She Said God Blessed Us: A Life Marked by Childhood Sexual Abuse in the Church

by Gail Hovey

When Gail Hovey was a teenager, her local Presbyterian church hired Georgia, a seminary-trained Christian education director. Brilliant and charismatic, Georgia used the language of faith to seduce several of her students, swearing each to secrecy. When she eventually abandoned the others and focused on Gail, Gail believed herself uniquely blessed and for the next 15 years modeled her life on Georgia's--the seminary degree, the minister husband. The relationship had a profound and lasting influence on the woman Gail became and left her a legacy of guilt and shame. Shedding light on the largely invisible issue of sexual abuse of girls by women, Hovey's brave memoir relates her decades-long journey--from East Harlem to South Africa to Brooklyn--to break free of an overwhelmingly powerful and deeply destructive first love.

267 pages, Paperback

Published August 14, 2020

Reviews

[Carolyn Halliday · Rating 3 out of 5]

This starkly honest memoir shapes itself around clergy sexual abuse but equally reveals the white liberal thinking of the author’s six decades of dedicated activism. Deeply religious, the activism is grounded in the church that includes a parish in Harlem and a mission of sorts in South Africa. Brave, principled, and bold, Hovey shares her experiences with civil rights, anti apartheid action, early feminism and her discoveries of what it means to live a life in a relationship committed to mutual sharing. It feels in many ways to be a snapshot of what it means to grow up in the late 50’s-60’s

The book was of interest to me both because of the topic of clergy sexual abuse but also because the author is partnered to someone I admire. I marveled at the dated homophobic responses that Hovey navigated. It’s also fascinating for me to juxtapose the well intentioned white liberal thinking against the complexly nuanced understanding of white supremacy in 2021.

One of the authors early agents rejected the book for being “too interior “. It is Hovey’s deeply thought out assessment of her personal experiences that make the book a captivating read

[Linda Lancione · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a child growing up in a strait-laced suburban Presbyterian household in the fifties, Gail Hovey rejected her family’s notions of girlhood propriety, longed to ride horses and chop wood and excel at sports—she longed to be a boy. As a teen, when Georgia, a charismatic Christian education teacher singles her out, praising her for her religious devotion, leadership talent and brilliance, Gail thrives on Georgia’s attention and recognition. Georgia seduces her and, manipulative from the start, puts Gail in thrall to her approval, sometimes adoring her, sometimes withholding. Gail loses herself in the desire to keep her lover and mentor happy and assuage Georgia’s deep feelings of guilt while suppressing her own. Hovey superbly captures the interweave of religious ecstasy and personal passion that can awaken in a lonely, vulnerable teen.
Like Georgia, who was herself abused by a female mentor, Gail follows in her footsteps through college, seminary and marriage to a minister, all the while carrying alone the weight of her guilt and confusion about her own sexuality, a guilt that will deeply affect the choices she makes in work and love for decades to come. One of the many satisfactions of this book is learning how Gail reckons with her relationship with Georgia over the decades of her involvement in the radical social upheaval that follow: civil rights, feminism, and gay rights. (One of the most compelling threads of this complex tale is Gail’s years-long involvement in support of the anti-apartheid movement in South Africa.)
Hovey fulfills the memoirist’s contract: to lay before the reader a story as remembered, not necessarily as it happened or in the order it happened. One recollection leads to another backward and forward in time. The book is full of sensory detail and close observation both of her own emotions and the qualities and characteristics of her friends, family and colleagues. She deftly threads her gripping scenes with astute reflections. Stories are interrupted by other stories. (A few more dates at the heads of chapters would have been useful.) Hovey fulfills the declaration of the well-chosen epigraph by Adrienne Rich: “I am trying to hold in one steady glance all the parts of my life.” By telling her remarkable story, Gail Hovey not only makes a significant—and highly readable—contribution to the literature of sexual abuse and its long-lasting effects, she also provides a razor-sharp look into her personal joys and struggles and her engagement in the major social movements of her time.

[Gilion Dumas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hovey's memoir discusses the often overlooked issue of sexual abuse of girls by women. But don't be put off by the subject matter. It is really the story of how easily young people can be enthralled and exploited by someone older who seems charismatic simply by showing the young person a little special attention. That manipulation leads to feelings of guilt and shame that take a long time to recognize and and even longer to understand, well into adulthood. When Hovey was a teenager, she was emotionally and physically seduced by Georgia, the education director at her church. It took her decades, including a move to South Africa, to break free of Georgia's influence. Hovey tells her story well, with compassion and insight. She Said God Blessed Us is a memoir worth reading for anyone whose family has been touched by abuse or who wants to understand dynamics and effects of abuse.

[Muriel Watt · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved the book and couldn’t put it down. I rooted for Gail to conquer the experience of being abused by a respected religious woman, teacher and community leader. The book is beautifully written and the characters are well developed. The honesty and bravery of Gail’s growth as a woman, mother, wife and social activist is inspiring. Her finding true love unexpectedly, leading to new adventures and growth is inspiring. For people who have suffered sexual abuse or those who empathize with a story of persistence towards maturity and fulfillment in life, this is a very satisfying read.

[Josephine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fascinating, and brutally honest.