And This, Your Living Kiss

by opal_bullets

Destiel Fanfic
Only a very few people in the world know that the celebrated and reclusive poet Jack Allen is just Kansas mechanic Dean Winchester, a high school dropout with a few bucks to his name. Not that it matters anymore; life has left him so wrung out he never wants to pick up another pen.

Until, that is, a string of coincidences leads Dean to auditing a poetry course with one Dr. Castiel Novak. The professor is wildly intelligent, devastatingly handsome...and just so happens to be academia's foremost expert on the poetry of Jack Allen.
Words:56972 complete
Art by Elliot Draznin

Genres: Fan Fiction

171 pages, ebook

First published March 12, 2019

Reviews

[Grapie Deltaco · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stunning, visceral, devastating, heavy, and beautiful.

This story is a slow burn in every possible way from the romance between Dean and Castiel to Dean entire character arc. His journey navigating and processing his trauma from his father held the most emotional weight- especially when in discussion with Sam about fatherhood.

It’s simply perfect and everything about this book—the writing, the characters, the discussions, the parallels, the heart—is gorgeous.

I’ll never be the same.

CW: dead loved ones, grief, recurring references to childhood neglect and abuse, parental abandonment, references to past childhood prostitution and sexual abuse

[Therese · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was amazing and made me actually interested in poetry.

[Doe · Rating 5 out of 5]

this is hands down like top five fave reads of the year!!! The way this fic would outsell bestsellers if they published it...BLESS

[Jane Harris]

i’m gonna log way more fanfic in 2024, as is my god-given right

[Dreamer · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars. A well written fanfic in which Dean is a reclusive poet and Cas is a college professor. Intellectual.

[Mashiara · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cried so many good tears. And downloaded no less than 4 poetry collections. Read it.

[Abigail Adams · Rating 4 out of 5]

U already know I’ll be counting fanfics as books, especially when they’re this pretty. Man. I love being an English major

[Carlo Truppi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dean’s life is one of extraordinary sacrifice and pain. He’s had to keep so much hidden in order to move forward, not for himself, but for others. Taking care of Sam, his Dad, Karen, splitting lunches with a stranger at summer school, etc. The things he’s had to endure for his sense of duty like that time he took care of Sam even when he was sick, or making money the only way he knew how (“As I bobbed and asking myself, Is there life? Is there life on Mars?”). Through all this, he left so many things behind that most take for granted; a real childhood, a community to build roots and friendships, his true feelings for his dad, his sexuality and on and on.

So it’s not surprising that to someone like Dean the smallest things in life provide so much joy and further will to move forward, and he holds on to them like they were precious bags of gold. We see this with a tattered copy of “On The Road” his mom left him, or his friendship with Charlie, his love of rock & Tolkien. We see during this story how each of these is tested as he seriously reads Kerouac for the first time in Dr. Mosley’s class, or how he blew Charlie off or how the college class misunderstands the references to Zeppelin and Tolkien, or how he throws the keys to Baby into the woods. But each of these bumps resolve themselves and makes Dean stronger.

The biggest test though is when they read Roethke & Hayden and the class sees everything in black and white and not in the eternal shades of grey that Dean has experienced. I’m reminded of James Joyce’s “Counterparts” from his Dubliners collection. Farrigan’s life has a dead end job, an abusive boss a he suffers humiliation after humiliation until he comes home and beats one of his boys, Tom. Does Farrigan hate Tom? Does Farrigan love Tom? Joyce never says. But deep down, Dean knows the answers are not so easy and full of nuance. This culminates in one of the better scenes in the story; Dean and Sam sitting out back, drinking some scotch and discussing their dad. At the end of the day, their dad did do some things that were terrible, but also things that were good. To try to understand his motivations is as futile as little Tom in Joyce’s story. The point is you can both love and hate your dad, but it’s important to move forward and learn and grow. For Sam this means building a life with Eileen and little Jack and making sure to never become a “Counterpart”. For Dean this means trying to grit his teeth and get through life as best he can; unfortunately subverting his passions and his true identity.

