Never Seen The Sea

by Holly Watson

The fifth novelette from Open Pen.

Holly Watson tells the tale of a young girl's experience growing up in Coventry in the 1990’s. But Nanny Pam’s fallen out with Grandad, mum and dad are skint, and Tom, with his beautifully pointy-spike gelled hair, doesn’t seem to notice our girl at all.

80 pages, Paperback

Published February 28, 2020

Reviews

[Robert]

Back in the mid 90’s I bought Sue Townsend’s Adrian Mole: From Minor to Major. This was a collection of the first three Adrian Mole books plus some bonus material. These exploits of a teen growing up in 80’s Britain just made me laugh non stop. Something I thought would never happen again.

Jump to 2022 and I’m reading Holly Watson’s Never Seen the Sea, a memoir about a teen growing up in late 90’s Britain and EVERY single page in this short 80 page novelette has made me laugh uncontrollably. Funny observations and toilet humor just set me off so this was a perfect book for me.

The main protagonist Holly is just documenting her late 90’s life: her dysfunctional grandparents and aunt, her eccentric neighbours and her love interest, Tom. In the end Holly learns that boys can be jerks but the stuff in between will activate the laughter switch. Be it a school disco or a water fight with the neighbourhood bullies there is a guarantee that a giggle will escape. Also Holly observes the cultural happenings of that era: Spice Girls, Whigfield’s Saturday Night, Three Lions, Oasis and the junk food popular at that time. Never Seen the Sea functioned as a little nostalgia trip.

NSTS is published by Open Pen, a press who strive to make memorable novelettes. This is my second one after Shitstorm and I better make it a point to read all the remaining volumes.

[StaceyWare19]

A story of a young girl who grew up in Coventry in the 90’s.

Short, sharp and witty and perfect for anybody who grew up in the 90’s!
An easy quick read that had be laughing and cringing!
Thank you to @turnaround_books for my copy 💙

[Judith]

A really funny novella - well worth a read.

[Orla]

Hilarious, salt of earth, West Midlands Core brilliance.

[Barry]

90s working class Birmingham, written grittily but relatably.

[Simon P]

A fab short read, one you won't want to put down. I absolutely loved it - funny, sort of heartbreaking, an exploration of a somewhat-deprived Midlands childhood, and above all extremely charming. Buy it immediately

[Jackie Law]

Never Seen the Sea, by Holly Watson, is the fifth and final novelette in Open Pen’s first series of these marvellously subversive little stories. It is structured as a diary written by a young girl named Holly, whose age I would put as pre-teen. The entries record her day to day activities and offer a snapshot of life in 1990s Coventry. Holly lives with her parents and two siblings. Her maternal grandparents have recently gone through an acrimonious separation. There are aunties who are related and those who are family friends. Holly records the food she eats – Findus crispy pancakes, chips, fish finger sandwiches – the television programmes she watches – soap operas, Gladiators – and the embarrassing moments in her days. These are the highs and lows of an ordinary childhood. For readers of a certain age, who were brought up in happy enough households that didn’t have much but got by, it is a trip down memory lane.

In many ways Holly and her friends remind me of Grace and Tilly, the protagonists of Joanna Cannon’s The Trouble With Goats And Sheep. There is a naivete, a gaucheness, in her observations. These offer a great deal of humour and poignancy as she views adult behaviours and copes with the casual cruelty of her peers. Her desire to attract the attention of a classmate, Tom, and her interest in an older Goth girl, Tasha, suggest that she is on the cusp of change.

Holly is at the mercy of her parents’ timetable as she and her siblings are not old enough to be left home alone. She is often looked after by Nanny Pam, whose friends from ‘the fag counter at Tesco’ are continually making inappropriate conversation. The anecdotes they tell inject an element of comedy.

“Auntie Mauve’s round at Nanny Pam’s too. […] she won a conservatory in The Daily Mail, but they wouldn’t give it to her because she lives in a top floor flat.”

In a series of diary entries, Nanny Pam and Mauve help Holly prepare for a fancy dress party she is only going to because Tom will be there. Holly expects the other girls to go as Spice Girls so Nanny Pam finds some leopard print – Scary Spice – and Mauve does Holly’s makeup.

“I look at the pink streaks across Maeve’s cheeks and the sparkly blue circles around her eyes and start worrying again.

When they’ve both finished I stand up on Nanny Pam’s bed and look in the big mirror. I look like Nanny Pam Spice.”

This short book perfectly captures a moment in time and in a young girl’s life with succinct insight and empathy. It provides an engaging and entertaining read.

[Angela]

I read this straight through and giggled all the way. Holly Watson has an excellent writing style that is so easy to read. I have read this book straight after reading Clive James’ acclaimed autobiography-Unreliable Memoirs and I can honestly say they were similar in style and quality although about 50 years apart. Well worth a read.

[Alisha Stewart]

Very nostalgic

[Shell]

Short, sharp and laugh out loud funny.

[Isobella Austin]

I’ve never chuckled at a story so much in my life

[Gary Budden]

Holly Watson has created a pinpoint-accurate evocation of a 90s childhood, laying bare the painful absurdities of adult life viewed from the remove of childhood. Laugh-out-loud funny – I wanted more!