The End is Where We Begin

by Maria Goodin

Jay Lewis is a troubled soul. A single father, just trying to keep everything together, he knows he sabotages any real chance of happiness. Tormented by nightmares and flashbacks, he can’t forget the events from one fateful night that steered the course of the rest of his life. Struggling against the crushing weight of guilt, Jay knows there are wrongs he needs to put right. Determined to get closure, he seeks out old friends and a past love. But in his quest for a more peaceful future, is he ready to face the trauma of his past?

288 pages, Paperback

Published May 1, 2021

About the author

Maria Goodin was born in the South-East of England. Her first novel, 'Nutmeg', was published in the UK in 2012, and was based on an award-winning short story of the same title. The novel was published later that year in Australia under the title of 'The Storyteller's Daughter', and is soon due to be released in the US under the title 'From the Kitchen of Half Truth'. Book deals have also been secured in Italy, Germany, Spain and Sweden. Following a varied career which included administration, teaching and massage therapy, Maria trained to be a counsellor, and her novel was inspired by her interest in psychological defences. She lives and writes in Hertfordshire.

Reviews

[Val (pagespoursandpups) · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book introduces the reader to single dad, Jay. The author alludes in the second chapter to a tragic event involving Jay and his 3 best friends when they were 15, but it isn't until the end of the book that all the details of the tragic event are revealed. Add in several unfortunate choices and we get a man who goes through life convinced he doesn't deserve happiness. We learn about his failed love relationship, his strained relationship with his mother, his enduring relationship with his life-long friend Michael and his over-protective, relationship with his son.

The book follows Jay's life from 15 to 32. Randomly the paragraphs within chapters change timelines. The manner in which the timelines jumped so suddenly made the continuity of the story difficult. It would have been helpful to have the year printed in italics prior to the change to alert the reader of the year being discussed to alleviate confusion. Once I understood the "jumps in years," I was able to enjoy the book more.

There were several twists I didn't see coming which I appreciated. The characters were well thought out and the relationships developed fully. I was thankful for the way the ending brought all the timelines together and helped the reader to understand how the tragic event permeated each character's life in some way.

The book was ultimately about the way we view ourselves, the choices we've made, our role in the events in our life, and how these pervade our inner dialog and affect all of our decisions.

I received a free copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. 3.4 starts rounded down

[Michelle Ryles · Rating 5 out of 5]

The End is Where We Begin is a breathtaking book that completely exceeded all of my expectations. I was expecting a slow, gentle pacing but I was so completely drawn into Jay's story that I couldn't put it down and greedily devoured every single perfectly penned word in this stunning novel.

We are launched straight into Jay's troubled mind from the very first page as he experiences traumatic flashbacks of an event in his past. This adds the perfect level of suspense to make sure that the reader is hooked from page one, which I was. We are teased with snippets from this awful event all of the way through, gradually revealing it piece by piece, and when it fully takes form my heart shattered into a million pieces.

Jay blames himself and carries so much guilt on his shoulders that it's a wonder he doesn't walk with a stoop. He has an awful lot on his plate anyway, being a 32 year old single father of a 15 year old with all the teenage angst and shenanigans that come with it. Add in a lost love, a friend who constantly hits the self-destruct button and a father suffering from Alzheimers and we've got quite a story on our hands.

The chapters flow into each other beautifully, often carrying over a word or theme from the previous chapter and I loved this clever, thoughtful touch. Maria Goodin's writing is stunning, creating loveable and relatable characters that I took to my heart and felt every emotion with them. Not since the film Stand By Me have I witnessed such beautiful camaraderie between a group of teenage boys. I was so emotional at the end, struggling to hold back the same tears that are springing to my eyes as I think about it now.

The End is Where We Begin is a stunning and incredibly moving literary feast for the eyes. Immersive, emotional and suspenseful, I felt completely bereft when I turned the final page so this is definitely going on my 'to read again' shelf. I could actually pick it up right now and read it all over again. An extraordinary novel and one I wouldn't hesitate to recommend.

I received an ARC to read and review for the blog tour; all opinions are my own.

[Claire - TheBookendReviews · Rating 4 out of 5]

In The End is Where We Begin we are introduced to our main protagonist, Jay - a single dad to son Josh. We follow his life's course including choices, relationships and friendships between the ages of fifteen and thirty-two. After alluding early on to a tragic accident involving Jay and his three best friends, the author helps us learn that Jay has made several decisions and has lived his life feeling that he doesn't deserve happiness.

Usually I'm fine with books that have multiple timelines, however I did struggle with this one a bit. Timelines would randomly switch mid chapter making the continuity of the story a little jarring. Once I got into the swing of the jumping timelines I was able to enjoy the book far more.

There were a few twists in the book that I didn't see coming and for that I was grateful. I had thought I had the storyline sussed out. I thought the characters were well developed, the relationships well thought out and felt real. And I'm glad to see that the ending tied all the various timelines together. There were no loose ends.