The wake up call for Dean is when he realizes that while he has been keeping it all in and hiding behind a pen name, his words and experiences have shaped the life of someone else. Someone else he admires as a mentor and as a love interest. It’s interesting that even this knowledge forced Dean to hide his true identity so as not to spoil one of these precious “gifts” that make his life worth living. It isn’t until he gets closer to Cas “their orbits pulling closer and closer” that Dean allows himself to realize that he can live and be happy and most importantly, be true to himself. It’s great that Dean admits in the end that he’s not happy yet, but he’s finally ready to try and trying might mean failing and the biggest growth in life comes from learning from your failures.

…..

I enjoyed the story quite a bit. A little too much flowery exposition and descriptions in the beginning, but much better as the story moved forward into the classroom settings. Also great to be introduced to some new poets that I’m going to have to investigate. It’s interesting how the author uses poetry and the pen name to show how Dean hides his true identity. Only when he reveals this fact to Cas can he reveal his other secrets and truly be himself. His love for little Jack and making sure Sam never acts like their dad is also a reaffirmation of his childhood and looking out for Sam; something he realizes was not a mistake and he gladly accepts that mantle again.

Would have loved more flashback debates between Cas & Crowley (who’s one of my favorite Supernatural characters).

[Jasmine Galloway · Rating 5 out of 5]

This just made me WAY more invested in poetry.

[me · Rating 5 out of 5]

i fear this may have changed the trajectory of my life

[danielle del pesce · Rating 5 out of 5]

if i could give this 10000 stars i would, ive read a lot of destiel fics and thought i had a favorite but this is my new #1, the author did them JUSTICE and the story is so so good

[Martina · Rating 5 out of 5]

chcem sa kupat v poezii

[Maryam · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was my gate to the beat generation that I have yet to read more from them.
Reading this was the first time in months, maybe even years, that I felt something. The poetry featured are exquisite. The whole reflection on the idea that "artists should suffer to create quality art" was something I wish I had read when I was a teenager and deluded myself with a false sense of who could be an artist.
The original poems by the author that are presented as Dean's past works were so brilliant.
I felt shivers run through me when reading some parts. It delved well into childhood trauma and awful parenting, and of course channeled the main themes of the characters' relationships and their individuality into it.
I cried a lot while reading this which was something I haven't done in a long time. I caught myself being fascinated by the grandeur of friendship, again something that time had made quite stale for me.

[Adilah Faqir · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the best and one of my Fav fics of ALL time. The writing is good and smooth. The poetry is amazing and the connection between the characters and emotion within the lines.
Love it all and it's my go to fic to get others to read. ♥️♥️♥️

[Cam · Rating 5 out of 5]

what a wonderful and brilliant masterpiece, it got me crying as a baby, smiling and falling in love with the characters and the poetry. also thank you so much for the poets recommendations, I'll definetly read them

[Kanar · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tengo que empezar diciendo que no soy muy fan de la poesía, pero este fic… cada que leo este fic me da ganas de leer poesía, aprender sobre ella y empaparme de versos.
Este fic es un AU de supernatural, enfocado en el ship de Destiel, aunque ese no es el tema del todo principal de la historia.
Este fic está tan bien escrito que te encuentras devorando cada palabra con la esperanza de más, y lo más importante de todo es que este fic es tan fiel a los personajes originales y sus historias que a pesar de desarrollarse en otro universo puedes presenciar la esencia de cada personaje en cada palabra que se lee.
Así que no me queda de otra que recomendarles que lo lean, no importa si son o no fans de Supernatural, este fic es la lectura perfecta para quien ama las buenas historias, la poesía, la literatura y un ship con un lindo slow burn que te obligará a seguir leyendo.

Solo muy pocas personas en el mundo saben que el célebre y solitario poeta Jack Allen es tan solo el mecánico de Kansas Dean Winchester, un desertor de la escuela secundaria con unos pocos dólares a su nombre. La vida lo ha dejado tan agotado que que ni soñaba con volver a coger un boligrafo.
Hasta que, una serie de coincidencias lleva a Dean a auditar un curso de poesía con el Dr. Castiel Novak. Un profesor es tremendamente inteligente, devastadoramente guapo... y resulta que es el principal experto de la academia en la poesía de Jack Allen.

