Coconut Kelz’s Guide to Surviving This Shithole

by Lesego Tlhabi

When she was last spotted on the crossroads of Swart and Gevaar Roads, Coconut Kelz was drinking Woolies water and spreading her 'truth bombs' about the state of the nation, why corruption is okay when white people do it and why black people don't win in life . . .

Coconut Kelz ('Kelello, but call me Kelz!') is a young Caucasian woman trapped in a black woman's body. Kelz lives in – and tries never to leave – Sandton and is a staunch member of the DA. She often takes issue with her reverse racist dad, while her mother has to remind her that Braai Day is actually called Heritage Day.

With handy tips on how to achieve the white right standard of beauty, how to catch yourself a white guy ('elongate your vowels, get yourself into white spaces'), the best suburbs to live in and how to host the perfect Caucasian shindig, Kelz offers a complete guide for a full Caucasian conversion. She also shares her thoughts on the differences between race groups, the top three political parties, public transport, how to avoid contact with sgebengas and why one should never stray beyond the Line of Caucus.

Coconut Kelz's adoration of all things white has riled up many unsuspecting viewers. Of course the real butt of the joke is the white South Africans whose prejudice and dishonesties are laid bare by this character.

200 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 4, 2019

Reviews

[Maniki_021 · Rating 2 out of 5]

It should have ended at part 1; it would have been more enjoyable. By the time I got past 100 pages and closer to the end, I was extremely bored.

[Lorraine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lesego will keep you in stitches from the first page to the last page. A hilarious take on whiteness and white privilege.

No topic is off limits from where you live to sporting codes to food, hosting, political affiliation, what is in your lunchbox and where you hang out.

This is a feel-good laugh a minute but also quite reflective in that it will force you to check your privilege, or lack of, as a black SAfrican.

I remember a dinner we were invited to two years ago. One of the women referred to herself as "a Hilton mom" and I was shocked that she'd referred to her son like he was an article. Later on, lamenting to Mr, he clarified the whole thing. The woman's son attended Hilton College. Blimey, is this how black mothers defined themselves lately??? Black tax is real🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

Anyway, I loved this book. It was an easy and quick read. I did not tackle it a single seating because life things🤪

[Zina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed the lightheartedness with which she tackled South African issues, and her unbiasedness- she spared no one, even the white people she identifies as being one of.
The book is hilarious! And it was a much needed escape from reality. I laughed…..a lot! It's got commentary on religion, corporate, family, politics, culture, geopolitics...just about anything and everything about South Africa! It’s also got a lot of “quotables”. I could give the book 5 stars, but the ending left me hanging. It was just…empty/inconclusive. I wanted more, a closing of sorts. This was good and conversational. I enjoyed it.

[Shaazia · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was HILARIOUS and valuable social commentary on post-apartheid SA and privilege. It really needed a conclusion though. The ending was a bit abrupt.

[Blessing · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this book! It's heck hilarious! She uses satire to address issues that are not generally up for discussion without catching feelings across the South African racial divide. It's funny, yet so sad, the harsh realities that are faced across all divides in the 'Rainbow Nation'

[Phaks · Rating 3 out of 5]

Be ready to laugh at how pathetic we (South Africans) are as a people.

[Paballo · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a funny book...what a way to show the realities of our country. I enjoyed this book and was saddened by the realities of what this country still goes to.

[Clint van Heerden · Rating 2 out of 5]

About this book

Coconut Kelz: Survival Guide for This Shithole is a satirical look at life in South Africa through the eyes of Coconut Kelz, a fictional Black woman obsessed with fitting into white conservative spaces. The book pokes fun at politics, race, and privilege, using humour and over-the-top scenarios to highlight some real issues in society.

What I liked

The first half of the book is hilarious! The satire is sharp, and the humour is spot-on, making it a really entertaining and easy read. Kelz's ridiculous persona and her take on South Africa's quirks had me laughing out loud. It's a fun and clever way to reflect on serious topics without being heavy-handed.

What I didn't like

The book kind of falls apart in the second half. The jokes start feeling repetitive, and the humour gets silly instead of sharp. It seems like the 'story' runs out of ideas, and the ending is so rushed and abrupt that it's honestly disappointing.

