A Smart Girl's Guide: Crushes: Dating, Rejection, and Other Stuff

by Nancy Holyoke

Whether parents like it or not, romance is a part of girls' everyday lives. They see it in the media and hear about it from their friends and older family members. They may be having feelings they're not even sure how to define. It's all very exciting, but also very confusing for girls. This book helps answer all the questions popping up in her How can you tell if a person likes you? How do you tell someone you like them? What if you haven't had a crush yet? And, ugh, what about rejection? It includes tips and quizzes, plus age-appropriate and honest advice on navigating social situations and, most importantly, staying true to herself through any relationship.

112 pages, Paperback

Published August 24, 2020

Reviews

[Ruth · Rating 4 out of 5]

A more inclusive republishing of The Smart Girl's Guide to Boys? Uh, yes please! While it does still enforce the gender binary, and they don't ever use any of the actual labels, there is talk of "girls who get crushes on girls, girls who get crushes on girls and boys, and girls don't get crushes on anyone at all" (Yay for Bi/Pan and Ace rep!). It also is, of course, aimed at girls, so non-binary afab kids are not part of the new inclusive. It is more inclusive, but could be a good bit better.

And the illustrations! There are queer couples depicted, there are hijabi girls depicted, AND there are disabled kids depicted. So good rep in that area!

There is also an excellent section about how to say no and stand up for yourself, as well as a section on harassment (what it is and how they should handle it) with a lot of instructions on how to report it and get support. ("Take that shame you feel and put it where it belongs--on the bullies.")

I have seen other reviews that talk about a particular section, found on page 90 and 91, called "Trouble Starters". In it there are quotes from boys and girls about things that annoy them, and they are... problematic. There are a number that reinforce stereotypes like:
- girls talking or texting too much
- girls being obsessed with clothes and shopping
- "When a girl gets all depressed, like 'oh, you hate me,' for no reason." (I want to point out that this is right below one where a boy complains about girls saying "like" all the time)
- "being all perky"
While these are presented as the opinions of children, they aren't really addressed or examined, which isn't great. Any parents getting this book for a child should make sure to talk to them about harmful gender stereotypes. And gender too honestly. I don't think there are any good books like this for non-binary kids.

Overall, this is a great book for young kids experiancing their first romantic feelings. I know I shouldn't be suprised that AG is publishing more inclusive guides, they are a pretty inclusive organization, but I have such low expectations these days. This shouldn't be something to celebrate because we should have been here years ago, but I am glad to have it now at least.

[Dehlia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Disclaimer: Fairly heteronormative content and abundant stereotyping of “girl” even while stating no stereotypes. There are a few acknowledgments to being gay or girls having crushes on girls, but this could be an isolating book for questioning or non-binary kids.


Showed this to my fifth grader while at the library and she snatched it up. This is the point in her life where friends are crushing and maybe she is thinking about it herself. She stayed up until 11:30 reading under her covers. Like so many books we’ve chosen for adolescence, I want something she can explore and consider on her own timeline.

[Linda Klein · Rating 4 out of 5]

American Girl has done an adequate job of providing up to date advice on crushes, dating, and friendships in an appealing package. The illustrations, while bland, are inclusive. Kudos for including examples of non-heteronormative relationships. Full of real life scenarios and quizzes to help the reader reflect on their own thoughts and feelings, this Smart Girl's Guide is a friendly package for the tween girl reader. Of course a book like this can do so much; the treacherous waters of middle school relationships won't be fixed by one book. However, readers may find comfort that their experiences are not really unique. The inclusion of sexual harassment, online and in person bullying, and gossip are included, and probably deserve an American Girls guide of their own. Recommended.

[Rolf · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this as a parent of a budding tween. Some good advice, though some tips felt a bit too normative about the "right" approach in a given situation.

[Evaline · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was good. More dating than crushes,

[Jenny Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nothing "girly" about this book. Gives sound advice and suggestions on how to safely navigate the dreaded middle-school dating scene.