[Ula · Rating 5 out of 5]

okay look y'all probably have already realised i almost never rate books, i don't think it's a good system and it's very unfair to works we have here but it's not a place to have this discussion rn, they have to be either so terrible i don't think they have any positive qualities or impress me in a way i don't care about their issues

the latter occurs even more rarely and most of the books i recommend or consider my favourites didn't get five stars; yet here we are – this short destiel uni au fic is fucking worth it

it's also one of those cases when despite my strong feelings towards a piece, i don't really feel like explaining what i love about it so much. let's be real, no one here would be interested in a destiel fic anyway XD and it's just so weirdly personal to me (EVEN THOUGH I DESPISE POETRY, WHAT THE FUCK) that i'll be talking about to people who express their interest in listening lmao instead of writing words of explanation here

maybe i just read it in the right moment, who's to say, but god if it wasn't one of the best fucking rides of my life

[sunia. · Rating 4 out of 5]

“This idea that poets and other artists should self-destruct for our amusement is a rotten romanticism. There is nothing noble or romantic about that kind of darkness and struggle. There is honesty to be found there, and a commonality to be found in our own struggles, but no one, artist or not, deserves to be put on display as if he were art himself. The idea that someone isn’t a true artist unless they suffer horribly is a terrible lie our society tells itself."

The writing is so incredible that you will find yourself wanting to lower the pace of your reading,taking in and breathing in each sentence,and making sure that your mind doesn't wander for even a moment,because you don't want to miss anything.

just raw, human pain, stretched out into a story with poetry woven into it,so beautifully, so wondrously.

[Charlotte Plaisant · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was so gorgeous and devastating I don’t know what to do now except like, read all the poetry that ever existed.

“This idea that poets and other artists should self-destruct for our amusement is a rotten romanticism. There is nothing noble or romantic about that kind of darkness and struggle. There is honesty to be found there, and a commonality to be found in our own struggles, but no one, artist or not, deserves to be put on display as if he were art himself. The idea that someone isn’t a true artist unless they suffer horribly is a terrible lie our society tells itself.”

[Sally · Rating 5 out of 5]

I want to start this by saying that I almost never read AUs but boy I am glad I decided to read this one! It is very rare that a fic (or a book!) sucks me in like this one did. Or stays with me as long as this story did (it's been two moths and I still think about it on weekly basis.) The world the author created was so real, it felt like I was on that campus with Dean. Heck, this made me want to go back to academia! And even pick up writing poetry again!

[cat · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5
mi ha accompagnata per tutto il viaggio di gita di quinto e l’ho adorata. Adorato le poesie, le citazioni letterarie, i parallelismi e tutta l’ambientazione, se dovessi trovare una pecca direi che avrei preferito venisse dedicato più tempo all’arco finale della fic.

[Emily Briggs · Rating 5 out of 5]

wow this was incredible. i dont quite have the words but it made me feel very deeply. have never been much of a poetry person myself but i found this so insightful and meaningful nonetheless.

[Isabel · Rating 5 out of 5]

god. screamed the whole time. what a masterpiece

[Sophie · Rating 5 out of 5]

What the fuck. What the. Fuck.
What the absolute ungodly fuck.
What am I supposed to say to this.
This is my religion now.

[Beth☆ Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

poetry man

[Daisy · Rating 5 out of 5]

No this was poetry in itself.

[charlie · Rating 5 out of 5]

DO I DARE THE WRETCHED ORGAN ASKED 😭😭😭😭😭 DO I DARE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[Kai · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 beautiful but too short, actually enjoyed Jacks poetry

[Amalia · Rating 5 out of 5]

so short ugh I need it in my veins

[tady · Rating 5 out of 5]

STOP IT
THIS IS ONE OF MY ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE FANFICS EVER
I READ IT IN ONE NIGHT I WAS UP UNTIL LIKE 4AM
THIS IS A MASTERPIECE