Review round up

Coconut Kelz: Survival Guide for This Shithole is a (mostly) funny and satirical read that shines in the beginning but struggles to keep up the same energy. It's great for a laugh, but don't expect too much from the second half or the ending.

Five key descriptors

Funny, Satirical, Easy Read, Silly, Rushed

Rating

You could skip it: 2/5

[Del 🦋 · Rating 1 out of 5]

Almost became a DNF.
Firstly - Kudos To the author for writing a message behind a message but the writing style y’all… if I read “LOLZ” or another side tracked paragraph that ended in “anyways what was I talking about again? Oh right!” I will offer myself as a sacrifice for what ever ritual that guaranteed I never had to read that rambling teenage girl bs again.
Secondly - On the plus side as a fellow South African it did have me laughing as if I was watching a South African tailored stand up act. But as many of the reviews say it should have definitely ended at part one because after that I was only reading out of stubbornness so I could say I finished it cause mama didn’t raise no quitter. But damn quitting had never looked so good before.
I by no means dislike the author but damn girl any true friends that pre read this shit would have told you the truth by telling you to cut out your multitude of rambling and dear I say the dreaded word again… “LOLZ”

[Maryam Ibrahim · Rating 3 out of 5]

Coconut Kelz’s A guide to Surviving this Shithole: “Fact: white people have it easier in life because they deserve it”
Satirist, Lesegi Tohabi, known as Coconut Kelz, author of A Guide to Surviving this Shithole’ writes of the conversion to caucasity. A white lady trapped in a black body, she identifies as transracial and, in her book, she lays down a guideline on how to be white in order to survive this shithole. - I have wanted this book for such a long time and it is the first time I am reading this type of genre. - Read it... for your own good because no one will be as blunt as this comedian.

[Razia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this book up yesterday and have loved every page of it. A purely South African context and so pertinent to the little acts of racism so common in everyday life. Lesego takes on the persona of Coconut Kelz, a black woman striving to be white, so that she can reap the benefits of white privilege. You need to leave your previous behind if you want to be accepted as white!

An important book in understanding the privileges one race has compared to others, the centuries of inequality and oppression faced by blacks and the insulting opinion that 'we should just move on'. Definitely a reccommended read!

[Ruvi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lesego Thlabi has a brilliant sense of humour - she instantly became one of my favourites when her ‘transracial’ persona Coconut Kelz became an online sensation. True to form, this book had me rolling with laughter from beginning to end. Clever and insightful satire and commentary on race in South Africa.

[Yemurai · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have been wanting to grab this book for the longest time. While at times it is brilliantly witty and there were moments I found myself laughing out loud, there are some rather flat moments too. Some of the paragraphs would have been better off as a skit rather than as written down content. Not a bad read but not a memorable one either.

[Nellie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilarious

[Elize · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant! Very funny. When’s the next one out?

[Chiti Mubanga]

Very hilarious take on pressing issues.... funny but thought provoking aswell

[Frances (Strooh) Tobi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilarious commentary on white privilege in a South African context. Very abrupt ending, but thoroughly enjoyed it otherwise.

[Cassey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great satire; just don't read it when feeling despondent about our country.

[Bridget Wrede · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible read! Great satire! Highly recommend, especially if you live in SA - the said sh!thole

[Sibusiso · Rating 5 out of 5]

An entertaining and hilarious take on southern African racism.

[BrotherGodfrey · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a riot! An embarrassingly audible laugh-a-minute-journey. Lesego, through her Coconut Kelz persona, is relentless on her commentary on hot button issues on racism and race relations in South Africa today. Coconut Kelz just goes to town in her guidelines and in so doing she exposes just how ridiculous some of our deeply held racist believes and assumptions really are in South Africa (she said it but you were thinking it, i.e. Mean Girls movie reference).

I would be really impressed if one is not guilty of harbouring at least one pr more assumptions no matter how woke you may be, I know I'm not innocent, lol! Her use of humor is excellent in disarming and challenging you at the same time and it makes for quick and light reading.

So I am going to return my library copy of this book and get myself a physical copy asap so I can enjoy it when I am in the mood for a good chuckle.

[Shantalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great LOLs throughout but ended too abruptly!