Overall this book was a powerful and emotive read. Ultimately about how we view ourselves, the choices we make and how events in our lives can affect our behaviour.

[Vicki · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book description really drew me in and I was looking forward to this.

We meet Jay, his girlfriend Libby, his close knit group of friends and we also get a glimpse of his life as as 32 year old parent, son and brother.

Jay still feels irrevocably linked to a tragic incident from his past that still haunts his present. He realises he needs to seek out those who were there with him at that time and come to terms with how the events of one single night can shape his life. The bones of this story are good and feel like a possible real life scenario.

However I did find the book quite disjointed as we flip from one timeline and scenario to another constantly. Some parts have all different timelines, stories and events in one chapter and I felt that sometimes it was hard to remember which part was which. I would have liked this to be set out as short chapters as I felt the constant jumping from one situation to the next interrupted the flow of the book.

[Charline · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jay Lewis is in his early 30's and is a single dad to a 15 year old boy. It was at this age that Jay's life started to unravel and go down an unexpected path. Which brings up memories he'd rather forget. When he was 15 he had a lovely girlfriend Libby and 3 of the best, funny mates Max, Tom and Michael. He enjoyed running and had dreams of university. But one night after a trip to the fairground, something happened that would change all of their world's forever.

This is a really clever book. Not always told in chronological order, we are given snippets from Jay's past life, so don't know straight away what happened to make him so anxious and angry. He's struggling mentally and needs to forgive himself for past actions so he can move on. This book deals with men's mental health and I liked the relationships between the boys. We see how a traumatic event can affect people differently. And how if you bottle it up rather than talking about it, it will haunt you.

Wanting forgiveness, Jay tracks down the people from his past that meant the most, including Libby. I loved this part of the story and you felt their strong connection. The scenes between them were so good. In the end Jay comes to realise he doesn't need others forgiveness, he needs to forgive himself. I really enjoyed this book and would recommend. This is the authors second novel, out now and published by Legend Times, thank you for the gifted copy.

[Emily | booksandbedtime · Rating 4 out of 5]

A HUGE thank you to Legend Press for this Advanced Readers Copy.

3.5 Stars

This story follows Jay Lewis and his life from when he’s 15, to current days as a 32-year-old single dad. At 15 he witnesses a tragic event that entirely shapes the course of his life. He can’t seem to move past it and begins to make poor decisions which sets a new future for him into motion. Now at 32, he realizes he’s still not past it. He reaches out to old friends and his first love (and really only love) in hopes to get closure and move on, all while trying to parent a teenager.

I oddly related to this story so much - not the tragic accident or the teenage pregnancy - but the 32-year-old humor, the suffering of heartburn and the parenting antics. I found myself laughing and truly enjoyed this story and couldn’t wait to find out more details of Jay’s story.

I did however have a hard time with the timeline of this book. It jumped constantly with no context. It would take some time to figure if we were now in the head of a 15-year-old Jay, 32-year-old Jay or somewhere in between. Some more context (subheadings, smaller chapters, etc) would have made this story more enjoyable.

But overall, it was a lovely novel that makes you ponder on how quickly your life can change courses and I’m so grateful I got a chance to read it early. It publishes on March 16. Does anybody else live pre-ordering books and being surprised when they arrive! Surprise book mail, is the best book mail.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jay Lewis is struggling. In this intense novel of twists and turns memories come to the fore, causing some pain and confusion. On the positive side he is the single father of a reasonably well balanced teenager with a group of friends and some family who have formed a mutual support network. He works hard and achieves a reasonable standard of living. He struggles with relationships, but bringing up a son has given him a focus. He has hit a rough patch just now, when Josh is beginning to test boundaries. The memories of a life changing evening are coming back, and there is someone else from whom he wants forgiveness, and there are times when it is all a bit overwhelming. This complex book switches between memories and the present, as themes and images leap forward, as Jay struggles to come to terms with new realisations. Fortunately the author is able to balance them, give clues and elements that soon establish what is happening, where and when, and it becomes a compelling read. The dialogue between the characters is so well written, as teenage boys tease and gently torment each other as a group, as older people try to express their deepest feelings and their current issues, as a son and his father try to reshape their relationship. Jay knows he wants forgiveness for the evening that shaped his life, but also wants to find a woman whose love he has never forgotten. This is a perceptive and remarkable novel for its construction and audacity, and I was very pleased to have the opportunity to read and review this contemporary novel of life and love.
The book begins with Jay hosting his son Josh’s fifteenth birthday party. As with any parent, despite the fact that Jay is a remarkably young father, he is a bit confused by the assembled group’s obsessions and references, but he is also overwhelmed by memories of his friendship group at the same age, when mentions of a knife had other connotations. His son and their group depart, but he is trying to cope with the vivid memories of an evening when “I remember it was my fault we were running late”, a time when his group were confronted with a terrible sight. His focus then sweeps to a memory of a first kiss, sweets and Libby, a girl who lived on a boat. The focus then goes to the birth of a baby and all the conflicting emotions that caused, of the news that he has a son. Throughout the book the focus switches, giving information to the reader so that they want to find out more. The presence of brilliant and troubled Michael, an older sister who seemed to want different things, a mother who tried to explain.
This writer shows a real skill at making the complex understandable, pressing the reader onwards to link up the disparate elements of the book. I think that Goodin manages it by focusing on Jay, keeping him as a constant throughout what could be a complicated narrative. I really enjoyed piecing together what happened, what he and others felt, how the various situations would resolve themselves. Using such techniques such as attempts at messages, honest and sometimes stumbling conversations, a limited but well described range of settings, this is a book of what feels like life. A truly involving read, this book is a reflection of one person’s struggles to come to terms with the past, cope with the present, and look, however hesitantly, to the future.

