我這個謎：寺山修司自傳抄

by Shūji Terayama, 張智淵 (Translator)

從前存在的自己；
現刻存在的自己；
未來存在的自己；
真正存在的自己，在哪裡？
他說：「我的職業就是 寺山修司」
最後的實驗派大師
東方的「費里尼」
影響日本劇場界、攝影界、建築界、電影界
逝世三十年後再度掀起「寺山修司」熱潮

他是詩人，是導演，是小說家，是影響日本近代視覺美學，劇場藝術第一人。
他是前衛符號，是悲傷青春的歌，是革命新浪潮；
多才多藝，早逝的生命，讓他的一生成為無可匹敵的傳奇之謎。

本書是第一次能夠貼近寺山修司，並且窺看寺山修司的內心之書。
他寫自己的出生。母親說他在行駛中的火車出生，所以出生地不詳。敏感的他，對這個說詞十分執著。
他寫自己的父親。職業刑警，長期酗酒，沉默寡言，父親是永遠虛無的存在。
他寫自己的母親，說母親有三個名字，這三個名字分別代表母親流淚孤獨貧窮的一生，也同時賦予寺山修司易感殘酷的才氣。
他寫自己。在詩中，寫真實的自己，在生活中，寫虛構的自己。
我們分不清究竟哪一個，才是真正的寺山修司？
是在夜裡「猜汽笛聲遊戲」，與父親兩人黑夜中衝出大門，在鐵路草叢旁，等待「聲音變成形態」。寫出：「血是冰冷的鐵路，駛過的火車，遲早會經過心臟。」的寺山修司？
還是十四歲沉迷於「捉迷藏」。當鬼的他，「孩子們個個躲起來，無論我呼喊幾次『躲好了沒、躲好了沒』，也沒人回答我……我走在空無一人的故鄉馬路……」的寺山修司？
抑或是收集自己影子的寺山修司？「我會將剪下來的影子寫上日期，代替『日記』保存……」
時間，空間，是寺山修司的鏡子，在這兩面鏡子之中，他創造了一個瑰麗魔幻的世界，掉進去，就永遠無法走出來。

248 pages, Paperback

Published July 1, 2019

About the author

Shūji Terayama (寺山 修司, December 10, 1935 – May 4, 1983) was a Japanese avant-garde poet, dramatist, writer, film director, and photographer. His works range from radio drama, experimental television, underground (Angura) theatre, countercultural essays, to Japanese New Wave and "expanded" cinema.

Reviews

[Mizuki · Rating 3 out of 5]

The most interesting part of this book so far:

When the author was young, he went to a riverbank to wash a horse and then accidently lost his footing and drowned himself.

When he cried out for his horse for help, said horse pretended not to hear him.

Eventually he was rescued and sent to a hospital, and he cursed the horse to suffer a life of dragging carriages around forever.

Shuji Terayama is a genius director/artist from Japan, it's nice to read about him writing about his childhood during the post-WWII era, the relationship he had with his absent father and his mother. It's nice to read about him commenting on different topics, but some of the articles just aren't very memorable.

[Bill Hsu · Rating 2 out of 5]

Chinese translation of some of Terayama's essays. Online bibliographical information is skimpy. The title translates (roughly) as Myself, This Enigma: Shuji Terayama Autobiographical Notes.

There are three sections. The first contains the autobiographical material, accounts of his tough life growing up, and some strange (if not very consequential) stories. Near the end of this section, Terayama casually comments that he may have made up most of these stories, and that made-up stories are more interesting than what actually happened.

The second section contains casual essays along the lines of the ones in Throw Away Your Books, on subjects like racehorses and fake postcards. It's not that there aren't charming moments; for example, he points out that in Japanese, the number sequence 2 (ji) 5 (go) 9 (ku) forms jigoku = hell. But there's just so much free association and small talk.

The essays in the last section mostly focus on writers and artists. It's hard to tell what Terayama's intended audience was. Maybe Japanese texts on Borges, Dali, Pynchon, Fellini etc were less common back in the day, and these were intended as a kind of young person's guide to interesting artists. I didn't find Terayama's comments to be terribly surprising or insightful. He also tends to wander off on tangents regularly, which does not help.

I'm a huge Terayama fan; otherwise I probably wouldn't have stuck with this to the end.

[Elisefur · Rating 3 out of 5]

有一些有趣的故事，但大部分很無聊。