to have people around him that stood by him and never gave up on him. I have worked with and seen many people with stories like Andy’s that sadly end in tragedy. The ending of the book leaves me wanting to read more and I am glad that there will be a sequel.
This is a powerful, honest, and gripping account of the reality of addiction, written by someone that has been through it all himself. I hope this book can help others struggling with a similar story.
Addiction is not a pretty subject, and I can only admire someone that has the honesty and integrity to share their story – warts and all. From an ordinary childhood, through petty theft and shoplifting, and into drinking and the downward chilling repetitive spiral of drugs, alcohol and being hospitalised, comes a story of hope and faith. This was a no holds barred, honest and heart-rending account of what addiction really feels like from the inside. An impossible story for someone to tell unless they had been there, reached rock bottom and then turned themselves around. Andy was lucky to have people around him that stood by him and never gave up on him. I have worked with and seen many people with stories like Andy’s that sadly end in tragedy. The ending of the book leaves me wanting to read more and I am glad that there will be a sequel.
This is a powerful, honest, and gripping account of the reality of addiction, written by someone that has been through it all himself. I hope this book can help others struggling with a similar story.
October 12, 2021
I can’t stop thinking about this book and what the author went through. I found it to be intense, riveting, with page after page of his addictions. I wondered how on earth he’d get past it all, and whether, or not, he even could. You’ll need to read it to find that out. I’ve never read anything like this, described in vivid prose, almost hallucinatory to read. I was vicariously there with him, smelling, tasting, feeling, hearing, seeing what he saw. I was exhausted by the gripping end. I felt I’d got to know him, I wanted to know what happened next. I hope there’s a sequel to this brave memoir. Five stars for Andy Palmer.
August 10, 2021
I wish I could say I loved this book, but loved isn't the right word. I was blown away by Andy's story. His growing addiction to alcohol and drugs (oh so many drugs) was jaw dropping. It was hard to fathom a boy so young, going through these things.
I assume that Andy was able to get the help he needed to get a hold on his addiction, otherwise this open and honest memior wouldn't have been written.
Congratulations are well deserved for having the courage to put this on paper. I await the next instalment and wish Andy every success.
I assume that Andy was able to get the help he needed to get a hold on his addiction, otherwise this open and honest memior wouldn't have been written.
Congratulations are well deserved for having the courage to put this on paper. I await the next instalment and wish Andy every success.
July 21, 2021
Fairy tale
If you smoked, drank, drugged, that much you wouldn't have a memory to write a memoir. Most farfetched account of addiction I ever read.
If you smoked, drank, drugged, that much you wouldn't have a memory to write a memoir. Most farfetched account of addiction I ever read.
July 21, 2021
This really is honest. I found it tough to read and didn’t know whether I wanted to scream at Andy or hug him. He’s a nice guy and that comes across throughout. It is your genuine concern for him that helps as you read his terrible struggles in the grip of alcoholism and drugs. It’s reassuring how many people try to help him each time he is too sick to help himself. This memoir definitely deserves a follow up so we find out how he has succeeded in getting sober and writing so brilliantly.
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