[Lost_in_her_bookland · Rating 5 out of 5]

𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐄𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐬 𝗪𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝗪𝐞 𝐁𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧 by @mariagoodin_author⁣
on the tour with @legend_times⁣
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⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⁣
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Is there anyone that you would go back and apologise to, from your childhood teenage years, if you could? I would, but for whose benefit would it be?⁣
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I absolutely adored the bones of this book, this was powerful and heartwrenching, meaningful and different. Different because it is written from the voice of a Man. 𝘛𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘥𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘢 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯'𝘴 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘴 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭-𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘥. The layout made for an easy read, the storyline was a beautiful insight to a young man's journey to adulthood while balancing trauma and an unexpected responsibility for his own small human.⁣
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We all need a cheerleader no matter what age we are and I love the way that this panned from teenage to grown adult, the same issues but a very different mindset. Be a cheerleader, Jamie had and was a cheerleader for those close to him, and what a marvellous human being he was for doing so.⁣
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"A troubled soul and a single father, trying to keep everything together. Jay is tormented by his past, events he cannot forget. Determined to get closure he seeks out to old friends and flame. But in his quest for a peaceful future, is he ready to face the trauma of the past?"⁣
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[Mandy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the story of single dad Jay Lewis, a man in his thirties who is haunted by something that happened to him and his friends when they were teenagers. Deeply troubled by this event, he has never been able to let go and his whole life has been overshadowed by what he sees as his guilt and responsibility. With his relationship with his son at risk, he seeks to find some sort of closure by seeking forgiveness from all those involved, only to find his memories of that night might not be as he imagines them to be. I found the novel relatable and enjoyable, with well-rounded characters who are credible and sympathetic, and the dialogue authentic. The challenges Jay faces in life just to carry on evoke the reader’s sympathy although there were times when I just wanted to tell him to man up and move on. He does tend to wallow, but I don’t make light of his mental health issues. My main quibble with the book is that it’s just a bit too long and covers the same ground too much. The repetition slows down the narrative and a tighter structure would have made it a better book, in my opinion. However, overall it’s a great read, and its themes are important tones, especially those dealing with trauma.

[Susan Barber · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to an audiobook recording of this. Narrator did a very good job. Although I enjoyed this book, and it kept me interested, I was a little disappointed that I didn’t enjoy it more, as did other readers. I had previously read The Kitchen of Half Truths, loved it and gave it five stars. This book, however, was just a bit slow. I did enjoy the change from present day to the past, and the characters were well drawn. It is possible I would have enjoyed it better if I had read a hard copy. Still, I will continue to pursue books by this author. 3 1/2 stars.

[Donna McEachran · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thanks to Netgalley for a copy of this book for an honest review.

The story of Jay, a young single dad and his 3 friends, Michael, Tom and Max. There is the hint of something sinister happening to the boys but the reader is left guessing about this. Jay raises his son Josh on his own but is filled with fear and has panic attacks that are somehow related to earlier events.

Such an unexpectedly good book... Jay is flawed but trying so hard to redeem himself. I was barracking for him to overcome his demons and claim the life he wanted for himself and his son.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book very much. It was slightly predictable, but an enjoyable read.

[Jan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Powerful visualisation of how grief and trauma, if not dealt with, can affect our lives

[Lisbeth Davies · Rating 5 out of 5]

As soon as I saw the author's name I snapped this up because Maria Goodin's previous novel Nutmeg (also titled From the Kitchen of Half Truth and [best of all I think] The Storyteller's Daughter) was an absolutely wonderful read and has stayed with me over the years.

The End is Where We Begin is similarly engrossing, moving and beautifully written. The structure works really well too, switching timelines and perspectives, allowing the reader insight into the burden of grief and guilt and it's especially effective in portraying paternal love and friendship between men, both young and old. Some of the scenes involving the teenage boys are particularly moving and I had to slow down a little (despite wanting to rush to the end).

Hugely recommended.

Many thanks to Legend Press and Netgalley for a preview copy in exchange for an honest review.